Loner

by Janine Infante Bosco

  “You’re more trouble than you’re worth,” Sin sneers, following Linc. Once inside the chapel he slams the door shut and I turn to my mother. Pouring herself a refill, she lifts the tumbler to her lips and downs it one gulp.

  Disgusted by her, Sin and this whole godforsaken place, I stalk down the hall to my room. My mother has robbed me of a decent childhood, I’ll be damned if I’m going to let her take anything else from me.

  Not tonight.

  She does not get to take tonight from me.

  Making my way into the bathroom, I wash the make-up from my face and throw my hair into a bun before removing my clothes. I pay careful attention to reddened area circling my belly button and opt for a baggy t-shirt instead of my normal bedtime attire of shorts and a tank top. When I emerge from the bathroom, I find my mother sitting on the foot of my bed.

  “I won’t let you ruin my life,” she slurs, lifting her eyes to mine.

  Rage burns through me and I try to tame it by telling myself she’s drunk. Apparently, that’s my excuse for everything. Her shit. My shit. Everyone acts a fool when they’re inebriated but, I’m not drunk anymore and her words sting. They say drunk words are sober thoughts but when you’re drunk twenty-four seven, they’re just the unbridled truth I pretend isn’t true. Still, I fight it. I fight her words and the hurt she tries to cause me. I roll on my thick skin and fight her truth with my truth.

  “Ruin your life?” I laugh bitterly. “Newsflash mom, you ruined your life a long time ago. If you don’t believe me, look in the mirror. You’ve swallowed so much poison you look ten years older than you are. You want to blame me for your misery but you’re a washed up drunk.”

  She catches me off guard by jolting off the bed and rearing her hand back. Her palm connects with my cheek and I stare at her wide-eyed as she goes to do it again.

  “You shut your mouth,” she screams, slapping my other cheek. “You’re the reason I started drinking!”

  My cheeks should burn yet all I feel the harsh slap of her words more. They don’t sting, they cut deep and twist angrily inside of me.

  “Say it,” I dare, tears streaming down my face. “Say it once and for all.”

  “I never wanted you,” she spats. “I didn’t want kids but, your father he didn’t seem to care and now, I’m stuck with you,” she shrieks. “I sacrificed my life. My dreams. Everything and for what? An ungrateful little bitch.”

  “I didn’t think it was possible to hate you but, I can say for certain I despise you,” I tell her. “Don’t worry mom, I’ll make sure Sin doesn’t throw you out. I’ll make sure he keeps a roof over your head and liquor in your bloodstream but only because if I don’t then you’ll be my problem or Uncle Al’s and neither of us deserve that burden,” I sneer, wiping angrily at my eyes. “Now get out of my room.”

  She doesn’t move and for a moment we just stare at one another.

  “Get out!”

  The tears pour down her cheeks and, she lifts her hands to cover her face.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that, baby girl.”

  “Yeah, you did but, don’t worry you didn’t say anything I didn’t already know,” I reply. “If you don’t leave I will,” I add.

  A sob escapes her throat, and she falls to her knees in hysterics, making it clear she’s not going anywhere until either her tantrum subsides, or she passes out. Not willing to stick around to see which wins, I brush past her. Pulling open the door, the tears fall freely as I make my way down the hall to Linc’s room. I let myself in without knocking and find him sitting on the edge of his bed. Lifting his gaze, concern pours from his eyes.

  “Can I stay here?” I rasp.

  “What happened?”

  “Please,” I whisper.

  Staring at me, he seems to get it and, in that, moment, I understand what he meant earlier. Keeping things easy between us, eliminates emotions.

  Emotions lead to drama.

  They lead to vulnerability and vulnerable person is her own worst enemy.

  A vulnerable person doesn’t think.

  She lets her guard down and goes what with she feels.

  She runs into the open arms extended to her and relishes in the comfort they provide.

  She lets him help her into his bed and sighs when he climbs in next to her.

  A vulnerable person wraps her arms around him, closes her eyes and vows never to let go.

  Then, because she’s not thinking, she asks him not to either.

  “I won’t,” he promises.

  A vulnerable person believes him.

  Chapter Twelve

  I’ve seen Kelly upset before but, I’ve never seen her look as defeated as she was tonight. I don’t know what Joanne said to her and it’s probably best if I don’t. It’s none of my business. What goes on between Kelly and her mother has absolutely nothing to do with me. So, I really need for someone to help me understand why I’m fighting the urge to call Wolf and tell him his sister is a selfish cunt.

  Kelly stirs, distracting me and I divert my eyes to the crook of my arm where she lays. A moan escapes her throat, and she inches closer throwing her leg over mine. Unable to help myself, I let my eyes travel the length of her, taking in the bare leg draped over my midsection. My eyes continue their journey, noticing her t-shirt rode up and was now revealing the curves of her bare ass.

  Fuck me.

  By the tight jeans she always wears, I knew Pinky had a sweet ass but seeing it in the flesh—well, my dick swells at the sight. I feel like shit for ogling her after the night she had and, the hard-on isn’t helping ease my conscience. Arguing, I’m a guy who hasn’t so much as touched a chick in over a year, it’s only natural I’m hard when the first girl to climb into my bed throws herself over me and perches her ass in the air.

  My eyes drift to that ass again and the urge to touch her eats at me. Instead of giving into temptation and squeezing one of those round cheeks, I thread my fingers through her hair and close my eyes.

  Go the fuck to sleep, Linc.

  She stirs again.

  Another noise flies past her lips as she moves closer, brushing her tits against my bare chest. Yeah, I was undressing when she walked into my room and didn’t have a chance to put my shirt back on. So, now, I can feel her nipples press against me through the thin cotton of her t-shirt.

  Unable to stand it another minute, I decide to gently move her. The problem with that plan is, anywhere I touch her right now will be a struggle. If I move her leg, I’m going to have to suppress the urge to arch my hips. If I roll her over, I’ll be between both legs and who the fuck has that kind of willpower.

  Not this guy.

  I’m back to being fucked.

  Untangling my fingers from her hair, I draw in a deep breath and try to slide out from under her. My arm brushes against the sheets, irritating the rawness from where my tattoo is and, I hiss through the pain.

  By some miracle of God, Kelly rolls over on her own and I throw my legs over the side of the bed. Propping my elbows on my knees, I drop my head into my hands and wonder if anyone would care if I passed out on one of the couches in the common area.

  “Linc?”

  Shit.

  “Go back to sleep,” I tell her.

  Keeping my back to her, I press the heel of my palm against my dick and wish I had a fucking memory of my grandmother I can use as a distraction. Something. Anything. I’m not picky. In fact, I’m desperate enough that any old hag will do. I start to think about the Golden Girls. Not the sex crazed one, the old Italian one with the straw bag.

  Her, I think of her.

  Or at least I try to but the sound of the sheets rustling behind me makes it hard. Instead of thinking about the old lady with the smart mouth, my mind wanders and without turning to look myself, I try to picture Kelly moving in my bed.

  Wrestling between my sheets.

  Her t-shirt sliding up her torso.

  That belly button ring.

  Those perky tits.

  Tha
t ass.

  Sophia Petrillo, that’s her name!

  Wrapping her arms around my middle, Kelly rests her chin on my shoulder and Sophia dies. To be fair, the broad never had a chance and apparently neither do I.

  “Will you lay with me?”

  “Kelly,” I groan.

  “Please.”

  It’s the tone of her voice that does me in. It’s the side of her she’s giving me, the side I know she doesn’t give anyone. That’s what makes me turn around and face her. Our eyes meet and it’s no longer a contest to see who will fold first. She upped the ante tonight and now the game has changed.

  The stakes are high.

  The risk great.

  But, the reward…

  Shit, the reward never looked so good.

  “Lay down,” I say hoarsely.

  “And then?” she rasps. “What happens then?”

  “Lay down and find out,” I tell her.

  Searching my eyes, she finds something to trust and slowly unwinds her arms. On her knees, I watch her crawl back to her side of the bed.

  Her side of the bed.

  What the actual fuck?

  Laying her head on the pillow, she curls onto her side and stares at me expectantly. Placing one knee on the bed, I swipe a hand down my face.

  “All in,” I mutter, dropping my hand and meeting her gaze. Bypassing my side of the bed, I crawl toward her and brace my hands on either side of her head. She rolls onto her back and I lean my weight against her. Neither of us blink as I dip my head and feel her breath on my lips.

  “Do it,” she murmurs.

  “Do what?” I tease, nuzzling her cheek.

  “Kiss—” she doesn’t get to finish as I cover her mouth with mine.

  Swallowing her gasp, she freezes as my lips glide over hers. Sucking them between mine, I familiarize myself with the feel of her before pushing my tongue out. Reaching up, she grabs my face and parts her swollen lips. I dive in running my tongue over hers and getting that first taste.

  That first fucking taste of everything I gave up having again.

  I groan into her mouth as her tongue duels with mine. Unable to help myself, I grind my hips against her tight little body. A moan passes from her lips to mine and I start to unravel. The control I thought I was grasping at slips and I push my fingers through her magenta strands. Cradling the back of her head, I suck on her bottom lip and roll us over. On my back, she straddles my stomach and I take her tongue again.

  Wild.

  Wild girl.

  Wild heart.

  Wild mouth.

  Wild everything.

  Leaning up, I fist her hair and angle her mouth, biting and sucking on her lips as she rubs her covered pussy all over my abdomen. I don’t need to touch her panties to know she’s soaked, the evidence is on my stomach and my dick strains against my jeans, begging for relief. My hands travel the length of her and finally I grab her hips. Lifting her off my stomach, I position her over my cock and slide my finger under the waistband of her G-string. Pulling it, I release it and let it slap against her skin watching as she jumps from the sting and falls onto my cock.

  “Ride me,” I growl between kisses.

  Slow and steady, she obeys and rocks herself over me. She feels fucking amazing and I can’t help but imagine what she would feel like wrapped around my dick. The thought turns me into a savage and I start fucking her mouth the way I want to fuck her tight cunt.

  Her hips buck and, she picks up the pace dry humping me like her life depends on it. Like both of our lives depend on it.

  Maybe it does.

  It sure fucking feels that way.

  Panting she moans my name and I lift my hand to her mouth muffling the noise. Sliding my free hand under her shirt, I grab one of her tits and piston my hips.

  “Come for me,” I grind out, twisting her nipple between my fingers. “Or don’t come yet. I want to suck on your tits. You want me to do that?”

  Her response is a muffled whimper and I twist her nipple once more.

  “I’m going to move my hand and take your shirt off but, you gotta keep that mouth quiet. Can you do that Pinky?”

  She jerks her head and I lower my hand, revealing the most gorgeous pair of lips I’ve ever seen. Swollen and bruised, they’re fucking perfect. I reach for the hem of her shirt, inching it up her body before pulling it over her head and tossing it on the floor.

  “So much trouble,” I hiss, dropping my gaze to her perky tits. “You’re so much fucking trouble,” I growl, pulling her tight bud between my teeth.

  “Oh, I like that,” she cries. “Do it harder,” she begs.

  Pinching the other nipple, I suck and nibble on the other as she goes back to dry fucking the shit out of me.

  “Oh my god,” she cries, dropping her head onto my shoulder. Tearing my mouth away from her tits, I take her face in my hands and keep her head still. Eyes open and focused on me, I watch as she comes undone.

  Short breaths fall from her lips as her hips slow and she fights to keep herself upright.

  “Fucking beautiful,” I grunt. Giving into the release I’ve been struggling to keep at bay, I rub her over my denim-clad cock as my come shoots out staining my pants and drips down the inside of my thigh. Any other time in my life, I would’ve been embarrassed, but right here, right now…it’s fucking incredible.

  Once every drop is out and I’m a mess, I collapse back onto the bed. The regret I was expecting doesn’t come. Neither does the guilt.

  I open my eyes and Kelly remains straddled on top of me, looking every bit the wild girl, she is.

  My wild girl.

  “Can we do that again?” she questions, quirking her lips.

  A laugh rumbles through me as I reach around her, grabbing her ass.

  “I need to clean up,” I tell her, squeezing her cheeks.

  “Okay,” she replies. Bending her head, she presses a quick kiss to my lips before rolling over. “Where’s my shirt?”

  “Fuck your shirt,” I say, getting out of the bed. “You sleep in my bed, you sleep naked.”

  “So, take my panties off?”

  Jesus Christ.

  “Unless you want to get fucked six ways to Sunday, keep your panties on,” I grunt. Uncomfortable, I awkwardly walk toward the bathroom. As I reach the door, I think of how it would feel to have her pussy pressed against my leg.

  Just as long as we don’t fuck there is no harm in it, right?

  I mean girls only get attached when it goes in.

  And we’re not going there.

  Not until I lay my cards on the table.

  Still, I turn around.

  “On second thought, take them off.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  There is nothing worse than loneliness. For as much as a person can say they wish they’d disappear what they truly want is to be found and for someone to care. To notice them and maybe even miss them. Someone to share their day with and hold them when nothing goes right.

  There is a physical side to loneliness too. A side that craves the touch of another. It could be as simple as holding someone else’s hand or as intimate as sex. It’s revealing the things you can’t find the words for through your body.

  Last night I realized I wasn’t alone anymore and that I haven’t been since Linc came into my life. After my mother tried to break me I ran to him without hesitation, knowing I didn’t have to be alone anymore. I didn’t have to wallow in the pain she inflicted on me. I had someone who cared.

  It was more than anyone had ever done for me and still, it wasn’t enough.

  I wanted more.

  I craved more.

  Hence my current situation.

  Buck naked, crawling on the floor in search of my panties while fighting off the onset of a panic attack.

  “Where are they?” I mutter.

  Lifting the sheet, I search under Linc’s bed for my panties and send a silent prayer up to God.

  Please, don’t let him wake up.

&nbs
p; It’s not that I regret running to Linc and truth be told, I wouldn’t take anything back. Not crawling into his bed. Not kissing him and certainly not, riding him like a bucking bronco. The only thing I would’ve done differently is I would’ve thought my actions through.

  I would’ve considered the consequences. Which is crazy because I’m more of a do first, think later kind of girl. However, I can’t help but wonder if taking things as far as we did was a mistake. I mean, what if he regrets it? What if he decides it was all a mistake and we need to keep our distance from one another? Guys are fucking weird like that. A little dry hump here and there and they think a girl is looking for a ring and a white picket fence.

  I just want us.

  I want my best friend.

  I want to play cards, ride Harleys and get tattoos.

  Eat tacos and forget all the broken parts of our lives.

  “What are you doing?” he questions. I never experienced Linc first thing in the morning. I loved the sound of his voice when he sang last night but, there weren’t words adequate to describe the husky version. Full of sleep and suggestion, it was my undoing.

  Swallowing, I drop the sheet and poke my head over the side of the bed. Lazily he rolls onto his side and lifts an eyebrow.

  “You’re up,” I point out.

  “Yeah, I am,” he replies. Clearing his throat, he lowers his hand and adjusts the obvious bulge hiding under the sheets. My mind wanders back to last night and how he sauntered out of the bathroom completely nude. Of course, my eyes went to his dick, and he immediately scolded me, ordering me to go to sleep.

  Maybe that was the reason behind this morning’s mild panic attack.

  Me sleeping naked was one thing, us sleeping naked and not fucking our brains out—a totally different ballgame.

  “I see that,” I croak, diverting my eyes back to the floor. “Do you know where my clothes are?”

  “Pinky,” he starts.

  “They’re not under the bed.”

  “Kelly,” he tries again.

  “Forget it, I just need my t-shirt. Any idea where that is?”

  “You’re freaking out.”

  Freezing in my tracks, I turn my attention to him and my guard goes up.