Rock Chick Regret

by Ashley, Kristen

  I couldn’t believe I forgot that photo.

  Then, forcing myself to get over it, I vowed I’d never forget it again.

  I also found something else I forgot. The necklace Mom used to wear all of the time. My faded memory banks were uncertain but I thought she’d stopped wearing it a year or so before she disappeared.

  It was a thin gold chain which hung to the dip in the throat and linked on either side to a pendant that was a connected, scrolled, elegant “E” and “S” the top curve of the “E” and the bottom curve of the “S” each had a diamond in it.

  When we left, I held the picture to my belly, the necklace in my fist and I got in Vance’s Explorer.

  I asked Ralphie and Buddy and they let me put the picture on their shelves.

  I put the necklace on for the party.

  Then I helped my boys get ready for the party. The girls and guys came over, we drank, we toasted, we ate, we went to the strip club and we had a complete and total blast.

  After awhile, Jet’s sister, Lottie came on and I forever would never cast judgment on strippers again. She was sultry, she was intoxicating, she could move so beautifully it was art, not stripping. She had me enthralled within seconds and on my feet (with everyone else) after moments. She danced for two songs and only took her fabulous, turquoise-and-peacock-blue-sequined bra off at the last minute, exposing perfect breasts for only a flash before the lights went black.

  She was, as Roxie said, the shit.

  No doubt about it.

  “Oh… my… God!” I shouted to Roxie and Jet’s eyes came to me. “I want to be her.” I looked at Jet. “Do you think she’ll teach me to dance?”

  Jet grinned.

  “Who you think taught her to dance, sugar?” Daisy asked me on a Christmas Bells giggle. “In my day, I had a velvet rope too.”

  I stared at Daisy.

  “Then you’re the shit too!” I screamed at her then looked back at Roxie. “I wanna strip!”

  “Oh Lord,” Shirleen groaned, sitting down. “First she wants to be a rock star now she wants to be a stripper.” Then she lifted her hand and snapped her fingers at no one in particular. “Somebody, get her another appletini before we gotta explain to Hector ‘Mr. Edge’ Chavez why his woman wants to strip.”

  Everyone started laughing and I did too.

  Hard.

  So hard, my sides hurt and I bent forward and wrapped my arms around my middle.

  Finally, I found something funny.

  The very thought of someone telling Hector I wanted to strip, not to mention Shirleen calling him “Mr. Edge”…

  Well…

  It was, quite simply, hilarious.

  Stevie found a waitress and we all got more drinks.

  And I sat with my girls and (some of) my boys and looked around them, something settling safely inside me. That something was me thinking that, finally, I was living a beautiful life and hoping that, wherever she was, my Mom could see me and she was happy.

  It was on my fourth sip of my new appletini when Roxie said something to me, I looked at her and she looked blurry.

  I blinked and lifted my hand to my head all of a sudden feeling funny.

  I couldn’t put my finger on it but I wasn’t right.

  I felt a presence at my back and Lenny leaned into my ear. “Gotta go escort Bonnie to her car. She’s got a kid, her shift ends early. I’ll be back in ten. Don’t move.”

  I nodded but it felt like my head was immersed in water, not in a warm, snugly, comfy, safe way, and I was fighting the current.

  I took another sip of appletini, hoping to wash the weird feeling away but it didn’t help. In fact, I felt worse, woozy, fuzzy and not myself.

  Boy, those appletinis were serious business!

  I leaned into Roxie and whispered, “I think I’ve had too much. I’m going to go splash water on my face.”

  Roxie looked behind me, saw Lenny gone and I heard her say, “Wait,” but I got up, shoved my purse strap over my shoulder and tripped, grabbed onto the back of a chair, righted myself and staggered forward.

  I definitely needed to splash water on my face.

  Definitely.

  “I’m going with Sadie, we’ll be back.” I heard Roxie say but I didn’t wait for her.

  I moved forward, the room seemed to be swaying, the huge crowd of people going in and out of focus.

  Something was really wrong, terribly wrong and because of that I was on a mission, pushing through, sliding by, evading, weaving. It was easy for me, even though I was in pumps, I was small and the men were stationary, eyes on the stage. I nearly made it to the hall where the bathrooms were when I ran headfirst into someone.

  I felt arms go around me and I looked up at the man I ran into but I couldn’t keep him in focus.

  I was almost certain he was smiling at me then the smile faded.

  “Hey babe, you okay?”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  His fuzzy face got closer. “You gonna puke?”

  And I knew, somehow, this wasn’t drunk, this was something else, something bad, really, really, really bad.

  Something that happened to Veronica Mars!

  I shook my head.

  “Sadie, hold up!” I heard Roxie call from what seemed like far away. I looked over my shoulder, trying to find her and thinking I saw her fighting the crowds to get to me, Tex close to her back.

  I turned to the man whose arms were around me.

  “I’ve been roofied,” I said to him.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Roofied. Someone slipped me a date rape drug.”

  I felt, vaguely, his body going solid and I saw, in a fuzzy way, his head whip to the side.

  “Jamie, see that big black guy? He’s the owner. Get to him, fast. Tell him someone’s slippin’ date rape shit in his drinks.” He started pulling me back out of the crowd to the hall, “You got friends here?” he asked me.

  “Yes.” I tried to lift my arm but it didn’t work, still I said, “Over there.”

  I felt my body collapse into him because I couldn’t hold myself up anymore.

  He took my weight, his arms went tighter around me and he muttered, “Fuck. Hang on.” Then something happened, I couldn’t tell what but I heard the man say, his voice sharp, “What the fuck?” Then there was an ugly thud, he was falling and, as his arms were around me, I was falling with him.

  I was on the floor, tangled up with him, I heard my name shouted then screamed but I was being lifted in the air, arms holding me tight, someone running with me.

  I tried to control my head, look to see who had me, I was jostled when the person turned, he shoved a door open with his back and I felt the cold night air.

  All of a sudden, I got scared. The cold night air didn’t alleviate the weird feeling or the fuzziness and it didn’t give me my strength back. Instinctively, I knew it wasn’t a member of the Hot Bunch who had me or Tex, Duke, Buddy, Ralphie, Tod or Stevie.

  “Let me go,” I mumbled.

  “Now, Sadie, darlin’, why would I do that?” Jerry replied.

  Darn it all to heck.

  * * * * *

  I woke up and I was cuffed to a bed.

  I didn’t feel great, I didn’t feel bad. I didn’t feel entirely awake but whatever drug I’d been given, which made me pass out about two minutes into the ride in Jerry’s BMW, had worn off.

  I looked around the room and knew I was in a hotel. I could tell the sun was weak but it was coming in around the curtains and there was a light on. I looked down at myself and saw, thankfully, I still had on my jeans, wide, tan belt and cream cashmere sweater with a deep V and three-quarter sleeves. I even still had on my gold cuff at my wrist. However, my tan, peek-a-boo-toed pumps were gone, my feet bare.

  The bathroom door opened and Jerry walked out.

  Damn and blast.

  “Does my father want to talk to me again?” I asked, my voice snotty.

  He stopped at the foot of the bed and grinned. He
was in a pair of well-fitting gray suit trousers with a tailored, low-sheen, soft-gray shirt, no tie, sleeves rolled up his forearms. I found myself thinking, stupidly, that he was handsome. Not Hector “Oh my God” Chavez handsome but someone at whom you’d look twice. For some reason, I thought this was a crying shame.

  “No,” he answered then he leaned down and his fingers curled around my ankles.

  My body froze.

  He pulled my ankles apart.

  My body unfroze and I twisted viciously

  He was stronger than me, he kept me where I was with little effort, put a knee to the bed between my legs and then moved forward, planting himself on me full body except his hips and legs were between mine.

  My breath suddenly coming in sharp gasps, I put my free hand to his shoulder and shoved at the same time I bucked.

  He ignored this, buried his face in my neck, I opened my mouth to scream right before he said, “You make a fuckin’ sound, I give the order, your Dad’s breakfast gets Harvey Balducci’s special sauce.”

  The scream died in my throat and my body went still.

  I heard him laugh against my neck.

  “Nice to see you cooperatin’, darlin’, showin’ some love for your father.”

  You swine, I said in my head but not out loud. I couldn’t speak mainly because bile had forced its way up my throat and I was worried, if I opened my mouth, I’d throw up.

  His mouth was at my neck, it moved along my jaw then to my lips where he kissed me lightly.

  I stayed stock-still and, when his eyes caught mine, I glared at him.

  “Been waitin’ for you to wake up, Sadie, this’ll be so much more fun with your participation.”

  The bile disappeared but my heart slid up in its place and lodged in my throat.

  I decided to try to talk my way out of it.

  “Jerry –”

  One of his hands slid down my side, the other one went to my free wrist and pulled it over my head.

  “I’m thinkin’ I want it slow and sweet, first, then I’ll do you rough and hard.”

  I closed my eyes tight.

  Somebody, please tell me this wasn’t happening.

  I turned my head to the side, opened my eyes, my mind spinning from unhappy thought to unhappy thought and I saw my purse sitting on the hotel desk.

  The stun gun Hector gave me was in my purse.

  My heart slid back down and my breath started to come fast again.

  All I had to do was get uncuffed and get to my purse. I was in a hotel, by the looks of it a nice one. There had to be tons of people around. I just had to get out and get to a phone. I’d call the Nightingale offices, tell them and they’d call the prison and they’d stop my father from having breakfast.

  I looked back at Jerry. “So, I’m taking this to mean you’re not pansy-assed anymore.”

  His eyes narrowed and his face started to turn ugly.

  I laughed softly at him then I lifted my head and slid my nose along his jaw.

  At this, his body went tight.

  “You playin’ with me?” he growled.

  I felt my heart beating in my throat, my stomach clenched with nausea but I put my lips to his ear and whispered, “You want to know what it was like being Seth Townsend’s daughter?” I dipped my face and used my nose again to flick his earlobe and went on, still whispering, “Under his thumb? Watched? Protected? Suffocated? His shit-hot gentleman army wandering around, I could look but I couldn’t touch? Shit-hot guys like you?” I felt his body jerk then grow tighter when I put my mouth closer to his ear and talked low in my throat. “Do you know what that was like? What it was like for a girl like me? Can you imagine how I feel…” I paused for effect, waited then continued, “How I feel, now that I’m free?” My mouth moved along his cheek to his mouth, he didn’t speak and our eyes locked. “Can I make a request?” I asked against his mouth. He still didn’t answer so I lifted my head, pressed closer and whispered, “Let’s start with hard and rough.”

  He stared at me, hard, trying, I guessed, to see if I was messing with his head.

  I blinked slowly, not opening my eyes fully then let the corners of my lips tip up.

  He watched my eyes then my mouth then he groaned and kissed me.

  I guessed I had a new Sadie in me, I didn’t know who she was but I hoped like hell she could get me out of this latest trauma in one piece.

  I kissed him back and hated every second of it. It was nowhere near a hot, hard, urgent, fiery Hector kiss. Jerry might have been handsome but he wasn’t a good kisser. His kiss made my stomach turn unpleasantly but I ignored it and pressed my body into his, curled a leg around his hip and wrapped my arm around his back.

  I pulled at the other arm, the handcuff made a loud clunk and his head came up, his eyes going to my cuffed hand.

  “Leave it, it’s hot,” I breathed and put my mouth to his neck.

  His eyes flashed and he kissed me again, one of his hands went into my hair, his other hand was everywhere. I acted like I loved it, I wanted more of it, I was gagging for it.

  But I hated every blooming nanosecond of it.

  I grasped his shirt, yanking it out of his trousers, my hand went up his back then I engaged my nails, digging in perhaps an eensy bit harder than I needed and I pulled at my cuffed hand again so it made another clunking noise.

  His mouth went to my neck and down, he muttered, “Wildcat,” to my chest, my lip curled in disgust but my hand went to his side, drifting softly there then between our bodies and down his abs to the waistband of his trousers.

  I pulled at my cuffed hand again and it made another clunk then I did it again and the clunk was louder.

  His head came up and his hand went to his pocket.

  “Fuck it,” he snapped.

  I felt my lungs fill with anticipatory oxygen.

  “Jerry, leave it. I’ve never done it cuffed to a bed,” I fake protested.

  His eyes came to mine and his hand came out of his pocket. “I been waitin’ years for this, Sadie, and now that I got it, I want you to touch me,” he told me and I felt triumphant elation slide through me.

  I hid it and muttered, “Whatever.”

  He leaned up and uncuffed me, keeping the other cuff on my wrist, he slid the key back into his pocket and his eyes came back to mine. “You’re playin’ a game and you think to fuck me over, you’re back to bein’ cuffed, I’ll gag you and I don’t give a fuck if you enjoy it or not.”

  I was a little surprised he wanted me to enjoy it at all but I shook this off, both my arms went around him, my mouth went to his, my eyes open and our gazes were locked again.

  I smiled against his mouth and said, “You’re a pig, Jerry.”

  Then I kissed him.

  We went at it. There was a lot of rolling, hand action, more rolling, mouth action. I managed to evade him taking off any of my clothes (though I let him unbuckle my belt) but I got his shirt unbuttoned and used my mouth on his chest. Then, when I thought I had him, I rolled on top, straddled his hips, whipped off my sweater, exposing my lace-over-satin, blush-colored demi-bra, I pressed my hips into him and asked, “Do you have a condom?”

  “Jesus,” was his whispered answer, his eyes were on my breasts, his hands sliding up the skin of my sides.

  When he didn’t answer, I lied, “No worries, I do.”

  I lifted a leg, rolled off him and jumped off the bed.

  I was across the room and digging through my purse when his arms came around me from behind, his hands moving across my belly and ribcage, his mouth in my neck.

  I tried to stay cool, not to tense and freak out. I kept digging through my purse, trying to find the stun gun, hoping I’d get it out without him seeing it.

  I found it, closed my eyes tight, took in a deep breath, relaxed back into him as my fingers curled around the stun gun.

  “Never thought you’d be like this, Sadie,” he said into my neck. “Thought of this a thousand fuckin’ times, never thought it’d be this good.”
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  I felt a shiver flow through me. It wasn’t pleasure, it was fear mingled with repulsion mingled with something bizarrely sad. Jerry mistook its meaning and smiled in my neck.

  “Jerry?” I called. His head came out of my neck, I turned my own and kissed him, pulled out the stun gun, twisted in his arms, our lips still attached, I went up on tiptoe, pressed myself against him and my arms went around him.

  My thumb searched for the on button as I stuck my tongue in his mouth and tried not to gag.

  I found the switch.

  I flipped it on.

  He deepened the kiss.

  I heard the crackling.

  I positioned it, pressed into his body and touched the prongs to his back.

  One…

  His mouth tore from mine, he went still and I kept the prongs on him.

  Two…

  Three.

  He went down.

  I bent over him and went back in, touched the prongs to him again, his body jerked and I kept it pushed in, counting to three again for good measure.

  Then I pulled away and, without delay, I ran to my sweater on the floor, yanked it on, grabbed my purse, left my shoes and, not looking back, I ran to the door, threw it open, was two steps away before I was nabbed at the waist and pulled back roughly.

  I let out a little surprised scream. I twisted and stilled when I saw, to my shock and horror, Glover, another of my father’s henchmen.

  “What the…!” he started but I still had the stun gun in my hand and it was on.

  I put it to his shoulder, he tensed and I kept it there but a hand curled around my wrist, it was pulled back, Glover sagged against the wall but I didn’t watch, I whirled to see who had my wrist.

  It was twisted, I cried out as pain shot up my arm and dropped the stun gun, looking up, I saw Cordell, another of my father’s gentleman army and he looked bizarrely confused.

  Really, why, why, why was everything so fucking difficult!

  “Damn and blast!” I shouted in his face.

  He bent down, put a shoulder in my belly and lifted me, carrying me back into the room.

  I had the sinking feeling that, at this juncture, I was majorly screwed.