“Extremely,” she admitted, releasing a long breath.
“Good, me too. I was afraid you’d recognized how crazy I am and changed your mind while you were away so long. I thought I was going to have to hunt you down. I would have, you know.”
The muscles in her stomach tightened at the feral look in his eyes. “You’re very intense, Chad. Have you always been this fervent?”
He shook his head lightly. “No … I haven’t. I gave up on passion years ago. Four days ago, I was content to be kayaking and eating alone. Today, the thought of you ever leaving me caused me to panic. I don’t want you to ever leave, Cassandra. Promise me, please.”
“Why would I marry you if I planned to leave?”
Chad pulled her up into his arms and carried her into his room. Her heart sped up, so fast it felt as if it might explode. He laid her on the bed and slipped in beside her, his mouth moving to hers before she had a chance to catch her breath. Slipping one hand under her neck and the other around her waist, he pulled her closer. His lips continued moving against hers. She opened up to him and felt his tongue glide gently across her teeth then circle hers. His kissing was intense. She felt her blood racing as she wondered just how good he was at everything.
His mouth left hers, but only long enough to bury his face into her neck. He kissed the hollow of her throat, then trailed kisses up her neck until he found her ear. “I love you, Cassandra, and I want you more than I’ve ever wanted any woman, but I can wait. However, I suggest you get some sleep, because tomorrow, after we’re married, I’m going to make love to you until we are both depleted and pass out from exhaustion.” He grinned at her, assuring her of this fact.
She felt the blood rushing through her again. She wanted him now. She’d never felt the warmth in her veins as he made her feel. She’d never done anything even remotely sexual, and yet, her body understood exactly what it wanted. It yearned for him to touch her, to release the feelings.
Rolling to his back, he pulled her tightly to his side. “Tomorrow.” He sighed, sounding as if he were convincing himself. She wanted to argue but knew she couldn’t. She could not entice him any more than she already had; it wouldn’t be right.
Sighing too, she buried her head deeper into the crux of his arms. “Tomorrow,” she agreed, closing her eyes, not knowing whether she could fall asleep with him holding her. It felt good, she had to admit. She felt warm and safe, and more than anything, she felt completely loved.
Chapter Sixteen
“Walter,” his mother whispered as she opened his door. She hadn’t entered his bedroom in years. He cringed as he awaited more of her wrath. “I’m sorry,” she murmured, gracefully sitting down on the edge of his bed. “It wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry I hit you.”
He puckered his lips and sniffed as he attempted to retain the tears. “It’s okay, Mom. It was my fault. Everything was my fault.”
She sighed. She couldn’t deny the legitimacy of his words. “I love you, Walter, and I’m sorry for everything. Sorry I haven’t been a better mother, a better person. But I wanted to tell you good night.”
She kissed him on the forehead and then left without another word, pulling the door closed behind her. She never apologized. Why would she start now? Especially when she wasn’t responsible … it hadn’t been her fault.
He rolled over, drew in his legs, and then repositioned himself into a ball. He wished he could change the past, wished he’d never returned, wished they’d locked him away forever. It was his fault; everything was his fault. He wished he’d never been born. Only fifteen and he’d already ruined his life.
Hours later, his father crept into his bedroom, no doubt checking that he’d remained home as instructed.
How could his father have worked after everything that happened? His way of retreating from reality, Walter imagined. His father had been a physician for years; he didn’t have to take after-hours emergency calls. He could have allowed one of his interns to take the midnight calls. He owned the practice for heaven’s sake!
As he thought about his father, anger replaced his tears. “Typical,” he muttered in disgust, exhaling in the dark room. Maybe his father was the reason their family was so deplorable. No. He needed to stop blaming others and accept responsibility for his actions.
“Priscilla,” he heard his father’s peal of agony. “Priscilla, my God! No! Please don’t do this to me!”
Walter bolted out of bed and sprinted down the hall toward his parents’ room. His heart pounded fiercely in his chest. His legs felt heavy and sluggish. “Dear God,” he prayed. “Please …”
Rounding the corner of his parents’ doorway, he saw his father administering CPR to his mother.
“Dad?” he choked out, his voice trembling. “Is Mom —” He couldn’t frame the word.
“Call 911!” his father shrieked.
Walter couldn’t move. His mother lay lifeless on their king-sized mattress. His eyes fell on a bottle of whiskey on the nightstand alongside an empty bottle of pills. No … God, no …
“Walter Chadwick Wilkinson, call 911!” his father belted again.
He did as instructed but knew it wouldn’t make any difference. If his father couldn’t save his mother, nobody could.
Chad bolted upright in bed. He wiped his hands over his face and they came back wet from perspiration, or maybe it was tears. He’d done well to escape his demons during the day, but night was a different story.
Cassandra’s soft breaths floated up to him, and he actually smiled. He marveled at how she’d fallen asleep in his arms; obviously, she felt safe with him, and it made him feel needed. Maybe having Cassandra in his life would eventually chase away his demons.
He slid back down in bed and draped his arm around her, loving the way she felt lying next to him, knowing she would be his forever. She’d said yes. He’d never thought she would have shared his feelings and would have said yes, but now that she had agreed to marry him, he was in heaven.
He wanted her so badly he ached inside. He’d never wanted a woman so much, and yet, he knew he couldn’t act on his desires. She would’ve thought that he’d only asked her to marry him to get her into bed.
Well, he had gotten her into bed. But he wanted their first time to be special. He wished he could have taken back his decision to sleep with Michelle when she’d begged him. He’d waited so many years. He knew not one other man who’d waited as long as he had, and when he finally agreed, assuming they would be married when she returned from overseas, she’d rejected him.
Though she certainly acted as if she’d enjoyed it, he wondered if maybe he just hadn’t been good enough. It hadn’t been her first time, something he hadn’t been happy about when they first met, but something he’d come to realize would be practically impossible to find nowadays. Then, in walks Cassandra into his life, practically perfect in every way.
He booked their weekend at the Paris Las Vegas. From the reviews he read, the Paris was one of the most romantic hotels in Vegas. He hoped that he could make their impromptu marriage memorable; he would do better for their actual honeymoon.
He had to make certain he did everything he could to please her. He’d meant what he said. He’d leave Nantahala if she asked him, but it was the last thing he wanted. He’d lived in the city most of his life, first in Atlanta and then in Raleigh-Durham. No thanks. But if she wanted to move, he would do it for her because he knew more than anything what he wanted. He’d never thought for a minute this could happen to him. He’d seen it in movies, heard about it in songs, but how could anyone fall so passionately in love in only a few short days. It would cause him great pain if she left now.
Michelle had left him constantly to return to duty. In fact, he could almost count the days they’d spent together in the last six years. She’d shown her true side many times, and he’d always forgiven her. He just assumed once they were married, she would change. Deep down, he must have known she’d never change, the reason he’d waited so long. Now, all he co
uld do was be grateful to her for rejecting his proposal.
He moved out of bed as quietly as possible and walked to his desk. He needed to leave a note; it would be wrong to disappear. It was only six, but he needed to handle a few things at the store before they headed to the airport.
Cassandra,
The plane leaves at one thirty, so we need to leave by ten-thirty.
I went to the store to take care of a few things, but I’ll be back before ten.
I love you, and I will see you soon.
Chad
It was brief. He’d thought about being mushy, but then realized she must already think he was soft. He’d practically begged her to marry him last night. Oh well, he had to be himself, no sense in pretending when they were taking such a gigantic leap.
He should have told her everything about his past before asking her to marry him. After all, what did she really know about him or did he know about her? Though, she didn’t seem to have any skeletons in her closet. It appeared her father had sheltered her, for which he was thankful. He would tell her on the plane, he decided; that way she would know everything about him. It wasn’t as if she would leave him; it just wasn’t a pleasant subject, and he hadn’t felt the need to bring it up. He’d already told her what his mother had done. He just hadn’t told her why.
Kissing her head lightly, he placed the note beside her pillow and headed to the store. There was plenty of time to get everything done and still make it back with enough time to pack.
***
The sun wasn’t bursting through the windows when Cassandra opened her eyes. Then she remembered … she wasn’t in the loft. She was sleeping in Chad’s bedroom. She hadn’t awoken the entire night. She’d felt warm and safe, nestled in his arms, but now she felt cold.
Reaching for him, she came up empty. She saw the note on the pillow and read the few sentences; it was short and sweet. He loved her. She shook her head at the insanity that felt so right. Talk about a whirlwind romance.
Jumping out of bed, she headed upstairs to pack but stopped when she saw Michelle approaching the door. “Of all the nerve,” she said severely, hoping Michelle could hear. Couldn’t the woman accept no for an answer? She walked over to the door, not sure if she wanted to answer it, but then swung it open forcefully. “Chad’s not here, Michelle!” she said louder than she’d anticipated. The woman was getting on her last nerve. Well, it would be over soon. Certainly, once she found out they were married, she’d retreat.
Michelle veiled her eyes once, then looked up, a soft smile on her face, as though she was her best friend. It reminded Cassandra of how she’d look at Karen sometimes when she’d done something stupid.
“I didn’t come to see Chad. I want to speak with you,” she said in a low voice, unlike the last few times. Her tone had always sounded severe, as though she were used to giving commands. “I waited until Chad left.”
“We have nothing to discuss, Michelle.”
“Can I come in?” she asked, more politely than Cassandra would have thought possible. Although, even though she’d always sounded severe, she’d never lost her composure, even when Chad had all but threatened her.
Turning on her heel, Cassandra walked toward the table. “Whatever.” She sighed and plopped down in the chair.
Michelle followed her to the table, taking a seat opposite her.
Cassandra eyed her across the table. “What do you want? Why won’t you leave us alone?”
“I just want to save you heartache and myself time by informing you this relationship can’t continue. I’ve endured this for years, and Chad always returns to me.”
Cassandra hated that her eyes instantly betrayed her. Michelle, perceiving her anxiety, flashed a self-assured smile, making Cassandra want to knock the confidence right off her face.
“You see, Cassandra, whenever I’m deployed, he establishes some adorable fixation, fills his time up with her, then comes back to me when I return. It’s been this way for six years. I allow it only because I know he doesn’t sleep with them; he just can’t be alone. I didn’t accept his proposal in December because I knew he would continue to date other women, and I didn’t want him doing that while engaged to me.”
“I don’t believe you,” Cassandra retorted, but there was no power behind her words.
“Ask him,” Michelle said, her tone cool and calm, as always, clearly smelling an easy victory. “He’ll tell you the truth. One of Chad’s great traits or weaknesses, however you want to look at it … he never lies. That’s the reason I’ve always forgiven him and taken him back … because I know he’ll always tell me the truth. And he will return to me, I assure you.”
“How can you want him back if he cheats on you?” Cassandra asked, shaking her head in disbelief.
“He doesn’t really cheat. As I said, I know he doesn’t sleep with them. He barely slept with me. But I know he’s lonely when I’m away. So I allow him to see other people, so he really wasn’t cheating. Then, every time I return, I have to shoo away his latest obsession. Only, this is the first time I’ve had to talk him into taking me back; normally, it’s the other way around.”
Cassandra narrowed her eyes and just stared at the woman.
Michelle shook her head and let out a sigh. “He can’t be alone, Cassandra. He’s so terrified of being alone that he’ll latch onto anyone. Did he tell you his history and about his mother?”
Cassandra couldn’t speak. She simply nodded, attempting to keep her feelings in check … to not lose it in front of this woman. What had Chad ever seen in her? She was curt … tough … cold … nothing like Cassandra. Clearly, she was weak, allowing this woman to come into her home and make accusations, to tell her she couldn’t keep her man, the only man she’d ever wanted.
“Did he tell you everything?” Michelle continued.
She’d had enough. “Michelle, please leave.” She felt the tears well up in her eyes, but she lifted her chin, forcing them back. As much as she wanted to accuse this woman of lying, some of what she’d said had struck a chord.
Michelle smiled, but it wasn’t the soft smile of earlier. Her smile was cold, showing the soulless monster that dwelled inside her beautiful, but fake exterior. “I’ll take that as a no and assume the reason you are tearing up is because you know I’m right. He needs me, Cassandra. I’m the only woman capable of controlling him. I know he seems strong, but he has a traumatic past, and when it surfaces, you have to be capable of handling him. I’m able, but I’m not sure you will be competent enough. You are such a fragile little thing.”
Cassandra jumped up. “Get out, Michelle. I’ve asked politely, but I won’t repeat myself again. This is my house, and I’ll not have you here another second. Do you understand? As a matter of fact, I will be filing a restraining order against you. If you set foot within a hundred feet of Chad or me, I swear I will have you arrested. Am I making myself clear? I went to one of the top law schools in the country. Believe me, if you don’t get out of my life, I will make yours a living hell.”
Cassandra walked to the door and opened it, determined to get the woman out of her house. She’d never been so forceful in her entire life. It felt incredible.
Standing up, Michelle smiled again. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” She breezed by her, head held high, and walked out the door.
The tears fell unrestricted after Michelle left, but Cassandra had to mollify herself with the fact that Michelle was trying so diligently to win Chad back. Maybe she was correct, maybe Chad did have a past. He’d told her he’d been an emotional wreck when he was fifteen, after losing his mother. Did it matter what happened in his past? Did it matter that he’d dated other women? He obviously hadn’t asked another woman to marry him … or at least she assumed he hadn’t.
Wiping the tears from her eyes, she started upstairs. She was strong enough. Hadn’t she proved that by throwing Michelle out of her house? She would ascertain what she needed to know, then make her decision. Packing was still a necessity. If s
he didn’t like his answers, she would still be leaving.
At nine-thirty, Chad pulled into the driveway. Her heart skipped a beat. Not just because she was nervous, but because she was excited to see him. Without a doubt, she wanted to marry him. She’d never really thought about what the man she wanted to marry would be like, but Chad filled her unknown fantasies. His personality, his easy-going demeanor, his love of life and nature, his smile, his kiss, his … everything. Everything about him made her wild with a longing and desire to be near him. Just standing next to him, she felt as though her soul absorbed his essence and made her feel alive.
Walking through the doorway, he strolled directly over to where she sat on the sofa. His smile was breathtaking as he approached. But then obviously noticing her bloodshot eyes, he slid down in front of her again, taking her face in both hands. His eyes were directly in front of her. “Are you okay, Cassandra?”
Her heart was clear … she knew what she wanted. But she couldn’t hide her eyes from him. Her mind couldn’t completely dispel the doubts Michelle had raised. Her heart fluttered again, and the tears she’d restrained, suddenly escaped. Attempting to plaster on a smile, she whispered, “I’m just nervous. We can talk in the car, though. We have a long drive I assume?”
“Yes, it’s a couple of hours’ drive. Atlanta was the closest airport with a non-stop flight. Are you sure you’re okay? Why are you crying?”
Chad didn’t seem weak. In fact, she’d always taken him for being strong. Why had she believed anything Michelle had said? He’d appealed to her before to give him an opportunity. Innocent until proven guilty, he’d requested. “Get ready, Chad; we can discuss everything in the car.”
Kissing her lightly on the lips, he asked again, “Are you sure?”
Sniffing, she answered, “Yes, I’m sure.” She gave him a wistful half-smile. “I’m sorry. I’m just a little emotional.”
“It’s to be expected, wouldn’t you think?” he offered. “People get cold feet when they’ve been together for years. It only makes sense you’d be nervous.”
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