by Nako
“You were ready for whatever,” he couldn’t do nothing but respect it.
“I told myself I was going to teach you everything I knew. Juice, I didn’t want you to make the same mistakes I made.”
He knew that.
“Which is why I have to ask you; how did you manage to have three children by women you don’t know?”
He looked at him and knew that he’d most likely done a little research on his baby mamas.
“Stupid and drunk. I got it under control though,” he reassured him.
Porter wanted to say more, but instead ended it there, “Alright.”
Juice saw the disappointed look in his face, but the kids were here now…there was nothing he could do. Juice accepted the responsibility and embraced his babies.
When Mahogany shared with him that Juice was a father, although P had overheard a little bit of their conversation but not enough to put all that together, his first emotion was sadness. Juice brought life into the world and failed to share that with him. He questioned the context of their relationship and wondered if Juice did not trust him enough to tell him or did he think he would be judged.
Porter was constantly preaching to him to wrap it up while knowing he was in a relationship. That tour life was dangerous and apparently it had gotten the best of Juice.
“You’re going to do great things. I’m excited about your future. One word of advice though?”
It wouldn’t be Porter Bavay if he didn’t add his two cents.
“I’m all ears,” he laughed at him.
“You’ll go further if the person you’re with is rooting for you. Support isn’t overrated, and it starts at home. If your partner ain’t on what you on, she will hold you back.”
He learned that the hard way, which is why he went so hard for Mahogany. Whether right or wrong, he was with his baby. They were a team in the eyes of whoever was fuckin’ watching. There wasn’t a soul alive that could come between them. They were one.
Porter didn’t see that in Faaizah. She wasn’t his cheerleader, shorty wasn’t even trying to be the water boy. It was an automatic red flag in Porter’s eyes.
He raised an eyebrow at him and Juice knew he had to handle his business.
“That’s all I got for you today. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m catching up on My 600lb Life.”
“You watch that?” Juice was surprised.
Porter chuckled, “It’s my guilty pleasure.”
They dapped each other up and Juice headed home. His kids were at the crib with Faai and he decided that today was going to be the day…it had to be.
η
Fifteen years.
The Judge gave her dawg fifteen years.
She figured he would get seven but, fifteen? The justice system didn’t play fair.
Tia didn’t really get into the details. She could’ve, but the version of Coop that she was privy to is the one that she loved and respected. She wanted it to stay that way. She was checked in and cleared by security before entering the visitor’s hall at the Federal Facility, an hour away from New York. His brother told her that they were happy they didn’t ship him down south.
Tia was nervous. She hadn’t seen him in so long and their last conversation wasn’t exactly the most pleasant one that they’d had.
When he approached her, her eyes instantly watered. Coop didn’t even look like himself. He’d lost a lot of weight and his once bulky chest was flat. His muscles weren’t big or busting out of his shirt either. He needed a haircut. She also noticed that he had a cut above his eyebrow and his lip was busted.
“Coop…”
She wanted him transferred out of here immediately.
“What in the world happened?” she was concerned.
He sat down and grabbed her hand, he kissed it quickly before the guards could see him and call him out.
She smiled at him, realizing how much she missed her friend.
“I’m calling your brother as soon as I get in the car,” she warned him.
He told her, “It’s like camp in here. I’m good, Tia, trust me. It was a misunderstanding that I handled.”
She still wasn’t sure but wouldn’t spend the entire visit talking about his bruises.
“How are you?”
He didn’t smile, nor did he look angry either, perhaps he was at peace.
He just wanted to knock his time out and get back home.
“I’m cool, it is what it is. Could’ve been worse.”
Tia understood that.
“You know I’m here if you need me. Did you get the books I sent?”
He nodded his head. “Yep, done read ‘em all. Send me some more. The reading shit keeps my mind clear,” he shared with her.
Tia felt the same way. Reading was a mental trip away from the bullshit.
“I got you.”
He stared at her, wishing she would’ve just given him a fair chance. He really felt like he deserved one.
“Did you ever like me?” he wanted to know.
Tia took a deep breath, “I did, but I couldn’t…if that makes any sense.”
Her heart was torn into so many little ass pieces that she wasn’t even prepared to get into a relationship, let alone like someone. Coop was an amazing guy, just not the guy for her and that was okay. What she learned was that sometimes things will pass you by and it’s up to you to accept that and keep it moving.
“Yeah, I get it.”
Tia knew she needed to move along with the conversation and tell him why she finally decided to visit although her presence was requested as soon as he was given a bunk.
“My brother said you moved back up here for good?”
She nodded her head, “Yeah, I was going to go to Louisiana, but…I came here instead. I’m starting a non-profit.”
He was delighted to hear that. She had a heart for people.
“I know you gon’ do well.”
Tia sure damn hoped so.
“What’s up with you and dude?” he had to know.
Tia was happy to report to him, “I’m still single, Coop.”
He playfully wiped sweat off his head. “Whew girl, I don’t know why I expected you to say you was pregnant or some shit,” he chuckled, coolly.
She shook her head. “None of that going on. But speaking of being pregnant…”
He looked into her eyes, visibly confused.
“I ain’t got no kids!” he said, defensively.
If there was any chance of him being able to still capture her heart, he didn’t want a possible rumor of him being a daddy out here ruin his chances.
Tia waved a hand in the air. “Boy, I know that, but you almost did.”
She dropped her head and Coop replayed her words in his head.
“Huh? When? Did you have a miscarriage?” he whispered.
With all these new laws coming out banning abortion, it’d awaken old memories inside of her.
What would she really have done if she wasn’t able to get that abortion?
It wasn’t fair that these states were taking women’s rights away. Tia believed that there were so many other things local and national government could be focused on.
“No.”
Coop wasn’t dumb at all. Without her saying another word, he figured everything out.
“Damn Tia.”
This news had for sure crushed his day.
“Why though?”
Tia flashed him a look of sincerity, “My job. My career. Coop, I worked really hard to land that position and in Houston at that! I moved across the map for that job. What was I going to do with a baby? Fresh out of school with no money.”
“I would’ve taken care of you, just like I was doing at the time.”
“Okay and here we are years later. You’re about to do fifteen years, so I would’ve been left with a kid,” she shot at him, warily.
Coop was offended, tremendously.
He nodded his head and held onto his bottom lip, something he did to control his
temper.
“Thanks for coming to see me, Tia.” He was done with the conversation.
“Coop.” She didn’t want him to end it like this. Tia wanted them to remain friends.
He got up from the table and told the guard, “This visit is over.”
Coop didn’t give her a second look.
Tia walked back to her car, in a daze wondering if she made the right decision. Or was it something that she could’ve took to her grave?
She tried to push it to the back of her mind, attempting to convince herself that he deserved to know the truth.
Her truth.
Tia was in a funk for the rest of the day and couldn’t shake it.
She managed to find a red-eye to California and charged the flight to her card.
She threw a few things into one of her oversized Gucci bags and caught an Uber to JFK.
One hard conversation down. She wondered would they ever speak again. Like, if she wrote him a letter, would he respond? Tia also had to ask herself if she cared. Was he someone that she had to have in her life? Because the thing with people and the value they held was often connected to time. Time spent, time shared. Time in general. But was the time beneficial? Were they worth the space that you allowed them to possess in your life? In your mind? Heart? Most importantly, your soul?
One more to go, is what she told herself as the plane ascended into the sky.
η
When he made it home, he had to take a second and bask in some gratitude. His house was paid for. His kids didn’t want for nothing. Momma was good. Baby mamas straight. Juice was thankful. Life was coming full-circle and he couldn’t do anything but count his blessings twice.
He took a deep breath after he cut the engine. Juice tried to pep himself up to break Faaizah’s heart, but he knew there wasn’t a nice way for him to do this.
All he could think of was the night Tia was trying to help him come up with ways to break the news to Mahogany that he wanted to move on from being her manager.
“Rip that shit off like a band-aid,” Juice told himself to rip it off and do what’s best for him. Porter’s advice replayed in his mind his whole ride home.
He entered the crib through the garage and his stomach instantly rumbled at the smell of dinner cooking.
“Daddy, I made you food,” his daughter told him with a big, wide smile.
He hated the days he robbed himself of being in their lives. What in the hell was he thinking?
“Hey baby girl,” he greeted her as he dropped his keys into a glass Tiffany bowl, one of the hundred wedding gifts that they’d received. Faaizah could take all that shit with her when she left.
He thought about leaving her the house knowing she probably didn’t want to return home, but Juice loved his place too much to do that. He was ballin’, but damn sure wasn’t rich enough to be like, “You can keep the crib.”
Nah, wasn’t happening. Faaizah would have to pack her bags and hit the door.
“It smells good in here,” he told his soon to be ex-wife.
“Thanks.”
He could tell she was mad about something, so he asked, “Didn’t have a good day today?”
The kids were there, so what was the problem? She loved when they were there.
Faaizah shook her head. “I’m great. I mean, how can I not be? We’re married!”
He didn’t know what the hell that meant. “Oh-kayyy.”
Juice picked up his daughter and spun her around.
“I think ice-cream for dinner sounds better, what you think?” He had a sweet tooth.
“Did you know Tia moved back here?” she questioned.
Juice stopped playing with his daughter and put her down. “Go wash your hands so y’all can eat.”
The sweet-tooth disappeared immediately.
“What are you talking about Faai?”
She filled him in, since he loved to play lost whenever she asked him about that damn girl.
“Baller Alert posted Tia and Mahogany talking at church. You never told me she was into church.”
He looked at her and thought to himself, Is she a maniac?
“What does into church mean? Don’t you go to the mosque?” he asked her, knowingly. Who was she to point the finger?
That was some stupid ass shit to say. What was wrong with this girl?
“You never mentioned it,” she shrugged her shoulders.
Juice knew he was done with her. Faaizah was lost in the sauce.
“When have I ever said anything about her, though? Like, what are we talking about right now?”
In the back of his head he was wondering why the hell Mahogany didn’t tell him that she ran into Tia. Orrr, was that why Porter said what he said?
Juice was confused and had a few things to sit and ponder on.
“Oh, I know more than you think I know.”
He nodded his head, “Yeah, sure you do.”
Faaizah’s ass didn’t know shit.
“Look, we need to talk.”
He was ready to wrap this up. His attorney instructed him to let him handle the details and paperwork.
“About what, Jihad?”
She wheeled herself around the kitchen, grabbing plates from the counter to set the table. Juice hired someone to come in and make living and moving around the house easier for her, which she appreciated.
“Can you stop for a second and listen to what I’m about to say?”
She was such a busy body, constantly looking for something to distract her from reality.
It was crazy how once you were over someone how much you started to notice things about them that you didn’t like.
“What do you possibly have to say?”
She had the nerve to sound irritated, as if she didn’t know what’d taken place earlier. They dipped out for two hours, leaving the kids with the teenager from across the street. Juice refused to celebrate a baby that he knew didn’t exist. Furthermore, he wanted someone to tell Faaizah verbatim that she wasn’t carrying a baby. He also really wanted to ask her if she planned on revealing to their family and friends during the wedding reception that she was pregnant when really, she wasn’t. Juice would’ve been so fucking pissed.
“I’m sorry Mrs. Shahid, I don’t see a baby and we took four urine samples,” the Doctor apologized as he looked between an unconcerned husband and a devastated wife.
“Can you take my blood and check?” she asked.
Juice took a deep breath, “Thanks Doc, we’ll be out of here in a few minutes.”
He wasn’t about to waste anymore of this man’s precious time. Her lying ass knew she wasn’t pregnant to begin with. He was relieved. She was livid.
“Wow.”
Faaizah had the nerve to say as she sat up from the hospital bed and pulled her shirt down.
“Maybe she’s hiding…”
“Stop it!” He couldn’t do this with her.
This fake ass, “I coulda swore I felt something” bullshit.”
They rode home in silence and now here she was, trying to act like nothing ever happened.
Juice had been replaying the scene in his head all day and that’s when he finally blurted out, “I don’t want to be married to you anymore.”
Whew, that came out way easier than he thought it would.
She looked at him and shook her head. “Not an option.”
Faaizah wheeled around and continued with preparing the table for dinner.
It was obvious that she didn’t take him seriously, but this was in fact, kind of a big deal. Her life was about to change. She hadn’t worked since they’d met. Juice took her from her momma’s house to a mansion.
“Faaizah, I filed for an annulment.”
He then added, “You’re not pregnant and-”
She shushed him, “Not yet!”
Before he could protest, the kids ran into the kitchen with their hands in the air, showing that they were clean and dry.
“Y’all washed ‘em good?” Faai asked
them with a beautiful smile on her face.
He didn’t want to sit through dinner, at least not with her, but for the sake of his kids he would.
She blessed the food, and everyone dived in.
“Daddy, you not eating?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m not hungry.”
Juice eyed Faaizah who made sure not to catch his eye as much as she could.
Once dinner was over and the kids had dessert, Juice made them go to bed early. Faaizah was in the kitchen, putting the leftovers into Tupperware.
He planned on trying to break things off, again. Tonight, had to be the night. Period.
She heard his Gucci slides tattering against the hardwood floors and without turning around, Faaizah questioned his intentions, “You really don’t want to be married to me?”
He exhaled loud enough for her to hear. He could only hope that she didn’t try to get out of her chair and fight him or no crazy shit like that. This could be a peaceful separation, if only she obliged. Juice wasn’t trying to pay alimony or nothing.
“I think you know the answer to that, babe.”
E P I L O G U E
You are a vision of perfection. In my eyes, I was caught up in a blessing – Musiq Soulchild.
Situational Depression also known as adjustment disorder is caused by a life changing event. Examples of situational depression is the death of a loved one, job loss, bad breakup or trauma such as a car accident. Situational depression is three times more likely than major depression, but medications aren’t usually required to treat the depression. Most therapists suggest that you find a new job or move. Symptoms of situational depression include excessive sadness, worry and nervousness, frequent crying and social withdrawal. While those are common emotions felt during times of late altering event, it leans more towards depression when it interferes with your daily activities.
Juice took a deep breath once he sat down and pulled his navy-blue slacks up a tad over his ankles, exposing his Gucci socks and loafers.
Dr. Mighty-Moore smirked, “Nice socks, Mr. Shahid” figuring that would stroke his ego.
However, she was utterly surprised when he blew off her compliment, “They’re just socks, Doc.”
Juice used to be caught up in the hype and there was once a time when designer was his love language, but not anymore. He was a words of affirmation kind of guy. After a long day, he appreciated being told that he was a hard-working man and all that good shit. Juice was in good spirits today.
