A Lady’s Christmas Rake

by Andresen, Tammy

  “You really should have budgeted for the roof,” he said gruffly as he stepped out of the room and drew her away, aware they could do nothing until the morning.

  She clutched her robe about her and scowled at him. “I tried my best. I didn’t know there was a hole in the roof.”

  “Which is why you send someone up there to maintain it. This never would have happened if you had not been wasting money. I can’t fathom what you could possibly be spending so much money on but if it is fine gowns and... and bonnets or something, I shall tell you now, I won’t allow it any longer.”

  Her mouth dropped open. She took a few steps back from him. That dash of fear that so often haunted her expression was back and if he had been less frustrated, he might have managed to school his emotions, but he couldn’t. Damn it, all he wanted was a night with his wife of nearly one year. Was that so much to ask?

  “It has not been easy with you gone. You don’t know what I have had to deal with, what obligations—”

  “You are obligated to ensure my estate is run well. As a duchess, no less is expected from you. Instead, I return to find half my money frittered away, my castle crumbling and most of my staff gone.” He pushed a hand through his hair.

  Her bottom lip trembled and he waited for her to retreat, but instead she straightened her shoulders. “Had you not left and had you helped me understand the running of your estate better, I might have been better able to fulfil my role. But I had other obligations too.”

  “A lover perhaps?” he sneered. Even as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. The idea of a lover had been born of his own inadequacy. Since yesterday, he hadn’t for one moment truly believed that. But still, he needed the reassurance.

  “No, how dare you? I don’t know what you have been doing this past year, but I would never dream of such a thing.” Her breasts heaved against her robe and he saw two dark spots of colour on her cheeks. Emma glanced at the remnants of her room as a sudden gust sent a whirl of wind and snow around them both. “I will not stand here and be insulted. I shall sleep in the blue room. Good night, Your Grace.”

  Alex cursed under his breath but didn’t beg her to return. He watched her stalk off to the guest bedroom and forced himself to uncurl his fists. What a fine mess he’d made of everything. Had he ruined any chance of happiness between them or was there still a possibility he could make up for his foolish words? He waited at the top of the stairs for the servants to ascend when he heard a flurry of activity down below. No doubt the sound had awoken them.

  He would have to do something for her, he realised. Something to prove how much he cared for her. Maybe even loved her. He had been selfish in his actions, while she had been utterly selfless, remaining here and running things for him. Why, she could have gone to London or stayed with her mother, but instead she chose to stay in the wilds of Scotland and try to learn how to manage an estate. Was it her fault her husband was so childish he would not even brave being honest with her?

  It was not. And so he had quite the task ahead of him to prove to her he wasn’t that selfish man anymore. He only hoped he was not too late.

  Chapter Twelve

  It took Emma at least an hour of lying in the dark in the blue room to control her breathing and rid herself of the angry fire burning in her belly. When it had left her, it also left her cold. The fire hadn’t been lit in the guest room—another money-saving scheme. She braved slipping out of the cold covers to retrieve a blanket from the coffer at the end of the four-poster bed and draped it over herself. Still, she shuddered.

  Why had she lost her temper with him? Why had she not tried to explain? She had intended to before they slipped into bed, but it never quite seemed the right moment. Alexander stole all reasonable thought from her with his touches and kisses. Would he understand or would he be angry with her still? She was a fool but what was she to do? Abandon Geoffrey to the world? He had nothing and no one. Should children suffer for the sins of their parents?

  She did not believe so for one moment, but how was she to continue supporting him? Now she was under Alexander’s watch, she could not, and she refused to lie to him any longer. But what would Geoffrey do? Well-paid work was not easily come by for a man with no education, though she knew her brother had tried hard to better himself. She wished her father had not been so selfish and such a coward. He should have claimed Geoffrey and helped him. It seemed so unfair Geoffrey should be struggling while she lived in relative luxury.

  In the morning, she would tell Alexander all. Let him be angry with her, if he would. Emma tossed onto her side and fought the cold dread in her stomach while bunching the blankets up around her neck. Perhaps he would decide to leave her again and take out his annoyance on the mountains once more. After all, a man like Alexander was not designed to sit around and play lord. He had trusted her to look after his responsibilities and she had failed. That failure sat like a bitter lump of coal in her stomach.

  She’d failed him and she’d failed to create a good marriage. Would she ever get anything right? Tears burned her eyes and she swiped them away before burying her head under the blankets and letting the stuffy warmth envelop her. Perhaps she wouldn’t. It looked as though her lack of courage had even destroyed any chance at a good marriage. Oh, how she loathed herself.

  * * *

  Emma forced herself out of bed at her usual early hour. Regardless of what had happened the previous night, it was still Christmas Day and she would not let all the cook’s preparations go to waste. Not to mention they needed to at least tidy her bedroom and try to cover the hole in the roof. The hope that she might be returning to Alexander’s room soon had burned bright—she never did enjoy sleeping alone—but that looked to be ruined now, so she needed to move some of her belongings into the guest room.

  She rang for a maid and was grateful to be brought a cup of tea. She sipped the warm liquid and felt it flow through her and revive her. Tea was indeed the cure for much, she thought. Why men insisted on turning to strong spirits when a cup of tea did a much better job, she would never understand.

  The maid chattered away, talking about the large meal Hannah had prepared for the servants and how she was looking forward to it. Once she and Alexander’s meal had been served, several of the staff intended to trek through the snow to visit relatives in the village. The maid’s excitement made Emma smile in spite of herself. How lucky the girl was to have a family who was desperate to see her. Emma’s own mother was more interested in social pursuits and Alexander’s family had intended to come more out of obligation than a desire to see their son and daughter-in-law.

  She had meant to ask the maid about the state of her bedroom, but by the time the maid had finished curling Emma’s hair and placed some festive green and red ribbons in it, she had forgotten that intention, such was her inability to get a word in edgeways.

  Dressed in an elegant pale green gown, Emma admired her reflection in the mirror. She smoothed out the ruffles that enhanced the low neckline and skimmed her shoulders. It was a rather grand gown for the daytime but it was Christmas after all, and she wanted to look her best for Alexander. Perhaps if she looked beautiful, he wouldn’t be so angry with her for giving away his money, though would he accuse her of frittering away his money again?

  Emma had never been one to use her looks—she hardly knew how—but Alexander seemed to be very attracted to her. If he wanted her anything like she wanted him, maybe there would be a chance she could persuade him she was worth staying for. She chewed her bottom lip and prayed for courage while her heart hammered against her bodice.

  Once the maid had left, she retrieved the shawl the maid had brought with her and draped it about her shoulders in an attempt to ward off the chill. Emma didn’t slow her pace as she walked past the closed doors of their bedrooms. She hoped he was up. To sit around and wait to apologise was more than she could bear. Tension already coiled tight in her belly.

  When she entered the dining room, her heart sank. Only one place rema
ined set, meaning Alexander had already taken his breakfast.

  “Mr Hampton,” she called when she had settled at the table and saw the butler slip past the room.

  He paused and stood in the doorway. “Your Grace?”

  “Have you seen His Grace this morning?”

  “No, Your Grace.”

  Emma scowled. Where was he? Had he gone out? Perhaps he had decided to take a walk. Perhaps he was still angry with her. She glanced at the window and saw the snow was still as thick as ever but at least there was no fresh snowfall. When she looked to the doorway, the butler had gone, leaving her alone save from the footman standing stoically in the corner.

  She tried to eat but her appetite was gone. He was going to leave her again, was he not? With a sigh, she took her cup of tea into the drawing room. She had spent far too many days eating breakfast alone and she would do so no longer. How much more pleasant would it be to sit by a warm fire at least.

  Snowy jumped off what had become her chair and scrabbled up her legs. Emma gave her a half-hearted pat and allowe the dog to clamber onto her lap. A heavy weight sat in Emma’s chest when she spied the poorly wrapped presents under the tree. A sad smile curved her lips and she sat to drink her tea while fingering the gold locket Alexander had given her.

  Oh, his gift. It was still in her room—likely buried under dust and snow. Still, she should see if she could find it. It wasn’t much—some monogrammed handkerchiefs—but she had thought she ought to get him something when he sent word of his intention to return. She hardly knew him at the time so he had not been easy to buy for.

  Did she really know him any better now? Yes, she thought so. In spite of them only having spent a few days together, they were building upon their brief courtship and their first difficult month together. When they had courted, he had been kind and courteous, if a little stiff. And their first month he had been awkward and a little foul tempered. These were all facets to him. Individually, some of those traits had intimidated her, but when combined with his sensual, romantic side, she found she could quite tolerate them. After all, who could claim to be perfect? Not her, for certain. Lying to him about her brother had been her biggest mistake.

  Placing down the tea, she coaxed Snowy off her lap and scowled when a thud came from upstairs. Where was everyone? With the exception of the footman in the corner and Mr Hampton striding by, the house was terribly quiet. Surely a small dinner for the two of them didn’t take that much work.

  There it was again. She froze and tilted her head to listen. Another thud. What was going on up there? She faced Mr Jacoby. “Have you seen His Grace this morning?”

  “No, Your Grace,” the footman replied stiffly as he stepped forwards to take her cup of tea and place it on a tray.

  “Will you go into the kitchen and see if anyone has seen him please?”

  He nodded, disconcertion coming across his face. Did he know where Alexander was? She waited until the footman had left and paused to listen to the scuffle. Perhaps the staff had decided to start clearing up her room without her. She would offer some help and see if she could not find the duke’s present.

  By the time she had ascended the stairs, she knew for certain that the thuds and scuffles were coming from her room. Her heart warmed a little, taking away some of the ice that Alexander’s disappearance had left in her chest. The staff at Balmead—at least those who remained—were indeed a kindly bunch and she was extremely grateful for them. She supposed at least when Alexander went travelling again she would still have them. What a shame she had never achieved her goal of getting with child.

  Emma pressed open the door and what she saw had her mouth dropping open. Gone was the snow and rubble and her bedroom had been restored to its former neatness. The bedding had been stripped and replaced with clean, pressed linens, and her few bottles of perfume and creams had been righted and placed neatly on her dressing table.

  And in the centre of it all was Alexander, standing on a ladder, his shirt sleeves rolled up, his hair almost white with plaster dust. The thud turned out to be him hammering a thin sheet of wood across the ceiling.

  “Alexander...”

  He paused and lowered the hammer to smile sheepishly at her. “I’ve boarded it over from the attic. It shouldn’t collapse again and one of the stable hands helped me seal up the roof. We’ll need to get someone up there when the snow thaws but there should be no more accidents.”

  “You must have been up for hours.”

  She stepped into the room and swept a finger across the mantelpiece to find it clean and dust free. Tears made her vision blurry. No one had ever done anything like this for her. No one had tried to take care of her problems. The estate had been left for her to deal with, she had been left in this crumbling castle to maintain it. Even in her childhood she had been forced to make her own decisions. Her mother wanted little to do with the silly little girl she had borne and her governesses were not much better.

  Alexander descended the ladder and placed the hammer down. He closed the gap between them and rested his hands on her arms. “I wanted to be sure you had a place to sleep should you wish... that is, if you do not wish to return to our marriage bed.”

  “You want me back in your bed?”

  “I do.”

  She gazed up at this handsome man—her husband. A little dust fell from his too long hair as he tipped his head forwards and she swiped a finger down his nose to remove it. His brown gaze searched her face and she saw the uncertainty there. It seemed the duke felt just as unsure of himself as she did at times. The idea made her heart stretch. Perhaps they were more alike than she thought. After all, he favoured active pursuits over anything else and though she might not climb mountains, she was happiest when she was productive. Looking after the Balmead estate had been no easy task but she’d relished it.

  “When you left, I didn’t wish to sleep in there. It felt cold and lonely,” she admitted.

  “I don’t wish you to feel lonely ever again.”

  She glanced around the room once more and fell against him, burrowing her head against the warm hollow of his neck. “Even if you go off and climb mountains again, as long as you promise me you shall return and join me in my bed, I shall never be lonely again.”

  “I can certainly promise that, and I have little intention of spending eleven months climbing mountains again. Besides, Scotland has many for me to explore. I plan to spend as much time as possible here.”

  A smile burst across her face, completely out of her control. But before she got carried away, she had to confess her secret. She forced herself to maintain a serious expression and took his hand to lead him to the bed.

  “I must tell you something, Alexander.”

  His own smile dropped but he let her lead him to sit down. He gripped her hand in his lap and stroked his fingers over the back of her hand. “You can tell me anything.”

  “The money... the estate... I have not been mismanaging it or spending the money, or at least I’ve tried my best not to. But, you see... I have a brother.” Emma saw his brows rise in surprise. No one knew of her brother except for her and her late father. Not even her mother knew her father had been unfaithful. “My father never claimed him and his mother died when he was only eight. He found me quite by accident shortly before we married. He was in the Navy, but under a vicious, horrible captain.”

  “When Geoffrey came to me, he’d been beaten badly. I could not send him away so I promised him whatever aid I could. When he left the Navy, I started sending him some of my allowance. And then once we married, I had him send his bills to me so I could pay them, but we’ve had some lean months and it’s been getting harder to support him.”

  Alexander rubbed a hand across the back of her neck and shook his head. “This brother, was he here after our wedding?”

  “Yes, he came by briefly to tell me he’d found work in Sheffield, but it didn’t last it seemed.”

  He closed his eyes then opened them. “I saw you two together. I as
sumed...”

  “You assumed...?”

  “He was your lover.”

  Emma almost reeled backwards and probably would have done were it not for his hand coming to her back and holding her up. “A lover? Oh my goodness, no! I would never... why would you... oh my.”

  He offered her a wry smile. “Let’s just say I will never jump to conclusions again. I figured out quite quickly that I had been wrong. But at the time you were so distant and you seemed so unhappy in bed. I had no idea how to please a woman. I was a virgin, you see.”

  Emma found herself thoroughly charmed by his admission and any annoyance at his foolish behaviour vanished at the sight of his bashful expression. He had been a virgin too. No wonder they had struggled so much on their wedding night. Neither of them had known what they were doing.

  “So I was your first woman?” she asked softly.

  “You were indeed. My first and hopefully my only?”

  She nodded, twisted and looped her arms around his neck. “Definitely.”

  Alexander wrapped his arms about her waist and drew her down onto the bed so they lay side by side. Then he took her mouth in a firm kiss.

  Alex lifted himself away marginally. “We shall help your brother,” he murmured. “I shall help him find work and together we’ll make this estate thrive once more.”

  “Thank you, Alexander. Thank you.”

  Unable to resist any longer, he kissed her again until her skin grew hot and her clothes were an annoyance. Then someone knocked at the door.

  Alexander cursed. Then he kissed her again. Someone knocked once more.

  “Damnation.” He pressed away and tore open the door. Mr Hampton stood on the other side and Emma quickly came to standing and smoothed her gown with a sigh.

  “Hannah wanted me to let you know that dinner shall be ready in an hour.”

  “Thank you, Hampton,” Alexander said tightly, causing Emma to giggle.