Saving Sullivan

by Sara Hubbard

  “You never told me we’d have to hike to get here,” Nicole says to Taylor, her voice stern with quiet rage.

  “You never asked.”

  I remove my clothes and dive right in. The water is cool and a nice contrast against my hot skin. Underwater, I hear the rumble of the others as they dive in after me.

  I head to the water’s edge until I can stand up and still have my head above water. Most of the guys are joking around, pushing each other under. Up on the ledge, Nicole and Taylor are very obviously fighting. She’s yelling just loud enough that I can hear her, though I can’t make out her words. He’s standing there shaking his head at her. Man, why bother with a relationship if you cause it each other so much frustration. It makes me happy I have Sullivan. We’re not perfect but we sure do have fun together, and every day he lets me get a little closer to him.

  “Not sure I’ve met a couple that fight as much as they do,” Ella says, wading water beside me.

  “What are they fighting about now? The hike?”

  Ella shrugs. “Maybe. But she was already mad at him.”

  “What for? She didn’t say anything about it when I talked to her earlier.”

  “He made out with some other girl at the bar last night.”

  “What? Why is she still with him?”

  “Same reason you’re with Sullivan, I guess.”

  “But Sullivan hasn’t been with anyone since we started…whatever it is we started.”

  “That’s not what I heard. Sorry to be the one to burst your bubble, Abby. Once a player, always a player.”

  Ella swims off and does a summersault in the water. I stare after her, wondering why she’d tell me that. She said it so carelessly, like she didn’t think it would hurt me, like there was no hesitation. I don’t believe her—partly because I don’t want to and partly because I don’t think it’s possible. I’ve been with Sullivan everyday this week. We’ve been almost inseparable. Where would he have found the time?

  I try not to let her words bother me, though a speck of doubt consumes me as the evening draws on. We don’t leave right away after everyone is done swimming. The boys want to start a fire and hang out here tonight. They have alcohol in their car and stuff in the cooler for food, but Nicole and Taylor are still fighting and the mood is low and awkward.

  Taylor drives us back while his friends stay and wait for him to return. Nicole sits up front with her boyfriend. They don’t talk at first. Until he starts goading her. Then she explodes, leaving Ella and me there in a confined space to witness it all. By the time we reach our cabin, they’re broken up...apparently for good, but I’ll believe that when I see it.

  “Asshole!” She slams the door and slaps her open hand hard against the window. “Fuck you! Go find another whore to screw! I’m done with you!”

  Taylor peels off and Ella and I stand by Nicole, each of us with a hand on her shoulder.

  “Are you okay?” I ask her.

  “Better than okay.” She storms to the door of the cabin. “Get dressed, ladies! We’re getting drunk!”

  I have a bad feeling in my stomach. Tonight is going to end in disaster, but when a friend needs you, you have to be there. So I do what she says: I get dressed.

  Sullivan texted me three times while I swam at the waterfall. My phone must have been out of area because I never heard my phone beep once. As I scroll through the texts, it almost seems like he can’t make up his mind whether he does or doesn’t want to see me.

  The first one: Going out. Maybe I’ll see you this weekend. Maybe I won’t.

  The second: There’s East Coast music playing at the Leaky Cauldron.

  The third: Don’t bother coming. I’m hanging with the boys.

  And then another beeps at me: You should come. It’s a good time.

  I shake my head, not quite sure what I feel more: pissed off or confused. What is he thinking?

  “Hey Abs! They’re playing East Coast music at the Leaky Cauldron. You want to check it out?” Nicole saunters into the room in the skimpiest dress I’ve ever seen. The skirt comes to just below her ass and the back of the dress is nothing but strings. There is just enough fabric in the front to descend from her shoulders and reach her stomach. She looks great, but I worry about her bending over.

  “The Leaky Cauldron?”

  “Yeah? What’s the matter? I thought you’d be excited.”

  “I am, but…” I don’t want Sullivan to think I’m there because of him. He can't pull my strings like that. And I don’t want the next time I see him to be in a bar. I have questions for him, about what Ella told me, and I know asking him about that while he’s drinking is a sure fire way for us to end up fighting…or worse.

  “But?” She waits for me to give her a reasonable explanation.

  I’m not about to let Sullivan Hope dictate where I go. “Nothing. Let’s go.”

  We get to the pub a little after ten. Nicole and Ella had some drinks before leaving, but I didn’t have a single one, even after much coaxing.

  Nicole and Ella are practically gyrating as we walk inside. By the Sea plays on the speakers and I’m singing along as we move through the crowd. There’s no dance floor but Nicole makes her own, and she grabs an unsuspecting guy along the way. She dances out of beat with the music and I stare at her with a bemused look. Sure wish I could dance like no one is watching. Though there is nothing sexy about the song she’s dancing to, she turns and puts her back to the guy, shoves her ass into his crotch and then does the turnpike—to bagpipe music. Awesome.

  Ella laughs out loud. “Come on, let’s get a table.”

  I nonchalantly look for Sullivan as we head for a table on the opposite side of the bar. I see Ames hitting on some girl, but then when I look past him I see a girl on Sullivan’s lap. She’s leaning in, whispering in his ear and he’s smiling. I feel as if someone sucked the air from my chest before punching me in the throat.

  Ella follows my gaze and puts her arm around me. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  I fold my arms and bring a hand up to my mouth, chewing on my index finger nail like it was my last supper. I can’t take my eyes off of Sullivan, no matter how much it hurts.

  “Best thing to do in this situation,” Ella says between hiccups, “is grab a man and show Sullivan what he’s missing. Show him what he can no longer have.”

  I’m not that girl. I’m just not. I’m so hurt right now, I don’t even know what to do. He practically told me to come here. Does he want me to see this? Is he trying to push me away? Just the thought of him purposely hurting me makes me feel sick.

  Ella guides me into a chair and a few minutes later some guys from the hotel are in seats opposite from us. Ella is flirting up a storm with some guy from the restaurant, and the guy who works in valet is sitting next to me. I try to be polite even though my gaze keeps training ahead. Sullivan is oblivious to me, especially now this girl is wiggling in his lap. He seems to love it.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t remember your name,” I say to the valet guy.

  “Ricky.” He shakes my hand.

  “You’re Abby, right?”

  I nod, surprised he remembers my name from the day I arrived. “Yeah. You remember me.”

  “Course. Always remember a pretty face.”

  “Thanks,” I say, looking at my hands in my lap as heat pools in my cheeks.

  “This music is great, yeah?”

  “The best.”

  Nicole hoots and hollers, attracting my attention, and she jumps up and wraps her legs around the stranger’s waist. Oh God. Ella and the guy she’s chatting up laugh out loud. I worry she’s had too much. Should I go get her and take her home? Sullivan notices her then too, and his eyes travel the bar until they lock with mine. His expression is vacant, like someone let all the air out of his tires. I swear I see him gulp—so maybe he didn’t mean for me to witness his behaviour. Perhaps this is how he's been acting when I'm not around. How could I be so stupid?

  I don’t look away; I
wait for him to do it. Only then do I return to my conversation with Ricky.

  “How’s the clinic?”

  “Great,” I feign a smile but inside I’m a boiling pot, water bubbling and flowing over the rim. “The people there are nice.”

  My gaze slides back to Sullivan. The girl is standing, holding his hand, trying to pull him up and to go somewhere. Ricky turns, my attention obviously not on him or our conversation.

  “Sullivan Hope. I heard you two were together.”

  “Really? Didn’t realize people talked about me.”

  “Are you kidding? The girls are calling you the one who tamed the untameable. But then…maybe not?” His face is pained, like he takes no pleasure in witnessing this uncomfortable situation. “Sorry,” he says softly, just loud enough for me to hear over the music.

  Now Nicole is off the speaker, dancing on her own, and using the pillar in the middle of the room as her stripper pole.

  “Ella, should we—?"

  Ella waves me off. “She’s blowing off steam. Don’t worry. It’ll be over soon.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “Are you kidding? Taylor will come here eventually and drag her ass out and they’ll make up and,” she rolls her eyes, “happy ever after. Again.”

  Sigh. I’m not sure if that’s preferable.

  “Can you excuse me?” I say to Ricky. “I’m just going to the bathroom.”

  I meander through the crowd and wait in a short line to the bathroom. The music is quieter in the back hallway. With my poor luck, the blonde straddling Sullivan is directly in front of me, with a friend, and they’re talking about Sullivan. I debate leaving. I don’t want to hear what she has to say, but then I feel I need to know. I’d be an idiot not to stay—at least, that’s what I tell myself.

  “He so hot,” Blonde says.

  “I know…and rich.”

  “I’m totally going home with him tonight.”

  “You’re so bad,” her friend says, slapping her arm.

  I roll my eyes and walk away. I want to talk to my dad or my brothers. Hearing their voices are about the only thing that will calm me down right now. Because if I see Sullivan again, I might lose my mind. I might say something I’ll regret. No. I want to say something I’ll regret, but Sullivan has problems, which include alcohol—no matter what, I’ll be there for him, no matter how much I loathe him in this moment. But sleep with him again? Not in this lifetime. It was good while it lasted, but now it’s over. And I’m…I’m…crushed.

  Man. I stare up at the ceiling and blink. He told me not to mess with his feelings and look at what he’s doing to me. How can he be so selfish? So hurtful?

  When I reach the end of the hall and enter the main area of the pub, Nicole and her ex boyfriend are causing a scene. He has his hand on her arm and is trying to lead her out, but she twists out of his grip and holds firm, refusing to budge. I hurry forward. Taylor and his buddy Ryan stand in front of her. Taylor is yelling and Ryan is trying to calm Taylor down and convince him to leave. I try to do the same with Nicole, who tells me she wants to kick me in the vagina. (She’s drunk, so I don’t take offence).

  Now the bouncers are coming and I point that out. “Come on, Nicole. We’re going to end up in jail if we don’t leave now.”

  She walks toward the door, on her own steam. Taylor and Ryan follow behind us. I don’t know where Ella is, but I assume she’s seen the fight and will come if she wants to. I mean, how could see not see? Everyone in there saw. Including Sullivan, I’m sure.

  Outside, Nicole jogs away and Taylor chases after. Ryan grabs my arm to stop me. “Don’t worry about it. They’ll be fine.”

  “He wouldn’t touch her, would he?”

  Ryan laughs. “No. He’d never touch a girl. And he loves Nic.”

  “Okay.”

  “Hey come on, let’s go wait in the car. They’ll be back eventually.” Nicole is still jogging, zig-zagging through the bushes and lampposts on the opposite side of the street as they play cat and mouse. It's actually quite silly to see. When I get to the car, Ryan opens the door for me and I lower myself inside. That’s when I hear Sullivan. He stands a few feet away, Ames at his side.

  “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” I’m not sure if he’s talking to me or Ryan. He better not be talking to me.

  “Mind your business, asshole,” Ryan says.

  Ryan attempts to round the car and get in the other side when Sullivan charges him. I try to get out but then they’re leaned against the car, fists are flying, mostly Sullivan giving and Ryan taking.

  “Sullivan! Stop! What are you doing? Stop!”

  I climb across the seats, the parking break scraping up my knee, and get out on the other side, but Ames runs over and warps his arms around my waist, pining my arms.

  “Let me go!” I wiggle and fight against Ames’ grip but he’s stronger than he looks. “Sullivan, stop!”

  Ryan is on the ground, bleeding, and Sullivan is bent over him, kicking him before bending and delivering blow after blow. Taylor comes from out of nowhere and jumps on Sullivan. They roll to the ground and then Ames lets me go and gets in there too. Nicole comes out of nowhere, jumping on Sullivan’s back. She bites and scratches at him and pulls at his hair. I stand there, dumbfounded, not knowing who to stop, who to grab, whose name to scream. I’m immobile, lost in the confusion and chaos.

  The cops are there then. Pulling them apart. I’m still standing there as the lot of them are put in cars and taken away. What the hell just happened here?

  Fourteen

  IN A FRENZY, I finally come back to Earth and run inside the bar to grab Ella. My palms are sweaty, my head is spinning and I can hardly catch my breath. What the hell just happened? I have no idea what to tell her, so I start with the basics.

  “Nicole’s in jail.”

  Ella looks at me straight-faced but then busts out laughing.

  Ricky and Sam stroll up beside us. They saw everything and want to help, which I gratefully accept. They drive us to the jail, but when we get there, our friends are no where to be found. This jail was full. How often does that happen? And what does that say about crime in this area? The police tell us they were taken to another jail in the next county, so we pile back in the car and drive there. Sam pushes the speed limit while I chew away what’s left of my nails.

  Sullivan and Ames are gone when we get there. Made bail, I suppose. But Taylor and Ryan and Nicole still remain. They won’t let Nicole out because she’s still drunk, and they’re letting her sleep it off. Ella and I return home, defeated.

  It’s after midnight and my bed is cool when I slide under the sheets. The wind blows in my open window and my arms shiver. I lie in bed, clutching my phone to my chest. I still don't know exactly what started that fight. Sullivan was set to go home with another girl, then somehow followed me outside and beat up Ryan? The only explanation I can think of is jealousy, but that’s not exactly Sullivan’s style. Still, he fought with Dean and I’ve never known the reason for that either. Maybe that was jealousy too.

  That certainly seemed like Taylor’s motivation for trying to drag Nicole out of the bar, that and she was kind of out of control. Nicole. Sigh. I hope she’s okay. One night in the slammer will sure sober her up—embarrass her too, I’m sure. Not to mention cost her a pretty penny if she gets a fine. Hell, she could be in a lot of trouble. Oh God. They all could be. They were all fighting, after all.

  I want to text Sullivan. What he’s doing right now? Is he asleep? Is he thinking about me, about what happened? Thinking of him alone and hurting just tears me apart. I practically stare at the clock for the next few hours; each time I glance at it an hour or so passes, and I pray the morning will come faster. But when eight o’clock in the morning rolls around, I just can’t take the worry anymore—not matter how angry I am with him. I toss my covers aside and step out of my bed. I don’t even change my pyjama pants. I slide my arms into a sweater and exit my room, heading for Sullivan’s cabin.


  When I get I simply stare at the door. Sullivan might not want to see me and I’m not even sure I want to see him. This all started because he came after Ryan, who was only helping me into his car so he could give me and Nicole a ride home. He completely overreacted and hurt so many people in the process. I’m mad at him, but I don’t let that consume me. When I know he’s all right, then I’ll be good and mad.

  I knock lightly and when no one answers, I call out a quiet hello as I open the door. The lights are on in the kitchen and the living room, but no one is in there. I slide out of my flip-flops and pad across the tile floor. Sullivan’s bedroom door is shut, but I don’t knock. Quietly, I open it and it creaks ever so slightly.

  What I see brings tears to my eyes, and any concern I had for him is gone. Laying in bed with Sawyer is the blonde from the bar. The comforter is on the floor and so are the extra pillows. A condom wrapper sits on the nightstand. The covers are mostly off them. She lies on her stomach, her back exposed while Sullivan is chest up, the marks from his previous freak out still visible in the form of pink scars, and the new ones presenting themselves with purple bruising. The blanket almost reaches his navel.

  I feel like I’m in some alternate universe and I forget to breathe. I knew him sleeping with other women was a possibility, but actually seeing it—no, I can’t deal with this. He’s on his own. Better or worse, he’s on his own. I lean back against the open door and it bangs against the wall behind it. Sullivan’s eyes snap open and are met by my tear stricken ones. I hate him. I truly hate him.

  I turn and run, not stopping at the door for my shoes. I fiddle with the door, but it won’t budge and when I break it free and begin to open it, a hand shoots out over my shoulder, slamming it shut.

  “Abby,” Sullivan all but growls. I can feel his breath on my back, smell the stains of sex and perspiration on his skin—his and hers. It makes me want to vomit.

  “Let me guess,” I all but choke out, “it’s not what it looks like.”

  He sighs and lowers his head so that his forehead is resting on the back of my neck. I jerk away, not wanting to feel his touch. I don’t even want to hear his lying words. I just want him to go away and never come back.