Juice

by Nako

His daughter told her step-mom, “I’m sorry.”

  She was on the verge of tears and he was pretty sure she was going to tell her momma, which would ignite a whole other issue.

  “Faai, I don’t know what the hell has gotten into you, but you for real need to go see somebody else because I’m out of patience,” he couldn’t say it any clearer than that.

  “You don’t think what she said was wrong?”

  “She’s five!”

  Kids said a lot of stupid shit… What did she want him to do, spank her? She didn’t mean anything by it.

  “Don’t curse in front of my kids anymore, okay?” he wanted to make sure she understood that it couldn’t happen again.

  He wasn’t the same man that she fell in love with and the crazy thing is that he felt the exact same way.

  “Oh, now they’re yours?” she threw his constant questioning if the DNA test that he had gotten done on his children were accurate. The low-blows were becoming way too low.

  Juice got up and walked out of the den.

  “Jihad!” she called out his name, but he kept it moving. He refused to let her provoke him to do something he was sure that he’d regret. Whenever your partner made you step out of who you were, and your character was in question, it was time to wrap it up. For real.

  η

  Tia’s goal for the week was less social media and more self-care. To maintain a clear and level head she had to be mindful of what her eyes saw and what her ears heard, mainly social media. She wasn’t watching any television this week either and was happy that her favorite show was done for the year because Lord knows she was addicted to the Real Housewives of Atlanta.

  Jhene sent her a link to a podcast and that’s what she pressed play on before taking off for her morning run.

  Sarah Jakes Roberts, daughter of Bishop T.D. Jakes, was becoming a phenomenon. Although, she’d pretty much been saved her whole life like many Christians she lost her way and found her way back to God in her twenties. Sarah was relatable and easy to listen to because was young and knew how to connect stories in the Bible to the current generation.

  The name of the podcast was “Foolish Glory,” and Tia knew it would be good strictly off the subject matter alone. She stretched at the end of the street and then started off jogging. Normally, on her way home is when she pushed herself to run fast.

  The podcast started off a little slow, but boy, did it get good. Tia heard herself saying, “Whew” and “Yes sis!” during her jog.

  Sarah preached about tapping into the access that God had already granted you and Tia knew that this specific sermon had been preached specifically for her. It was as if God crept up in her room and read her prayer journal or laid beside her at night and listened to her prayers and viewed her dreams.

  Tia was thankful for confirmation. She was on the right path. Everything that she’d went through from a little girl to this present moment was already designed by God. He knew that her mother would betray her. He knew that she would experience heartbreak, failure, and disappointment. She’d come such a long way and before she knew it, once the musicians started playing as Sarah exalted God, tears formed in her eyes. She slowed down her jogging to wipe her eyes.

  Sister Sarah said, “This isn’t the kind of glory that you hustle up on, or the kind of glory that you can hustle on…God used a wretched person like you.”

  Tia was chosen.

  She was gifted.

  She was the one that God was going to use to get the glory.

  She placed her hands on her knees and tried to slow her breathing because mixed with the crying, she felt like she was losing it a lil’ bit.

  Tia didn’t know that this was God showing up.

  Some people assumed you could only have a spiritual encounter at church, but God was everywhere. He could show up in your kitchen or even in the car while driving.

  Tia was in the middle of a neighborhood, on the curb crying and thanking God. She was panting. Chills covered her skin. It was the Holy Spirit. Tia didn’t care who was staring at her. She felt something coming off her.

  “God, how could you use me as broken as I am?”

  That’s what Sarah said and that’s when the tears flooded down her face and she began to heave. If a person was to take a few minutes and remember the distance of who they were and who they are now.

  The journey.

  The path.

  The direction.

  It was always lead by God, even when you didn’t see Him.

  Tia plopped down on the sidewalk and placed her head in her lap and sobbed, uncontrollably.

  This was called a moment of surrender.

  Tia decided to let God have it all.

  Every burden.

  Every worry.

  Every lingering thought.

  Every sin.

  Every mistake.

  Every lie.

  Every setback.

  Every hurt feeling.

  Every dream.

  Every goal.

  Every time she was disappointed.

  She gave everything that she carried to God.

  Sarah then said, “God wants your foolishness.”

  Tia gave Him all of it, knowing that once she let it all go, she would be able to have peace and gain wisdom.

  Her body shivered as she allowed Him to have her way.

  It took her a few minutes to pull it together and the walk back by to her house was a slow one.

  Tia was relieved.

  She didn’t expect for all of that to happen to her during her morning jog, but it did. She felt so much better.

  When she returned to her place, she showered and dressed for the day.

  Every morning she was out of the house by ten and at the local coffee shop, doing research on whatever came to her mind.

  Tia knew that eventually she would have an answer on what to do with her life.

  On her way to the coffee shop, she called her mentee.

  “Jhene, you in class?” her Louisiana accent was so thick.

  She told her, “No, what you doing?”

  “Girl not much. I listened to Foolish Glory, and bay-beeeee,” she hollered in her truck.

  Jhene snickered, “Tia, I told you! I said girl, you gon be cryin,’”

  She’d done the same thing when she listened to it.

  “We need to go to LA and see her preach in person,” Tia suggested.

  “Let’s do it.”

  They recapped the gems that they each pulled from the sermon and before they ended the call Tia told her, “Send me some more.”

  “You can type her name in on YouTube or on Apple Podcast. She has so many, girl. She gon’ help you get your life together. Listen to them ALL, that’s what I did when I first found her.”

  That sounded like a plan. Tia spent the remainder of the day catching up on sermons while sipping on tea. A fresh anointing was falling over, and she’d be a fool to not open her hands and accept it. Tia decided to stay in the presence of God as long as she could, which meant no talking to Juice…who was still engaged. Actions spoke louder than words…that’s all she had to tell herself to stay out of her feelings.

  η

  “What I’m trying to get you to understand is there is a difference between being private and keeping something a secret, trust me,” Yara attempted to break it down to her in another way, but homegirl wasn’t getting it at all.

  She looked at Porter, who didn’t really seem as if he was himself today.

  Yara could only imagine how sensitive the conversation was between them, but life happened, and marriages went through things. No one was perfect.

  Of course, it hurt even more when you were living in the public eye and trying your hardest to keep a sense of sanity and privacy.

  “You’re a commodity right now. You’re the hottest thing out, so people are going to dig and dig until they can find something…anything to run with.”

  Mahogany understood what the fuck she was trying to say, but really wanted t
o be alone.

  “Thanks, Yara.”

  She didn’t have anything else to say nor was she about to sit down here and keep talking about the shit.

  She grabbed her phone and blanket as she walked out of the room.

  Moses and Teka were sitting in the living room, unsure of what to say or do.

  “P, I’m not trying to be insensitive.” Yara really wasn’t.

  He knew that. “She’s still trying to come to terms with the child.”

  “Well, I mean it’s not like this happened yesterday. The same way you accepted a kid that wasn’t even hers…”

  Moses nudged his wife to shut the hell up.

  Teka had a sore spot for blended families. She and Moses, along with his baby mama, did a great job of loving all their kids as one. There wasn’t no “step” nothing in their house.

  And her kids knew better than to say, “that’s my half-sister.”

  Yara nodded her head. “Which is kind of what I wanted to say, but I didn’t.”

  She took a deep breath. “Are y’all going to have a statement released or maybe a picture with all of the children to show that y’all are one big happy family?”

  That was a good idea.

  Porter knew that Mahogany wasn’t going to go for that, but he told Yara, “I’ll talk to her.”

  Moses decided to talk to Porter by himself. “How about we get a drink in the basement real quick?” After that he would leave since it didn’t seem as if they were hanging out tonight.

  Porter definitely needed a shot of something and hell, a blunt too. On days like this he questioned his return to the United States…

  Teka told him, “I’ll call G until you come back.”

  She needed to return her bestie’s call anyway.

  Yara asked, “How has she been doing?”

  “Good, really good. I think Kasim went to visit his brother.”

  Yara gave Teka a fake smile. “Hmm, that’s good.”

  Teka couldn’t help but to laugh, “Girl, you are crazyyyy.”

  Moses and P left the women to their gossip session. He thought about going to check on Mahogany but decided not to. Ever since Juice quit or whatever the hell he called himself doing, she’d been moody and snappy. Mahogany had no idea on how to express her feelings and she was stubborn as shit. A simple text message or phone call would’ve easily resolved the situation.

  Porter pulled out a bottle from the bottom rack of his fancy pansy bar cart along with two chilled shot glasses from the freezer.

  “Y’all too rich. Who has chilled shot glasses?” Moses joked.

  “Some shit I found on Amazon. Man, I be on there all night…that Prime shit is the truth,” P said excitedly.

  Mo looked at him and shook his head. “I never thought I’d see the day, pretty boy P is now Porter Stewart,” he teased that his best friend was the male version of Martha Stewart.

  “You alright though, dawg?”

  Moses would always be there for him strictly off their history and loyalty to each other. They’d always had each other’s back.

  “Yeah...Sometimes, it’s just like what about me…you know?” he questioned, low-key hoping and praying that Moses understood him.

  Thankfully, his friend did.

  “We’re the glue…” Moses chortled, heartily. His big stomach jumping up and down as he did so.

  “What would they do without us? People always say it’s the woman that holds shit together, which they do. Don’t get me wrong buddy, but it’s us that gotta push our shit to the back burner. I think they forget that we have feelings too.”

  Porter felt so stumped and defeated right now. He nodded his head. “I want her to ask me how I feel in all of this, ya know?”

  It was his child that was exposed and her mother, who at first…got on Porter’s fucking last nerve was being taunted for simply “knocking a baller up”.

  He didn’t want the ridicule for her or their baby.

  Mahogany didn’t stop for one second to ask him how he was taking the news.

  Whoever followed him from the store to the car, where he’d met the mother of his child to give her some money, was a lunatic. The picture went viral and that’s when the madness began.

  Porter paid child support, but it was never enough. Whatever his child needed, he made sure he supplied it. That’s the kind of nigga that he was.

  “Talk to her. Don’t be like me and hold it all in,” Moses offered sound advice.

  At the top of the steps, Juice bypassed the basement after Teka had let him in and told him that Mahogany was most likely in her bedroom.

  Juice knocked on the door before entering and lo and behold, she was laying on the chaise staring out the window at the rain.

  She looked over her shoulder, saw her former manager and ex-best friend and said, “I don’t need you to do damage control,” assuming that’s why he was there.

  “Not here for that.” Juice closed the door behind him.

  “In case you forgot, I don’t work with you anymore.”

  He never said, ‘for’ always feeling like they were a team.

  “What’s up then?”

  She wasn’t herself these days.

  “Came to check on you.” He took a seat on the floor near the window.

  If anyone knew how this secret being exposed hurt her, he did.

  “I’m not doing good…” she took a deep breath as she struggled to hold her tears at bay.

  “You know… I’ve been wanting to tell you something for…years.”

  Mahogany was shocked to hear him say that, she was now curious.

  “What? The kid not really his?”

  He laughed, “You wish!”

  She smiled.

  “Nah, but I have kids… Three.”

  Mahogany’s eyes lit up and then they dimmed darkly again.

  “Why…what…huh?” she wasn’t sure if she’d heard him correctly.

  He nodded his head. “Yep, I’m a daddy.”

  It was time for him to live in his truth and regardless of how his kids came into this world, they were his.

  “Why did you keep it a secret?”

  He shrugged his shoulders, “Embarrassed as fuck. Ashamed…I kept cheating on Tia and it seemed like the kids were coming back to back.”

  Two of his children were literally only a few months apart. The last baby…the one Tia still didn’t know about. His son.

  His son was conceived a few weeks after Tia left him. He was bored, horny and depressed. Shorty was nasty and willing to take his mind off his best friend walking out of his life. Unfortunately, all his kids were results of one-night stands. He never fucked them more than once.

  Juice didn’t know anything about the mothers of his kids. Shit was sad, but he couldn’t dwell on that anymore.

  Going forward, he was going to work on the relationship he had with them.

  “Damn Juice.” She was shocked.

  “I know.”

  He took a deep breath, feeling so relieved to had let that out.

  It no longer had to haunt him.

  “I want to meet them,” she said.

  Juice would love that. “Anytime sis.”

  Mahogany got up and came to sit beside him. She took her hand in his and leaned her head on his shoulder. Something she used to do all the time.

  “I’m sorry,” she admitted to him without much hesitation. Mahogany knew that she was wrong. She needed to slow down and savor life, it was as if she was trying to run through that motherfucker and that’s not how things went.

  Juice told her, “You fucked me up…I never expected you to do-”

  She cut him off, “I don’t know what’s gotten into me… I need to get back in church.”

  People sometimes lost their sense of who they were. It happened, and she wasn’t afraid to admit that she’d lost her way.

  “Do what you gotta do.”

  “I want my best friend back,” she pouted.

  Juice promised her, “I’m her
e for you always. It’s no love lost…”

  He also had to let her know, “But it’s time for me to move on to better things. I’m starting my own label and I want you to support me.”

  Mahogany took a deep breath. She exhaled the bullshit and negativity.

  “I got you.”

  Porter was on the other side of the door, listening and smiling. Everything was going to work itself out, that was the amazing thing about how life worked.

  η

  “Are you gon’ ask her about her fine ass husband?” Karma wanted to know.

  Tia rolled her eyes at her friend. “What am I asking her about him for?”

  As if she should already know, “Uh! He cheated with a model that was signed to her agency.”

  Chanda was a lil’ older than them, so she questioned, “I thought she forgave him and they were back together?”

  Tia nodded her head, “EXACTLY”!

  Lanise chuckled, “Karma just being nosey... you know she can’t help it.”

  “Girl, I’m not asking her about her man. One, I don’t care and two, I really don’t care.”

  Karma defensively said, “Now y’all know Eastland been my MCM for the past three years now, don’t act!”

  Chanda reminded her, “That man is married.”

  Tia didn’t get into other people’s business.

  “Did y’all see Mahogany try to act like she didn’t know that baby was Porter’s?” Karma dropped more tea. She was addicted to social media.

  “You need to fast,” Tia suggested.

  “Fast and do what?” Karma wasn’t stunting her best friend.

  Keiva chimed in, “You are so dramatic. She didn’t deny that she knew about the baby. She said it wasn’t no one’s business, which is true.”

  Chanda agreed.

  “Honey, whatever. She posts her kids, but don’t post his? That’s a problem.”

  “How?” Tia wanted to know.

  “So… if you and Juice get back together you not gon’ post his children?”

  “Who said I’m gon’ post him?” she chortled.

  Tia didn’t really know how she felt about the whole “outside” or “step” kid thing.

  She wanted her own children one day but wouldn’t deny that he had kids. The fact that he didn’t have any kids when they first met and became a couple is probably the only thing that really bothered her. His children were conceived in the midst of their relationship. She hated to say that they were the results of infidelity, but it is what it is.