A Lady’s Christmas Rake

by Andresen, Tammy

  May stiffened in his arms and he realized his mistake. “What do you know of the smuggling?” She wiggled out of his hold and stood.

  “Enough.” He sighed, cursing himself a fool for mentioning what he knew and now, having to tell her one of the reasons why he was visiting Cornwall in the first place. “I work for the Crown. I’m here visiting your father as he was indeed a close friend of my own, but it is not the only reason. There have been reports of smuggling coming out of this part of the country. I was to investigate and return with my findings. Prosecute all those involved, if possible.”

  She crossed her arms, looking at him in shock. “Prosecute. Do you mean you intend to place the people involved in jail?”

  “Not me personally, but the law will deal with those who’ve tried to cheat the system.” Fear flickered in her eyes before she blinked and it was gone. “I know you’re involved, May and I know you have one more shipment to distribute before the next full moon. I cannot allow you to be a part of it.”

  “You cannot allow me to be a part of it? I’m not your wife yet, my lord. Illegal or not, I have an obligation to Ste—” She frowned. “The smugglers. I will not break my contract so close to its completion.”

  “Yes, you will. You have no choice.” She strode over to the decanter of brandy, poured herself a small glass of the amber liquid and swallowed it in one sitting. William fought the urge to go to her, to promise her protection, if only she did as he wished, what was right after all, but her body language, distant and shielded told him to stay exactly where he sat. “What are you doing?” he asked at length.

  “Fortifying myself for the argument we must have.” She caught his gaze, her eyes narrowing in temper. “I will make that last shipment to the smugglers, many of whom I’ve known for as long as I remember. These are my friends and I will not let them down. Furthermore, I do not appreciate the fact you lied to me. Why didn’t you tell me who you work for?”

  “It wasn’t necessary,” he answered in a clipped tone. “I do not have to divulge everything about my life to the people I meet. And let us not forget, you were not entirely honest with me either.” Her face paled and he hated himself for hurting her. But he’d always been guarded about his position in the government and what he said was true. Had he not found out about the smuggling, he doubted she would ever have told him. To catch thieves one must remain unknown. “I’m sorry to be terse, but that is my decision and you must adhere to the rules.”

  “You know what you can do with the rules, my lord?” She came over to him and leaned across the desk, her cheeks aflame with the temper he’d only seen the first day he’d met her.

  “What?”

  “Whatever you damn well please. But know this: I will not be taking your orders now or anytime in the future. Nor will I marry a man who’s so pigheaded that he cannot turn a blind eye, just once, for the woman he supposedly loves.”

  He stood. Honor and love warring within him, and yet, what the smugglers were doing was wrong. He had always been an honest man, and he couldn’t allow this trade to go on if he could stop it. “You’re asking me to break the law, to break the oath that I took for my King and country. The love I feel for you has nothing to do with these pirates of the sea. You’re putting yourself in danger, May. I cannot allow that to continue.”

  “It is not your choice, William. I’ve had to sacrifice everything, risk my family, my reputation to keep this estate from sinking under the waves of debt. The smugglers you hate so much have enabled my brother to keep his birthright. I did what was needed, and I will not apologize or change my opinion of this. And I will not change my mind. I’ll see you at dinner.”

  William watched her leave, before she halted at the door, a sprig of mistletoe above her head. A numb emptiness threaded through him and even if he wished to get up and kiss her senseless, he would not. He would give her some time, to think over her words and see the sense to what he said.

  “Do not bother asking Papa for my hand. I cannot marry you, my lord.” Her voice as lifeless as he felt.

  William followed her quickly, caught her at the base of the stairs and pulled her around to face him. “What do you mean you cannot marry me?”

  She shrugged out of his hold and moved away. “I don’t believe we’ll be well-matched. You’re too, too,” she gestured at his form, her face one of disgust and hurt, “controlling.”

  Damn it, the last thing he wished for her to feel was hurt. He loved her, wanted her only to see the errors of her way. “I am not controlling. I only want what is best for you. I can remove all your worries if only you’ll let me. But I cannot allow you to smuggle any longer. It’s against the law. Please, try and understand.”

  She shook her head, her chin set in a determined line. “I’m not a person who goes back on my word. You’re asking me to cheat my friends.”

  “Yes, so you’ve said before, although I don’t believe ‘friends’ drag others into such a reprehensible business.” A maid exited the dining room with a garland of holly, and slowed her steps as if to listen. William glared at the girl, and she soon shuffled off. “And what am I to you, May?” He leaned in close enough so only she could hear. “Just your bed mate to be used and discarded when you’ve had your fill? Is your love so fickle that you can love me one moment and not the next?”

  A blush rose on her cheeks. “Of course not.”

  “Then what?” He stepped back. It was clear whatever feelings she had disclosed to him were not as important to her as her loyalty to her thieving, smuggling ‘friends’. He ground his teeth, wanting to shake sense into her while all the time knowing it was no use. The suspicious, closed off woman he’d first met on the beach was back, and there would be no reasoning with her. “I wish you well in your endeavors toward a life of prayer. I hope your time in the convent is everything you’d hoped it would be.” Sarcasm laced his tone and yet still, she held his gaze with an immovable strength that no matter how many words he said would not shift.

  “I’m sure I’ll be very happy there.” She bobbed a curtsy before leaving him gaping after her at the bottom of the stairs.

  William had hoped his less than favorable reminder of her future in the convent may spark some wisdom into her. It had not. William strode out the front door and made his way toward the stable. A good hard ride in the chilly air was what he needed to clear his head. And maybe by tonight May would have thought over her nonsensical words and be ready to rescind her choice.

  He scoffed at his own idiocy knowing she would not. And never would.

  Chapter Eight

  May watched from her bedroom window two days later as William rowed the small wooden craft out to the large sailing ship where he would disappear from her life, perhaps forever.

  A severe ache tortured the area where her heart sat. What had she done? And yet, she knew exactly what she’d done. She’d pushed away the only man she’d ever loved or cared about. How could she have said yes one moment and then throw his offer away without a second thought. Well, she was certainly having second thoughts now, and yet, now it was too late.

  The little boat made the larger vessel safely, and she could just make out William as he climbed on deck. He would probably marry another at some time in his life while she would have endless days and nights without color or joviality.

  I’m a pigheaded fool.

  “Your carriage is here, Miss May.”

  She picked up her shawl and looked about her bedroom one last time. After William had stated at dinner two nights past he would be leaving earlier than planned, it seemed the right time for her to leave as well. Being home, a place where she’d fallen in love for the first time in her life, was just too hard to bear. And she could not face a Christmas here, pretending to be happy and merry while all the time sick with regret. Her choice had been simple in the end, and she had written to the mother superior and asked to come early and was granted her wish.

  “Thank you,” she said, following her maid out of the room.

&nbs
p; The house was deathly quiet. Her father and brother both stood at the front doors waiting to farewell her. Threaded holly ran down the staircase and the scent of pine and sea filled the house. From the look of the decorations scattered about the foyer, the house was almost ready for Christmas. A pang of guilt pricked her that she would not be here to celebrate the day with her family, but she pushed it away. This was for the best, it was time she started the new chapter in her life.

  Neither of them looked enthused by her choice to go, and she fought the prick of tears. Fear crept up her spine that she may have made a mistake. That the course she had chosen to walk was the wrong one. May sighed, thinking over her last night at home.

  As arranged she had met the smugglers and taken into her possession the last shipment of their contraband. She’d returned to the estate just before dawn to a waiting William. Never would she forget the disappointment or the hurt on his face. The imagery of it would haunt her forever.

  He’d not said a word, only strolled into the library, shutting the door in her face, and seemingly closing her out of his life forever.

  And she deserved it.

  May forced a smile as she came back to the present, and stood before her family. “Well, this is goodbye I suppose, but only for now. Matthew, promise me you’ll write and tell me all the news of home.”

  “Must you go?” her brother whined, taking her hand.

  “You know I must, but remember, we’ll keep in contact. And you can visit me whenever you wish.” His lip wobbled and May pulled him into a hug, the tears so steadfastly held back spilling onto her cheeks. “Don’t be upset.” She sniffed, kissing his crown. “This is for the best, dearest and in time you’ll understand.” Her father mumbled something and May caught his gaze. “What is it, Papa?”

  “Other than this being the second biggest mistake you’ve made in your short life, nothing. Nothing is the matter.” His voice was gruff, his annoyance almost palatable.

  May frowned. “What was my first mistake?”

  “William.”

  Just the mention of William’s name sent a longing that threatened to rip her heart from her chest. She missed him and it had only been an hour or so since she’d seen him leave. Not that he’d sought her out to say goodbye. The last two days, they’d been strangers who had no interest in making each other’s acquaintance.

  “But why can you not stay for Christmas. I don’t want you to go.”

  May kissed her brother and father quickly, unable to listen to anymore of her siblings pleas without breaking down entirely in front of them. “I must go. It’s starting to snow.”

  “Safe travels, my darling daughter. We will write often and visit when allowed.” Her father pulled Matthew against his side and waved from the door, disappointment etched on his visage.

  May stepped up into the carriage and looked back at them. “As will I. Goodbye.”

  Chapter Nine

  May leaned into the wind at the bow of Stephen’s ship and stared at the endless ocean before her. How she had come to be here made her laugh. Only last week had she commenced her postulancy at The Little Sisters of Jesus, praying, reflecting and giving thanks. And now, now she was free.

  Thank goodness, the mother superior didn’t know she prayed for a way to leave them, she would’ve gone to hell for sure. The woman for all her strict rules and beliefs had sensed her unhappiness and asked her to explain her moroseness.

  The moment May had sat down to explain, a dam of emotions had spilled out across the mother superior’s desk and threatened to drown the poor woman. Surprisingly, the woman had patiently listened and offered her further time to think about her future or to return to her father’s estate. May had done the latter and no sooner had she returned home, she had ridden down to the local village and sent out word to Stephen that she needed his assistance and as soon as possible.

  She had expected to see him within a month or two at the least, so when he was ushered into the parlor the following day, May knew fate had shown its hand and had confirmed her choice was the right one—William and she were meant to be together.

  And now Stephen was chasing down William’s ship having been told by another vessel where they were. It was probably not the most intelligent move her lifelong friend had ever made, since a smuggler’s ship was always trying to outrun the law, and William was exactly that—the law. But as her friend, and with her promise that William would not take them into custody, he’d agreed to her plan to take her to him. Now she just hoped that her promise could be kept.

  “A ship, starboard side, captain,” a sailor hollered.

  May looked to where the man pointed and could just make out the sails of a ship on the horizon. Orders rained about her and soon their ship was sailing toward the other vessel.

  Stephen came to stand beside her. “Are you sure about this, May? Your course in life seemed set.”

  She smiled. “I know it did and had I not met William, I would’ve continued to tolerate the life of prayer and service, but I did meet him and he’s changed everything for me. I love him.” She looked at the vessel getting ever closer and excitement along with trepidation thrummed in her veins. Would William acknowledge her? Would he accept her pleas for forgiveness and make her his forever? May did not know, but she supposed, she would soon find.

  “Then I’m glad you’re chasing what you want. You deserve to be happy.” He smiled and the gesture calmed her a little. Everything would work out well.

  “Thank you, Stephen. I hope one day you find love as well. For all your smuggling, you’re a good man.” And he was the best of men for helping her out in such a way.

  * * *

  It took them some hours to chase down the vessel. By now, William’s crew had noted their presence and all stood on deck waiting, watching to see what Stephen’s ship was doing.

  May stood next to Stephen and spied William before he noticed her. When he did, his eyes flared, but no other emotion crossed his features to give her some clue as to what he was thinking.

  He would be angry with her. That she could be sure, but she hoped in time he’d forgive her. Not that she could ever submit to rules from him, she wasn’t capable of submissive behavior, but if he was willing to be her equal partner in life, that she could manage.

  “I’m surprised to see your ship and so close to mine. Are you here to hand yourself over to the Crown and right the wrongs you’re so guilty of?” William shouted out across the small stretch of water that separated them.

  Stephen laughed. “Sorry to disappoint you, Lord Grandison, but I’m only here to return what is yours.” He gestured toward her. “Miss May.”

  William’s gaze locked with hers and a simmering heat flared between them. “She is not mine.”

  May stepped forward and clasped the rail for support. “Can I come aboard and have a moment of your time, my lord?” The crew on both ships hollered and laughed at her request. May glared at each of them and their chortling stopped.

  “If you wish it,” he replied, crossing his arms, refusing to offer help in getting her across the short space of water separating them.

  Stephen came to her aid and clasped her hand, helping her climb down the ladder to the small boat that would take her to William’s ship. She whispered her thanks knowing Stephen would take his leave immediately, giving her the time alone with William.

  “Follow me,” William barked, the request like an order to one of his men.

  May started at his terse words that did little to comfort her. He was angry, but it had been some weeks since she’d seen him. May had hoped he would’ve missed her as much as she’d missed him and taken her into his arms and declared undying love before all his crew. Followed by hours of making love…

  That part of her daydream took place in the privacy of his cabin. But this greeting left her floundering and unsure of his mind-set. Pushing away her fear, she followed him, comforting herself with the thought that should everything go terribly wrong, no matter what William thought of
her, he would not hurt her physically.

  He led her toward the stairs, taking her below deck. The ship rocked, making her progress awkward. He didn’t wait for her, but kept stalking toward his quarters and she followed, taking in as much of the ship as she could.

  William had the respect of his crew. For a vessel that was occupied by men, it was clean and shipshape. His quarters were no exception. A large four-poster bed stood hard up against a wall, centered in the large space. A desk with a multitude of charts and papers sat before large bank of windows that looked over the ocean.

  May walked toward the window and gazed out over the deep azure sea. With a view like this to wake up to every morning it was no wonder William had never sought to return to his estate with any haste. The door slammed shut and May heard the bolt slide home. She faced him. The muscle at his temple twitched and she wondered if perhaps this wasn’t such a well thought out plan after all. Her fingers shook and she clasped her hands before her to stop the nervous gesture from being obvious.

  Maybe he’d lied about his position for her. Maybe it was a ruse to get to her smuggling friends. She shook away the unhelpful thoughts and focused on her plan. She was being fancifully absurd.

  “What are you doing here, May? Aren’t you supposed to be praying like a good little nun?”

  His sarcasm stung. “Don’t be rude. The sisters at the convent are wonderful people. Just because you don’t understand their motives doesn’t make their choices any less valid than your own.”

  He scoffed and sat on the end of his bed. Warmth spread between her thighs at the memory of what they’d done in his bed back at her home. She cleared her throat, needing to think clearly. “We need to talk.”

  “Really?” His brows rose. “I believe you’ve already stated what you wished for and felt for me. There is nothing else left to say.”