by Nako
Juice’s phone rang and rang. Thankfully, he didn’t reach for it.
It rung again and that’s when she knew…she’d made a mistake.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and Tia being who she was, took a glance. “BM2,” she read aloud.
“Since when did they start calling you this late?” she asked, with a major attitude.
He really didn’t know and could’ve swore that shorty blocked him. This was bad timing.
Tia climbed off his lap and looked for her underwear.
“What in the fuck was I even thinking?” She was disappointed in herself.
“It might be an emergency,” he thought as he watched her call back to back.
Tia didn’t give two fucks. She didn’t say another word.
Juice shot Crystal a quick text and then refocused on his baby.
“Don’t touch me,” she snarled.
She moved as fast as she could to get out of the truck and the hell out of his life.
“You really tripping about nothing right now.”
“To you it’s nothing. To me it’s a reminder of why I broke up with you in the first place. I’ll never be first. If it’s not Mahogany, it’s your kids. It’s going to be always someone else,” she huffed.
Tia slid her foot into the boot and then rubbed her hands over her ponytail.
“Juice, I wish you the best out of life,” were the words that she left her former lover with before she slid out of the truck, holding back tears. No more emotion or energy would be deposited into Juice. It was time for Tia to really move forward.
C H A P T E R 4
No flex. Be kind. – Solange
3 Years Later
Mahogany stared at the CAT scan still in pure disbelief at what the doctor had been repeating for the past twenty minutes. Porter was relieved, and Juice remained silent. His mind too, was running rampant yet he was thankful that her life had been sustained.
“Why do you want them to say something bad?” P finally asked her.
She wiped her tears away. “I want to know if this is for certain, not temporary. If that’s the case, take them out. I don’t even want ‘em,” she explained again.
Porter asked the doctors and Juice, “Can y’all give us a minute?” he needed to talk to her in private.
Juice gave her a supportive look and exited after the medical staff. They had all been on pins and needles waiting on the results from the surgery, so he thanked the doctors for a job well done.
Life wasn’t promised to anyone and with that thought on his mind he texted his Queen and told her that he loved her. It would be looked at as a random message since he was often traveling around the world and didn’t have as much as time for her as he should, but still, he wanted his momma to know that she was loved, cherished and very much appreciated.
On the other side of the wall, Mahogany was wiping her tears away and her husband was trying for the life of him to understand why she wasn’t crying tears of joy.
“I can’t read your mind right now,” Porter admitted.
“You’re not trying either,” she spat as she laid down, still somewhat sore from the surgery.
He helped her relax and then grabbed her hand and kissed it.
“God did this for you-”
She stopped him, “I get all of that and you know I do. But if I’m asking them to remove my breast, then let them...” she didn’t mean to sound so snappy, but she couldn’t help it.
In fear that she wouldn’t be around to see her kids off to prom or walk down the aisle to be married, she’d rather not have any breast at all. The way technology and medicine were constantly advancing, they could give her implants if she wanted. Mahogany didn’t care, she’d rather have her life than boobies.
The surgery was done as a preventive after they removed a few polyps from her left breasts, but she was now wondering in a few months when she came back for a check-up if it would be cancer found. That was her one and only concern.
“Can we cross that bridge if we have to, later?” he asked her, kindly.
She sighed, “Alright P, I’ll let it go. I’m tired anyway.”
He was relieved to hear that. His wife was so feisty and always on ten, he wanted her to chill and trust God. He would never put more on them than they could bare. Before he started preaching to her, he told her, “Get some sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.”
She nodded her head. “Check on the kids for me please. Can you tell Juice to go home? I’m fine.” She knew how much he worried about her.
Porter planned on doing that anyway.
“Roger that.” He kissed her forehead, pulled the thin sheet over her body and then draped her favorite blanket that he brought from their home on top of her legs. He knew that soon she would be complaining about being cold and wanting her own bed. The doctor said that she could go home in the morning, so it would only be one night at the hospital and then home to recover.
Porter stuck his head out in the hallway and Juice stood up. He was a grown man now and P stepped further out and told him, “She’s good, we’ll be home tomorrow. I’m sure she’s going to take the week off. What did y’all have scheduled?”
“Nothing too important.”
She was famous now and barely did interviews. Although they were still always busy, it was major meetings and events these days.
“Cool. Yeah, she needs to chill out.”
Juice understood completely. “I’m going to go see my mom for a few days then.”
“Send my love to her.” He held his fist out for a pound.
“Will do, love y’all,” he always told them that when they departed. Juice loved the Bavay’s, they were his family. There was nothing he wouldn’t do for them simply because he knew without a doubt, it was vice versa.
During his ride home, he didn’t let traffic, or all the non-driving motherfuckers make him mad. He took his time getting to his destination. His mind was all over the place and sometimes, his best meditation practices came when he was cruising with a few classic tracks playing on low.
Juice had the seat reclined back with one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on his knee. A week off…he needed it and would see if his boo wanted to go get a massage and a facial, he was overdue for both.
For him, life had been lived in the fast lane these past three years and there were a few times where he had to slam on the emergency brakes because he was doing the absolute most. Juice remembered waking up in a bed full of women wondering what the fuck was he doing… He was too old to be slinging dick everywhere. His name was being ran through the ringer, baby mamas was driving him crazy and in the midst of all of that, he only wanted his girl back. Tia stood her ground and never reached out to him. Not once. He used to pray that he would wake up and see a missed call or one of those annoying long ass text messages, but nope, she passed on him. He lost his good thing and everything that she told him about not missing what you had until it was no longer became his reality. Juice lost her and then he lost himself, but once he found his sanity again, he forgave himself for how he treated her and decided to close that chapter and move on. Somethings weren’t meant to be, and they weren’t. His new lady was a breath of fresh air. She was the total opposite of Tia. Although his moms swore they looked alike, he begged to differ.
He could’ve went to the home he shared with his baby, but he really needed some time to himself for a lil’ bit. He went to Catch, one of his favorite chill spots, and posted up for a few hours. Juice had a few beers and two orders of lemon pepper wings. He watched the game, played pool and laughed at nothing in particular. When he got back in his car, he checked his cell that he’d left in the cup holder and there was only one missed call from his girl. That was another thing that he kinda liked but didn’t at the same time. Tia was clingy, she would blow him up with no hesitation. His new lady gave him his space, but was it too much space? Juice was indecisive as a motherfucker, he couldn’t decide if he wanted to be blown up or not.
He cranked his engine and headed to the crib. When he made it, he closed the garage and turned his whip off, but didn’t move to go in the house yet.
Juice took a deep breath, his lip trembled, and he tried to contain his emotions. Feelings that he couldn’t necessarily describe or understand where they were coming from, came out effortlessly. He let it out, not being able to hold it in anymore.
Banging on the steering wheel as he sobbed uncontrollably.
Was it him not knowing what the doctors was going to come out of the room and say? Would his sister and best friend have breast cancer? They were all nervous.
Did he feel like he was too busy, and life was passing him by?
Did he really know who he was or what was he doing with his life?
What people failed to realize was that everyone struggled internally with something. Some people were blessed to have their whole life mapped out down to the year they’ll marry and move into their dream home. What Juice realized was that money didn’t buy happiness and it didn’t guarantee that you’ll be content. He had the money, now what? He traveled the world, okay now what? He found love and looked into its eyes every morning and night, okay now what? He had the degrees, the accolades and accomplishments, but, something in the bottom of his gut was the constant reminder that he was still empty in a small, small, tiny part of his heart.
Juice pulled it together because he was a man and lord knows if his daddy saw him crying like a bitch right now he would’ve slapped him in the back of his head. He made a mental note to call him in the morning and chop it up with his old man. His dad was still in Ohio, claiming to be living his best life.
He walked into his humble abode, downed a bottle of water out of the fridge and took a deep breath.
He was going to be alright.
He was happy. He was successful. That’s what he told himself whenever he had those emotional outbursts. It wasn’t the first, second or third one, but it had been awhile since he got it out.
Juice took the steps to his bedroom and went straight to the bathroom to shower away the hospital and beer smell that had his clothes reeking.
He peeled out of his attire and walked right into the shower, which was one of his favorite features of the place. He stuck his head under the rain-styled shower system and sighed loudly. The water was refreshing and the pressure on his shoulder blades was welcomed.
A draft of cold air caused him to turn around and it was his honey.
“I thought you were knocked out. I woke you?” his tone was low and raspy.
She didn’t answer as she removed her night gown and dimmed the lights.
Juice turned around, watching her carefully to make sure she made it safe to him. Sometimes, the water fell all out the damn shower and it was easy to slip in the bathroom. He had done it a few times, especially when he had too much to drink. His baby didn’t drink or smoke. She had no vices.
“I love you,” she whispered as she wrapped her tiny hands around his wet waist.
He didn’t say anything back. Not that he didn’t say it on the regular, he just had another way he planned on showing her right now.
Juice gently pushed her to the wall, lifted her leg into the crook of his arm and he slid right into her womb.
“Humph,” he groaned as he made himself comfortable in between her legs.
She closed her eyes as she gasped loudly.
“JIHAD!” she called his name. His new name. Reminding him that Allah had him. He was loved. He was chosen. He was a gift, and everything was truly going to be okay. He just had to have faith.
“I love you,’’ he finally told her, once he sped up and brought them to a rapid climax.
She didn’t know what was wrong or what he was dealing with, but his energy was off when he entered their bedroom. Hopefully, her attempt at making everything better for him worked. However, if the sex didn’t do it, she asked him after he dried her off, “You wanna pray about it?
η
Tia’s hands were full and although she’d now been single for three years, three good years might she add. Things such as taking the trash out, bringing in the groceries, killing a bug and even flipping the mattress were still considered tedious to her.
She groaned as she dropped all the plastic bags in the floor not caring if her brown eggs cracked or the bottle of Gen. Her arms were aching, and her thighs were too. She fell onto her couch and sighed loudly. A vacation was needed. Badly.
She was considering taking a solo-trip for the fuck of it. A sunny beach and unlimited strawberry mojitos sounded delightful right about now. It was the end of the semester and boy, was she ready to kiss law school goodbye. She was too close to being done. She could taste the sweet texture of accomplishment on the tip of her tongue. Tia hoped that she’d locked the door behind her because there was no way she was about to get up no time soon. Before she knew it, she’d closed her eyes and dozed off into a light slumber. For some reason, she had a flashback dream of the day her and Juice toured the law school that she now attended…
“My bad, my bad, it was hell coming from uptown,” he apologized as he walked up to her, kissing her cheek twice and then grabbing her ass on the sly.
She swatted his hand and then told him, “Come on, we gotta catch up.”
They power-walked to the front of the small group that was being given a tour on this specific day. Tia had to reschedule three times due to Juice’s stupid ass schedule and she told him that if he didn’t make it today, then she was going alone. But since they both knew he was the reason why she was even considering doing this for real, he wanted to be with her.
An hour or so later, once the tour concluded, prospective students were given the chance to chat with the admission counselors.
He then snapped a few pictures and recorded some footage of her mingling. She was a natural and didn’t even know it. He was sitting among parents, beaming like a proud daddy.
The smile on his face was warm and genuine when she approached him.
“What you looking like that for?” she asked him.
He pulled her in for a hug. “Man, I’m so proud of you. Babe, you can do whatever you put your mind to.”
He was always motivating her to do better and be better.
There was always room for improvement, no one was perfect.
“Thank you, Jamari.”
Waking up hours later, assuming it was past midnight when it fact it was only past nine thirty.
“Yeah, I’m getting old,” she muttered as she padded into the kitchen to put the groceries up and eat her leftovers from dinner last night.
η
She studied the picture for a few seconds before bringing the camera to her eyes once more and snapping away. Photography was a great escape from law school and whenever she had some free time, you could find her at a park or catching up on local art shows.
“What kind of camera is that?” someone asked her from behind.
She spun around on her Yeezy boots and told the stranger, “Nikon, it’s an old one though.” She needed another one, but money was real tight these days. Tia wasn’t complaining because she knew that she was inching closer to the finish line of achieving her dreams and soon, she’ll have everything her pretty little heart wanted.
Her biggest fear was Juice refusing to pay for her schooling and thankfully, it never came true and she was truly thankful. Every year on his birthday, she mailed a card and small token of appreciation to his mother’s house since she didn’t know if he kept the condo or not. He never called or texted to say thank you and that was perfectly fine. She didn’t expect him to. Tia made the decision to walk away from their love and she hadn’t regretted her choice yet. It was for the best. She would’ve never flourished mentally or spiritually. She could only pray that he had grown during this time. To help her through the dark days during the first few months of their breakup, she stayed off social media and didn’t listen to any sad slow love songs. She also didn’t watch anything that would
trigger her emotions. She didn’t drink through the week, too scared that she’d send a drunk text to him. Tia switched her whole routine around and was now seeing better days. Her prayer was that Juice was thriving and had become a better father. He was good at standing on his two feet, she wasn’t worried about him moving on. Unlike her, he was a social butterfly and was a charming fellow. She wished him well.
“I want to get a new one too,” the guy told her.
She honestly didn’t have anything else to say to him, so she gave him a sheepish smile and turned around to continue doing what she did best.
This was her alone time, so she walked away a tad to let him know that she wasn’t interested in having a conversation with him, even if he was only being nice. She didn’t care.
Tia had been celibate since that sleazy night in Juice’s whip. Yeah, she copped a few toys, but barely used them. She was human of course, but sex rarely crossed her mind. She was always tired and stressed out from school. When she did have a break, she didn’t spend it fingering herself.
After an hour or so of playing around in the park, she placed her camera around her neck, adjusted the strap and walked across the street to get a bowl of her secret obsession, Pho.
“Let me get a beef bowl, extra sprouts and can I get an order of shrimp egg rolls?”
“Damn, that sounds good. Can I get the same thing?”
The same voice from a minute ago was now behind her.
Tia pursed her lips together, acting as if she didn’t even hear the man.
He then paid for their food and that’s when she asked, “Are you expecting me to have lunch with you?”
He gave her a smile so beautiful that she had to pause.
“No, not if you don’t want to.”
Tia told herself to live a little. “The least I could do is grace you with my presence, since you paid,” she teased him with her chinky eyes half-closed.
He smiled again, “You lead the way. I’m right behind you, ma.”
A man that called her his mama made her panties melt. Why was he giving her this sensational feeling? Jesus, it had been far too long.
