by Nako
He wished that he could blame it on something other than his own heart and emotions being pulled into another direction, but the truth was that he always thought the only person he would ever really say, “I Do” to was Tia.
The question that plagued his mind was why he even proposed to Faai in the first place. It was as if his life was coming together and the only thing left to do was to marry. What Juice soon realized was that he was trying to follow the footsteps of everyone around him, not knowing nor really understanding that his path was different.
His life was his.
“I’m trying to get it annulled now,” he shared with her.
Mahogany’s jaw dropped, “Oh my God! What is Faaizah saying? Damnnnnnnn…”
He hadn’t even shared the latter with her, but soon she would know.
“She’ll be okay.”
He couldn’t care or carry the burden of her problems anymore. Juice was dying to be happy.
“Do what’s best for you.”
Juice nodded his head, “Exactly.”
The appetizers arrived, and they dug in.
He asked about the kids, “How is everything going so far?”
She sighed deeply, “It’s okay. P wants to make everyone happy, you know how he is.”
“He’s trying.”
Juice knew how that could be.
“Are you bonding with his daughter?”
She answered truthfully, “I’m trying my hardest, Juice.”
It was a pull on her spirit, but she was going to do all she can to make them one big family.
“It’ll get better with time,” he spoke from experience.
She sure hoped so.
“What about you Mr. Brady Bunch?”
He laughed, “Oh, I’m good. All my baby mamas were at the wedding having them a good ole time. They not stuntin’ me.”
She said, “Yeah, you got it good. Baby mamas at the wedding? That’s not happening in the hood.”
Juice knew it.
“In other news, I officially have three artists signed to my label and a nigga feel real good about it,” he shared his good news.
Mahogany smiled, genuinely and clapped her hands together.
“We gotta celebrate!”
He hadn’t been out in what felt like forever. The night of his bachelor party, he spent the time blowing Tia’s friends up, trying to get in touch with her and failed at every possible attempt.
“How about we eat, roll up and hit the strip club…like old times?” he suggested.
Mahogany needed to let her hair down, so she agreed, “Let’s do it!”
She had one more question, then she would be done being nosey.
“Soooo…what about Tia?”
Juice put his fork down and wiped his mouth, visibly uncomfortable at the mentioning of her name. He still couldn’t believe he’d been so stupid. So foolish. To watch her walk away, come back into his life, love him all over again with a pure heart and then exit again. Juice had toyed with her emotions one too many times. Tia fell off the face of the earth. Literally. He even flew into Houston on some, “I gotta get you back,” type shit and discovered that she’d move.
He was so thirsty that he DM’d her mentee, who didn’t respond to his message.
Juice lost sleep behind that. How in the fuck did he make the same mistake twice?
His best friend watched him beat himself up, mentally.
“You haven’t heard from her?” she asked another question before he could answer the first one.
“I let a good one go, Mahogany,” when it all boiled down to it…that’s all he could say.
He’d let the best thing that ever happened to him…go.
C H A P T E R 22
Still the same woman you chose – Tammy Rivera
Liberation is defined as the act of setting someone free from imprisonment, slavery or oppression; release. Freedom from limits on thought or behavior.
Tia was doing…great. No flex. Like Lil Duval said, she was living her best life and wasn’t going back and forth with no nigga. Period.
It was a tad bit embarrassing when her line sisters dropped a screenshot in their group chat of ‘Mahogany’s manager and Pretty Boy’s P, protégé calling another woman’s name out during their nuptials.
There were so many memes made of the whole ordeal.
Her friends asked her if it felt good and she told them, no not at all. He was hurting and madly in love with her. Juice was always putting everyone else’s feelings in front of his and unfortunately hers too. She used to pray that she could get the same loyalty that Mahogany got from him. He chose his fiancée over her knowing that he rather be with her.
The nigga was miserable and that was honestly on him.
She couldn’t and wouldn’t put together a PowerPoint to outline the pros and cons of why she was the one for him. If he didn’t feel as if she was worth it then…it was his loss. In which it was.
Tia was chilling and taking things one day at a time.
Against her sisters’ pleading and Jhene’s too, she moved back to New York and it had nothing to do with Juice.
In fact, if she never saw him again, she would be okay.
Tia found her own peace with how they ended.
She moved for several reasons.
One, being she had to get closer to the church that she discovered via YouTube. Come to find out it was a pretty popular church and she made sure she went to the service before the one that all the celebs came too. Secondly, by the grace of the God that she’d served, Tia finally discovered her purpose and passion. After talking with Freedom, she suggested that she come to New York and let her help her get in the circles that she needed to be in to thrive.
Tia was equipped with degrees and of course, her membership at the sorority in which she belonged helped her as well.
Freedom gave her a few books to read on non-profit organization and grant-writing. Tia learned all that she could and even took a few classes. She didn’t rush herself and still was in the building phase.
Freedom told her that nothing happened overnight and to take her time because a bought lesson was a taught lesson which meant Tia needed to do everything as correct as she could so that she wasn’t wasting her money.
It was hard for her to explain what direction she was going into, so for now, she used the words mentorship and career development. Her goal was to eventually have a program at every Historically Black College and University for freshmen girls as a requirement to graduate.
Tia wasn’t perfect and that’s what she believed made her the perfect candidate to help other girls figure out what they were doing and most importantly, where were they going. There was a special place in her heart carved out for mentorship in the community. She was excited to see what would come from her doings.
Her days were mainly spent volunteering at the library and the middle and high school near the brownstone she was renting in Harlem. After she did that, she would work out, take some pictures in the park because she still loved photography and then go home and read.
Tia loved being back in New York and perhaps because this go round she was independent and in complete control of her thoughts. Never again would she allow a man or anyone for that matter, control her mood or day. She could never give someone the power to alter who she was ever again.
Relationships were experiences and lessons too. She’d learned so much from Juice and was truly grateful of the position that she was in right now.
Tia was all smiles as she said goodnight to the usher near the exit of the church.
She filled her week with things that fed her body, mind and soul. Such as yoga, meditation classes, gardening in her backyard, and her favorite weekly thing to do was attend Bible Study. She was more attentive and absorbing during the mid-week service.
“Tia?”
Mahogany called her name and all she could think was, I’d been doing good… creeping in and out of the Lord’s house.
She turned arou
nd and gave her a mustered-up smile. “Hi girl,” she waved.
Mahogany and security came closer. Of, course they all knew her…well.
“What are you doing here?”
Tia informed her, “Been coming here for about two months now.”
She seemed surprised and confused.
“I’m good y’all. I’ll be at the truck in a second,” she excused her security.
Tia wasn’t in the mood to talk. In fact, she was still on a high from the Good word she’d received.
Apostle preached on the foundation of Deuteronomy 30:3, “God, your God, will restore everything you lost; He’ll have compassion on you. He’ll come back and pick up the pieces from all the places where you were scattered.”
She’d stopped worrying a while ago, so for her the Word was truly on time and direct confirmation that God was hearing her prayers.
“I prefer the Bible Study over Sunday,” she shared with her although Tia didn’t ask.
Mahogany had to know what’d taken place between she and Juice, so Tia went on and said, “He isn’t aware that I live here and I kind of want to keep it that way.”
“I figured he didn’t. We had lunch last week and he was-”
Tia cut her off, “Not trying to be funny, but I really don’t care how he’s doing.”
“He’s going to leave her, ya know?”
Again, she didn’t care.
“Yeah, he told me that for months. I’ll believe it when I see it,” she snorted.
Mahogany had probably said too much, so she told her, “It was good seeing you, Tia.”
“You too.”
Tia walked off to her car and once she got in…she couldn’t start it up. In fact, her mind was blank, and her body seemed...numb all over.
Why would he marry her if he knew he didn’t want to?
Tia didn’t understand him sometimes.
She willed herself to put her seatbelt on and keep it moving, reminding herself that Juice was in her rearview.
Once she made it home, she poured herself a cup of tea hoping that would soothe her soul and ease her anxiety. Unfortunately, it didn’t really help.
Ugh, she scoffed to herself. Hating that she’d ran into Mahogany.
Another thing that had been bothering her in the air was the relationship that she had with her mom. Tia was wondering if she was holding herself back in some area of her life by not forgiving her mother. Yet, she didn’t know what to say to her.There was so much uncovered ground and secrets stuffed under the rug that it would only make her mad just thinking about it again.
She’d been in constant prayer, asking God what to do and to lead the way.
Tia showered and got in bed, drifting off to sleep slowly but surely.
The next day, she planned on doing something else that she’d put off for far too long.
This was the year of no more holding back and she was serious about that.
The sun peered way too quickly, and she needed another hour or two of sleep, but of course she got up and freshened up. She got dressed and was out of the door in less than forty minutes.
She kept thinking about her mom to the point where she used Jhene’s excuse of YOLO as she drove to her destination. Tia had to keep one eye on the road and the other on her phone as she went to her contacts. She secretly saved the number under, “Mom” since never having the pleasure of doing so.
The petty in her blocked the number a long time ago from the one and only time that she’d rang her line.
The phone rung twice and her mother answered, “Hello?”
Tia had a new number, so she wouldn’t know it was her calling.
She quickly asked God to guide her tongue as she croaked, “Hey Ma.”
That wasn’t easy to do…she’d hated this lady her whole life. Even the sight of her momma used to make her stomach turn upside down. When she was little, she used to vision herself kicking dirt in her mother’s face and then dousing her with gas. That’s how much she didn’t care for her. All that bitterness was unhealthy, and she knew it.
“Tia?” She sounded unsure.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
Silence.
A heavy silence that forced Tia to make sure the call was still connected.
“Hello?”
Her mother was weeping.
“Tia…oh my God, Tia…” She was overwhelmed with emotion.
She heard the remorse, regret and apology simply in how she said her name…it held so much weight.
Tears fell down Tia’s face. She knew her grandfather was looking down at her, smiling.
Her mother gasped, “I’ve been praying you called me, texted me anything. Tia, I am so sorry for everything. All of it, Tia.”
She ended up having to pull over because the glue from her lash extensions were causing her eyes to burn.
“We have a lot to discuss and I know it can’t happen today or over the phone…but I would like to see you,” she said.
Her mother would hop on a plane right now. “Do you want to come here? Are you still in Houston?”
Tia told her, “I moved back to New York. I’ll come to you.”
Out of curiosity, she wanted to see how she was living.
“Soon?”
She now worked for herself, she was doing her own thing, so she could fly out whenever she wanted too. What a blessing.
“I’ll come…tomorrow?”
Her mother was happy to hear that. “I’m going to send you my address, just knock on the door baby. I will be here.”
They ended the conversation and boy, was she proud of herself. She heard the God loud and clear tell her that He would give her joy for her tears and only He, himself knew how relieving it felt to have a decent talk with her mother. She didn’t feel the hate, animosity or anything negative towards her mom like she did for years. Her grandfather used to tell her all the time, “Tia, you only get one mother.”
She used to get so irritated when he would remind her of that.
Through her life, she’d brainwashed herself to believe that she didn’t need anyone who didn’t want her. There was a chip on her shoulder for so long.
Juice came and knocked that shit right off as soon as he entered her life.
He’d shared his mom and Pops with her, and Tia clung to them the hard way. When he broke her heart, his mom continued to reach out to Tia until she stopped receiving her love. It was hard for her to stay in constant communication with his mom knowing that she was so close to her own baby boy.
Family was family and what she’d learned by going to church faithfully these last few weeks was that God was a forgiving God.
It was hard to get through life holding on to dead weight and harboring the past. She could possess land, riches and everything her heart desired, but until she dealt with those issues from her past she would never have genuine peace.
It was hard to fake happiness, Tia was a witness.
Tia wiped her face and continued with her journey.
Her next stop was to visit Coop.
She had something to get off her chest.
η
Talks with Porter Bavay were life-changing. You never left a conversation with him feeling hopeless. He had this aura about himself that you felt compelled to tap into. Juice looked up to him and not just when it came to this industry shit but literally, Porter seemed to succeed in every aspect of his life.
“What brings you by?” He wasn’t expecting company today.
“Came to chop it up with you. I won’t be here long.”
Mahogany took the kids out for the day to give him some time to himself, knowing that he needed it.
Porter gave him a tired smile. “Come on in, young buck.”
He moved out of the doorway, allowing his mentee to enter.
Juice closed the door behind him and followed Porter into the kitchen.
“Hungry? Thirsty?”
Juice shook his head, “Nah, man. I’m good.”
P leaned against the cou
ntertop and crossed his tattooed arms across his chest.
It was easy for him to pick up on Juice’s mood and could detect that there was something brewing on his mind.
“How is the label coming along?”
His face lit up. “Good. My artists are hungry, so we’re grinding right now. I’ll let you hear some tracks soon.”
That was good to hear. “Proud of you, Juice.”
He was being truthful and always saw a bright future in him.
“All love,” Juice told him as he tapped his fingers across the table.
Porter slowly nodded his head, a smirk dancing across his face.
“What up?” he wanted the nigga to spit it out.
He was chilling too hard before he received a notification on his Apple Watch via Google Nest that the camera at the front door had spotted someone.
Juice took a deep breath, “I couldn’t remember the last time I told you thank you, so I wanted to tell you that…you know, I appreciate you for everything you did for me and for my momma.”
Porter never shared with him nothing about his mother or the relationship that his mom had with Kim. He wasn’t one of those guys that had to let everyone know when a good deed was done. That’s not how he moved nor was it how he received his blessings. Clout was overrated, and he’d never followed the hype.
He eyed him, cautiously before opening his mouth to speak, “You know…when I first met Kim and found out that she had a son. Yo, I was so hype ‘cus I thought he was going to be my lil dude. But that nigga hated me. I couldn’t impress him for shit…”
He laughed at the thought of that evil bastard, who was now in rehab and blowing P’s phone up every other day. Porter had nothing else for him until he got clean.
“Then somehow you came around. Well, I finally was able to put a face to a name and you had on your skinny jeans and them dirty ass Vans.”
Juice snickered at the memory.
Porter was the only dude that didn’t understand the wave with the Vans. He made Juice throw all his away.
“Your energy was so contagious, and I could have you out ‘til four in the morning… you would still be at the office come eight in the morning. You know what that showed me?”
Juice waited on him to answer his own question.
