You Loved Me At My Darkest

by Evie Harper

  I pull my jeans and top on then head for my room, straight into the shower. I turn the water on and wash my arms and chest as memories of last night flood my mind. Lily's whimpers and the way her eyes light up right before her orgasm. When she admitted to falling for me, my world tilted. It’s exactly what I’d wanted. I just didn’t want to admit it to myself until recently, but I want Lil to fall for me, hard, and I want her to keep falling until she is in as deep as I am.

  I dress in jeans, a grey shirt, and my black bomber jacket. I grab my boots, and I'm heading downstairs as my phone rings. I don't have to check who it is. "Marco," I state.

  "I'm coming up the driveway. Meet me in my office." I turn the corner at the bottom of the stairs and head toward his office.

  "On my way." I hang up.

  I get to his office and take a seat on a black sofa just to the right to the office doors.

  Two minutes later, Marco strides in with purpose, his two personal guards from yesterday with him. I'm wondering how yesterday went. If he got the people following his collection. Should I ask? Or would that draw suspicion. I decide to leave it for now.

  Marco stands behind his desk and nods to me. I don't nod or say anything as he goes straight to the vault and starts keying in a code. I've tried to crack it, but he changes it often. I've glanced inside before. There just seems to be money, no documents that might lead to his private location.

  "Fuckers are getting too close, Jake. We need to move Lily and soon."

  My heart speeds up. This is it.

  Marco pulls out bundled-up cash, row after row, shoving it in a duffle bag.

  "I can't keep coming back and forth. It's getting harder and harder to shake them. I had to drive three hours out of my way yesterday just to lose the bastards. I didn't even make it to the collection or my family home. The pricks are going to pay if they keep delaying me from my business."

  I stand up fast. "Lily and I are ready. We can leave with you today," I state confidently.

  Marco hands his duffle bag to one of his guards, and then walks over to me. "Can't be today. I've got men boarding off every entry into this city. We go in two days when I know it's clear for her to leave." Marco watches me carefully as he adds, "Plus I have someone who is paying me a lot of money to see Lily tomorrow night." What the fuck is he talking about?

  "Who is coming to see her?" I ask, trying to keep my anger and curiosity at bay.

  Marco crosses his arms still staring at me, watching for any indication I care. I keep my shit together. I have to.

  "A man who had a magnificent time with her at the last party. He sounds desperate to see her again and is willing to pay me a lot of money to have her again so soon."

  To have her again. My heart stops.

  What the fuck am I going to do, so close to getting to his secret location and this sick bastard is the only thing standing in my way? If I intervene, he will tell Marco, and I'll blow any chance of getting to the collection as a personal guard for Lily. And if I let the sick fuck at Lily, I will lose her forever. FUCK! There's no use even pretending I could ever let that happen. I would kill him from just remembering how rough he was. He made my girl bleed. I’ll come up with a plan.

  "Jake," Marco sternly calls me. I look up, not realising I looked away from him while I was thinking.

  "Are you getting too close to Lily? If you are, I get it. I do. Goddamn, I don't touch my own merchandise, never have, but she is the one who has come closest to tempting me." Marco pauses and pins me with his eyes. "I need to know. Have you touched her?" Marco's tone is calm, but I'm not a fool. I know Lily and I will have his wrath if he finds out we were together.

  "No, I haven't touched her at all," I lie, I have no problems lying to a psychopath.

  "But you have feelings for her. I saw your reaction when I touched her yesterday." He narrows his eyes at me.

  "After losing her sister, I felt sorry for her. But that's as far as my feelings go for her. She's not my type or worth sacrificing my place at your side for." Another lie.

  Marco stares at me for a moment. I see him assessing me. "Good, but just to be safe, I'm leaving Davis here to watch the two of you, and oversee her visitor tomorrow night. He'll report to me, and then I'll decide if you will still accompany Lily to the collections home."

  Fuck! My life just fucking nosedived into a pile of shit.

  "I understand you feeling for her, Jake. She's exquisite, but I can't have you getting attached. I have found in the past, the guards find it very hard to turn off their feelings at the parties, and if you cost me money, then you lose your life, understood?"

  "I do. There are no feelings, no attachments." I state, convincingly.

  "Good, then Davis will report what you are telling me is the truth, and you will become a part of the collections’ guards."

  He walks up to me, puts his hand on my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "Don't disappointment me, Jake, because if Davis reports back that you are lying to me, Lily will be the one to pay, and she will pay dearly while you are dead at the bottom of the sea." He lowers his hand and walks out of the room.

  I wait until I hear the front door close and turn to walk out. The man Marco left behind, Davis, is standing in the doorway, blocking my way out.

  He's the same height and weight as me, black hair shaved close to his head. He's wearing boots, slacks, a buttoned-up shirt, and a trench coat. Standing there with his feet together, and hands clasped in front of him. Pussy. I could take him and fuck him up in less than a second.

  "Can I help you?" I scowl at him, my mood darkening more and more by the minute.

  He smirks, "Jake, I'm only following orders. If you have nothing to hide, why so angry, hey?"

  "I don't need a babysitter. Piss off out of my face. Go get laid or something, but stay the fuck out of my way," I demand, walking past him, wanting to get to Lily; however, he stops me in my tracks with his words.

  "Tsk tsk tsk, you know I can't do that. I want to meet this Lily everyone seems so fond of. Take me to her," Davis requests.

  "She's sleeping." Shit, I know as soon as I say it, it was the wrong thing to say.

  Davis arches his eyebrow at me. "And how do you know she is sleeping?"

  I come up with a reason, fast. "I'm her guard; that's how. I check in regularly, which includes when I get up in the mornings. Any more questions, asshole?"

  "Jake, I can be your friend or your enemy. You had better decide which one you want and fast, because with that attitude, it will be an enemy and you don’t want that now, do you?”

  Fuck, no I don’t. I relax my shoulders and shake my head, letting him know I’ll calm down.

  “Excellent, now that's fine. I'll wait until later today to see Lily. I'm going to and go fetch myself some breakfast." Davis walks past me and heads for the kitchen.

  Oh God, I'm going to lose her. I thought it might happen eventually. It's just happening earlier than I hoped it would.

  My chest aches. I have to break her heart. I need her to believe I feel nothing for her. Lily isn't like me. She can't hide her feelings behind a deceptive front. She’s too pure. She will glance my way with desire in her eyes. Davis will see it. This is what he's trained to do, to see what everyone else would miss. I can't lose my chance when I'm so close. There’s too much riding on me getting to that location. And if Marco finds out anything happened between us, he will kill me and throw Lily to the wolves.

  I love Lily. I love her with everything I am, but it's not enough. I have something else I love just as much, something I can't sacrifice for my love. Torn doesn't even come close to how my heart feels. I'm sorry, Lily. I'm sorry my love for you isn't enough to save you.

  ***

  Lily

  Last night with Jake was amazing, Earth shattering. I felt the pieces of my heart start to slowly re-assemble. Not entirely, but I have hope that one day my heart will heal. I have a smile this morning, just a tiny one, but that's huge for me and that makes me smile even bigger. When Jake get
s me out and I can go home and bury Sasha, I hope to find my peace.

  Stepping out of the shower, I hear my bedroom door open. I wrap a towel around me, and as I open the bathroom door, I smile, thinking I'm about to see Jake. Oh, my God, I'm on a roll today.

  Jake closes and locks the door. My stomach drops at the expression on his face; he looks like someone just died. He lowers his gaze to the ground, pinching his nose and closing his eyes tightly.

  "Jake?" He raises his head to me, resignation in his eyes and that same lost look I saw so many times when I first got here. "What's wrong?"

  Jake blows out a big breath. "Things have changed, Lily."

  "What things?" I ask, my hands starting to shake. "Marco has offered me something I can't refuse, and I'm taking it, which means I'm not going to help you. You're on your own now." I'm staring at Jake, trying to make sense of what he just said. My brows lower and my forehead creases. Did I hear him right?

  He looks back down to the ground. I step up and place my hand to his cheek. He jumps back like I burned him.

  "Don't do that!" he commands in a thick voice.

  I don’t need to look in the mirror to see my skin has gone pale. "But everything we shared, everything you said." I try to keep my voice calm, but it shakes slightly.

  "They were mistakes, and you can't ever bring it up again. Do. Not. Tell. Anyone. As far as I'm concerned, Lily, they never happened. I’m warning you. If Marco or anyone finds out we were together, Marco will throw you to the wolves, and by that I mean to his friends, who love to torture and share their toys." Jake's voice is cold, his expression uncaring to my quivering lips.

  Crack

  My heart's re-assembled pieces start to fall apart.

  "But you said you’d protect me, get me out of here," I say, my mind too stunned to know what else to say.

  "I lied!" he shouts.

  Crack

  "I wanted in your pants, so I lied. Guys do it all the time, Lily." Lily. No more Lil.

  Crack

  A tear escapes and falls to my cheek. I wipe it away quickly. Confusion and disbelief pounds at my chest.

  "I don't understand," I say, stronger this time. I search his face for something, anything to tell me he is lying. Something must be wrong. I shake my head back and forth.

  "No, no, no, something's happened."

  "Something has happened. Marco offered me something I want more than you." Jake's tone is bored, and he keeps looking to the door. He wants to get out of this room, away from me.

  My head keeps shaking in refusal to believe what he’s saying. Is this a dream? A nightmare inside a nightmare?

  "Lily, this was all a game. What did you think would happen? You slept with the bad guy. I’m not a prince here to save you. I’m here to keep you caged. Oh, well, it was good while it lasted.” He looks around the room, not once looking me in the face while he slays me with his hurtful words.

  SHATTER!

  The last part of my heart is gone. My mind clears. My tears dry. I have nothing left.

  A knock sounds from the door. I'm frozen on the spot. I can't think, can't breathe.

  Jake opens it, and a slave girl brings breakfast in.

  He takes the cart from her and growls, "Out."

  She quickly exits the room. He puts the cart beside my bed. "Eat something," and with that he leaves and the lock echoes around the room.

  I don't know when, but I come to, standing in the same place with dried tears on my face and my mouth parched. I go to the cart like a robot and start my breakfast. I think of nothing, and I just keep telling myself to eat.

  I finish my food and put the table cart at the door. I knock twice. The door opens, and without looking who it is, I turn and go into the bathroom.

  I strip off my clothes and turn the shower on, hot only. I get in and don’t feel anything as the scorching water hits my skin. Numbness becomes so easy when it takes you after the first time; it's like saying hello to an old friend.

  I pick up the soap and washcloth, and scrub myself raw. I stop when I feel stinging from the cloth touching my red raw skin. I don't know how long I’ve spent in the shower, but the water is now warm.

  I turn off the water and step out, my skin sensitive from the constant rubbing. The first thing I see is my reflection in a foggy mirror. I wipe it with a towel and just stare at myself. Is that my face? It looks so sad, so lost.

  Examining myself all I see is someone weak. "Pathetic," I say to my reflection. I'm losing it. I can see it, hear it, but I can't stop it. Hope soaked my soul in heavy want, then lit a match and watched me burn.

  Sobs rip from my chest while tears burn a path down my face. I begin screaming and smashing my fists against the vanity again and again. Anger digs into my skin and starts to fester. Why am I so pathetic? Why am I so dumb? I punch at my chest. How can I still feel this hurt? Another punch, harder this time.

  I don't want to feel anything!

  I scratch at my chest, wanting to tear it open and die right here. I want them all to see what they have done to me, that they've ripped me apart. Despair and anguish is all I have left within me.

  The locked door slams open and hits the wall with a smash. Jake is in the doorway breathing heavily. Our eyes meet: his shocked, mine tortured.

  "Lily, what the hell are you doing?" Jake begins to walk toward me, but he stops and freezes. "What the fuck," he breathes out in a hoarse voice.

  I focus on my reflection in the mirror and find red and purple marks on the top of my left breast. I notice I'm naked, but the ability to care left me with the last crack of my heart.

  "Lily, look at me." Jake’s pained tone has me turning to him. "What have you done?" he asks.

  "I had to wash you off. I felt dirty." My voice is emotionless.

  "Lil." A moment of guilt tries to penetrate my soul at his agonised voice. Then I remember: it's all lies.

  A woozy feeling washes over me. I grab hold of the vanity as I become unbalanced.

  "I feel sick," I say, barely above a whisper.

  My sight forced into blackness, I'm falling, and I land on something soft.

  Distantly, I hear a tortured sob boom through the room, but the darkness encircles me in its beautiful warm, safe arms. Oh, how I have missed my dark corner.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  Plan

  I feel warm and comfy under the covers. Pulling the blankets up tighter, a pain shoots through my chest and shoulder. Ouch! I look down and find I’m naked with a big blue and purple bruise. Suddenly, the warmth turns to a cold chill as memories invade my mind. Jake. This was all a game. The bathroom, me hurting myself. I lost it.

  Through the corner of my eye, I see movement. I whip my head up to see what it is and find Jake sitting on his chair in the corner. He stands and heads for the door. Not facing me, he speaks, “You missed lunch. I will go and get you something to eat.”

  Not caring in the least about food, or if he ever comes back, I get up and dress in denim shorts, bra and a hooded jumper. My hair needs brushing, so I go into the bathroom. Immediately, my reflection catches my attention.

  You lost it, Lily, but you deserved to lose it then. You’ve been through too much to stay sane. But now it’s time to fight and be strong. Jake isn’t helping you get out anymore. Now it’s up to you, only you.

  I feel the adrenalin pumping through me. I will get out of this situation. I will be free. I just need to find my opportunity and be ready to act. Brushing my hair, then my teeth, I head out of the bathroom to see Jake standing with a tray. He puts it on the bed and looks at me.

  I take the tray off the bed and walk to the table and chairs. “Thanks. You can go now. I don’t need you to stand over me while I eat,” I say without a glance in his direction. I place the lid from the silver tray on the chair Jake usually uses, giving him nowhere to sit so he will leave the room.

  When I don’t hear anything or sense him moving, I look up and see him as he’s turning away; however, not before catching the miserab
le look on his face. A pang hits my chest, but I tell it to shut up, no more caring for Jake. A thought in the very back of my mind repeats the tortured sob I heard when I collapsed this morning, but I push it away, ignoring it.

  I nibble at my food while reading a book. I don’t knock when I’m finished with my food. I don’t care if the cart sits in this room forever. I don’t want to see Jake anytime soon.

  Reading my book for a while in the chair in the corner, I see now why Jake likes it. You can almost feel invisible, while seeing everything in the room.

  When my door opens, it’s becoming dark outside. Jake walks in followed by a man I’ve never seen before. I sit up straight.

  “Lily, this is Davis. He’s here to help guard you,” Jake states, his voice matter-of-fact.

  I look to Jake to try and figure out what’s going on, but he turns his head away from me, and I lose his eyes.

  “And to make sure you don’t try running like your sister, so it’s more like, make sure you stay locked up,” this new man says, grinning.

  Well, he’s shown his true colours quickly. I narrow my eyes, hostility seeping out of every pore in my body.

  Davis strides over to me, lifts the tray lid from the other chair, sits and starts speaking to me, “Lily, Marco has a request for you. Well, really it’s a demand. There will be no saying no to this.”

  At this point in my life nothing can shock me, so I simply stare at the man who walked into my life one minute ago and now has the power to control me. Just another one to add to a long list.

  “The man who bought you at the party, he has been hassling Marco to see you again.”

  Okay, I may not be shocked, but now I’m downright scared. Fear and panic rush through my body. I look to Jake and see him staring down at the floor, his hands holding on to the dresser, his knuckles white. I scowl at him. Coward can’t even look at me.

  “Whoa, so there are those fiery eyes everyone talks about.” I swing my eyes back to Davis and realise he caught me sending fireballs to Jake. “What did Jake do to catch your fury, hey?” Davis asks me smiling. Jesus, I hate his obnoxious smile.