Juice

by Nako

  “Turned my back?”

  η

  She looked…different. She was grown. Sophisticated. Like, she had some shit going on. Tia...future “hot-shot, power attorney” …it had a ring to it. No more his lil’ baby, he could tell that she no longer loved him. Her jaws were tight, lips pressed together and face in a subtle frown. He pondered on the question of did he really do her wrong? He knew he fucked up… Yeah, he got that part, but damn did she hate him?

  “You feel like I turned my back on you? Is that before or after the baby? Oops, my bad…babies. Because you didn’t just fuck up once.”

  Juice’s mother was calling his name on the phone that was now in his hand.

  “Ma, let me call you back.”

  Tia didn’t even know why she came here.

  It was a wild walk in the park. Her randomly trying her key to see if it still worked and it did. He didn’t change not a thing, from the gate code to get in to the elevator key. Stupid ass nigga. She could’ve been coming over and used the amenities that came along with the building. Whenever she was bored on a Saturday morning, the gym and the spa would hog her day and she wasn’t mad about it. Tia was in desperate need of a facial, she would’ve loved to go get one real quick.

  “Not even sure why I came here, I don’t want or need your help. Especially since you feel like I turned my back on your lying, cheating, sorry ass,” the words shot from her mouth like venom out of a python.

  “That’s really how you feel?”

  Tia returned the rhetorical question right back to him.

  “Is that how YOU feel?”

  Turned her back? She was tired of being tried and disrespected, so if that’s what turning your back felt like then oh well. She was fed up.

  Juice gave her little to no energy and damn near no effort. How much longer did he expect her to sit around and pray that he got it together? Because only she and God knows, and possibly his mother, knew how much she’d been praying. And no, not the regular, “God, I hope my man love me like I love him,” prayers. She prayed the same prayer that Ciara prayed, plus so many more. Tia had spent many hours on her knees with tears streaming profusely down her face praying that he opened his eyes and saw the blessing that he had before him.

  She spent tons of time praying for the little things…gestures and acts of affection. Tia wanted him to show her that he cared. Show her that he loved her. She wanted to feel that he was grateful to have her in his life.

  Tia was asking God for simple things such as for him to call her back when she hung up in his face or if she sent a million messages pouring her heart out to him, that he’d at least respond to one. She used to ask God that when she woke up, he would be home, staring at her like she was the greatest gift he ever had received. She was constantly begging God for him to do the right thing and commit to her, fully. She wanted him to feel regret for all the lies. The lies…Gosh, there were so many secrets and lies. Things that he didn’t even know that she knew of. She was so tired of turning a blind eye to everything. The comments under his pictures, the constant vibration of his phone, the baby mamas and their fucking drama. Was it selfish of her to want him for herself? Tia had grown tired of sharing him with the world and that included…Mahogany. She used to ask God for Juice to give her the same energy that he gave the woman that made sure he ate. If Mahogany called, he answered on the first ring. He supported her in everything that she, her husband and their family did. Tia wanted him to see her like he saw Mahogany.

  She knew she was beautiful, knew she had potential to be great, and she also thanked Juice often for pushing her into a place of unfamiliarity because everyone knew that you didn’t grow in comfortable places. You didn’t grow when you were chilling. It was pressure that built diamonds and because of that breakup she was now shining. Brightly.

  “Are you broke?” she only asked because that was the only reason she could think of as to why on her last fucking semester he stopped footing the bill.

  “Tia, you know where I come from and you really think I’ma spend all my money?” He shook his head.

  “No, I am not broke. Far from it,” he scoffed, low-key offended.

  “Well my tuition is due. I don’t know if you know or not, but I busted my ass to get to this place. I did course overload-”

  “I’m seeing someone…” he blurted out.

  Tia didn’t give two fucks. Honestly and truly.

  Juice was waiting on a response. Perhaps, an argument and the look on his face told her that. She chuckled as she removed her purse from her shoulder. She had been clutching the strap firmly, since she entered his place. It was no longer “their” home, although he hadn’t changed anything around. She designed this place in less than a week. With nothing else to do other than spend his money...oh, the good ole days. Tia wouldn’t go back to that boring ass life for nothing in the world. Not even the handsome millionaire standing before her.

  “Oh, congrats…I mean, what do you want me to say?” she asked him, nonchalantly.

  “So, you gon’ act like you ain’t seen her on my page or nothing?”

  “I’m not on social media, Jamari.”

  “Jihad,” he corrected her.

  Tia was confused. “Huh?”

  “I converted, my name is Jihad Shahid.” He was proud. She could tell.

  Juice didn’t do anything that he didn’t believe in.

  However, she was completely taken back by this…

  Surprised.

  Shocked.

  Speechless.

  “You’re Muslim?” she only asked to be sure.

  He nodded his head and then she questioned, “Why?”

  Juice leaned against the wall that held one of his many plaques that he’d received as a songwriter for some of Mahogany’s greatest hits to date.

  “Uh, the same reason why you pray to the God that you pray and love Him as much as you do.”

  Her question was ignorant.

  “No, I don’t mean it like that… Wow, what did your mom say?”

  She was in disbelief that his name wasn’t…Jamari. She was probably the only person that called him by his government along with his mother. It used to be her way of knowing that she was up close and personal with the man.

  Crazy how things changed, and people never really are guaranteed to stay the same.

  “She feels how she feels, you know how she is…you talk to her more than I do,” he threw a lil’ shade and she overlooked it. As she always did.

  That was his mother and he only had one. He had a good one at that; unlike her.

  “Back to my tuition, I don’t want to be here too much longer in case your girlfriend comes home.”

  “She’s never been here, we stay out North.”

  “Aww, you bought her a house…cute.”

  Tia was happy for him, if he was happy for himself. Juice silently suffered with the struggle of wanting perfection and this oh so golden life. But all of that was no longer her concern.

  “Yeah…”

  Tia was being forward, “You want to grab your checkbook?”

  He took a deep breath. “I can’t and it’s not personal. I promise, and I want you to know that I am very proud of you.”

  Tia’s eyes stilled.

  How could it not be personal, surely it was? Tia had no business with him, so yes it was personal. Very fucking personal and she was offended and highly bothered that she had to even have this conversation with him right now. Anything she ever wanted from him, she got. And yeah, she knew that they were no longer together. She understood that, completely. Tia needed her tuition paid, one last time… She didn’t care about anything else.

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying that I promised my girl that I wouldn’t pay for you to finish school and I’m a better man-”

  “Oh, so I got the fucked-up version of you, but she got Louis Farrakhan?”

  “Aye, watch your mouth!”

  She shook her head. “It’s cool. I feel dumb a
s hell coming here. Take care, Jihad.”

  “Tia, I can try and work something out for you. Or maybe you can sell the truck or some of the stuff I bought you. Pull out the stock…”

  She threw the nearest award she could get in her reach in his direction. “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I’VE BEEN DOING THESE PAST FEW YEARS?”

  Tia had nothing to her name. Her bills were barely being paid these days. Credit cards were maxed out. Tia had even borrowed money from his mother a time or two, and always paid her back whenever she got her refund because Juice always paid too much. She used to think that he did that on purpose and had been expecting it this semester. Her plan was to pay her rent up and handle her graduation fees with the remainder. Tia also had to pay for the LSAT and book a few flights for interviews at some law firms that she had her eye on. But as her Papa used to always tell her, “Don’t count no money that you ain’t got.” She now understood the lesson.

  He felt horrible.

  Like the fuck nigga he used to be.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Was that all he had to say to her? Juice felt horrible, but he would feel even worse if he betrayed his girl…again. She already wasn’t talking to him.

  “Don’t worry about it. You got me this far…right?” Tia’s sarcasm was at an all-time high.

  “What are you going to do?”

  Juice knew that he couldn’t help her, but he still felt horrible.

  “Whatever I gotta do, like I’ve been doing…before I met you.”

  That was another jab. Juice hated how closed-off she was. A book that he never got the chance to open, read and indulge in. Tia wasn’t clearing shit up. She always let him assume what he wanted.

  “Tia, I am so proud of you.”

  She didn’t want to hear that shit.

  “Don’t be.”

  Right then and there, she made a promise to pay him back every single red cent that he put into her schooling so that he or his girlfriend can’t say that he did anything for her. Tia had a plan. A back-up plan that she never wanted to use. But desperate times called for extreme measures. Her family would understand. She was left with no other choice.

  Juice watched her walk away from him and he knew that this time, no matter what…he’d probably never see her again. Tia felt ashamed, but she walked out of his place with her head held high. Knowing that these setbacks only were setting her up for greater. Juice could fall in love with a million bitches, but they’ll never be her and they both knew that to be a fact.

  As soon as she crossed the bridge, she went to the bank, searching for a familiar face.

  “Tia, what are you doing here?”

  “Can you still help me with that thing that you told me about when we first met?”

  The woman took a deep breath. “Yeah, but are you sure?”

  She nodded her head. “No other choice but to be sure. I just want to graduate and get the fuck out of here,” she spoke, now on the verge of tears. She loved that stupid ass man with everything in her and he literally looked her dead in her eyes and told her that he promised his girlfriend…

  Whew.

  Tia hated New York and vowed to never return as soon as she crossed that stage. A few more months, finals, graduation and then she could leave and start over. For real this time.

  C H A P T E R 6

  You know I’m so worthy. I want that bust down rollie – Kash Doll

  2 Years Later…

  The Breakfast Klub was arguably the best place to eat at in Houston, Texas and Tia would proudly back up the claim. She loved their food, from the fried chicken wings and waffle with homemade syrup to the sweet tea and home fries. The parking was horrible, and the line could sometimes irritate you, especially with knowing how good the food was, but it was always worth the wait. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she scooped up a mouthful of grits, cheese eggs doused with pepper and butter. She did a happy dance as she took another bite that she washed down with a swig of her coffee.

  “Now, what is this meeting about?” she asked her breakfast date.

  The young girl smiled at her mentor. “Meeting?”

  Tia playfully rolled her eyes. “Whatever you wanna call it lil’ girl. What are we meeting about on my only off day?”

  “I have like nine questions for you.”

  “Nine? That’s it?” she teased.

  “Yes, I wrote them down. Depending on how deep your responses are, we shouldn’t be here long,” she said in one breath as she pushed her tea back and grabbed a notebook from her oversized purse.

  “Oh wow, you’re serious,” Tia commented after she saw her turn the page and saw the headline, notes and highlighted comments.

  “Yes. And I know that this is your only free day, so I promise not to hold you long.”

  “I was only joking, you know I’ll always make time for you,” she reassured her.

  “Yeah, yeah. I’m sure you got a spa date and lunch already planned.”

  The young girl knew her mentor well because that’s exactly what she had to look forward to on this pretty ass Saturday afternoon in downtown Houston.

  “Okay, shoot.”

  Tia continued eating because she was starving. The way she worked this week and made it to the gym…she deserved every calorie she forked in her mouth.

  “How do you stay so content in your singleness?”

  Whoa… baby girl took her fast.

  “These sure aren’t Political Science project questions,” Tia sneered.

  Her mentee smiled sheepishly, “No, they aren’t. Is that a problem?”

  Tia was great. She made sure to give her all five stars every month when the director of the mentorship program of TSU emailed it. She’d grown to love her in the only two semesters that she’d been in contact with her.

  “No, not at all. What was the question again?”

  Tia and her personal life…

  She struggled with dealing with her emotions, so she didn’t.

  Work. Work. And more work.

  A little travel every now and then, but for the most part being an attorney was a busy path of life and she was grateful that she took it. On top of trying to make partner, she was dedicated to giving back to the less-fortunate which included being a mentor at TSU. She was assigned a freshmen girl last August by the name of Jhene. Tia was so thankful that the girl actually wanted to be mentored and didn’t give her a hard time. Her patience was thin, and she refused to help someone that didn’t want help. She and Jhene spent time together once a week but talked often throughout the week.

  “How do you stay so content in your singleness?”

  Tia took another sip of her coffee.

  How in the hell am I supposed to answer this question? she thought to herself.

  “Uh, well my career keeps me busy. So, when I’m not at work, I work out. I love to cook. I go to church. I mentor you,” she smiled.

  “Yeah, I know about all of that, Tia.”

  They were instructed to call them by their last name, but Tia preferred things to be as relaxed as possible and didn’t want someone who wasn’t that much younger than her calling her Ms. DiCaille. She heard it enough in court.

  “At night, how do you not do anything stupid?”

  Tia took a deep breath, “I refuse to settle, so it’s kind of simple for me.”

  “What does that mean?” Jhene questioned with big, bright eyes.

  “I know what love feels like, real love. Soooo, until a man can give me that feeling, I’m content with being by myself. Every day isn’t like amazing. On the holidays, I get sad and stuff, but that’s when I travel or surround myself with love.”

  “Love from who?”

  “Family and friends, my line sisters…their families have been great to me.”

  She set so many goals for herself and accomplished pretty much all of them except for purchasing a home. Student loans had kicked her ass and until she was debt-free she refused to add more to the pile. Although, her Papa used to tell her, �
�Tia, you gon always owe somebody.”

  She didn’t want to die with debt, it was a personal issue of hers.

  After she graduated from law school, she moved to Houston and it was the best decision she could’ve made for herself on a personal level and for her career as well. She landed a job at the prestigious Akin, Gump, Strauss, Hauer & Feld. Tia left an outstanding impression on the hiring group. She nailed her interview so well that before she could even make it to her car, they were sending her an email to schedule her second interview. She knew right then and there that she had the job in her bag. One year later, she was doing well, working on cases and doing her very best to hopefully get on track to make partner. Tia didn’t care how much she accomplished at her job, she never went to get drinks with any of them. Her firm was well-known in Houston and she was a beautiful black woman… That alone made other women look at her and wonder how she got the job. To keep the rumors non-existent, she didn’t place herself in situations where things could be created. Business was business and she left it that for her own peace of mind. Tia’s eyes were on making partner and nothing else. She had a few long-term goals to run for a position on the local level of government and to possibly teach once she retired from Law, but for now, she was rightfully in her prime and she was at peace. Her life was great, and she was happy. Hard work and sacrifice showed her what she could get, and the benefits had been rewarding thus far. After she moved to Houston, she found a place that she could afford and as if God knew what she needed her next-door neighbor was from the same town as she. They didn’t know each other, but the accent carried and from one random conversation on the elevator to now being best friends and sorority sisters.

  “Have you ever thought about pledging?”

  Tia rolled her eyes. “No and no.”

  “Why do you do all of dat?” her friend, Karma asked her.

  “Because I’m not interested, so next subject.”

  Karma wasn’t letting nothing go, “Tell me why not though? I need a real reason and not because you don’t do the friend thing and all that other bullshit you love to say.”

  “I don’t fit in and I’m not going to fit in.”