Adam blinked and a tear, released from his eye, trickled down his cheek. He sniffed and wiped his face with the back of his hand.
“Carter isn’t going to be here anyway,” he said quietly.
Emma didn’t want to think about what Adam was saying. Carter had given her no indication he was leaving.
Like you had much time for chitchat.
But surely he would have said something. Even on the way back to the ranch?
Yeah, something like, it’s been fun saving your life and all, but I got to do what I got to do? “Then I’m not going to be helping you with your tree fort,” Emma corrected, trying to still the panic that hovered. Carter wasn’t leaving. She was sure of that.
She pushed herself to her feet and brought him out to the living room, determined to carry on. “You’re allowed to watch Backyardigans while I have a quick shower.”
She stopped and tightened her grip on his shoulder, which made Adam look up at her in concern.
“You’re not leaving the house, are you?”
“I won’t do it again, Mommy,” he said, suddenly subdued. “I don’t want to be scared like that again.”
A picture flashed through her mind. Adam falling off the horse, her swimming after him. The panic that paralyzed her even after she caught his coat.
Then Carter’s hand grabbed her, and their relentless surging down the river stopped. She closed her eyes, preferring to focus on that moment when she and Carter held Adam and each other on the riverbank. After he had saved their lives.
She went back to the bathroom and made quick work of her own shower. The hot water washing over her removed the memory of the cold and the fear. She deliberately pushed back the doubts that Adam’s words had planted in her mind. Until she heard from Carter herself, she wasn’t going to speculate on what was happening after this.
Adam still sat on the couch when she came back, toweling off her hair. He was watching the show, smiling faintly at the antics of the cartoon characters.
She sat quietly beside him, brushing her hair, her own mind wandering to Carter in Nana Beck’s house. Should she go to him? Wait for him to come here?
Ten minutes passed. Twenty. Thirty.
Surely he was done now. Surely Nana Beck would realize he would want to come here to make sure they were okay.
Emma closed her eyes, reliving that moment when he kissed her. When she kissed him back.
I want to talk to you.
His voice resonated through her head, adding to her growing concern. He wouldn’t leave now, would he? Not when the assurance of a future hung between them, unspoken but present.
Finally she couldn’t stand it any longer. “Put on your coat, mister,” she said to her son. “We’re going to find Carter.”
When they stepped out of the house, the rain had quit, but rivulets of water flowed into the flower garden.
They ran across the yard, splashing through the puddles. Each step held apprehension and created an inevitable movement toward something she might not want to face.
They knocked on Nana’s door and, without waiting for a reply, stepped inside.
The homey scent of coffee and cookies baking comforted her, creating a sense of normalcy. A solid reassurance in a frightening and emotional morning.
“Hello,” Emma called out in her brightest, happiest voice. As she shucked off her coat, she glanced quickly around the entrance.
She didn’t see Carter’s boots or his coat, and as they walked into the kitchen, she didn’t see him.
Nana Beck was already coming toward them, her arms spread wide, her eyes registering her concern.
“Oh, my dear children,” she said, hugging first Emma then Adam, the comforting scent of vanilla and chocolate wafting around them. “Carter told me what happened. You must have been so frightened. I’m so thankful you’re okay.” She pressed her hand to her heart, and Emma was afraid that she might have another attack.
“We’re fine. It’s okay,” she assured her, grasping her by the shoulder. “Really.”
Nana’s eyes glistened. “I’m so thankful. So thankful.” She drew in an unsteady breath, then forced a smile to her face. “Do you want some hot chocolate and cookies?”
What Emma really wanted was Carter, but she wasn’t telling Nana Beck that. Emma glanced around the kitchen again as maybe, by some weird chance, Carter was hiding in a room somewhere.
Nana set a kettle of water on the stove and then put out two mugs. One for her and one for Adam.
Emma couldn’t stand the tension one second longer.
“Where’s Carter? He told me he was going to wash up here.”
Nana nodded. “He did. And then he left.”
“He left? For his cabin?” Emma couldn’t keep the sharp note out of her voice.
“He said he had to go to town. I thought he told you?”
“No. He didn’t tell me a thing.”
“Well, now. That’s a puzzle.” Nana Beck’s words and her accompanying frown sent Emma’s heart plunging into her stomach. Why didn’t he stop to talk to her? Why did he leave right away?
She and Adam stayed long enough to eat cookies and drink the chocolate. As soon as was polite, Emma retreated to her cabin and her worries.
Chapter Fourteen
“I don’t want to bake bread. I want to go to work on my tree fort.” Adam dropped into a chair by the kitchen table of Wade and Miranda’s house and heaved out a sigh.
“I know you do, but it’s going to be dark in a while, and I have to get this bread done,” Emma said, trying to keep her voice soothing as she sent yet another glance out the window at the setting sun.
Carter was gone on his bike again.
Unbidden came the feeling of his arms around her after he had pulled her and Adam out of the river. Too easily, she again felt the blinding fear and choking panic.
Carter had saved them. And then Carter had left. He’d been gone all afternoon. It was seven o’clock now, and he still hadn’t returned.
Don’t trust men, don’t trust men.
Emma felt a cold place in the center of her chest that had once harbored affection. Attraction. Maybe even love. Now, all that lived there was the pain of being left behind. Again.
She had trusted Carter. She had opened up to him and let him into her life. Now he was gone without a word.
She poured water into the bowl Miranda always used for bread, measured out the yeast and put in the sugar, just like Miranda had taught her.
She wasn’t even sure why she was doing this. But she had to keep herself busy, as she had all afternoon. After they left Nana Beck’s, she and Adam had cleaned out their cabin. Then they came to the house and tidied it up.
Busy work, Emma thought, taking the eggs out of the refrigerator.
“I’m bored,” Adam whined, swinging his feet. “I don’t know what to do.”
“You can help me make bread,” she said with a falsely bright smile.
“That’s boring.” He draped himself over the table, dropping his chin on his arms. “When is Carter coming back?”
Emma bit back a snappy response to that as she measured out the oil. She wanted Carter to come back too. So she could give him a piece of her mind.
And then, so she could quit. She needed to get on with her own life, and when he came back—whenever that would be—she and Adam were going to leave. She couldn’t be with a man who ran whenever things got difficult.
But he pulled you from the river. He saved your life.
And what else could he have done? Why didn’t he stay to see how she and Adam were doing? To talk about what happened to them? To help her deal with it?
In spite of her questions and her frustration with Carter, the thought of leaving him sent a shaft of pain into her heart. Into her very soul.
Carter. His face swam into her mind, and right behind that came a wave of sorrow mixed with anger.
How could he just walk away after all that had happened? Was he too scared to face them? Had he sh
own them too much of himself? Was he pulling back emotionally, as well as physically?
Her eyes closed as her heart and mind battled with each other. Karl’s betrayal had hurt, but she had gotten through it.
She knew, deep in her soul, that Carter’s absence after what they had just shared hurt far more.
Please, Lord, help me to find my peace in You. Help me to trust in You only. Only You are faithful.
She waited a moment, reaching for the peace that she had prayed for. Drawing in a long, slow breath, she straightened.
Keep going. Do what comes next. Get through this. Keep busy.
Then, as she took the flour out of the pantry, she heard a noise that lifted her heart. Was that a bike?
She shook her head, angry at how easily her hope was resurrected.
The noise grew and became the distinctive sound of a motorbike. Her heart jumped as she dropped the bag of flour on the counter, then leaned over the sink to look out the window.
There he was, parking his bike and pulling off his helmet.
Just like he had the first time she saw him. Only, then she didn’t know who he was. Now, the sight of that thick, wavy hair catching the light from the setting sun, that shadowed jaw and his slate-blue eyes brought a flush to her cheeks and sent anticipation singing through her veins.
She pulled back from the window, clenching her fists, trying to pull her emotions to a more neutral place.
The door opened, and Adam’s head shot up.
“Carter! You’re back!” Adam shot out of the chair and threw himself at the tall figure that entered the house, his presence taking over the kitchen.
Carter bent over and caught Adam under his arms, swung him up in the air then, to Emma’s surprise, pulled him close in a fierce hug.
Then, dropping Adam onto his hip, he turned to Emma.
“Hey, there,” he said, his voice quiet. “How are you? Feeling okay?”
Her eyes blurred and her throat thickened, and she turned away so he couldn’t see how his presence and the concern in his voice affected her.
“I’m fine. So is Adam.” She cracked open the eggs with unnecessary force, almost sending the contents of the bowl spewing over the counter.
“That was really scary when we were in the water,” Adam said, wrapping his arms around Carter’s neck. “I’m so glad you saved us.”
Emma glanced over in time to see Carter hold Adam close, his eyes closed, his arms wrapped tightly around the little body. The sight of him holding her son created a tiny bloom of warmth, thawing the chill that she had wrapped herself in for protection. “I’m glad too, buddy,” Carter said.
Adam put up with the hug for a minute, but then pulled away, his eyes holding Carter’s. “Were you scared?”
Emma caught fear in Carter’s broken gaze. Then he nodded. “Yes. I was scared.”
“But you were really brave,” Adam said.
“So were you,” Carter replied, then let his eyes rest on Emma. “And so was your mother.”
“Where did you go after you brought us back? My mommy was mad at you for going away.”
Emma tore her gaze away from Carter, but didn’t bother to reprimand her son. He was only telling the truth.
“Adam, can you go tell Nana Beck that I’m here?” Carter said quietly, setting Adam on the floor. “Ask her to give you some of her cookies and wait for me there.”
Adam glanced from Emma to Carter, unsure whether to follow the instructions. Not that Emma blamed him. Hadn’t she spent all day reminding him that he wasn’t to go anywhere without her?
“I’ll go with you. To make sure you get there okay,” Carter said. “It’s getting dark out there.”
So Carter and Adam left, and for a few moments Emma was alone to try to gather her thoughts and scattered emotions.
She pressed her hands to her heated cheeks, angry at the tears that threatened, a sign of how much Carter had come to mean to her in the past few weeks.
Keep it together, she scolded herself. Don’t cave.
A few minutes later, Carter was back. He stood in the doorway of the kitchen of his old house, and, in spite of her confusion in his presence, she felt a flicker of sympathy for him. How hard it must be to see a woman and a child, the same age as his son, in his house.
Would Harry and Sylvia’s memories always hang over this place? Could he ever forget them and simply see her and Adam?
“Can I come in?” Carter asked, his voice quiet.
Emma nodded and beat the eggs into the oil. But Carter didn’t go to the table and sit on the chair. He came to stand beside her, resting his hip against the counter, looking down on her.
“I’m sorry,” was all he said. “I’m sorry I had to leave.”
Emma swallowed a knot of sorrow, wishing his presence didn’t affect her so. Then, unable to keep her eyes down, she looked over at him.
“Why did you have to leave? And why did you stay away?” The questions burst out of her, edged with frustration and sorrow.
Carter waited a moment, as if gathering his thoughts in the face of her emotions. “I had to go to the real-estate agent,” he said. “And I had to get there as soon as possible. I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, but I had to do something very important.”
She turned her attention back to the flour she was measuring out. “What was so important?”
Carter released a heavy sigh. “When I put the ranch up for sale, Pete gave me an escape clause. I had until noon today to call if I wanted to cancel the sale. But I missed that call.”
Emma’s hands slowed as she tried to absorb what he was telling her.
“What do you mean you missed the call?”
Carter took the measuring cup out of her hands and set it on the countertop. He took her hands in his and pressed them. “When you came to my cabin this morning, I was leaving for town, remember?”
Emma’s mind ticked back, recalling Carter’s pressed shirt, his new jeans. He had been dressed to go out. “But that was when Adam was missing.” Things fell into place. “And we went out to get him.” She stopped there, the memory of what had happened too fresh and frighteningly real.
“When we got back to the ranch, I was already late. I wanted to talk to Pete about canceling the sale, but by then, it was past noon. I went into town, hoping that I could talk to him face-to-face, work something out. Change things.”
Emma’s confusion settled and reality took its place. “You wanted to cancel the sale of the ranch? Why?”
Carter reached up and fingered a strand of hair away from her face, his fingers trailing down her cheek, then coming to rest on her shoulder. “I didn’t want to let it go. I wanted it to be mine. For you and Adam and me.”
She held his gaze, unable to speak, as his words settled like oil on the troubled waters of her soul.
“When I found out I couldn’t stop the sale,” he continued, “I tried to come up with another plan. To fix what I had broken.” His eyes traveled over her face, regret etched on his features. “I wanted to make a home for us.”
Weakness invaded Emma’s limbs as hope unfurled in her chest. “A home? Here?”
Carter nodded, his hands moving to her waist, holding her up.
Emma bit her lip, his touch confusing and comforting her at the same time. “I thought…when you left…that you weren’t coming back.”
Desolation crept over Carter’s features. “Did you think I would leave you like Adam’s father left you?”
His words lay bare her deepest fears. “I trusted him to take care of us,” she said, looking down at her hands. “Trusted him to do the right thing. Then, one day, he just left. And Adam and I were alone.”
His hands tightened their grip on her waist. “I’m so sorry. I should have called you, but when we got to the ranch and I realized the time, I was in such a hurry to get to town that I left my phone behind. Then, when I found out I couldn’t stop the sale, I was too upset to call. I never even thought that you would assume I was leaving for good.” He
tipped her chin up with a finger. “I was coming back. I figured you would know that.”
Emma couldn’t hold his gaze, her own shame intruding on the moment. “Every man in my life, other than Adam, has let me down. I was afraid you had done the same.”
“Even after I rescued you?”
She was surprised to hear the faint note of humor in his voice, but as her gaze slid to his, she caught a hint of fear in his eyes, a hint of the fear she had heard in his voice when he pulled them out of the river.
“Even after you rescued me,” she echoed.
Silence followed her comment, then Carter spoke. “I know I wasn’t the best person when you first met me, but I’ve changed. And you’re the one who helped me make that change. I’ve come to care for you and Adam more than I ever thought I could. I didn’t want to fall for you. Didn’t want to let you into my life, but you found a way in.” He slipped his hands to the small of her back, closing the small distance between them. “When you and Adam fell into the river, I thought I’d lost you both. I thought that was it.” His voice stumbled over the words, as if reliving the pain the moment had caused. “Then, when I jumped in and saved you, I knew it wasn’t over. I hadn’t lost someone else I cared so deeply for.”
Was it true? Did he care deeply for her?
Then she looked up at him, and in his eyes, she saw a yearning that sent her heart hammering.
But he had more to say.
“You scared me, Emma. You and Adam. But when we came to the other side, I knew, more than anything, that I had to find a way to keep us together. To keep us on the ranch that I know you love, and that I’ve always loved—just not always appreciated. That’s why I left. I left for you. For us.”
His words, spoken with such authority, eased into her lost and lonely soul.
“I want you to trust me, Emma. To trust that I will take care of you. I can only hope that you believe me.”
Emma felt a prickling behind her eyes as she clung to his words. She drew in an unsteady breath, struggling to find her way through this new, unfamiliar place. “I’m sorry I thought you left me. I…I haven’t had a lot of reasons to trust men. Adam’s father left as soon as he found out I was pregnant. My father let me down by gambling away our ranch, leaving Adam and me with nothing. My old boyfriend cheated on me. When I came here, I didn’t trust men, and didn’t want to.” Her sudden resolve faltered as old fears and distrusts intruded.
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