The Governess Who Captured His Heart (The Honorable Scoundrels Book 1)

by Sophie Barnes

  “I…” She gave a quick nod. “Yes. I understand. I didn’t realize that was what I was doing. I’ve no experience with using feminine wiles, you see.”

  Blowing out a tortured breath, he leaned his head back against the squabs as the carriage rolled into motion, jostling him. “Well, you’re quite adept at it, I must say.”

  She was quiet for a second, then asked, “In what way?”

  Groaning, he rolled his head to the side so he could look across at her. “You’re doing it right now by asking that question.”

  “Oh.” Another pause, a twitch of her nose, and a furrowing of her brow, and then, “Ohhhhh…”

  The penny had finally dropped.

  4

  “I’m sorry,” Louise said, for she could think of nothing else to say under the circumstances. One thing was certain, and that was her state of discomfiture, because the things he’d said – the directness of his declaration – had made her squirm. She’d felt a knot form in her belly. Her skin had grown hot, and a needy, unfamiliar ache had begun to swell within her. Even now, her brain felt fuzzy from all the sensations that had collided and made her want things – wicked things – things she could never have without dire consequences. But, oh, it had been tempting to tell him she felt as he did, that she was as susceptible to the stirring of desire, and that resisting temptation was proving to be an unpleasant chore.

  But instinct told her doing so would only open the floodgate, and once that happened, they couldn’t go back. So she fought to put an invisible barrier between them and reminded herself that allowing Lord Alistair’s advances would be extremely unwise. Her position was at stake, for heaven’s sake!

  So she sat back and stiffened her spine. “It was not my intention to cause you discomfort.” His nostrils flared while he stared back at her. She pressed her fingers into the seat beneath her, steadying her resolve even as her body trembled. “Thank you for being a gentleman. A lesser man would have succumbed to weakness.”

  “Yes…well…” He turned his head away as if deliberately blocking her from his view. “You may thank me when you arrive at our destination with your innocence intact. Until then, I would advise you to treat me as you would a prowling lion – with caution and trepidation.”

  Sobered by this comment, Louise said nothing in return. She’d had no romantic plans for her future when she’d resolved to become a governess. On the contrary, she’d been quite prepared to sacrifice matrimony and children and passion in favor of doing what was right for her youngest sister. It had been an easy decision to make. She’d had no male acquaintances. Her heart had been free, and she’d known her moment of eligibility had passed. Seeking employment had been the logical step forward for her, and yet now, sitting in this carriage with a man she’d gotten to know so well in such short time – a man who managed to challenge her beliefs while stirring her up inside – she couldn’t help but wish things could be different.

  “I didn’t like you at all to begin with,” she found herself saying, when the silence between them became too uncomfortable to bear. Speaking to the passing landscape, she sensed a shift in the air around her and knew without looking that he had turned toward her.

  “That’s quite all right,” he said. “I didn’t like you either.”

  Smiling in response to his sarcasm, she pressed the palm of her hand to the cool windowpane and watched as it left a steamy mark upon the glass. “You were arrogant and stern, without a hint of kindness about you. But then our journey began, we starting talking, and I shared things with you I’ve never shared with anyone else. Not even my own sisters.” He said nothing, but she knew he was paying attention. “Over the course of only six days, I’ve allowed you to access my most private thoughts, forging a bond that must soon be broken.” She felt her heart clench as she forced out those words. “You ought to know, when that moment comes, it will be the most difficult thing I have ever had to endure. Because God help me, I…”

  I’ve fallen in love with you.

  That part remained lodged in her throat. She could not say it – could not be quite so daring – could not take the risk when she doubted he felt the same way. So instead, she forced back the threatening tears, drew a deep breath, and tamped down all her emotions. “I have never admired a man as much as I admire you, Lord Alistair.”

  “I think we can dispense with the lord part,” he murmured.

  Chuckling, she nodded before adding, “You have proven yourself to be charming, kind, righteous, and courageous. You’ve listened to everything I had to say with interest, and you have overcome temptation.” She turned to look at him, to meet his turbulent gaze. “I have been so lucky to spend this carriage ride in your company, and I shall always look back on these days we shared with fondness.”

  “Louise…” His voice was a raw rasp of emotion. It went straight to her heart, forcing her to look away once more before he could see she was crying.

  “I wish you all the happiness in the world, Alistair. You deserve it.”

  “You speak as though we are parting ways forever when we arrive at Whitehaven.”

  “Because that is what we shall do,” she said. “I am a governess – no more than a servant – while you are a duke’s heir. Your days at Whitehaven will be spent courting Lady Gwendolyn. And frankly, I won’t be able to watch that.”

  “Why not?” The gruffness of his voice denoted the importance of his question.

  Knowing she’d said too much, she shook her head. “It doesn’t signify.”

  “It does to me.” His hand found hers, and when she tried to pull away, he held on tight. “I know you desire me as much as I desire you. It’s in your eyes whenever you glance my way, which is why it’s been so damnably hard for me to stay the proper course. But if there is more than that – if you feel a deeper connection to me, tell me and—”

  “And what?” She could feel herself crumbling as they spoke, and she didn’t like it one bit. Damn him for forcing the truth upon her like this, for trying to make her share what was in her heart when it wouldn’t make an ounce of difference. “You will marry me instead of Lady Gwendolyn? You will risk your brother’s wrath? Your position in Society? Financial security?”

  “I will inherit my brother’s title one day, and the fortune that comes with it.”

  “And until then? Will you look forward to your brother’s demise because of how it will benefit you?”

  Releasing her hand, he sat back with a look of horror upon his face. “Of course not.”

  She nodded. “You do not know what it is to be poor or to be exiled from your social class. If you choose that path, you will come to resent me as much as I will come to resent you for denying me the chance to help Eve. And what will we have then besides bitterness and regret?” When he said nothing, she knew she’d opened his eyes to a world that waited beyond the passion he felt right now – a world in which he would have to live out the rest of his days. “Marrying Lady Gwendolyn is the right thing for you to do. She’s a marquess’s daughter – an earl’s sister – and she will make a good match for a man of your rank.”

  “So then, this is really it?” He sounded as though he didn’t want to believe it, and yet she could see by his stark expression he already did.

  “I’m afraid so.”

  The remainder of their journey passed with stilted bits of mundane conversation. By the time they arrived at the final posting inn, Louise escaped upstairs to the room where she would spend the night and elected to take her supper alone. Alistair made no effort to stop her. If she felt as raw inside as he did, she would need some time alone to prepare for the following day’s arrival at Whitehaven.

  So much had been left unsaid between them. He’d seen it in her eyes, the misery there enough to shatter his heart. Taking a moment to search the depths of his soul that evening, he contemplated a life without Louise in it. Was such an existence worth having?

  No.

  She was the only woman he would ever consider marrying. Not because
of her beauty or because of how desperately he wanted her in his bed, but because he’d fallen in love with her – completely, madly, irrevocably – and no other woman would do. Which meant he would have to fight for the right to make her his, firstly by ridding himself of the problem his brother had created when he’d picked Gwendolyn as his bride.

  So he set out at dawn after penning a note to Louise and hiring a horse from the inn. Riding fast through the bitter cold, his breath like steam from a boiling kettle, he reached Whitehaven by ten.

  “My lord!”

  One of the grooms ran to greet him, grabbing the horse’s reins while he swung himself down from the saddle. Thanking the lad, Alistair climbed the steps to the front door and opened it sharply.

  “Lord Alistair,” the butler exclaimed, hastening toward him. “We weren’t expecting you quite this early. My apologies for not being there to greet you.” He looked past him for a second before asking. “Is Miss Potter not with you?”

  “She will arrive later. I chose to ride ahead.” He removed his hat and pulled off his gloves, handing the items to the butler. “Has the family risen yet?”

  “Indeed.” The butler gestured in the direction of the dining room. “They are having breakfast as we speak.”

  Alistair didn’t wait for the man to show him the way, striding forward briskly until he reached his destination. Halting for a moment, he drew a deep breath, steadying his resolve before opening the door wide and striding through it. Four pairs of eyes turned to stare at him.

  “Alistair!” Abigail was the first to convey her surprise. She prepared to rise, but he motioned for her to stay seated. “Is Miss Potter with you? I’m so eager to meet her.”

  “She will arrive later,” he said.

  A bit of silence followed that revelation, and then Lord Channing gestured toward a vacant chair. “Do come and join us, Alistair. I’m sure you must be eager for some refreshment after your journey.”

  It was tempting to accept, but the anxiousness coursing through him would not make sitting still at the table a pleasant experience. “Thank you, but I would prefer to wait in the library.” Addressing Gwendolyn, he added, “If you would please join me there when you’re ready, I’d be much obliged.”

  Gwendolyn’s eyes widened. “Of course,” she murmured.

  Silence followed for an awkward moment. Alistair met his brother’s grave expression with one of his own and then quit the room, closing the door behind him.

  Pacing back and forth in the library, Alistair waited for what seemed like an insufferable length of time, even though the clock said no more than fifteen minutes had passed by the time Gwendolyn arrived.

  “I trust you are well,” she said, before taking a seat on the sofa.

  He remained by the fireplace. “Quite. And you?”

  “I wish the weather were warmer, but aside from that, I have no complaints.”

  Nodding, Alistair wondered how best to broach the subject he wished to discuss with her, and then decided directness might serve him best in this instance. “Regarding my brother’s insistence we marry...” he began.

  A tiny crease appeared upon her brow. “He says it will be the perfect match.”

  “Is that what you believe?”

  Her silence unnerved him, forcing him to cross the floor. He paused, then turned and strode back, flexing his fingers while doing his best not to yell with frustration. Drawing a fortifying breath, he pinned her with his gaze. “Gwendolyn?”

  She bit her lip and looked away. “Yes.”

  His heart plummeted all the way to his toes. This would not be as simple as walking away. And yet, there was something in her expression and posture that gave him pause. “Then allow me to ask you a different question. Will marrying me make you happy?”

  She raised her head so sharply he took a step back. Her eyes met his, and he felt his heart pause on a thread of hope. “I mean no offense when I tell you this, but I have no desire to be your wife.”

  That thread of hope began to expand. “You don’t?”

  “No. I’m in love with someone else – an untitled gentleman, as a matter of fact. Channing wants to see me happy, so he approves of the match.”

  “Does Langley know about this?”

  She shook her head. “We thought it best for me to break the news to you directly before informing your brother.”

  The thrill Alistair felt in response to those words was so acute he could scarcely credit it. He stared at Gwendolyn, at the woman who’d represented a dreaded fate until she herself had saved him from it. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “I hope you’re not too disappointed or angry.”

  “No. Of course not.” His heart was humming with joy. “I am none of those things. On the contrary, I am grateful to you, and so incredibly pleased on both our behalves.”

  By the time she arrived at the manor that would now be her home, the enthusiasm Louise had felt when she’d set out from London had completely vanished. Still, she did her best to smile as she greeted her employers.

  “You’re younger than I expected,” Lady Channing said when Louise met her in the parlor after settling in. “Prettier too.”

  A petite woman with dark brown hair, big eyes, and a wide smile, Lady Channing was proving herself to be as kind as Louise had judged her to be by the tone of her letters. She’d even given Louise a choice between two bedchambers, informing her which one faced east, in case she favored the morning light.

  “Did I not mention my age in our correspondence?” She could have sworn she had.

  “You wrote that life has been difficult for you in recent years, that you were well past the age of marriageability, and that you anticipated a quiet and peaceful life in the country.” Lady Channing dipped her chin and quirked her lips. “It seemed like something a middle-aged woman might say.”

  “Forgive me. It was not my intention to deceive you in any way.”

  “Perhaps not, but I can assure you I would not have suggested you travel alone with Lord Alistair if I’d known your age. At least, I would have insisted upon a chaperone.”

  “Thank you, my lady. I fear I am to blame for this misunderstanding. You may rest assured however that Lord Alistair did ask a maid to accompany us, but she became ill the first night and was unable to continue onward with us.”

  “It is a relief to know that he made an effort to protect your reputation.” Lady Channing gave Louise a sharp look. “I trust he treated you well?”

  “Yes. He was the perfect gentleman.”

  Expelling a breath, Lady Channing nodded. “I didn’t expect him to be anything less, but when he arrived before you, looking as though he’d escaped hell to get here, I couldn’t help but wonder. Especially after seeing you for myself.”

  “I can assure you that you have no cause for concern,” Louise told her. “If anything, I believe he was eager to arrive here so he could speak with Lady Gwendolyn.”

  “Yes.” Lady Channing gave Louise a pensive look. “They will make quite a match, don’t you think?”

  Recalling the other woman she’d met upon her arrival, Louise gave a curt nod. “Without a doubt.”

  “Hmm…” Lady Channing rose, as did Louise. “Papa only wants what is best for his brother.”

  “Of course.” Louise couldn’t help but wonder why Lady Channing was sharing all of these details with her. She was a servant, nothing more. Being a confidant was not in her job description. Uncomfortable with it, she tried to keep her responses as short as possible. Speaking of Alistair and the woman he would eventually marry was not something she wanted to continue doing. So when they entered the hallway, she chose to say, “Perhaps I should go and spend some time with the children.”

  “You arrived this afternoon, Miss Potter. Nobody expects you to start work until tomorrow.” Linking her arm with Louise’s, she drew her toward the back of the house where French doors overlooked a snow-covered lawn sloping down toward a lake. “And as you can see, the children are otherwise occ
upied at the moment.”

  Louise watched as the three boys skated across the lake. Allowing her gaze to wander, she studied the men who stood to one side, their heads bowed in what appeared to be serious discussion. Lord Alistair and his brother, Langley. “I see,” she said, before turning away. Squaring her shoulders, she faced the countess. “In that case, perhaps you’ll allow me to go and rest. This past week has been rather trying, and I should like to recover from it by tomorrow.”

  The countess took a moment to answer, her eyes resting on Louise’s in quiet contemplation. Eventually, she smiled. “Of course. Supper is at eight, if you would like to join us.”

  Surprised, Louise couldn’t help but say, “As grateful as I am for the offer, I am a servant, my lady. Sitting at your table would hardly be appropriate.”

  “Perhaps not,” the countess agreed, upon which Louise took her leave and headed up the service stairs to her chamber.

  “I have spoken with Gwendolyn, Langley, and she is no more thrilled about the idea of marrying me than I am with the idea of marrying her,” Alistair told his brother. His conversation with her had managed to expel the pain that gripped his heart.

  His heart.

  He’d never wasted much time considering that particular organ. But then Miss Potter – Louise – had swept into his life and stirred a fiery passion. He’d wanted her desperately, struggling each day to do what his conscience demanded, even going so far as to suggest marriage for the sole purpose of getting his hands on her.

  Until she’d delivered her emotional speech in the carriage.

  I have never admired a man as much as I admire you.

  He’d felt as though pain was pouring out of her, and it had not only caused his own heart to break but had made him realize what he felt for her was more than lust and passion. It went deeper, the roots of it digging into the depths of his soul. And when he’d suggested marriage again, and she’d given him every reason why such a thing was impossible, he’d felt as though life had finally lost its meaning.