Wings

by Danielle Steel

  “Neither have I,” he said with a grin. At twenty, he looked exactly like their father. He was doing well in school, and still intent on becoming an architect, if he could get a scholarship at the University of Illinois in another year or two. And for the moment, he spent every spare waking moment with Jessie. They were adorable and Pat said he wouldn't be surprised if they got married.

  Billy looked no older than Chris did. He seemed to have even more freckles this year, but it was obvious from his performance in the first two races that, unlike her brother, he had practiced. He won first prize twice, and another one half an hour later, in three of the most difficult competitions.

  “What have you been doing, practicing all year? Boy, you guys get a lot of time to fool around,” she teased with an arm around him, as a photographer from the wire service snapped their picture. Cassie was careful to give them Billy's name and spell it correctly, and to remind him that Billy had taken first prize three times so far that morning.

  “And the day's not over yet,” he quipped with a wink at Cassie.

  “What about you, Miss O'Malley?” one of the reporters asked her. “No performance today?”

  “I'm afraid not. Today is my brother's show, and Mr. Nolan's.”

  “Any romantic ties between you and Mr. Nolan?” he asked pointedly and she grinned at him as Billy pretended to choke on his lemonade.

  “Not a one,” she answered coolly.

  “And what about you and Mr. Williams?”

  “We're the best of friends,” she said with a smile.

  “Nothing else?” the man pressed on as her father wondered how she stood it. But she was very patient with him, and very gracious. Desmond had taught her well, and she felt an obligation to him to behave with the press here, although a little mischief with them might have been tempting. They took themselves so seriously, and of course Cassie didn't.

  “Not that he's told me,” she said pleasantly, and then turned away to talk to some friends, and they finally left her.

  “What pests they are,” Billy said with a look of annoyance. “Don't they get on your nerves all the time?”

  “Yes, but Mr. Williams thinks they're good for business.”

  “Was there any truth to that, by the way?” Billy asked when they were alone again. “Anything between you and Williams?”

  “No,” she said cautiously, “we're just friends. I don't think he wants to be involved. I'm probably as close to him as he is to anyone. He's a very lonely man. I feel sorry for him sometimes,” she said quietly so no one else would hear her. But Billy was in no mood to be serious, and he was always irreverent about tycoons worth over a billion dollars.

  “I feel sorry for him too. All that nasty old money he has to take care of. And all those movie stars he probably goes out with. Poor guy.”

  “Oh shut up.” She gave him a shove, and Chris came over to join them. He was eating again, and Cassie made a face watching him. He'd been eating like that since he was fourteen, and he was still as thin as a scarecrow. Jessie was standing right next to him, beaming up at him in silent adoration. She worked at the local library. She was a serious girl, and she gave all the money she earned back to her parents to help support her four younger sisters. And it was obvious to everyone that she was crazy about Chris. She was very sweet to all the O'Malleys, especially the younger children.

  “Don't you ever stop eating?” Cassie asked him, with feigned irritation.

  “Not if I can help it. If you time it right, you can pretty much keep eating from the time you wake up till you go to bed at night. Mom says I eat more than the entire family put together.”

  “One day you're going to wind up a fat old man,” Billy warned him, with a wink at Jessie, who giggled.

  They were all in a good mood, and there were a few really glorious feats, but none that matched Cassie's of the year before, her horrifying dive and last second recovery.

  “I hated it when you did that,” Chris admitted to her; “it made my stomach roll over watching you. I thought you were going to crash.”

  “I'm too smart for that,” she said smugly. But she was glad he wasn't doing anything dangerous. Altitude never got anyone into much trouble. It wasn't very exciting either, but she was happy knowing he was safe, and not taking any chances.

  “So what's happening in LA,” Billy asked during a lull, and she told him about her work and their new planes, but she didn't say anything about the world tour. She wanted to talk to her father about it first. And then she was going to mention it to Billy. She had been thinking about it a lot, and if she did it, she wanted him to fly with her. He was the best pilot she'd ever seen; even after a year in Los Angeles flying with some real greats, she still thought Billy was better.

  He went back up after they chatted for a while, and won another first prize, to prove her point. And shortly after that, there was a near disaster when two planes almost collided, but there was a last minute save, and after some gasps and screams from the crowd, every thing turned out all right. But it made everyone think of the year before, when Jimmy Bradshaw crashed at the air show. Needless to say, they didn't see Peggy there this year, but Cassie had already heard from Chris that she and Bobby Strong were getting married. She had no regrets about him at all. Her life had moved far past him. But she wished him well, and she was happy for Peggy.

  Chris was standing with her just before his big event, and they were chatting about some old friends, and then they called his group to their planes.

  “Well, here goes nothing.” He looked nervous, understandably, and he looked at Cassie and grinned, and she reached out and touched him.

  “Good luck, kid. When you come back, we'll get you something to eat. Try and hang on till then.”

  “Thank,” He grinned at her as Jessie went to find one of her sisters.

  And as he walked away, for no particular reason except that she was proud of him, Cassie shouted after him, “I love you!” He turned and showed a sign that he had heard her, and then he was gone. And at last it was his turn in the small red plane as he climbed, and he climbed, and he climbed, and she watched him sharply. She thought she saw something then, and she narrowed her eyes against the sun, and she was about to say something to Billy. Sometimes she felt things even before she saw them. But before she could say anything, she saw what she had feared, a thin trail of smoke, and she found herself looking up at it, willing him to the ground as swiftly and as safely as he could get there. She wasn't even sure he knew what the problem was yet, but he did a moment later. His engine had caught fire, and a moment later he was plummeting to the ground faster than he had risen. There was no stopping him, no time to say anything. There were the familiar gasps that meant something terrible, as everyone waited. And Cassie was mentally willing him to pull up on his stick as he fell, and she clutched Billy's arm, but she never took her eyes off her brother's plane. And then he was down, in a column of flame, as she and every man at hand rushed toward him. But the flames were furious and the smoke pitch black. Billy reached him before anyone else and she was right beside him. Together they pulled him from the flames, but he was already gone, and every inch of him was burning. Someone ran toward them with a blanket to quench the flames, and Cassie was sobbing as she held him. She didn't even realize she had burned her arm very badly. She didn't know anything, except that Chris was in her arms, and he would never see again, or laugh, or cry, he would never grow up, or be rude to her, or get married. She couldn't stop crying as she held him, and she heard a guttural cry above her, as the plane exploded and threw shards of metal at the crowd. Billy was pulling on her to get her away, and she was still holding Chris as her father tried to take him from her.

  “My boy…” He was sobbing… “My boy… oh, God… no… my baby…” They were both holding him, and people were running and screaming all around them, and then powerful arms lifted Chris from her, and her father was led away, and in the distance she could see Jessie crying, and all Cassie knew was Billy was holding he
r, and then she saw her mother sobbing in her father's arms. And everyone around them was crying. It had been that way the year before, but this was worse, because it was Chris… her baby brother.

  She was never sure what happened after that, except that she remembered being in the hospital, and Billy was with her. The arm didn't hurt at all, but people were doing things to her. Someone said it was a third degree burn, and they kept talking about the accident… the accident… the plane… but she hadn't crashed. She hadn't crashed in her plane, and she kept saying as much to Billy.

  “I know, Cass. I know, sweetheart. You didn't do anything.”

  “Is Chris okay?” She suddenly remembered that there was something wrong with him, but she couldn't remember what, and Billy just nodded. She was in shock. She had been since it happened.

  They gave her something to sleep for a while, and when she woke up, the arm had started to hurt terribly, but she didn't care. She had remembered.

  But Billy was still there, and they cried together. Her parents were there too by then. They had come back to see her. Her mother was almost hysterical, and her father was heartbroken, and Glynnis and her husband Jack were there, but everyone kept crying. Glynnis told her Jessie had gone home with friends of Chris's, and her parents had had to call the doctor.

  Because Chris was so badly burned, the casket was closed, and the wake was the following night at the funeral home in Good Hope. And the funeral was the next day at St. Mary's. Everyone he had ever gone to school with was there, all his friends, and Jessie. She was in terrible shape, surrounded by her sisters, and Cassie made a point of going to kiss her. It was a terrible thing for a nineteen-year-old girl to live through.

  Bobby Strong was there, and he came over and talked to Cass, but Peggy just couldn't. Some of Chris's friends from college had come too, and almost everyone who'd been in the air show, just as all of them had gone for Jim the year before. It seemed such an idle death, such a stupid way to die, climbing to the sky just to prove how far you could go, or worse yet, that you couldn't.

  Cassie felt as though part of herself had died, and as she followed the casket out of the church, she and her father had to hold up her mother. It was the worst thing Cassie had ever seen, the worst thing she'd ever been through.

  And it was only as they left the church that she looked up and saw Desmond Williams. She couldn't even imagine how he had known, and then she realized the wire services had been there and it was probably all over the papers. She was a star now, and her brother's death in an air show was big news. But she was glad he had come anyway. There was something comforting about seeing him there. And she reached out to him as they left the church, and thanked him for coming. She asked him to come to the house afterward, with their other friends, and once he arrived she could tell him how much his coming meant to her. He nodded, and then she started to cry, and he just held her in his arms, feeling awkward. He didn't know what to say or do, he just held her, hoping that was enough. And then he saw her arm, and moved her gently.

  “Are you all right? How bad is it?” He had been very worried when he heard she'd been burned trying to save her brother.

  “I'm okay. Billy and I pulled him out, and… and… he was still burning.” The image she created was so horrible that it almost made him sick. But he was reassured when she told him the doctors weren't worried about her. He told her he wanted it checked out in LA when she got back. And he made a point of talking to her parents, and chatting with Billy for a while. And then he left. He said he was flying back that night. He had just wanted to be there for her, and she was glad he'd come. It meant a lot to her, and she told him.

  ‘Thank you, Desmond… for everything…” He didn't mention the world tour, but she knew it was on his mind. And she was still planning to talk to her father. But she had already told Desmond she wanted to stay home for a week or two, with them, and he told her to stay as long as she wanted.

  She walked back outside with him, and he hugged her, and then he left, looking very somber. And when she went back inside, her father was crying and said that Chris had done it for him, and he should never have let him.

  “He did it because he wanted to, Dad,” Cass said quietly, “We all do. You know that.” It was true in her case, but not in Chris's, but she felt she at least owed her father that. “He told me before he went up that he wanted to do it He liked it.” It was a lie, but a kind one.

  “He did?” Her father looked surprised, but relieved as he dried his eyes, and took another shot of whiskey.

  That was a nice thing you did for him,” Billy said to her later, and she only nodded, thinking of something else.

  “I wish Nick were here,” she said quietly. And then Billy decided to tell her what he'd done.

  “I sent him a telegram the night it happened. I think they're pretty reasonable about granting leave to volunteers. I don't know, I just thought…” He wasn't sure if she'd be mad at him, but it was obvious now that she wasn't.

  “I'm glad you did,” she said gratefully, and stood around looking at their friends.

  It was a miserable reason to get together. She wondered then if Nick would come, if he could get away, or they would let him.

  She sat for hours with her parents that night, talking about Chris, and the things he'd done as a child. They cried and they laughed, and remembered the little things that meant so much to them now that he was no longer with them.

  The next morning Cassie dropped by the hospital, to have them look at her arm. They changed the dressings for her and then she went back to the house to sit with her father.

  He hadn't gone to the airport since the accident, and Billy was taking care of things for him. Cassie stopped there on the way, and Billy asked her how her dad was.

  “Not so great.” He'd been drinking that morning when she left him after breakfast He just couldn't face what had happened yet. He only drank in moments of great stress or celebration, and when she went back, he was sitting alone in the living room and crying.

  “Hi, Dad,” she said as she came in. She had lain awake all night, thinking of how she had resented Chris, of how often she had thought her father liked him better. She wondered if Chris had ever known it. She hoped not. “How're you feeling?”

  He just shrugged and didn't bother to answer. She talked about some of their visitors then, and about stopping to see Billy at the airport. But for once, her father didn't ask how things were there.

  “Did you see Desmond Williams here yesterday?” she said, groping for things to say to him as he looked up at her blankly. But at least this time he answered.

  “Was he here?” She nodded, and sat down next to him. “That was nice of him. What's he like, Cass?” Her father had talked to him briefly, but he didn't remember in the agony of the day.

  “He's very quiet, very honest… hardworking… lonely.” They were odd things to say about the man she worked for. “Driven, I guess, would be the right word. He lives for his business. It's all he has.”

  ‘That's sad for him,” he said, looking at her, and then he started to cry again, thinking about the air show. The poor kid had been only twenty. “It could have been you, Cass,” he said through his tears. “It could have been you last year. I was never so scared as when I watched you.”

  “I know,” she smiled, “I scared the pants off Nick too, but I knew what I was doing.”

  “That's what we all think,” he said gloomily. “Chris probably thought so too.”

  “But he never did know, Dad. He wasn't like us.”

  “I know,” he agreed. They all knew it too. Chris had really never known what he was doing. “I just keep thinking of how he looked when you and Billy pulled him out.” He looked sick as he thought about it, and not knowing what else to do, she poured him another drink. But by lunchtime, he was slurring and half asleep. And then finally, he dozed off, and she just let him sit there. Maybe the best thing for him was to sleep. Her mother came back that afternoon with two of Cassie's sisters, and by
then her father was awake and had sobered up again. Cassie made them all something to eat, and then they sat talking quietly in the kitchen.

  It was odd being with all of them, and Cassie realized that they seemed to be waiting for something. It was as though the reality of Chris's being gone hadn't sunk in yet, and everyone was waiting for him to come home, or for someone to tell them it hadn't happened. But it had. It had been as bad as it could have been. It couldn't have been much worse, except if he had suffered.

  Glynnis and Megan left when Colleen arrived, with all her kids, and the brief chaos did them all good, and then finally they were alone again. Cassie cooked dinner for her parents, and she was glad she was there with them. She had no idea yet when she'd be leaving. Her mother cried again at the end of the meal, and Cassie put her to bed, like a child, but her father seemed better that night. He was calmer and very clear-headed, and he wanted to talk to her after Oona had gone to bed. He asked her about her work, and if she liked it, what kind of planes she'd been flying, and about her life in LA He knew the year was up and he wondered if Cassie would stay in LA or come home now. With Chris gone, his concerns were more poignant.

  “I've been offered a new contract.” Cassie answered his question directly.

  “What's he giving you?” he asked with interest.

  “Double what he paid me last year,” she said proudly, “but I was going to send the difference to you and Mom. I really don't need it.”

  “You might,” her father said gruffly. “You never know what can happen. Your sisters have their husbands to take care of them, but you, and Chris…” And then he caught himself and his eyes filled with tears again as she touched his hand and he held hers tightly. “I forget sometimes,” he said through his tears.

  “I know, Daddy… so do I…” She had been thinking about Chris that afternoon, and wondered if he was in Walnut Grove with Jessie, and then she remembered. It was as though their hearts and minds just didn't want to accept it. She had talked to Jessie on the phone that afternoon, and she felt that way too. She said she kept listening for his truck. They all did.