Mr. Smithfield

by Louise Bay

  “She’s beautiful,” Autumn said from behind me. I turned and headed over to where she was leaning against the doorframe.

  “She certainly is. Thank you for taking such good care of her.”

  “I have the best job ever—eating popcorn and watching musicals with the cutest kid alive.”

  I chuckled as we shifted and I closed Bethany’s bedroom door.

  “I’ve been thinking about the other night,” I said, not quite sure what was going to come next.

  Her shoulders slouched and she groaned like it was the worst possible thing I could have said. “Don’t say it, Gabriel.”

  “I haven’t said anything,” I replied, confused.

  She turned her back and headed down the landing to the stairs.

  What was happening? “Autumn,” I said, catching up with her and putting my hand on her arm. “What did I say?”

  She stopped and turned and she looked so sad, so disappointed. It felt like a blow to my chest that I might have caused that. “It’s not what you said, it was what you were about to say. You were going to say how it wouldn’t happen again and it’s not right and—”

  I pulled her toward me, pushed my hand into her hair, and dragged my lips against hers. I delved into her mouth with my tongue, my skin buzzed at her sweetness, my chest lifted at the feel of her. She just felt so right.

  She pulled away slightly. “Did I jump to conclusions?”

  I wasn’t sure why a woman who seemed to live on life’s bright side would expect me to go back on my word. Her assumption hinted that perhaps the woman who was all sunshine was in fact constantly expecting rain. “You don’t need to doubt me,” I said. “I was just going to suggest you might not want to broadcast what happened between us. Until we have a chance to figure it out.” I didn’t know what was happening or how I felt, and I wasn’t going to lie to Autumn and pretend I did. But I also knew some kind of watershed had been crossed and there was no going back. More than that, I didn’t want to go back.

  “Right,” she said, smoothing her hand up my chest. “I haven’t told anyone.”

  “I just got my divorce papers recently. I have a kid. A demanding job. I can’t—”

  “Your divorce papers?” she asked.

  “Yes. It’s been years but the paperwork hasn’t caught up.”

  She swallowed and nodded. “So there’s no chance you’ll be getting back together with her?”

  Were those the rainclouds she was looking for? “We were over the moment she walked out, and I haven’t seen her since. The divorce is just procedural. But it’s something I need to get done. Between Bethany and my job, my plate is full. And I’m not sure what I can offer you. I won’t make promises to anyone and I don’t expect any in return.” It was as honest as I’d ever been with anyone. I wasn’t sure how to fit her into my carefully constructed, fiercely protected world.

  “I’m not asking for anything,” she said. “Let’s just deal with right now.”

  Somehow Autumn always knew the right thing to say. I nodded and she brought her hands up my arms, trailing a shiver across my body.

  “And right now,” she said. “I have a huge crush on my boss.”

  I chuckled. Yes, that would do for now. A mutual crush. Something that would pass or fade without drama or significance. I would take her advice and just deal with the moment right in front of me. And all I could see was a beautiful woman I was helplessly attracted to, saying she wanted me too.

  I pressed my thumb over her lips in a straight line over her chin and down her neck and between her breasts. “I want to taste you.”

  She took my hand and linked her fingers through mine. “I’ll warn you now, I’m sure I taste like hot, buttered popcorn.” She seemed to have an almost magical ability to turn a difficult moment into something easy, to create light where there was dark. Perhaps she’d be able to breathe life into a cold, damaged heart that had been in hibernation for a very long time. And perhaps I’d be able to shield her from any impending rain clouds. Just for the time being.

  Fourteen

  Autumn

  I was surrounded by racks and racks of white tulle. At my feet was five-inch-deep pink carpet and when I looked up, all I saw was sparkling crystal. This must be what it was like to live inside a cloud. Or heaven. Or unicorn throw-up.

  “I don’t even know where to start,” Hollie said. “Maybe I should just buy something online.”

  “Don’t you dare,” I replied. “You can’t buy your wedding dress online. I think it’s illegal or something.”

  “Prison’s got to be better than spending the entire afternoon trying on a million dresses. And I can’t believe I dragged you here. I’m sure you have much better things to be doing than babysitting me.”

  It was typical of Hollie to feel bad about trying on wedding gowns. It was my job to get her to enjoy herself today. I’d make it happen if it killed me. “Are you kidding? I get an excuse to day drink.” I took a seat on the cream velvet chair in the ginormous dressing room suite, as the sales assistant called it, and sipped from the glass of champagne they’d poured us when we arrived. “And I get to watch my sister look beautiful. What could be better?”

  “You’re a good sister,” Hollie said.

  “You’re better. Now go into your little hidey-hole and try something on for me to ooh and ahh about.”

  One of the assistants swept in like she was on wheels, carrying an armful of clouds.

  “Just pick out any one of them and take it behind the screen,” she said as she added dresses to the rack in front of us. “And then I’ll come round and help you get into it. We’ll quickly get a feel for what you like and don’t like.”

  “I would be happy to wear my jeans. Or elope,” Hollie said.

  “This is exciting, Hollie. Just think, a couple of years ago, you would never have thought you’d be in some fancy boutique in Knightsbridge, picking out wedding gowns to wear when you marry the man of your dreams.”

  “I’m being a Debbie Downer, aren’t I?” Hollie asked.

  “Yep. Knowing you, you’re just feeling bad for feeling happy.”

  “It’s just so much,” she said, disappearing behind the screen. “And of course I’m happy, but you’re right, I do feel a little weird. Not only did my dreams all come true, but they were surpassed. I never thought this could be my life.”

  “So enjoy it.” I knew she was sighing, even though I couldn’t hear it. “You worked so hard for so many years, Hollie.”

  “I just hope you don’t think I’m rubbing it in your face,” she said.

  I laughed. I loved my sister but she was ridiculous. “How could I ever think that? You spent your entire life making sure I could have a better future. You sacrificed your own happiness over and over. And it worked. I got my degree. I’m in London. Okay, I’m not quite a career high-flyer like you, but it will happen eventually. And in the meantime, I get to look after the cutest little girl and . . .” I could feel the blush start to rise in my cheeks and I knew I had to change the subject before Hollie emerged in her dress and spotted it. “In September I’ll start my job. Before that, I’m going to travel across Europe. You and me, we’re just at different stages.”

  “You always put an Autumn spin on things.”

  “I’m being honest. Life is good, Hollie. I’m happy. You’re happy. Mom and Dad are actually working. I graduated college and we don’t have to worry about the electric bill or how we’re going to last until Friday with half a loaf of bread and a carton of eggs.” The weeks where we didn’t have enough food to eat were the toughest when I was going through college. It would always get Hollie down. There were a few months in my freshman year where it happened more weeks than it didn’t. During those times, I spent a lot of time over at my boyfriend’s place. I never told Hollie it was because there was always a slice of leftover pizza in the fridge. Or at least some ramen noodles. That way, Hollie got what we had to herself and didn’t have to worry about me. “We need to enjoy how far we’ve
come, and you need to enjoy today.”

  “Okay, I’m coming out. Are you ready?”

  “I’m always ready.”

  She emerged from behind the screen like a princess in some kind of movie. I half expected cartoon birds to start singing and animated squirrels to join in with the harmonies.

  “Wow,” I said as she stepped onto a podium in front of floor-to-ceiling, three-way mirrors. “You look really beautiful.” It was a proper princess gown, and she would look right at home in the pages of a glossy magazine.

  “This is crazy.” She shook her head. “But I do like it. I didn’t expect to like such a big skirt, but it works.”

  “It really works,” I said, so happy to see her fairytale coming true. “It’s like you’re going to a ball.”

  “Is it too much?” She turned from side to side, keeping focused on the dress as it swished with her movements.

  “Absolutely not. You are beautiful. The dress is beautiful. You’re marrying one of the kindest, richest, most handsome men in London. It’s all great. You just need to allow yourself to enjoy it.” Whatever happened, she’d never have to worry about being hungry again. That was to be celebrated.

  “I need to try on more though, right?”

  “Absolutely. I want to stay here until I’m properly buzzed.” I raised my glass at her and she stepped off the podium. “Have you decided on a date yet?”

  “Well, I wanted to ask you about your plans over the summer. Do you know where you’re going or when you’re leaving?” she asked as she headed behind the screen to change.

  My stomach churned. I didn’t want to think about the summer. It was too far off. “It’s months away.”

  “It will be June in two weeks. And you’re off at the end of July.”

  My stomach stretched and contracted like it was limbering up to sprint out of my body. Just six weeks. “I’m sure I’ll get around to it at some point.”

  Hollie stuck her head around the screen. “You must have thought about it. I mean, you were so excited to have the entire month of August to travel.”

  Did I need the entire month off? “Yeah, I’m still excited. It’s just a way off, that’s all.” I was happy with the now. I didn’t want to think about the future. I spent the day with the most amazing kid, hanging out, seeing London, getting to see how the British did things. And then in the evening . . . For the past couple of weeks, in the evening, Gabriel would come home and we were together. He’d make love to me in his workshop. Or on the kitchen table. In front of the fire. We’d talk. I’d make him laugh with my ridiculous stories of life back home. He’d make me swoon with the way he talked about his daughter.

  My life was good.

  Close to perfect.

  I just wished I could tell my sister. But she wouldn’t approve and would tell me every reason why he wasn’t right for me. And I didn’t want to hear it.

  Gabriel was a good man. Kind. And thoughtful. He was serious, but he seemed to like me poking fun at him. Yes, he was older, but did that matter? And okay, I had a job starting in the fall that meant I wouldn’t be his daughter’s nanny, but until then?

  Gabriel was right for right now.

  “Where do you think you’ll start? You still wanting to go to Seville? Maybe Paris would be a good starting point because you can just take the train over.”

  “Yeah, probably Paris,” I replied, wondering whether Gabriel and Bethany would maybe come with me. Even if it was for a few days. Gabriel said he’d been to Paris a lot. Maybe he could show me around.

  But I wasn’t going to suggest it. Gabriel and I had an unspoken policy about not planning for the future. We didn’t talk about next week, let alone six weeks from now.

  Hollie stepped out in the second dress. It was even more beautiful than the first, if that was possible.

  “It’s so glamourous,” I said, taking in the fitted corset and sweeping fishtail.

  “It looks great. But it’s not as comfortable as the other one,” she said, stepping up to the podium with a shuffle and a hop.

  “It makes your ass look incredible,” I said, and Hollie turned around and tried to look at the back view over her shoulder.

  “I’m not sure a good butt is worth not being able to breathe. What do you think?”

  “I think not breathing is a compromise too far,” I agreed.

  She nodded and tentatively stepped down from the podium and headed back behind the changing screen.

  “Dexter is pushing me on the date, but I want to make sure it doesn’t interfere with your plans,” Hollie said. “Could you put together some kind of itinerary and let me know as soon as you can when would be a good time?”

  I laughed. “You’re insane. This is one decision where I refuse to let you put me first. You can’t plan a wedding around plans that haven’t been made, or a person who isn’t the bride. Set your date and I’ll work around it.”

  “What if you’re in the middle of Russia at the time we’re supposed to be getting married?”

  “Well firstly I’m not planning on going to Russia, and secondly, I’ll come back.” I wish we could get off the subject. There was so much to enjoy about life right now. I wanted to soak in it for a little while.

  “I don’t want to be responsible for dragging you away from something fun. Can’t you just come up with a plan?”

  “Okay,” I said. I wasn’t going to win this battle. Hollie didn’t know how not to put me first. I would have to start looking into what I was going to be doing this summer. “I’ll look into it.” I needed to pull up my big girl pants and start planning. My right now wasn’t going to last forever, and I needed to embrace the future. I’d spent my entire life dreaming of travelling around Europe, and I wasn’t about to be sad about the fact my dreams were going to come true. I just wouldn’t allow it.

  Fifteen

  Gabriel

  The kind of news I’d gotten today would normally have me irritated. Everyone in my law firm knew that I didn’t travel. It was the one rule I’d not broken for the sake of a client since Bethany was born. Apparently Autumn Lumen changed everything, because tonight, I couldn’t wait to get home and see the look in her eyes when I told her we were going away.

  “Hello,” I said as I walked through the door. It was gone eight so Bethany wouldn’t be awake, but I tried to make it home before Autumn went to bed. I managed it most nights.

  “Hey,” Autumn called. As I wandered into the kitchen, I found her at the cooker. “I’m making that meatloaf you liked.”

  I couldn’t remember exactly when Autumn started cooking dinner for me. But for weeks now there was always something to eat when I got home from work. She’d said she was cooking for her and Bethany and so it was no trouble to cook for me too. But she didn’t have to, and we both knew it. That was Autumn all over—she always gave more than I expected.

  “That’s kind of you.” I walked up behind her, snaked my arm around her waist, and buried my head in her neck.

  “You’re back early. How was work?” she asked.

  “Good,” I said, kissing her neck and then going to the fridge to get a beer.

  “Really? That’s not normally the response I get from you. Usually you groan and complain about Mike.”

  I chuckled. “Well he tried to be a dick today but it backfired.”

  “Really?” she said, putting something in the oven and turning to face me.

  “He knows I won’t travel. Since Bethany was born, it’s a hard line in the sand that I’ve always had and made no exception for. Today, Mike told me he’s looking at a huge telecoms company in Europe, and he wants me out there for a week to look at the parts of the data room that they’re refusing to put online.”

  “Oh God,” she said. “What did he say when you told him no?”

  I grinned and stepped toward her. “I told him yes. We’re going to Rome next week.”

  Her eyes widened and she grabbed hold of my forearms. “What do you mean we?”

  “You, me, and Be
thany. I thought we could fly out on the Saturday morning. I don’t have to be in the data room until Monday. I’m not sure how the week will go, but I thought you and Bethany would like to explore Rome together. I might get some time during the day. But you’re probably going to be on your own most of the time.”

  “Are you kidding me?” It was a sheen of shock rather than excitement that she wore.

  “You don’t want to go?”

  She blinked furiously. “I mean of course. I just need to check about . . . I need to figure out whether I have enough savings and—”

  This girl took nothing for granted. “Autumn, you’re not going to pay for anything. It’s a business expense. But even if it wasn’t, I’ve got this.”

  She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I’m not expecting you to—”

  “Autumn, please. You’ll be looking after Bethany—you’ll be working. And for the record, when I do take you away just for fun, you won’t be paying for anything then, either.”

  “It’s important to me that I’m independent, Gabriel. Hollie’s looked out for me my entire life. I’m an adult now. I don’t want to be dependent on anyone. I need to know I can do life without a handout.”

  I pushed my fingers into her hair, unable to help admiring her independence. But there was something in me that wanted to show her the world. “Let’s not borrow trouble. Rome is a business trip and you’re coming as Bethany’s nanny. It’s as simple as that.”

  She looked at me like she wanted to argue the point but eventually her frown turned into a small smile. “We really get to go to Rome?”

  “You said you wanted to go,” I said, my grin as wide as it ever had been as she lifted up onto her toes.

  “This is beyond,” she said. “We’ll get to see the Colosseum. And St. Peters. The Pantheon. Oh my God. Mike doesn’t mind you bringing us?”

  “I don’t care if he minds. Anyway, he won’t know. I’ll make sure we stay at a different hotel to him so we get some privacy. And we can stay the following weekend too if you’d like to.”