Lead Me Home: A Fight for Me Stand-Alone Novel

by A. L. Jackson

  Every fear I had came out with his own reservations that he rumbled across the skin of my neck.

  Sliding over me like a slow warning.

  Because I knew better. I knew better.

  I knew this was only going to end with my heart splattered all over the floor, and no one would be there to pick up the pieces because he was the one who’d made the mess in the first place.

  Even though it was weak, I nudged at his shoulders.

  “Ollie,” I cried. Softly. A prayer for him to stop doing this to me.

  Pushing and pulling.

  Taunting and ruining.

  “Nik,” he grated, moving back to my mouth. His lips were so plush and soft and smooth, the perfect contrast to the scruff of his beard that scratched at my chin.

  The promise of so much pleasure.

  Every rush of his hand across my body was fueled by rage.

  Softened by affection.

  God, this man would be my complete undoing.

  My beautiful beast.

  He worked his mouth against mine.

  Coaxing and demanding.

  His presence filled me.

  Heart and spirit and lungs.

  Toasted vanilla.

  Barrels of oak soaked in liquor.

  Just his presence was enough to get me drunk. His touch enough to desolate. But this kind of pleasure would only bring pain, and I was so not into that sort of thing.

  I pushed again and squeezed my eyes shut when I whispered, “Stop.”

  It was so low I wasn’t sure he could even hear it, but I knew he felt it.

  A harsh exhale ripped from his lungs as he set me on my shaky feet. His chest heaved as he reached out and gripped the top of the dresser behind me, locking me in while he pressed his body away.

  An earthquake shook, the man a rigid fortress that towered and loomed. Beneath him, my entire being trembled, the quivers starting somewhere in my spirit and rattling out.

  Uncontrollable.

  Both of us shaking and shaking.

  Trying to catch up with what we’d just let happen.

  Another mistake tossed in that mounting pile.

  I swallowed around the love and need and the hurt. “You don’t get to do this to me, Ollie. Not again. I refuse to let you do this to me.”

  I could feel the erratic boom of his heart, contending with rage and all the things he wouldn’t allow me to see.

  “Fuck . . . I’m sorry. I’m so goddamned sorry.”

  He eased back a fraction and shocked me again when he shackled me by the wrists. My hands locked between us, he dropped his forehead to mine. “You can’t leave, Nikki. I know what you were getting ready to do, and I can’t let you leave.”

  His voice was grief.

  A plea.

  He edged back and those blue eyes tangled with mine.

  “And I can’t let you keep taking pieces of me and discarding the rest. Not again, Ollie. My heart can’t take it.”

  And God, he just kept turning everything upside down because he reached out and cupped one side of my face.

  So soft.

  So sweet.

  His thumb moved across the moisture I didn’t even know had seeped onto my cheeks.

  “You can hate me all you want. I deserve it. I’m a bastard, and I know it. But I can’t stand the thought of you out there by yourself. Can’t stand not knowing who broke into your place. Can’t stand the thought of knowing you’re in trouble and not being able to do anything about it. Please. Don’t leave.”

  “I don’t know how to stay here with you. Not when things are like this between us. It hurts too much.”

  He flinched before all that rippling muscle tightened. Every inch of him hard.

  “I need to take care of you. Tell me what’s happening with that girl at the ice cream shop.”

  I started to form the excuse, but he cut me off. “No more bullshit. I know you’re in trouble.”

  “I can’t tell you that.” It was the truth. I refused to break Brenna’s confidence.

  His voice somehow softened, and his head tipped to the side as he looked at me. “What have you gotten yourself into, Nikki?”

  For a beat, I hesitated, and then I gave him a little of my truth. “I just want to make the world a better place.”

  Minutely, his head shook. Anger was clear in the clench of his jaw. “World is nothing but corruption and evil and greed.”

  Like a fool, I pressed his hand closer to my face, savoring the warmth.

  For one more moment, I relished in this brute of a man I had no business taking comfort in.

  But he’d always, always been my safe place.

  “If I can help one person—just one, Ollie—then I made that ugly world better for them.”

  I wondered how long it’d been since I’d been that honest with him.

  Pain struck on his features. Worry and adoration.

  The last was always what nearly dropped me to my knees, but there was too much of that corruption piled between us for the last to count.

  His soul soiled and brittle and hard.

  There was no longer any place for me.

  When he looked at me like that, though, it made me want to believe I was wrong.

  He blew out a resigned breath. “I need to keep you safe.”

  I searched his face, my voice quiet but strong. Because for once, I wanted him to be honest with me, too. “You want more than that.”

  “No. What just happened was a mistake.”

  He might as well have punched me. That was what his denial felt like.

  How many more of them could I take?

  A smile wobbled on my face. It was so fake I thought maybe my face might crack. “Then you have to let me go.”

  “You know that’s impossible. I would kill for you, Nikki. Die for you.”

  Then why wouldn’t he live for me?

  Devastation crawled across my chest like a disease. Oliver Preston the infection and the cure.

  He took a lumbering step back. An agitated, tattooed hand roughed through his hair, which was sticking up everywhere from my desperate hands tugging at it.

  “You aren’t leaving, Nikki. Someone broke into your place, busted the door, trashed your stuff. You and I both know it wasn’t some stupid kids.”

  My brow pinched in disbelief. “What? Am I your prisoner now?”

  “If that’s what it comes to.”

  Tears pricked at my eyes. “You’re such an asshole.”

  He started for the door, mumbling under his breath, “Tell me something I don’t know.”

  A second before he stepped out, he paused and shifted to look back at me.

  The severity of it pinned me to the spot. “I’m just asking that you do this one thing for me, Nikki. One thing. All I’m asking is for you to stay.”

  Without saying another word, he turned and strode out of the room, shutting the door when he went.

  How was that fair when the one thing I wanted was the one thing he would never give me?

  Not when the only thing I wanted was for him to stop breaking my heart.

  14

  Nikki

  Fourteen Years Old

  Nikki’s stomach tightened. So tight she wondered how it was possible to breathe.

  Grating laughter rolled across the stagnant blaze of summer heat.

  She pressed her lips together and focused on plucking at the grasses beneath her that grew thick along the riverbank and not the girl Ollie had his arms around.

  They were hanging out under the big shade tree where Ollie, Sydney, and Nikki had played for all their lives along the winding river about a half mile up from the lake.

  Sure, Kale and Rex were there, too. They’d become a part of their group a long time ago. They belonged.

  But it felt like Meredith was invading it.

  Why would Ollie bring her there?

  And why did the fact that he had make her feel this way?

  It was stupid.

  Dumb.


  But she couldn’t stop the way her insides felt sticky and gross when Ollie picked Meredith up and fell backward with her into the water.

  His arms all around her as her screech of surprise ripped through the air.

  The two of them were splashing and laughing as they resurfaced before he was kissing her again.

  Nausea ran the length of Nikki’s throat.

  Ugh.

  Nikki was gonna throw up.

  Boys were so stupid.

  Fingers snapped in front of her face, and Sydney’s voice broke through the delirium. “Hello? Did you hear a thing I said?”

  Nikki’s head jerked up. “Yeah, I heard you.”

  Okay. Not at all. But she wasn’t about to admit that.

  Sydney’s eyes grew round. “So . . .” she drew out.

  “So, what?”

  Her voice became a hiss beneath her breath. “Did Billie kiss you? I saw you walking with him behind the locker rooms at the park.”

  Redness flushed to Nikki’s cheeks, and her face twisted in disgust. She hugged her knees to her chest a little tighter. “Eww. No way, Sydney. Don’t even put that vision in my head. I’m liable to puke right here.”

  The thought of Billie putting his mouth on her made her want to gag.

  Mix that with Ollie kissing Meredith?

  She was gonna lose her lunch.

  Sydney looked at her as if she was crazy. “Then why’d you go and tell him you’d be his girlfriend? You could have said no, you know? You know you don’t have to say yes, right?”

  Nikki bounced her leg. “Of course, I know that. Maybe I said yes because he’s the only one who’s ever asked me.”

  Everyone else had a boyfriend. Could anyone blame her for wanting to know what that was like?

  “Who asked you what?”

  Nikki jumped when the voice hit her from the side. She whipped her head that way. The tiny flush of embarrassment she’d been feeling at confessing it to Sydney bloomed like the red roses in her grandma’s garden when she saw Ollie standing there holding Meredith’s hand.

  He had on no shirt and was dripping wet. Muscles on his arms that hadn’t been there before. And his stomach . . .

  She had to duck her head when she realized she was staring, her mouth going dry and her stomach that was already in knots making this fluttery feeling that had her thinking she might take flight.

  No chance of that when her belly was filled with a pile of boulders that made her feel small and weak.

  It was the same thing it kept doing whenever Ollie was around. It made her skin feel hot and her palms get sweaty. Anxious and excited at the same time.

  She knew everything she was feeling was just plain stupid.

  This was Ollie, she was talking about. Her best friend. The third corner of their triangle, even though that triangle had taken a few new angles since Kale and Rex were always hanging around.

  “Ollie . . . don’t you know when to mind your own business? We’re having an important conversation over here. It’s private,” Sydney said. She angled her head at Meredith. “Besides, it looks like you have more important things to do.”

  She said it as if she actually thought it’d make him tuck tail and walk away.

  They used to all tell each other everything. Their secrets belonged to the other.

  The three of them had since Nikki could remember. Her heart lit in a flurry, wanting to cling to it, for it to always remain.

  But she wasn’t delusional.

  Things had changed.

  Ollie, Rex, and Kale had started high school last year, and this fall, she and Sydney would be starting there, too.

  They’d all grown.

  Changed.

  They used to be together constantly, sharing all of their time, but their time together was coming less and less.

  Plus . . . Ollie had Meredith.

  Nikki would be a liar if she said that didn’t bother her the most, her chest so heavy when she saw them together she thought it might cave in.

  Ollie released Meredith’s hand and set both of his on his hips, taking that overbearing stance.

  He’d watched them like a hawk for all their days.

  Their constant protector.

  “No one?” he all but demanded. “I just heard Nikki saying, ‘He was the only one who asked her.’ Now I want to know who he is and exactly what he asked her.”

  Embarrassment ripped through Nikki when Meredith giggled at Ollie’s side while looking at Nikki as if she was a pitiful little girl.

  That’s exactly what it felt like.

  It didn’t help that water dripped from Ollie’s hair and down his wide, tanned chest.

  Heat blistered across Nikki’s face, but she was having the hardest time looking away. Not when he was glowering at her like that.

  Sydney made a tsking sound and brushed back her long, sandy-blonde hair. The color almost exactly matched her brother’s, the same as their eyes.

  Though that was where their similarities ended.

  He was a grumbly bear, and she was a curious kitten.

  He was brash, and she was delicate.

  “We respect your privacy, so you need to respect ours,” she said, calm and poised.

  While Nikki thought she just might melt into a puddle.

  Ollie’s brows shot to the sky. “Your privacy? You’re my responsibility, Syd. Dad put me in charge, so anything you do is my business. I’ve got to take care of you. You two get yourselves in trouble, and it’s my ass on the line.”

  His penetrating gaze moved to Nikki. “Now tell me who you’re talking about.”

  A shiver ran the length of Nikki’s spine.

  “I said it’s girl talk,” Sydney interrupted the stare down with a rebellious jut of her chin. As if it was gonna put a lid on the topic rather than ripping one off.

  “Private,” she reiterated.

  Meredith laughed. “Aww . . . I think they’re talkin’ about a boy. Leave ’em alone, Ollie.”

  Nikki cringed.

  “Yep. Private. Clearly code for boy talk,” Kale said, shaking his hair out as he climbed from the glistening ripples of water. “Sounds to me like someone’s got a crush.”

  Rex was hoisting himself out right behind him, trudging up the steep embankment. “Who’s talking about me? Tell me she’s hot.”

  “Hardly, asshole.” Ollie waved an annoyed hand his direction. “You think everyone’s talking about you.”

  “That’s because I’m hot. Why wouldn’t they be talking about me?” Rex grinned as he peeked over at Sydney.

  Nikki swore that boy was in love with her, but Sydney swore harder, not a chance.

  Sydney scowled and crossed her arms over her chest. “You wish, Rex.”

  Ollie turned back to his sister. “Tell me what you two are whispering about.”

  “It’s none of your business what boy we’re talkin’ about,” she shot back.

  Ollie’s eyes bugged out of his head.

  Sydney had just given him all the confirmation he’d needed.

  “Like hell it’s not. You’re my little sister, and Nikki might as well be. It’s my job to watch over you both.”

  Sister.

  Why’d him saying that hurt?

  Sydney’s pretty face twisted in a scowl.

  “Not a chance, Ollie.” Defiance blazed from her. “You’ve been bossin’ us forever. You aren’t gonna decide who gets to be our boyfriends, too.”

  “Don’t need to pick because no one gets to be your boyfriend.” Ollie’s attention swept between the two of them. “Not either of you.”

  A huff dropped Sydney’s mouth open while Nikki shifted in discomfort, biting her bottom lip as her attention darted back and forth with the exchange.

  “Excuse me? You have a girlfriend standing right beside you, and you think you get to tell us if we get to have a boyfriend or not?” Sydney challenged.

  “Uh, yeah, I do. You know Dad said you can’t date until you’re eighteen, and it’s my job to watch out fo
r you. Always has been. Always gonna be. So that means I’m the one who says, and I say no to whoever it is you both are talking about. How’s that?”

  “That’s stupid, that’s what it is. Just because I’m a girl, the rules are different? No way.”

  “Not joking, Syd. You aren’t allowed to have a boyfriend. And if I find out you do? Someone’s gonna get their ass kicked.”

  Rex laughed from behind him. “You’d better cover up her boobs if you’re gonna make that work.”

  If Nikki didn’t love Sydney so much, she might have been jealous of her. Sydney’s boobs were already bigger than her mom’s, and Nikki barely needed a bra.

  There Sydney was, wearing a pink bikini top and shorts while Nikki was wearing her same white one-piece from two years ago with a pair of cut off shorts to cover up her bottom. Even though they were the same age, Nikki always felt as if she was struggling to keep up.

  Nikki peeked at Meredith who was only wearing a bikini, so perfect and pretty and mature. Nikki didn’t want to dislike her just because of it, but she couldn’t help it.

  “It is a stupid rule,” Meredith agreed.

  “It’s not stupid when she has a body like that,” Rex shot out.

  As soon as Rex said it, Ollie flew around and pushed him hard, right back into the river.

  Nikki sucked in a worried breath, and Sydney scrambled to her knees when Rex tumbled backward into the water with a splash. But they should have known Rex would only come up laughing, climbing back to the shore, shoving the flop of hair back that’d fallen in his face.

  It wasn’t like the three of those boys weren’t constantly at each other, always tussling but never mad.

  “Temper, temper,” Rex said.

  “That’s my sister you’re talkin’ about.”

  “Just sayin’ . . . she doesn’t look much like a little girl anymore. Just like Nikki doesn’t.”

  She didn’t?

  She hugged her knees closer.

  “Watch it, or the next time I push you into that river, you won’t be coming back up,” Ollie warned; though, there was laughter running underneath the threat.

  “That’s right,” Ollie started to shout, his voice carrying on the wind as he spun around and shouted, “Let it be known, anyone even thinks of messing with my little sister, and I’ll be the one personally taking him down.”