by Nako
Tia chose a small table top near the window, she appreciated the simple things that God blessed the world with. Such as, sunlight and big trees. It was a rarity in New York which is why she loved the outskirts of Jersey City.
“I’m Coop, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” he held his hand out to formally introduce himself to her.
“Tia, nice to meet you as well.” She finally gave him a smile and he was thankful.
“How are you today? I saw you getting your Lorna Simpson on earlier.”
Tia paused, in complete shock that he knew who that was.
“You know about photography?”
He nodded his head. “I know a few things about everything… You’re serious about your craft, is this what you do full time?”
Not hardly, she thought to herself.
“I wish, but no. I’m in law school.”
He seemed impressed, “That’s a good look, I can see you in court…” He studied her.
Their order was called, and he walked off to retrieve their bowls of Pho. Once he returned, she made room on the table for him to sit the piping meals down and because it was dangerous to even take a sip so soon, they finished their conversation.
“What about you? What are you into? What were you doing in the park?” she asked a few questions at once.
He could keep up though. “I’m into a lot of stuff, but I’m a regular guy.” He offered a warm smile.
“I was meeting my niece and brother, but he got stuck in traffic so I’m killing time. Can’t believe you’re in law school,” he shared with her.
She raised an eyebrow, although it wasn’t the first time she’d heard that.
“Really?”
It wasn’t too often that you met someone that was doing something different. Living out of the norm. He was impressed.
“Yeah, I just knew you were going to tell me that you were into modeling.”
She had the body and face to do so.
Tia tossed her head back in jovial laughter.
Her laugh…
God, it was beautiful.
“Funny woman, I hear an accent. I take it you’re not from the North?”
She shook her head responding, “No, I’m not. Thinking about moving to Houston once I graduate though.”
“Why Houston?”
“Good pay when you’re coming in as entry-level, according to my research. I know I’m moving for sure though.” She was over New York.
He playfully clenched his heart. “We haven’t even fallen in love yet. Guess I gotta get to work then.”
She smiled at his flirtatious ways.
“How about we enjoy our lunch and let God handle the rest,” she suggested.
η
One thing that had changed for him in the past three years was how he communicated with people, secondly, his relations and relationships and lastly, his name. No longer was he Jamari McAfee. He now went by Jihad Shahid. Juice had his name legally changed. His mother had so much to say and sometimes still tried to call him Jamari to which he didn’t acknowledge and never would. A shift had taken place in how he honored his Higher Power. Juice struggled with deciding if he would follow his mother’s ways or his father’s, simply because growing up he worshipped with them both in different ways. It was something that often confused him, which is why he chose to not believe in anything. As he got older, he knew that he had to pick something. He needed to choose a religion because his faith was non-existent after Tia left him empty, vulnerable, depressed and broken-hearted. Islamic was the way to go. The word Islam meant submission to the will of God and that’s what he did, completely surrendering all his old ways and habits. He transformed his life and his mind. During a trip to Jerusalem with Mahogany and her family, he discovered a newfound purpose and understanding. Juice officially committed to the Islamic journey and at the mosque where he prayed, he met his now girlfriend, Faaizah.
She was everything he wanted and never really knew he needed in a woman. She put him in the mind of that girl from Queen Sugar, Darla...Ralph Angel’s baby mama but finer.
“Try it, come on babe. That’s the least you could do,” she whined as she tried to spoon-feed him some of the soup she made.
“It’s too hot, I can literally smell the spices,” he shook his head.
She rolled her eyes. “You gotta come out of your comfort zone,” she told him before downing the cabbage soup.
“You’re on a diet. Not me,” he reminded her.
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll cook you something quick.” She moved from the breakfast bar and went into their gourmet-designed kitchen, which was her favorite place in the house to be since she loved to cook.
“Like what?” He had a taste for some fish and rice.
Faaizah would make him whatever he desired. “What would you like love?”
He blushed, “Snapper.”
Looking at her made his insides melt, she was so beautiful. Tall, slim and creamy. Mainly wearing her hair in two-stranded twists or box braids that fell near the top of her crack, he loved the vibe that she gave him. She had her own unique style and was the perfect woman for him. He loved her and her family, they made him feel good about himself. This was the happiest he’d been in a long time. Juice learned so much about who he was as a man along with the positive things he brought to a relationship versus being yelled at for being nothing more than a headache. He also was now more aware of what he knew he needed to work on to be better and do better in his current one. He had Tia to thank for that. She made him better. There was purpose in what they had, and although she shut him out of her life, he prayed that she was doing well. The fact that he never stopped paying the whopping sixty-three-thousand-dollar ticket on her schooling should’ve told her that he still had love for her.
Her smile turned upside down, “AGAIN?”
It was like once she made him one meal, he would want the same thing for weeks straight, especially lately since Mahogany was on a “health break.”
Juice thought of his best friend and shot her a text just checking in to make sure she was good. Outside of business, he cherished the friendship that they had and knew her better than she sometimes knew herself.
“What are we doing today?” he asked the love of his life.
She was smitten and never tried to downplay how she felt about him. They talked about everything. Faaizah was aware of the one relationship he had before her. She understood and accepted his flaws, as long as he was consistent with working on them. She’d met his children and fell in love with them but wanted her own and made sure that her desires weren’t a deal breaker for him. Juice was vocal about wanting more kids as well.
“We’re doing whatever you want to do baby.” They could sit here and organize the cereal in the pantry for all she cared. Time was rarely on their side since he was such a busy guy. Faaizah didn’t do much through the day other than pray and cook. She was content with her life and once they married and had children, she would love it even more.
Hours later, Juice was napping after a delicious meal. When he woke up, he went to find Faai so that they could get into something fun.
“Do you want to go see that new Jordan Peele movie?” he asked her from the corner of the room that she was watching television in.
“Ask the girl whose schooling you’re paying for if she wants to go,” she said boldly.
His heart dropped and his balls twitched, but not in a good way. “Say what now?” he played clueless.
“Jihad, you’re really going into insult my intelligence?”
Now, she was offended.
“No, I’m not doing that, talk to me. What did you find?”
“Or better yet, who are you paying to go to school? Is Tia your ex?” she questioned.
He sauntered into the room. “Yes but let me explain.”
She shook her head and slid the ring off her finger as she spoke to him, “No need. I told you that omission is lying too.” She needed some time to herself to process what she discovered
.
All he could do was shake his head, profusely. “No baby, no.”
Juice couldn’t take another person walking out of his life.
C H A P T E R 5
Honestly, I’m trying to stay focused – Summer Walker
Today was the first day of her last semester and she was more than thankful that she was at the finish line of what seemed like an impossible task to complete. Tia tucked a white silk blouse that she purchased from Zara into a pair of pale pink trouser pants as she hummed ‘Amazing Grace’ because it was truly nothing but God’s good, unmeasured grace that had brought her thus far. There were plenty of times that she counted herself out. Feeling undeserving of where she was going, based off where she had come from. She sometimes felt unworthy in a room full of silver-spoon fed children who had more than she did. Tia kept her head held high and refused to compromise her integrity to get ahead. She’d been tried various times by professors and alumni. Many often assumed that because she had a pretty face and fat ass that her brain was empty, but that was far from the truth. She was an educated black woman with an Indian and Creole background. She was raised by her grandparents who had always did the best that they could by her. Once they were gone, she kept it moving. Kept it pushing. Persevered. Sacrificed and most importantly, prayed. She couldn’t wait for when she crossed the stage, knowing she would be the only one rooting for herself since she had little to no friends and damn near no family. Tia didn’t recognize or acknowledge her mother and didn’t plan on it either. Juice’s mom did tell her that she was coming but Tia wouldn’t hold her to that.
This accomplishment that was upcoming would be dedicated to her lovely grandparents. They were her foundation and motivation at the same damn time.
Tia took one look at herself in the mirror and smiled. “Black Girl Magic,” she said to herself before turning the light off and walking out of her bedroom.
She was hype as fuck as she drove to school with the windows down and the music blasting. She made it! She literally fucking made it to the finish line.
Her life would soon be beginning. She’d been contemplating getting another credit card just to take a trip. Desperately, she needed one. Tia didn’t give a damn if it was just to Miami. Sun and the beach was the only way she wanted to reward herself. Damn, she missed the days when she and Juice would jet to Miami for the fuck of it. She loved the food and the atmosphere. A few hours in Miami used to do her some justice…
The good ole days.
Before she could even let her mind trick her into missing that nigga, she shook her head, got out of the car, and locking her doors after she grabbed her laptop bag and purse.
Her schedule would be hell this year. She wished that she had the willpower to work a job because Lord knows she could use the extra money. Tia walked in the classroom a few minutes before nine and took a seat on the front row. Something that she’d always done. School was expensive, she wouldn’t dare sit in the back looking stupid.
Her professor walked in two minutes before nine and had his assistant do roll. Something that most teachers didn’t do, but what was odd was that her name wasn’t called. She waited until class was over to double check to see if her name was overlooked. It wasn’t.
The next three classes that she went to…it was the same situation. Tia made her way to the Registrar’s Office because surely it was a damn mistake…typo, computer error, or a glitch in the system.
There was no way in hell Juice would wait until the last semester, the very last fucking semester, to stop paying her tuition. Tia walked to her car with tears in her eyes. Ignoring the whistles and cat calls of what was supposed to be Ivy League kids and professionals alike. She tried to tell herself that maybe he was on tour and had forgotten, but it didn’t help. Before she knew it, she was screaming from the top of her lungs and banging her head on the steering wheel.
This wasn’t a panic or anxiety attack, she was a mad black woman.
η
“Sir, did you hear us? Do you understand what we’re saying?”
The staff of doctors asked him for the third time. Juice was stumped. He heard them but at the same time…he didn’t. This was his worst fear...confirmed. It was a reality. Losing the people he loved. Losing everything that he worked hard for. Losing it all in the blink of an eye. He blinked back tears as he wiped his face and nodded his head. “Yeah, so how soon does it…work?”
The doctor explained again, “We will remove the tubes and turn off the machines. Sometimes it can take a few minutes…hours… We can’t predict it.”
“And then if I change my mind in the middle of y’all removing the tubes, then what?”
“We will do what you tell us, but once the machines are off, they’re off,” he explained.
Juice needed a minute.
“Shit man, fuck, fuck, fuck!” He threw his fists into the air. Trying to understand why him. He didn’t want to do this, nor did he want his loved one to suffer any longer.
“Take your time, this is an important decision.” The doctors gave him some space.
He turned to his Queen, asking, “What would you do?”
Although, ultimately it would be his decision.
Before she could answer, his phone rang.
Waking him from the same dream that he had been having every night for a week straight. His body was covered in sweat and he wondered if he pissed himself.
Juice blinked his eyes, making sure that he was in his bed and not at the damn hospital.
The light shone through the bay windows of his condo in Jersey, his duck off spot that he would never get rid of because sometimes he lost his peace of mind and needed to find it back. This was his haven, it brought him clarity and direction.
Juice threw the covers off his stark-naked body and went to pee. After releasing the load of urine, he lit the blunt that dangled over the sink as he washed his hands. Why did he keep having that dream and who was on their death bed, was the question?
It couldn’t be his moms because she was still young, healthy and kicking it. Was there a lesson he was overlooking and if it was, what was it?
Juice checked his phone, but there weren’t any missed calls or text messages from Faai. She was pissed, and he knew that was a fact because her mom called. Her mother always called, which was probably one of the things on the short list of his dislikes when it came to her. Faaizah was a part of a loving family that was heavily involved in her life and heavily influenced the decisions she made. She talked to her parents on average of twenty times per day. She spent time with her mother often throughout the week. Juice was sure that her momma knew every intimate and intricate detail of their relationship. He had to rush her mother off the phone, lying and telling her that he was walking into a meeting that he was late for when he wasn’t doing shit but playing the game. Something he rarely got to do anymore, but still thoroughly enjoyed.
Faaizah hadn’t reached out and she probably didn’t plan on it, but he knew, she still loved him and most likely just needed a little time. Time he would give her because he was in the wrong. He betrayed her trust and was willing to do whatever he had to do to fix it.
His phone rung as he scanned the other text messages from random people wanting to get on his schedule. His week, nah, his month was swamped it would be damn near impossible to fit anything else into it. Juice was on this whole “I come first” kick and self-care was now a priority.
It was his Ma Dukes calling and as always, she phoned him at all the right times…Considering that close to reality ass nightmare, he was happy that she’d called.
“Good morning beautiful,” he said happily into the phone. Juice had always been a charmer.
“Jamari, I am highly disappointed in you right now,” she shouted into the phone. She was sounding as if she woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.
Juice had been living his life on the clean and narrow these days, no drama, no bitches and most importantly, no baby mama drama. For the first time in a long
time, everything was good… until, Faaizah checked the damn mail.
“You just not gon’ let that name go, are you?” he asked her with irritation heavily heard in his voice. She outright refused to call him that. She didn’t acknowledge his path of religion and blamed it on his father brainwashing him. His mother wasn’t concerned with nothing he was blabbering about, she continued, “That girl did nothing to you. She was good to you. She loved you and all you had to do was take care of her one last semester. ONE LAST SEMESTER!”
Juice paused and replayed her words in his mental.
“Wait, Tia called you?”
Strangely, he was hoping that she would’ve reached out to him.
“Of course, she called me. I could barely hear the poor child she was crying so bad. Jamari, she’s apart of so many honor societies. She told me that she’s the secretary for her class and how she has offers on the table from multiple firms… Why would you do this to her?”
Juice sighed, “Faai found something in the mail. A postcard or something from the school and flipped out! I’m not even staying at the house. She said she needed space.”
“Checked the mail for what? What bill does she pay?”
His mom was being serious, although he thought she was being sarcastic.
“Ma.”
Juice wasn’t in the mood for her dry humor.
“No, really. She checked the mail and so what? Did you explain to her who Tia was...and how you’d been paying it for years?”
Juice remained silent.
“You owe this girl.”
That…he didn’t agree with. Fuck did he owe her?
“Owe her what?”
Juice didn’t owe her a bitch ass thing.
“She stood by your side-”
He cut her off, standing to his feet because it sounded like someone had come through the front door and that damn sure shouldn’t be happening. Juice continued with his conversation as he padded towards the entrance of the condo. “As she was supposed to. Through thick and thin. And ‘mind you, she left me with no hesitation. Tia turned her back on me when I needed her the most.”
