Such Happiness as This

by Laina Villeneuve

  Robyn stewed about what Grace must have told Kristine. Why did she consider that Robyn might be worried about whether she had enough to offer Grace? That she would try to bend her to be someone else had worried Robyn from the start. Somehow she’d let a few intense conversations dissolve her guard.

  “I’ll miss seeing you around here too.”

  Kristine kept her eyes on the horse, giving Robyn privacy as she said farewell to Taj. “I’m still happy to help out with Bean if you ever need it. Caemon too,” she said, smiling at the boy contentedly loading handfuls of straw into his wagon. “And look, just because I’m not buying her doesn’t mean I’m dropping out of riding again. I’m sure I can find something more my speed.”

  Robyn couldn’t really understand the disappointed look on Kristine’s face. She closed her eyes and thought like Kristine, replacing the horse with Grace. Her eyes flew open. “You just translated that, didn’t you? And in your mind, I just said I’m content to live vicariously through your happy relationship or find a woman who is more like me.”

  “Having a little more than you can handle makes your heart stretch to match it, don’t you think?”

  Robyn rubbed her face. “Or gets you bucked off.”

  “Right. We do tend to remember eating dirt. I get that. Some might go safe after that. Then you’re guaranteed not to eat dirt.” She stood there stroking the horse long enough that Robyn began to think they were finished talking. But Kristine tipped her attention back to Robyn. “You ever ridden a long way on a dude horse?” she asked.

  The question seemed completely random to Robyn, wondering what a dude horse might have to do with her life. “No.”

  “I used to ride the Sierras all summer long. We had two different strings: one for staff, and another for guests—the dude horses. Every once in a while, I got stuck on a horse meant for unskilled riders.” She shook her head. “You spend the whole time trying to push some life into its step, and if you don’t, it just stops. Then there are the ones who keep you on your toes. You can’t wait to see where they take you, and every step they seem to be inviting you to see the backcountry in a whole new way. It’s breathtaking.”

  Robyn considered Kristine’s words, trying to understand what she was saying.

  “I’ve seen you ride. You underestimate how capable you are. Grace says you’re the same with your bowls. We missed you in San Francisco,” she added pointedly. “You shouldn’t be afraid to put yourself out there.” She reached out and rubbed between Robyn’s shoulder blades.

  “Have you seen her?” Robyn finally gave in.

  A sad smile began at one corner of her mouth. “She came over for supper a few nights ago. Didn’t say anything about the two of you, but she’s off her feed.” She tucked her hands into her pockets and took a few steps toward Bean’s stall.

  “I called her. She hasn’t called back.”

  Kristine raised her hands.

  “I know. I don’t want to put you in the middle. I just don’t know what to do.”

  “Guess it depends on what you called to say.” She turned to Caemon, congratulating him on the load of straw he’d put together while the grownups talked.

  Robyn pressed her head to Taj’s, thinking about the words she’d left on Grace’s phone. She’d said she was sorry, and she was sorry for the fight, but she’d also returned to how unreasonable it was to ask for her to turn her world upside down.

  She recalled how easily she and Barb had drifted to separate rooms, and then also remembered how adamantly she had shut down Barb’s plans to remodel the kitchen. She bent her head to watch Kristine and Caemon, remembering how she had accurately pointed out the sting of eating dirt. Robyn was scared of eating dirt again, scared of being thrown and getting hurt.

  So far, she had kept herself in a safe position by insisting that Grace fit into the home as she had it arranged. She realized how petty it was for her to respond to Grace’s purchases the way she had, in fear that Grace was really moving toward a full kitchen overhaul.

  She felt a pang thinking about how soon Jen would be out of her room. Even if she did keep the studio with a separate entrance, it was very likely that Robyn would not be seeing her every day as she had for years. She wouldn’t be part of her household, her family. Maybe she was right about not putting in another tenant when she left, and then Grace could use that space as her office. Or would she prefer the downstairs room? Robyn suspected that Sergio would not stay over the summer. Typically, she would have run an ad to fill the space again, but now she considered that if she and Grace were serious, she might want a say in what they did with the room.

  This was what Kristine meant by asking what she’d called to say. Robyn had been stuck on the present conflict unaware of how it tied into what Grace might see as the future. She thought of the ease with which Jen and Tara decided to live together. Inviting Grace to live with her opened the potential vulnerability she’d experienced with Barb, but exponentially so if she let go of her renters. There’d be no safety net. Tentatively, she felt the toe of her boot slide into the stirrup as she prepared to launch herself back into the saddle for a wholly unpredictable ride.

  Chapter Forty-Five

  Breathe

  Robyn stood in her shop, a fine layer of sawdust covering her, the redwood burl salad bowl in her hands smooth from her sanding. She compared it to the other bowls she had been finishing, making sure they presented as a set. Ideally, she could group the five bowls with a larger serving bowl.

  Some mineral spirits and a rag brought out the wood’s intricate swirling patterns. Though she had no regrets about not taking her stock down to the San Francisco Art Exhibition, Grace’s description of the work she had seen there made her regret not going to see it for herself. Occasionally, she perused the local shops that sold elegant redwood products, but mostly she kept to her own booth at the fair, content that she always did the best work she could.

  She set down the bowl and sat quietly, wondering if Grace was busy or angry or simply finished with her. After the last quartet rehearsal, she had hoped to intercept her on her way out and was surprised when a woman she didn’t recognize walked out with the other violinist and violist. The look on Jen’s face told her everything she needed to know. The quartet had lost Grace because of Robyn. She wondered if it was permanent or temporary but did not want to invite more of Jen’s judgment by asking.

  That night, she had left another message on Grace’s phone. She hoped Grace was well and asked if they could talk. Three days had passed. A week and a half in all since their last contact. Grace’s silence frustrated Robyn. It felt juvenile to sit wondering what was going on in Grace’s head, but she did not want to intrude, hoping that it just meant that Grace needed space. She chose to interpret the quiet as meaning there was still a remnant of hope for them.

  Pleased with her progress for the day, she tucked the finished bowls on a shelf and covered them with a soft towel. She heard steps outside the shop, and she felt a rush in her chest remembering how Grace had once found her there. Disappointment swept through her when she turned to find Sergio instead. Fog had blown in from the bay softening the afternoon light and chilling the air.

  “I thought you’d want to know that those idiots Barb fired got picked up.”

  Slowly, Robyn swept dust off her forearms. “Picked up by the police?”

  “Sherriff. They broke into a place down on the waterfront in King Salmon.”

  “Where did you hear this?”

  “They called Barbara to tell her they’d recovered her video camera. It has the theater information etched into the side, so they couldn’t pawn it.”

  “This just happened?” Robyn asked, her heart rate picking up. Sergio had told her he’d seen Tyler with the group at the theater around the time when things were going missing. Tyler was smart enough not to get himself tangled up with them, wasn’t he?

  “Barbara was still talking to them when I left. I just caught the beginning of the conversation and thought you�
�d want to know.” He looked past her into the shop. “Tyler’s not around?”

  Robyn closed her eyes, praying that he was at home with Grace. She hadn’t seen him all day. “No. I was hoping he was doing some prep work for the greenhouse. I’ll give him a call. Thanks, Sergio.”

  “No problem.”

  Robyn pulled out her cell and called Tyler. No answer. She tapped the phone on her thigh, not wanting to call Grace. Swallowing her discomfort, she hit send on Grace’s number, swearing under her breath when it went to voice mail. “Grace, I’m looking for Tyler. Would you just let me know if he’s with you? I’d really appreciate it.”

  She was both relieved and annoyed when her phone rang a couple minutes later since it confirmed that Grace was specifically avoiding her call. To let her know that she wasn’t just angling to talk to Grace herself, she launched right into her concern about Tyler. “Sergio just told me that those guys he saw Tyler with in the theater are being held at the sheriff’s office. I’d like to think that Tyler’s smarter than getting himself involved in a burglary, but I haven’t seen him, and he’s not answering his cell.”

  She heard Grace take a deep breath. “I’m still at work, so I don’t know if he’s home. Let me call the sheriff’s office and see if they’re holding him.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Why are you thanking me for checking on my brother?”

  “I thought you’d call me when you know. I was thanking you in advance for keeping me in the loop.”

  “I’ll call you when I have more information,” she said in her crisp professional voice.

  Robyn hit end but couldn’t stop worrying about Tyler so easily. She locked her shop and jogged to the house, grabbing her keys, wallet and a ball cap. By the time Grace called back, she was halfway to Grace’s place. She clicked the phone to speaker. “Is he there?”

  “They wouldn’t tell me anything. The guys they have are all in processing.”

  “Hang on. I’m almost at your place.” She drove in silence wondering what Grace was thinking and how they had reached a place that felt so awkward. She put the truck in neutral, set the brake and grabbed her phone. At the front door she knocked and waited. She knocked again. “Grace, he’s not answering. I have a bad feeling about this.”

  “Now what?”

  “I’m going to the sheriff’s office. Do you want me to swing by for you?”

  “I’ll be on the street.”

  “Bring the number you called.” Robyn whipped through the back streets to campus. As she pulled up, she stretched across the cab and rolled down the window. “Can you drive a stick?”

  Grace threw up her hands in exasperation. “Of course.”

  “Good. Come around.” Parked, she scooted across the cab. “Take the 101 to Eureka. I’ll direct you once we get past the safety corridor.” She punched in the number Grace had handed her and interrupted the man who answered the line. “Is Lieutenant Matute in?” Robyn demanded.

  Grace looked at Robyn, confused.

  Tipping the receiver above her head, she said. “We go back.”

  “Lieutenant Matute here.”

  “James, it’s Robyn Landy.”

  “Landy! I heard you retired. How the hell are you?”

  “I’d love to catch up with you, but I’m calling for a favor first. I hear you picked up a crew of young men today. I’m worried a friend of mine is caught up with them, and I can’t get in touch with him. I’m wondering if you’ve got him there.”

  “How’d you hear about it?”

  “Your guys called HSU about stolen cameras.”

  “Ah, yes. The stuff that we found in one suspect’s car. I had the deputy call Barbara to see if they were really authorized to have them. Give me a minute to see if we’ve got your friend. Name?”

  “Tyler Warren.”

  “Let me get the deputy to check.”

  Robyn relaxed into the seat. “They’re checking,” she said to Grace.

  “You’re amazing. Just like that they’ll check for you?”

  “We worked some disasters together,” Robyn said. She looked out the window at the row of eucalyptus trees between the highway and the bay. Listening for James’s voice, she tried to keep herself in the present instead of thinking of the cases they had faced together.

  “Robyn, he’s not here, but we’re working on it.”

  “What do you mean you’re working on it?”

  “Is there any way you could come in?”

  “We’re en route, just a few minutes out. Why?”

  “I’ll update you when you get here.”

  “What is it?” Grace asked when Robyn ended the call.

  “I don’t know. Something’s up because my friend asked if we could come in. Tyler’s not there, but he said they’re working on it.” She tapped her cell against the palm of her hand.

  “Why does he want you?”

  “I have no idea. You know as much as I do.”

  “Thank you for your help,” Grace said. “I’m still mad at you, though.”

  “I gathered.” The silence between them felt heavy. “Jen is gone.”

  “Gone? What?”

  “She’s still renting the studio space, but she moved out of the room.”

  “Her choice or yours?”

  “I know it would sound better if it had been my idea, but it was her choice. I don’t know if that makes a difference. Take a right up here and go three blocks. I haven’t listed it. I wanted to talk to you first.”

  “How about we get to the station and deal with one thing at a time,” Grace said, evading Robyn’s offering.

  Robyn didn’t expect one roommate moving out to solve everything, but she had certainly thought that her news would elicit more of a response. She sensed a longer talk coming. Sometimes the lesbian need to talk everything out ad nauseam wiped her out.

  Chapter Forty-Six

  Grace was surprised to hear that Tyler had been with the group of young men the sheriff’s office had picked up. Since the earthquake, she and Tyler had been spending more time together, and she had seen no signs of him being in trouble. Nothing to suggest he had strayed from his very determined path.

  The night she’d left Robyn’s so angrily, she’d pulled up at her own place to every light on and Tyler nervously waiting for more aftershocks. Though she knew he’d never admit to wanting her home, the night had turned out to be one of their best. Too wired from the quake and the anticipation of more aftershocks, as well as her fury with Robyn, Grace had set about making a pan of brownies. She and Tyler had polished them off sitting on the back porch listening to the unexpected song of frogs coming from the gully that ran through the pastureland behind their house.

  They hadn’t talked about anything in particular, which was what stood out so much for Grace. She wasn’t trying to guide his choices. She hadn’t needed to be in control. They simply riffed on childhood memories which seemed to foster a renewed bond.

  Realizing how little attention she’d paid to him since she’d started seeing Robyn, she’d made a real effort to be home from work in time to have dinner together. Each night, he smelled like Robyn’s shop—sawdust and sweat—and he seemed pumped about his projects rather than idiotic illegal schemes.

  If not for his past, she would have shut down Robyn’s goose chase, but she knew from watching her parents’ struggle with Tyler that he was capable of slipping up despite his most sincere promises. She just prayed he was smarter now than he had been years ago when he was just a rebellious kid.

  At the sheriff’s station, she watched as Robyn took the lead, striding through the doors to the counter. “Robyn Landy. Lieutenant Matute is expecting me.”

  “Have a seat. He said he’d be right with you.”

  Robyn gestured to the chairs, inviting Grace to sit.

  “You have me too worried,” she said.

  “I’m sorry.” Robyn walked to the row of connected chairs and sat, rubbing her face.

  “Landy!” Lieutenant Matute’
s voice filled the foyer as he strode through a door off to the side of the room. He loomed large in a crisp uniform, forest green pants and tan shirt with a star badge above the left breast pocket decorated with an American flag pin. Robyn leapt to her feet and the two shared a back-smacking hug. The officer matched Robyn’s stature and coloring but sported a military close haircut and immaculately-trimmed dark beard. “It’s been too long,” he said, holding her at arm’s length.

  “If you’ve got time for chitchat, that means Tyler’s not involved with these guys?”

  “I’m sorry to say he is, but we’ve got our boat and the coast guard out on the bay looking for him.” He offered a confident smile, rocking to the balls of his feet.

  “The coast guard? I don’t understand,” Grace said.

  Lieutenant Matute looked to Grace and back to Robyn.

  “Sorry. This is Tyler’s sister, Grace Warren.”

  “Ah, well, apparently one of the boys invited his friends out on the water in his parents’ boat. They went down to King Salmon…”

  Grace turned questioning eyes to Robyn.

  She supplied, “It’s south of Eureka, waterfront properties.”

  The lieutenant confirmed and continued. “We got a call around three. The witness said he’d seen four young men prowling around Stansbury Mansion.”

  Robyn swore under her breath.

  “That’s the place you were telling me and Tyler about?”

  “Yes. The estate sale is this weekend.”

  “Probably why they had security on the grounds. When the boys saw them, they fled from the private dock in their boat. The guards gave us a full description, and patrol picked them up at the Woodley Island Marina. They found a bunch of stolen items in their car there along with a few things lifted from Stansbury Mansion. But we only found three guys, one short of the complaint, and all of them high as a kite.”

  “Tyler wasn’t with them?”

  “No. We asked them where the fourth guy was. They confirmed that it was Tyler. He was concerned about being picked up, so apparently they dumped him in the water to swim to shore. He has a record?”