Beloved Intruder

by Patricia Wilson

  'I can't really see what I've done to anger you,' Beth said miserably, clenching her hands in her lap and looking down.

  'You have not angered me,' he said tightly. 'You have just made it clear that I can protect and guide you only as far as you will allow. There is nothing I can do about it, apart from giving you a good shaking, and I hesitate to do that. You have enough worries without any major disturbance. If I simply go ahead and make appointments for you and insist that you keep them, then we will be once again in the situation where you are filled with resentment. I do not want that, therefore I shall ignore this new problem and simply beg you to take care.'

  'Sometimes you are very hard.' Beth turned away from him and looked out of the car window, wondering what had happened to her happy day.

  'Sometimes it is a necessity!' he said, his eyes firmly on the road. 'Nevertheless, you will have a dinner party for your birthday and it will serve the purpose of both celebrating the event and introducing you to the finer points of being a gracious hostess in my house.'

  The end of the discussion had been reached and he said nothing further, leaving Beth to her own thoughts which were not at all happy. He was so many things to her that sorting out her feelings was impossible. He protected her, raged at her, became angry with her unexpectedly and left her feeling utterly alone, more alone than she had ever felt before. He excited her too, her cheeks flushed as she thought about that. There were times when she simply just wanted to be wrapped in his arms and feel his kisses. She knew without any experience whatever that the satisfaction she craved would only come from Gaetan. It was not and never would be possible. She was not even sure what the empty feeling inside her meant. She sighed and stared straight ahead, her little sound drawing his attention.

  'You bring out both the best and the worst in me, Beth,' he said into the silence, 'but you know that I do not wish to see you unhappy, do you not?'

  'Yes, I know that,' she answered softly. 'I also know that I'm difficult and I'm grateful that…'

  'Gratitude is not a thing that I really need,' he murmured. 'Come here, petite. We will make it up, eh?' He reached out an arm and drew her to his side and she came willingly and softly, snuggling into his shoulder with a little sigh that brought a smile at last to the tight lips. 'Alors! The day ends well after all. We will forget our differences and remember the good things, and when we get back, I will play cards with you until dinner time.'

  'All right,' she said, secretly biting her lip. She had grown quite accustomed to his brotherly attitude when he spoke to her. He seemed to forget the times that he had held her in an entirely different way but she could never forget. Rather than play cards, she would have gone on driving with him like this until they reached the end of the world.

  Madame Benoir was delighted to hear that there was to be a dinner party and began arranging it as soon as Gaetan told her, sitting in the kitchen with pencil and paper, her face thoughtful as Beth walked in during the week.

  'I am as excited as a girl!' she confessed. 'There were many parties here not too long ago. It will be good to get back into the old ways.'

  'I suppose that I have interrupted the old ways,' said Beth ruefully, but Madame Benoir simply got up and poured Beth a coffee, setting it down on the table and sitting down with her own coffee for the little break that they had recently taken to having together in the middle of the morning.

  'Yes, I suppose to be truthful that is the case,' she admitted quietly, 'but do not be too hard on yourself. Monsieur Vernais is much happier these days than he used to be, he has less of a nightlife too, and that, in my opinion, is all to the good. There was a time when I expected to see him kill himself with so much searching after illusion.'

  'Illusion?' Beth looked up at her, her cup cradled in her hands, her eyes puzzled, and Madame Benoir pursed her lips.

  'Oh, you know, Mademoiselle Beth, chasing the very thought of happiness. He is much more settled now, you have given him a focus for his life. It is, I expect, like suddenly having acquired a younger sister. He has other things to think about now, not just work and enjoyment. Happiness cannot be chased, it grows from the inside.'

  'You are a philosopher, madame!' Beth laughed, bringing a smile to the face before her, but adding softly, 'Perhaps he missed his wife.'

  'That one!' Madame Benoir snorted scornfully. 'He married her because he needed a wife, or so he seemed to have convinced himself. From the first, they quarrelled like enemies. He was not then rich and established, you understand, and she wanted everything, everything except Monsieur Vernais. It was a great mistake and we were all very pleased when she left. There was not one tiny bit of tenderness in her, only greed and a great desire to attract men. He was well rid of her, she would have ruined his life!'

  'Well, he has taken on a great responsibility with me,' Beth commented sadly. 'I frequently annoy him.'

  'It is only natural!' Madame Benoir said in surprise. 'To be feminine is to be annoying very often. At least it is clear that you care for him. I hope that he will be content for a while. I have often thought that he was contemplating another disastrous marriage. Mademoiselle Dubois is not at all suitable for him but she has a very nasty habit of clinging. He could be fooled. There!' She stood swiftly straightening her apron. 'I am gossiping about my employer and that is very wrong. Still, I have known him for a very long time and we all love him, n'est-ce pas?'

  'Yes,' Beth murmured, wishing she had never been in the kitchen at all, her face suddenly pale as she went to her room to sit and stare at the wall, making no move to do anything.

  Love him? Was that what it was that was wrong with her? Was that why she could think of very little else nowadays but his face, his voice, the warmth of his arms? Was that why painful and forbidden feelings flooded through her every time he held her? She got up and went to stare out of the window, seeing nothing but the misery that raced around in her mind like a wild animal seeking refuge.

  To love Gaetan in any other than a friendly way would be to invite disaster. He was experienced, polished, way out of her reach, and he thought of her as little more than a teenager who was quickly growing up to be a woman. He had enough problems coping with her as it was. She could never let him see that there was another problem growing inside her that would have to be faced one day.

  She turned back to her books, trying to lose herself in her studies, and when Gaetan returned and called in to see why she was not using the library as usual she merely mumbled at him, not even looking up, giving the impression that once again she was antagonistic, and he walked off, slamming the door, making it quite clear that he intended to let her get on with it. Maybe it was time to allow Alain back on to the scene? He stood in the library, irresolute, and then poured himself a drink, tossing it off without even tasting it. What the hell was he going to do about her?

  By the time that Beth's birthday came around, it was clear to him that it had not been just a momentary mood. He hardly saw her except at dinner, and after a few evenings when they hardly spoke and Beth was withdrawn and far away, he took to dining out again with Gabrielle, anything to escape from the look of distant and aloof indifference on her face.

  As to the party, Beth had been living in dread of the event, and when she got ready for the dinner on the night of her birthday, her hands were actually shaking, and making up was an unusually difficult task. She did not know what Gaetan really expected of her. He had been distant for days and she hardly ever saw him. He was out with Gabrielle most nights, and often when she came into the library to collect a book he was talking to Gabrielle on the phone, his voice warm and intimate, his manner telling her that she intruded.

  She sighed and dressed with care; at least that was easy. She had been saving her best-loved gown for an occasion and this seemed to be it. The creamy silk clung to her waist and hips, billowing out into the full-flowing skirt, the low halter neck leaving her shoulders and back free of covering.

  She left her hair loose, brushed into a shining cloud arou
nd her shoulders, and looked at herself critically. She looked good, a little pale, and she knew that she had lost weight since she had discovered her true feelings for Gaetan, but nevertheless she looked good. She went downstairs, realising that she did not even know who had been invited, biting her lip when she thought how remiss of her this was, to have shown so little interest in an event that had been planned for her. She and Gaetan were now like strangers.

  The sound of voices drew her to the big salon where he seemed to have begun to entertain the guests in her absence, another crime to be set against her. She should have been down earlier instead of hiding away like a frightened child. She took a deep breath, raised her shining head and walked into the brightly lit room.

  It seemed to be full of people and at her entrance all talk stopped as they turned towards her. Then Madeleine detached herself from a group at the far end of the room and sailed towards her, her arms outstretched.

  'Happy birthday, chérie!' she called, breaking the silence, and then the others called to her too, wishing her a happy birthday, kissing her cheeks and making the awkward moment pass.

  Her eyes searched for Gaetan, finding him at once as he stood tall and handsome by the fireplace that was now filled with the flowers of summer. He raised his glass in salute, his dark eyes intently on her, noting the pallor of her face, the bruised look about her eyes, her very brittle slenderness. She seemed to be so withdrawn these days, and he had to fight hard to keep a frown from his face.

  'Now that the hostess has arrived, we can eat,' he said sardonically, bringing a quick flare of colour to her cheeks, and Madeleine slid an arm into Beth's.

  'Ignore him, ma chère,' she whispered. 'He is abominable at times and he has with him an abominable companion. Had I known that Gabrielle Dubois was to be here I would have sent my apologies and bought you a bigger present to make up for it.'

  Beth had noticed that Gabrielle was here, in fact she had been so stunned by it that she had failed to notice that there were also Marie-Annette and Alain. Clearly, Gaetan had been in a fix as to who to invite, as so few of his friends knew her.

  Alain joined them and slid his arm around Beth in a possessive manner, making the most of the fact that it was permissible on her birthday.

  'I am here, you know!' he announced in a loud and amused voice.

  'Oh, Alain! I was so confused when I realised that I was late that I really haven't had time to look around.'

  'It should not be necessary!' he stated with a wry and amused face. 'What do they say? Across a crowded room? You should have seen me instantly.'

  It was Gaetan she had seen, and his eyes again met hers as he heard Alain's remark. Oh, God! Was she that obvious? He must never know what was eating at her, making every day a misery. She laughed gaily at Alain and by skilful management she kept him at her side as they went into the long and beautiful dining-room, where she greeted her guests like a mature and well practised hostess, her hand on Alain's arm.

  For Beth, the meal was a small nightmare, and she hardly knew what she said during the course of it. She sat at one end of the table, Gaetan at the other, and there was no way that she could escape his glittering gaze. There was no way either that she could fail to see Gabrielle, so obviously with Gaetan, taking all his time, perfectly at home here. She knew this house and this man only too well.

  After the meal, when Gaetan strolled over to the group she was talking to in the salon, Gabrielle clinging to his arm, Beth could face no more. She slid away with a murmured excuse, drifting from the room unnoticed, her silky dress whispering around her ankles. She found the french windows in the smaller salon that was not in use and slipped out into the cooler night air. Her skin was hot and dry, her hands trembling. She could not bear to see Gaetan with Gabrielle for one more minute.

  Her tears were so very close to the surface as she tried to come to terms with her feelings, trying to look at things rationally. It was no good whatever. There was nothing rational about her feelings for Gaetan. It had grown on her without her knowledge. The safety of his possessiveness, the realisation that he cared what happened to her, the comfort of his arms. These things were new, so unexpected that she had simply sunned herself in them, taking his harsher moments in her stride in order to have these new and wonderful comforts. The rest had been there almost all the time. She knew that now. Her stunned and bewildered feelings when she had first seen him had been a warning signal that she had been too inexperienced to recognise. Now, it was all too late. She had no idea what to do. There was nobody to tell.

  Footsteps behind her made her jump guiltily, but she had not expected to escape from Alain for long. She didn't even turn.

  'Sorry that I walked out, Alain,' she said brightly. 'I was feeling a little too hot.'

  'It will disappoint you, I know, but it is not Alain, regrettably, it is only I.' Gaetan's cool and cynical voice sent shivers of apprehension through her and she turned with a half-smile on her face.

  'Oh, I expected Alain to come chasing out. I didn't expect to see you, Gaetan.'

  'I assumed that he would be here too,' Gaetan said with a look of disapproval. 'However, I did not come to spy on you. What you do at twenty years of age is none of my business so long as it is reasonably proper. I came to tell you that very soon everybody will be wanting to give you a present. It is our normal custom to wait until after dinner. I would not like to have to come and drag you from Alain's arms to present you slightly dishevelled to your guests.'

  'You know that there's nothing like that between Alain and me,' Beth said quietly. 'Why are you trying to hurt me?' she added in a whisper, walking further away into the garden. The moonlight turned her dress to silver and her skin to a pale, translucent softness.

  'I am not trying to hurt you!' he said tightly, following her and coming to stand facing her, his eyes on her delicate face.

  'Please don't ever try then,' she said with an attempt at light-heartedness. 'The experience would probably kill me!'

  She suddenly shivered and he reached out to touch her arm, running his hand along her skin.

  'You are cold! What are you doing out here anyway?'

  'I thought I was out here to meet Alain,' she said, her eyes challenging him as she looked up.

  'Stop arguing!' he said in a tightly controlled voice. 'Come here and get warm!' He reached for her and opened his jacket, drawing her into the warm circle of his body, feeling her trembling against him. 'Now take all the air you need and then let us get back!' he ordered. 'This is not a very good idea!'

  'It was your idea,' she murmured, her shaking not at all lessening as she tried to step away but was drawn inexorably back to the temptation of his warmth.

  'One of us has to be sensible,' he said in a low voice. 'Obviously, it will never be you.' He held her closely until she relaxed, her head falling to his chest as his hands began to wander over her chilled arms and her tense back. 'What am I going to do with you?' he muttered against her hair. 'You are so very difficult to manage. Sometimes it is almost impossible. Do you know that?'

  He pulled her tightly to him and she could not resist the urge to wind her arms around his waist and snuggle against him, her face against his heavily beating heart. 'So, you are my friend again?' he said in a low and driven voice. 'After days of silence you are back here.'

  'I try not to upset you, truly,' whispered Beth shakily.

  'Truly!' he repeated thickly. 'You have no idea what goes on in life unless it is right under that small and beautiful nose.'

  Beth lifted her head, drawn by the sound of his vibrant voice, and he looked down at her before dropping a kiss on the tip of her nose, his breathing quickening when she simply went on looking at him, keeping her face tilted to his.

  'Mon Dieu!' he whispered huskily. 'You know what you invite?'

  He did not wait for a reply; instead his lips brushed her cheeks, and when she turned her head just a little, he was waiting for her, his mouth capturing hers with a yearning hunger that sent waves of shock
through her, igniting flames in both of them.

  She kissed him back with a kind of desperation, tightening her arms around his waist as he clasped her in an almost cruel grip that allowed for no escape even if she had wanted one. She didn't want to escape, though; fire ran through her with a consuming and fierce flame as his hands, possessive and demanding, moulded her against him, locking them together, turning her into a being she didn't even recognise.

  The magic was all-consuming and she seemed to be on another level of existence beneath the burning onslaught of his lips, her tiny cries of excitement and desperation at last forcing him to lift his head.

  He held her against him for a moment, giving her time to recover, but the soft and anguished cries did not stop and he tilted her face to the moonlight, his eyes burning down at her.

  'Don't do that!' he commanded harshly, his hands restless on her slender body. 'You are signalling a need that I cannot ever fulfil, tu comprends?'

  She lifted her head and shook it wildly, her hair flying out and brushing his face, and he caught her to him with a low groan, cradling her head and kissing her trembling lips with a tenderness that his voice had never suggested was there.

  'Come inside, slip up to your room and recover a little and then we will see what you have in the way of presents,' he coaxed, his own voice by no means steady.

  'Somebody will see me,' she whispered, stepping away from him and brushing her hand across her face in a little gesture that touched his heart.

  'Nobody has the least idea where you are,' he assured her, his arm coming around her as he guided her back to the house.

  'You knew,' she said softly, still shaking in the aftermath of her first real taste of desire, a deep shame beginning to wash over her at the wanton behaviour that had driven Gaetan to kiss her like that.

  'When you came through the small salon you left the door open, and as this is the only room with windows that lead out here, I knew very well where you were.'