A Winter's Wish

by Alice Ross

  ‘Another time maybe,’ he added.

  ‘Maybe,’ she murmured.

  The rest of the morning passed in a whirl of lattes, mince pies, frothy hot chocolates and Annie’s marzipan delights. By the time lunchtime arrived, Ella was relieved to take the weight off her feet for a while as she munched a cheese and ham sandwich in the Stables’s tiny back room that served as a staffroom/office. She’d almost finished her sandwich when Annie walked in, mobile pressed to her ear.

  ‘Well, if he’s a bit down, why don’t you take him to the pub tonight for a drink? … No. Of course I don’t mind … Okay. See you later.’ She hung up and regarded Ella. ‘Sorry about that. Husbands. Sometimes they’re more trouble than children.’

  Ella laughed, but as Annie whipped up a couple of bits of paper from the desk in the corner, and disappeared out of the room again, her mind began to whirl. From that snippet of conversation she’d overheard, it appeared Jake would be going to the pub that evening. Without Annie. Which would mean another perfect opportunity to see him again. But how? She wouldn’t dare go to the pub by herself. And she certainly didn’t want to ask her supermodel sister, who would attract all the attention, nor her annoying brothers. All of a sudden a brilliant idea occurred to her. She chucked what was left of her sandwich in the bin, stood up and brushed the crumbs from her apron and marched through to the tearoom.

  ‘About that drink,’ she said to Dan. ‘I’ve changed my mind. I’d like to go out tonight after all.’

  Before her evening out with Dan, and there was no way she considered it a “date”, Ella had suffered a serious dilemma. She desperately wanted to wear her new basque, but Jake had already seen it. Then again, there was no denying it had had the desired effect, because that was precisely what she’d been wearing when he’d almost swept her into his arms and kissed her senseless. Deciding it must be lucky, she made the decision to go for it, this time teaming it with black leggings, knee-high black boots and a black chiffon shirt – a sexy combination pulled together by Honor.

  ‘I don’t know who he is, but he’s in for a treat,’ she’d exclaimed, nodding approvingly.

  ‘He’s just a guy from work,’ Ella sighed.

  ‘Yeah right. You don’t dress like that for “just a guy from work”.’

  Ella rolled her eyes, but her sister was right. She wouldn’t have dressed like that if she’d merely been going out for a drink with Dan. She was dressed like that because she wanted Jake O’Donnell – the man who sent every one of her senses reeling every time she so much as caught a glimpse of him – to find her totally and utterly irresistible.

  Dan, despite Ella’s numerous protestations, obviously eager to show off his newly qualified driving prowess – had insisted on picking her up. But Ella had drawn a very firm line at him knocking on the door. No way could she cope with the ribbing and teasing that would ensue from her siblings if they answered. He had strict instructions to wait in the car outside for her, which was why she was peeping through a gap in her bedroom curtains, waiting for him.

  He pulled up bang on time. In a rather smart Golf GTI. Not wanting to risk any of her family members seeing him, she flew down the stairs shouting out that she’d be back later. But in the few seconds it took her to reach the car, she discovered her efforts had been in vain. Her brothers, Olly and Robert, were amiably leaning into the driver’s-side window, chatting to Dan.

  ‘Oh,’ she muttered, completely taken aback. ‘I didn’t know you lot knew each other.’

  ‘Of course we do,’ replied Olly. ‘Dan was in Robert’s year at school. We used to play rugby together.’

  ‘Oh.’ Of course Ella had known Dan had gone to the same school as her and been two years ahead, but they’d never talked about it. For one thing, it was always so busy at the Stables they rarely had a chance to talk about anything. And for another, she doubted he’d even have noticed her, languishing two years below him.

  ‘Well, we’ll let you two get on with your evening,’ said Olly, straightening up and winking at Ella.

  ‘Yeah. Have a good time,’ added Robert, with another wink.

  Ella cringed. Oh God. She was never going to hear the last of this. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

  The suspicion that it might not be such a good idea increased as the evening progressed. Evidently keen to show her somewhere different, Dan had driven through a couple of the neighbouring villages with, Ella had to confess, very proficient skill.

  ‘This looks nice,’ he said, pulling up outside the Poacher’s Pocket – a pretty pub with a glowing reputation. ‘My parents are always raving about the food here.’

  Ella’s heart sank. It did look lovely, but the whole point of her coming out – unbeknown to Dan – was to see Jake. And he’d be going to his local pub.

  ‘It looks great,’ she said, desperately trying not to raise his suspicions. ‘But I bet it’s really busy. Why don’t we just go back to the Duck?’

  Dan shook his head despairingly. ‘If you’d said you wanted to go to the Duck in the first place, I wouldn’t have bothered bringing the car.’

  ‘Sorry,’ muttered Ella. And she really was. She wasn’t, she knew, being fair on Dan. He’d gone to a great deal of effort. And in his suede jacket, black jumper and jeans, he looked, well … nice. Plus he’d obviously been desperate to take her somewhere new. She decided she must have seriously p’d him off, as he didn’t say another word, merely spinning the car around and driving them back to Buttersley.

  So guilty did Ella feel during that short drive back, that by the time they arrived at the Duck, her previous excitement at the thought of seeing Jake had all but dissipated. Which was just as well, because he wasn’t there. Well, that’s what you got for using people so callously, she concluded. It was no more than she deserved. But what on earth should she do now? She couldn’t tell Dan she wanted to go home. He already looked totally fed up. No, the only way to salvage what was left of the evening was, she resolved, for her to make a monumental effort.

  Thankfully, once in the Duck’s cosy convivial setting, with roaring fires in the grates, and twinkling fairy lights everywhere, Dan, too, seemed to cheer up. ‘Wow,’ he exclaimed, when Ella slipped off her parka. ‘You look …’

  She held her breath. For some reason, she really wanted him to say something nice.

  ‘… incredible.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she replied, her cheeks flying scarlet. ‘And thanks for asking me out. It was really kind. Even if you did just want to show me how good a driver you are.’

  Dan laughed. ‘Guilty as charged. Now what would you like to drink?’

  ‘I’d like,’ said Ella, looking into his brown eyes and noticing, for the first time ever, how they were flecked with green, ‘a white wine spritzer, please.’

  ‘Weird,’ he said, grinning at her in a way that made her flush deepen. ‘I knew you were going to say that.’

  When Phil McNally rang the bell for last orders, Ella almost toppled off her seat. She couldn’t believe how quickly the time had gone. But gone it had, in a blur of entertaining conversation which had inevitably, at one point, led to what Ella planned to do with the rest of her life. To her surprise, her standard retort – that she didn’t have a clue – wasn’t met with the usual scoffing or lecturing, but with a much more sympathetic response.

  ‘I think it’s really hard,’ Dan confessed, ‘having to make career choices at our age. I mean, how are we supposed to know, when we haven’t had a chance to try anything yet?’

  Ella sighed. ‘I know. But try telling that to my brothers and sister. They’ve had their futures mapped out since they were about six years old.’

  ‘They’re the exception. And the lucky ones. It’s taken me two years since I left school and I’m still not sure. Which is why I’m employing serious stalling tactics now. I’m off to Japan in February to teach English for a year.’

  At this startling revelation, Ella’s eyes grew wide. ‘You’re leaving the Stables?’

&n
bsp; He nodded. ‘Can’t stay there for ever. I’ve already told Annie. She’s going to advertise in the newsagent’s in the New Year.’

  ‘Right.’ Ella didn’t know what else to say. That announcement had completely whipped the wind from her sails. For all she’d never awarded Dan more than a millisecond of attention, it suddenly occurred to her that she’d enjoyed working alongside him – that they made a pretty good team. Working with someone else wouldn’t be the same.

  ‘Anyway, you might not be there much longer yourself,’ he pointed out. ‘You’ll be reducing the unemployment figures at the Job Centre.’

  ‘Maybe,’ she muttered miserably, wondering why everybody else seemed to have plans for their future when she had precisely none.

  *

  When Annie had suggested that Amelia take Sophie to visit old Mr Russell in hospital, Amelia had almost quaked in her suede boots. The few seconds she’d spent alone in Sophie’s presence in the house had rattled her nerves. The notion of spending more than a few seconds with her had them jangling more ferociously than a wind chime in a hurricane.

  ‘Would you like to go and see Mr Russell with Aunty Amelia?’ Annie asked.

  From her bench at the table, Sophie, in her mermaid outfit, had fixed Amelia with yet another of her scrutinising stares.

  She’d pursed her lips.

  Amelia’s pulse had quickened.

  ‘I’ve made him some chocolate-chip cookies,’ Annie added. ‘You can have one if you go.’

  ‘Okay,’ said Sophie springing to her feet/tail.

  ‘Well,’ began Amelia, once they were both in her car. ‘This is nice isn’t it?’

  Clutching on to her My Little Pony rucksack, Sophie didn’t reply.

  Amelia bit back a sigh. For some completely inexplicable reason she really wanted this child to like her. She didn’t want to be “Scary Aunt Melia”. She wanted the children to greet her in the same way they’d greeted Portia. Although, on second thoughts, perhaps not quite so effusively. They’d leapt on Annie’s best friend in a manoeuvre that would have impressed any rugby-playing professional. But that wasn’t the point. For the first time in her life, Amelia craved to feel part of something: part of her family. And to do so, she had to win over her nemesis, otherwise known as Sophie. She trawled her mind for what to say next, at the exact moment Sophie began stroking her long blonde mermaid wig. ‘You know, I used to like dressing up when I was little,’ she blurted out, going with the first thing that popped into her head.

  From the corner of her eye, she watched Sophie slant her a dubious look before staring straight ahead again.

  Amelia gulped. She sucked in a fortifying breath before adding, ‘I had a navy-blue duffel coat and I used to carry an old suitcase around and pretend I was Paddington Bear.’

  She held her breath. Sophie continued staring straight ahead. A tense hiatus ensued, broking by Sophie announcing, ‘I like Paddington Bear.’

  At this approving declaration, relief whooshed through Amelia’s veins.

  At the hospital, Amelia was delighted to find Mr Russell, looking two hundred times better than when he’d been admitted.

  ‘How lovely of you both to visit,’ he exclaimed, as they shrugged off their coats and Sophie, once again, smoothed down her wig. ‘I’m sure you have a million better things to do than visit an old man in hospital.’

  ‘Actually, I was going to watch Frozen,’ Sophie informed him solemnly, hopping up onto the large armchair at his bedside. ‘But I’ve already seen it twenty-seven times so Mum said I should come here with Aunty Amelia instead.’

  Mr Russell chuckled. ‘Well, I’m sorry you’ve been dragged away from your film, but it’s lovely to see you.’

  ‘I know,’ said Sophie. ‘Mum made you these,’ she tugged out a container full of cookies. ‘And Thomas and I painted you pictures.’ Two pieces of A3 paper followed, depicting scenes Amelia couldn’t quite decipher. ‘Thomas made this one,’ Sophie continued, holding up an indecipherable red and blue blur. ‘But it’s rubbish because he’s still a baby.’

  Mr Russell attempted to disguise his laugh with a cough. ‘Well, I think they’re both lovely. Please say thank you to Thomas for me.’

  ‘Okay.’ Sophie then pulled out a colouring book and a set of pencils from the Tardis-like rucksack, then set about colouring in.

  Mr Russell turned his attention to Amelia. ‘Thank you so much for coming. I bet you had a million better offers.’

  Amelia shook her head, tears burning the backs of her eyes. She had no better offers. And following Portia’s incredible announcement about Doug’s marriage to Imogen next week, she doubted she ever would. Talk about snatching the wind from her sails. No sooner had the words left Portia’s mouth, than Amelia’s stomach had begun to churn. She’d excused herself and dashed to the loo where she’d promptly thrown up.

  ‘Goodness, are you all right?’ Annie had gasped, when she appeared back in the room twenty minutes later.

  ‘I think I must’ve eaten something that didn’t agree with me,’ Amelia lied.

  Fortunately, at that declaration, Annie had immediately taken action, whisking them all back home and ordering Amelia to bed. Amelia hadn’t needed telling twice. No sooner had she closed her bedroom door than she called Doug, her heart almost stopping when he answered.

  ‘So,’ she’d begun. ‘I hear congratulations are in order.’

  A long silence had ensued, before he’d asked, ‘How did you find out? We’re trying to keep it from the media.’

  ‘And not just the media,’ Amelia hurled back, ignoring his question. ‘Just when exactly did you plan on telling me? After the honeymoon?’

  A long sigh swished across the airwaves. ‘Look, I still haven’t got my own head around it. Imogen arranged it all with her mate without a word to me. You can imagine how shocked I was when she told me about it.’

  ‘About as shocked as I was when I heard it from Imogen’s mate – who just happens to be my sister’s best friend’ Amelia spat back. Suddenly, the dropping of the stapler, the anxiousness in his tone when she’d told him where she was staying, all made sense.

  ‘Oh God,’ he groaned. ‘I couldn’t believe it when you said you were in Buttersley. Of all the places. I knew you’d find out somehow.’

  ‘Well, in that case, why didn’t you tell me yourself instead of cutting me out?’

  ‘Because I don’t want to bloody marry her. I want to be with you. But what am I supposed to do when her mother has cancer and Immy’s determined she’s going to be at our wedding? Tell me what to do, Amelia, because I haven’t a clue.’

  Amelia didn’t have a clue either. Which is why she’d hung up the phone and broke her heart for the next three hours. When Annie had softly knocked on her door shortly afterwards, she’d feigned sleep. She couldn’t face anybody. The next morning, after a meagre couple of hours sleep, she’d woken up feeling numb and nauseous. She’d contemplated dragging out her “illness” and spending the entire day comatose under the duvet but, when Thomas and Pip had bowled into the room, Thomas dressed as a fireman and Pip with a miniature hose around his collar, she’d concluded she might as well get up.

  Flicking on her mobile, it had beeped for five minutes with a string of missed calls and messages. She hadn’t listened to a single one. She’d contemplated going back to London but what would be the point? She’d only sit in the flat, stewing in her own misery. At least in Buttersley, for all she didn’t want to be anywhere near Doug’s impending nuptials, she had people who seemed to care about her. In London she had no one. Not even the person who’d she’d thought she’d be spending the rest of her life with, never mind Christmas.

  A prompting cough from old Mr Russell yanked her back to the present.

  ‘Sorry,’ she said, blinking back the tears as she remembered there were people much worse off than her – Mr Russell being a prime example. ‘I honestly didn’t have any better offers. And even if I had, we still would’ve come. It must be awful being in hospital at
this time of year.’

  ‘Better than one of the alternative locations,’ chuckled Mr Russell, pulling a rueful expression. ‘Which is where I might well have ended up had I had this silly angina turn when I’d been home alone.’

  ‘Well, we’re all grateful you didn’t,’ said Amelia.

  ‘Wow, you’re looking a lot better,’ exclaimed a deep male voice. Amelia whipped her head round to find Phil McNally striding towards the bed, carrying a punnet of grapes.

  ‘Not very original, I know,’ he confessed.

  ‘Grapes contain antioxidants,’ said Sophie, glancing up from her colouring-in book.

  ‘Really?’ said Phil. ‘Well, maybe that’s why my Aunty Oxidant likes to visit me so much.’

  Sophie giggled. ‘It’s not an aunty like Aunty Amelia, silly. Antioxidants can’t do things like … colour in, or dress up. Aunty Amelia used to dress up as Paddington Bear when she was little.’

  ‘Did she now?’ Phil’s enquiring look caused heat to rise in Amelia’s cheeks. ‘And did she eat marmalade sandwiches?’

  They all laughed. Indeed, the next hour passed in something of an entertaining whirl, thanks to Phil’s sense of humour. A sense of humour Amelia rather liked – and one which had the added bonus of distracting her thoughts from Doug and Imogen.

  ‘Well,’ he began, after they’d bid goodbye to Mr Russell and were making their way out of the hospital, ‘it’s good to see he’s on the mend.’

  ‘I know,’ agreed Amelia, as Sophie skipped down the corridor ahead of them. ‘He looks so much better than he did the other day.’

  ‘Which is more than I can say for you,’ pointed out Phil perceptively. ‘If you don’t mind me saying so, you look a bit washed out. Everything okay?’

  Once again, tears sprang to Amelia’s eyes. ‘Not really. But you don’t want to hear it.’

  ‘Try me.’

  Amelia stopped in her tracks and gawped at him. The mere thought of sharing her burden with someone made her feel instantly better. She’d thought, yet again, about telling Annie. But with her best friend in the centre of it all, it didn’t seem right somehow. Looking into Phil’s startling cornflower-blue eyes, she opened her mouth. ‘It’s—’