Irresistible Lies

by Juliette White

  She moaned as he tore her mouth from hers and moved it to her neck, trailing hot kisses down the length of it.

  “Do you have any idea how delicious you are?” he said, nibbling her ear and sending shivers down her spine. “Did you really think I was going to let you just walk out of here without getting a taste of you?”

  His hand found the bottom of her shirt and inched its way up. She moaned as his fingers burned his way up the soft skin of her stomach and stopped tantalizingly close to her breasts.

  “Do you want me to touch you, Grace?”

  She was afraid to say anything, both afraid of him stopping and encouraging him to go further. She arched her body against him, hating that it was betraying her mind so completely.

  “Tell me. Tell me what you want.”

  “I can’t,” she whispered.

  “Yes, you can. Tell me. Tell me you want this.”

  She opened her mouth to beg him not to stop, but sense chose that moment to kick in.

  Jake. She pictured her son in her mind and felt like someone had just thrown a bucket of ice over her entire body.

  “Jamie.” She made her voice as serious as she possibly could and looked him straight in the eyes. “No. I don’t want to do this. Let me go. Now.”

  He moved off of her instantly, confusion written all over his face. She seized the opportunity to hurry off the bed and into her room, where she slammed and locked the connecting door.

  He had tried to follow her just like she knew he would, but she had been a split second ahead of him.

  “Grace,” he said. “Open the door.”

  “No.”

  “Grace, please.”

  “Leave me alone.”

  “Open the door. We need to talk about this.”

  Grace ignored him, collapsed onto her bed and burst into tears of self-loathing. She had almost slept with Jamie. She had forgotten everything that mattered, including her son. What the hell was wrong with her? She was the worst mother in the world and a terrible person.

  “Grace...”

  She put a pillow over her head to drown Jamie out. She heard the pain in his voice and knew he could probably hear her crying, but she refused to open the door.

  She had already let him get far too close to her.

  Now, she was afraid that it was too late to protect her heart.

  Chapter 11

  Grace had gotten the window seat on the plane, and Jamie sat beside her. To his left was a woman with ear buds in. Grace thought that was a good idea, so she put hers in too.

  She blasted some country music and listened to women sing about hating their men, and it actually did make her feel a little better.

  She had gotten up that morning before her alarm had gone off, and was ready and waiting for Jamie in the hotel lobby at least an hour before the time they had designated. She didn’t want to risk running into him in the hallway, or worse, him knocking on her door to talk to her. She wasn’t going to make the mistake of being alone with him again.

  They had made it to the airport without saying a word to one another. Jamie looked annoyed, and it didn’t seem that he wanted to talk to Grace. She didn’t think he had any right to be angry with her after what he had pulled, but it was better for her if he ignored her anyway.

  She moved a little in her seat to get more comfortable and her arm brushed his on the armrest. She pulled hers away quickly, not looking at him.

  Things would be so much easier if she wasn’t so attracted to Jamie. It was just out of her control. She wanted to blame it on their history together, but she knew it was more than that. She found him incredibly sexy. She always had, and she probably always would.

  Even now, sitting next to him on the plane, she felt an extra awareness that she never experienced when Jamie wasn’t around. It was like she was hyper-conscious of every move he made, and she had to think before she could remember to act normally. She felt physically compelled to touch him in some way, and not acting on that was driving her crazy.

  Once she got off this damn plane, she was going to make sure to put plenty of space between them.

  Lady Antebellum was singing when Jamie tugged one of her ear buds out. She turned to look at him, dreading what was to come.

  “We need to talk about last night.”

  He was upset. His blue eyes looked weary, and his jaw was set the way it always was when he was about to do something unpleasant.

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” she told him, making her voice quiet so none of the other passengers would overhear them. “There’s nothing to say. We had both been drinking. It was a mistake.”

  “Not a mistake,” he told her, searching her eyes. “I knew exactly what I was doing. Don’t make excuses for me.”

  “Fine.” She turned away from him to look out the window. “Then you’re an ass. You owe me an apology.”

  “Probably. But I’m not going to give you one. I’m not sorry.”

  She spun back to face him, infuriated. “That is just so like you.”

  He just shrugged. “So what if it is?”

  “Why can’t you ever just admit when you are wrong?” She lowered her voice. “You started all of that last night, coming on to me. Kissing me. When did I give you the impression I wanted that?”

  He broke out into a grin, and her palm itched to slap him. “Sweetheart, I think we both know you wanted it.”

  “No, I didn’t. You just assumed I did because once upon a time I was attracted to you. But guess what? I’m not anymore. You’ve changed, and I don’t like this new Jamie.”

  “Right. Keep telling yourself that.”

  “Could you be any more arrogant? I’m not lying.”

  “You’re always lying. You lie to yourself more than to anyone.”

  “That’s not true.” The words stung. “I’m being honest with you, and you’re not taking me seriously. I honestly have no interest in anything physical with you, so get the idea out of your head for good.”

  “Are you talking about sex?”

  “Keep your voice down.”

  “Is that what you’re saying? That you have no interest in having sex with me?”

  She felt her cheeks burn. “I told you that last night. You’re the one who had to push it.”

  He didn’t say anything, and she knew he knew she was lying.

  “Look, this weekend was a huge mistake,” she said. “I should not have come to New York with you. I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I want to forget it ever happened.”

  He narrowed his eyes as if ready for a fight, and she was grateful when one did not come.

  “Fine, if that’s really what you want.”

  “It is.”

  They didn’t speak the rest of the way back.

  JAMIE’S PHONE BUZZED in his pocket.

  Nicky and I missing you, wondering how things are going!

  He read Lacey’s text, thought about responding and decided not to. He threw his phone to the other end of the hotel’s oversized couch and covered his face with one of the throw pillows, trying to block painful memories of Grace from his mind.

  Everything had been going so well, until he had taken things too far. He should have given Grace more time to get used to the idea of letting him back into her life before he had gotten so serious. He had panicked. The thought of leaving New York the next day and Grace going back to her life and her boyfriend like nothing was different made him sick.

  He had taken a risk and put it all on the line. He had banked on their attraction for one another, certain that she wouldn’t be able to resist him because Grace never could. But she had resisted him, and now he had pushed her too far.

  He thought of kissing her, having her warm and responsive beneath him, wanting him. In that moment, he had been so happy. He had real hope that when the kiss broke, she would open her heart to him and remember what they had together.

  Why hadn’t it worked? It seemed her hurt and resentment toward him went a lot deeper than he had an
ticipated.

  He couldn’t lose her again. Surely there was a way he could get her back, get her to see that he was still the same person she had fallen in love with and given her heart to at 19. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Grace was his once-in-a-lifetime.

  Was it possible she really felt nothing for him anymore?

  But he had seen it in her eyes at the gala, when she was looking at him at the dinner table with that sad smile on her face. He saw the feelings she was keeping locked inside, and they wanted to come out.

  She was lying when she said she didn’t want him anymore. Her kisses had given her away.

  There was still a chance for them.

  He needed to pull himself together. He got up and headed toward the shower, determined to wash the pessimism and fear from his system and get back in the game.

  He needed a new plan. He wasn’t ready to give up on his girl—not by a long shot.

  “I NEED TO tell you something.”

  Grace was sitting on Caroline’s bed, watching her big sister brush her ice blonde hair. She had just put her son to bed after spending the evening attached to his side, knowing that the moment she left him she would have to answer to herself for what she had done with Jamie.

  But spending time with Jake had also made her feel more guilty. She hated that she had put him at risk by allowing Jamie to get so close to her. What kind of a mother was she that she couldn’t put her son first? If her time in New York had taught her anything, it was that Jamie had a lot more money than she did. If he found out about Jake and it came down to a legal battle, she would surely have a hard time fighting for custody.

  And wouldn’t it look bad to a judge that she had never told Jamie about the baby? She didn’t know much about the law, but she suspected her secret keeping wouldn’t work in her favor. It wasn’t like Jamie had ever been cruel to her. What would she tell the judge? That she hid her son away from his father because she was pissed he broke up with her?

  No, she was being unfair to herself. Her decision had been motivated by more than anger. She hadn’t told Jamie about his son because she didn’t want to hold him back from following his dreams, and she didn’t want to be responsible for ruining his life.

  Maybe Jamie would understand that, if she told him.

  Maybe. But probably not.

  Just thinking about what Jamie’s reaction would be if he ever found out made her incredibly anxious. There would be hell to pay.

  She was going to be a better mother and do what she needed to do for her child. It all started with confession, purging the sins of the weekend. Caroline, as her best friend and older sister, was the one person she needed to confess to in order to be able to forgive herself.

  “Okay, enough wallowing,” Caroline said. “Tell me everything, and start from the beginning. What happened?”

  Caroline came to sit beside her on the bed, eyes wide and expectant. She had been waiting to hear about Grace’s trip since had walked through the door, but they couldn’t talk with Jake around.

  “It’s bad.”

  “Yes?”

  “You’re going to be mad. I’m so mad at myself.”

  Caroline pursed her lips, and Grace knew her sister well enough to know that she was telling herself to be sympathetic. Caroline was very protective of her family, and she had made her feelings about Jamie very clear from the beginning. “Spill it. Rip off the band-aid.”

  Grace took a deep breath. Admitting it was the first step, right?

  “I went to his hotel room after the gala.”

  “You WHAT?” Caroline reached for Grace’s shoulders and shook them. “What the hell were you thinking?”

  “I know! I know. I mean I don’t know. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She felt tears in the backs of her eyes and blinked them back. “I hate myself.”

  “Shit, I’m sorry. You’re hard enough on yourself as it is. You don’t need me lecturing you. But what happened, Grace? I don’t understand. When you left, you were so determined to stay away from him.”

  “It was just being in New York and being so close to him. All of these what-ifs were suddenly answered. You know, like what if I had gotten back together with Jamie and had that life with him.”

  “But that’s not your life. Your life is here with Jake. You love your life.”

  “I love my son,” Grace said on a sob, and the tears began to fall. “I would never trade him for anything. I wouldn’t.”

  Caroline had tears in her eyes, too. “I know that.”

  “But I kept thinking... it’s so bad, Caroline. I have all these regrets. I didn’t know I had them until I was there with him, in that life, seeing that life. It was the life I wanted, the one I thought I’d have. I tried to convince myself that I was getting closure, seeing what life could have been and realizing that the life I have now is better. But it’s a lie, isn’t it?”

  “What are you saying?”

  There were words at the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t say them, couldn’t hear them said aloud. Self-preservation held her back.

  “Grace. You need to realize that everything was supposed to happen the way it did. You’re supposed to be here. If you keep thinking about all these what-ifs with Jamie, you’re going to get hurt. And Jake will get hurt.”

  “I’m already hurt.”

  Caroline reached for her hand and squeezed it. “Oh, honey. What happened in his hotel room?”

  “We kissed. Well, he kissed me, and I kissed him back. He was saying all of these things, asking me all of these questions about why I didn’t respond to his phone calls after we broke up. I was overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to say. And he was so hurt. He was so hurt, Caroline.”

  “Who cares?” she scoffed. “So were you! And you were pregnant.”

  “But he didn’t know that.”

  “Why are you defending him? He broke up with you!”

  “I don’t know. I just... there was a part of me, a big part, that didn’t want to resist him. I wanted to be there. I wanted him to say all of that stuff, and I wanted to give in. That’s terrible, isn’t it?”

  Caroline sighed. “Shit. I don’t even know what to say. I want to tell you that I understand, but I think you’re crazy.”

  “I am crazy.” She laughed and wiped at her tears, trying to get a hold of herself.

  “You can’t let him get to you, Grace. He’s not the same Jamie he used to be. This isn’t college. It’s the real world. He doesn’t love you anymore.”

  She felt Caroline’s words like a blow to the chest.

  He didn’t love her anymore. He didn’t love her anymore.

  “You need to take care of yourself. I wish I could do it for you, but I can’t, Grace. You need to stay strong. Think of Jake. If Jamie finds out that he has a son, that you didn’t tell him, you could lose everything.”

  “I know.”

  “That little man in the room over there is the only man you owe anything to at all. Jamie is in your past, and he needs to stay there.”

  “You’re absolutely right.” Grace took a deep breath, determined not to cry anymore. Enough was enough.

  “Of course I’m right. Jamie thinks he can just walk right back into your life and have a fling with you and see where it goes. But you’re not just single Grace anymore. You’re a mother. You don’t have space for men like that in your life, men that will only hurt you. I’ve been here, and I’ve watched you be a parent to Jake all these years. You know who hasn’t been here?”

  “Jamie,” she answered dutifully.

  “Right. He doesn’t even know about any of it. He has no idea who you really are. He wants the old you, not the new you. You need to forget him.”

  “Yeah, I do. I know you’re right. When you say it, it makes so much sense.”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  Grace looked away, unable to meet her sister’s eyes. “I still have feelings for him. I’ve been lying to myself this whole time, pretending I don’t. But I do. I don’t kn
ow if that’s something that will ever go away.”

  “Yes, it will. Do you know how I know?”

  “How?”

  “Because it has before.” Caroline squeezed Grace’s hands, infusing her with strength. “I’ve watched you get over Jamie before, and I have no doubt that you can do it again.”

  Grace nodded, feeling a new confidence take shape within her. “You’re right. I can do this. I can resist him.”

  “Yes, you can.”

  “If I give him another chance, he will just disappoint me. Just like he did last time.”

  “Now you’re talking.” Caroline reached over and gave her a big hug. “I love you, Grace. I refuse to see you get hurt again.”

  “I love you too, Cara. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. I can handle this.”

  “I know you can, babe. Send that bastard right back to New York where he came from.”

  Grace laughed, even though it hurt a little.

  Chapter 12

  Grace considered calling in sick to work the next day but decided it was best to go into the office and face the world head on.

  She made breakfast for Jake and got him ready for school, and when Caroline asked her how she was feeling she put on a bright smile and pretended everything was fine. She dropped her son off and did her very best to follow their conversation about his favorite dinosaur, holding on tightly to her positive attitude.

  Well, at least the sun was shining.

  Grace entered the office, checked her email and breathed a sigh of relief when she didn’t see anything in her inbox from Jamie. She breathed another sigh of relief when she was told that the morning staff meeting was canceled, giving her more time to catch up on work. She made a to-do list for the day and settled in, wondering how much she would be able to get through before Jamie called and interrupted her day with mountains of work.

  No call came.

  Around noon, Charlie buzzed her on the intercom and asked her to come to his office. She immediately wondered if Jamie had decided to drop them as an agency and then she wondered how that would make her feel. She headed into Charlie’s office, lost in thought and very on edge.