Carter said nothing for a moment, as if honoring her confession. “I’m sorry you thought that of me,” he said quietly. “I don’t know what to say to make you believe you can trust me.” He stopped there and his hand came up and traced the line of her cheek. His touch was tentative, as if unsure of her reaction.
Emma looked up at him as other pictures imposed themselves. Carter in church. Carter holding Adam as if he was his own. Carter trusting her enough with his sorrow to cry in her arms, letting her see his broken places.
Carter risking his own life to save her and her son.
Emma felt her body relax, as if she’d been struggling to carry a weight and could finally release her burden. She looked back up at Carter and felt as if she was balanced on a precipice, that things could shift either way depending on what she said or did next.
In a moment of blinding clarity, she knew which way she wanted to go. Maybe it was too soon, but she knew if she didn’t tell him now, she never would.
“I trust you, Carter Beck,” she said, sincerity ringing in her voice, “with me and my son. I trust you with our lives, and I trust you with our hearts.”
The silence following her declaration grew large, heavy, and for a moment Emma wondered if she had said too much. Exposed her heart too fully.
Then he swept her in his arms, cradled her head in his hand and kissed her. Hard. Then again. Then more gently, as if sealing a promise.
He drew her close, laying her head against his chest, his chin resting on her head. His chest lifted in a sigh, and Emma closed her eyes, contentment washing over her.
She wanted time to stop right here. Right now. She didn’t want to think what may lay ahead or what they would have to deal with once the ranch sold.
Carter rubbed his chin over her head. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Thank you for trusting me.”
She drew back and, smiling up at him, brushed a lock of hair back from his forehead, as if sealing a claim on him. “I didn’t think I could put my trust in a man again. But, yes, I trust you.”
He kissed her again, then rested his hands on her shoulders, his expression growing serious. “And I love you.”
Emma stared as the words, one by one, dropped into her weary soul.
“Did…did I hear you right?”
Carter stroked her hair back from her face, his fingers lingering on her cheek as his mouth lifted in a wistful smile. “Yeah. You did.” He released a short laugh that held a note of melancholy but absolutely no bitterness. “I didn’t think I’d ever say those words again. But you kind of snuck up on me.
She didn’t want to cry, but she felt her throat thicken and her eyes grow warm. She blinked, trying to find her footing in this new place.
Carter caught his lower lip between his teeth. “Um…now would be a good time to say something.”
“I love you too.” She couldn’t stop the words and didn’t want to. “You opened up my heart and soul again, and I trust you with both,” she said quietly.
Carter pressed another kiss to her lips then drew her close against him. He laid his hand on her head, stroking her hair with his thumb. “I dared to make plans again. Dared to hope we could make a life on this ranch. I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop the sale.”
Regret flickered, but only for a moment. Emma wrapped her arms around his waist, holding him close.
“I’m sorry too, but you know, right now I’m thankful for what we have. Right here. You and me and Adam. I’m thankful for all the blessings God has given us. Anything else is only gravy. Extra.” She pulled back to gauge his reaction to what she had just said.
Carter’s mouth lifted in a wry smile, but Emma saw he wasn’t convinced.
“I mean it, Carter,” she insisted. “I know it sounds corny, but we have each other, and that’s the best starting point.”
“I’ll have the money from the sale of the ranch. We could start somewhere else…” He shook his head slowly. “I can’t believe it’s happening. I wish…I wish I hadn’t…”
Emma said nothing but pressed her fingers against his lips. “It doesn’t matter, Carter. Like I said, we have each other, and that’s more than we had even a few weeks ago when you still owned the ranch.”
He cupped her shoulders in his hands. “I feel like my life has spun in a completely different direction since then.”
“So has mine. But I’m comforted that we’re facing that direction together.” Regret was still etched on his face. What could she say to assure him? She covered his hands with hers, her gaze seeking his and holding it. “The ranch is just a place. A home and a business.”
“You already lost one home and business,” Carter said, his voice urgent. “When you had to sell your father’s ranch. Now I’m bringing that same disappointment back into your life. I know how much you loved this place, and now I took that away from you too.”
“You gave me so much more,” she said quietly. “Anyone can build a house. A business. A ranch. But what we have now, what you’ve just given me, is the most important foundation for any life together. When your great-great-grandfather made his choice, he didn’t choose for money. He chose for love. When you chose to help me go find Adam, you made the right choice too. Because if you hadn’t…” Her voice faltered as the frightening images flickered through her mind again.
He drew her close, as if to shelter her from the memories.
“I’m so thankful to the Lord for saving us,” she continued, speaking from the shelter of his arms. “For using you to save us.”
They were quiet a moment, as if letting the moment settle into their minds and their lives.
Emma didn’t want to move on. She wished it would never end.
Then the door of the kitchen slammed open and Adam burst into the room. He skidded to a halt when he saw Carter and Emma. He looked from one to the other, and as he did Emma felt her heart falter.
Then he grinned and ran toward them, his arms open wide. “Hug me too, hug me too,” he called out, and Carter and Emma bent over and swept him into their arms, completing the circle.
“Well, I’d say that’s about time.”
Nana Beck’s wry voice made them all look up. She stood in the doorway, her arms folded over her midsection, looking smug and well pleased with herself.
Emma endured a moment of guilt. After all, she now stood in the kitchen of the house that had once belonged to Sylvia, her arms around her husband.
But Nana Beck’s smile was like a blessing on the moment. A stamp of approval that swept away any misgivings Emma had.
“We were just coming over—”
“Of course you were,” Nana Beck said, giving Emma a quick wink. “But Adam was getting impatient and I was getting curious. So now we’re here.” Nana moved into the kitchen and sat on a nearby chair. “And you might want to do something about that bread dough,” she said, angling her head toward the bowl now overflowing with risen dough.
She laughed and reluctantly released herself from Carter’s arms. Adam, however, stayed there gladly, asking Carter about the fort and when they were going to work on it again.
Emma stifled her own regret as she and Carter exchanged melancholy glances. But she gave him an encouraging smile before she turned her attention back to her bread. What was done was done. As she had told Carter, they had each other, and that was truly what mattered, wasn’t it?
She put a kettle of water on the stove to make some tea. As she returned to her bread, the phone rang.
Carter caught it on the third ring, and as Emma punched down the dough, she couldn’t help listening. Carter’s replies were terse, and she didn’t get much out of what he said.
Then he hung up the phone, staring at it for a moment. He drew in a long, slow breath, then turned to Emma.
“That was Pete. The buyer is coming tomorrow to look over the ranch.”
Chapter Fifteen
“Why have you not laid a water line to the corrals? For your horses.” Jurgen Mallik, the buyer of the ranch, tugged on h
is glaringly white cowboy hat as he stood in the corral, looking around.
Jurgen was spare of build with graying blond hair hanging well below the brim of his cowboy hat. His jeans were new-store crisp, and his blue-and-white plaid shirt still held the fold lines from the packaging Carter suspected it had just come from.
“There is a water line. It’s not hooked up to a waterer, though.” Carter was surprised how easily the words came out. The underlying pain still lay in his soul, but it was as if it had settled and the edges worn smooth. He caught Emma’s look of concern and gave her a quick smile to let her know it was okay. She moved a bit closer to him, as if to make sure.
“You have said you have a manager who has been helping you to take care of this place?” Jurgen asked in his heavily accented English.
“He’s out of town on a family emergency now, but he’ll be back in a couple of weeks.” Carter dropped his hat on his head, hoping he didn’t sound as out of breath as he was. Jurgen had come twenty minutes earlier than Pete had told Carter yesterday. Eager to see the place, he had said, apologizing when he had shown up.
Emma, however, chatted with him while they waited. Which was okay with Carter. She knew more about the current ranching operations than he did.
“Wade has been taking care of the ranch while Carter was gone,” Pete hastened to explain. “I’m sure he’d be willing to stay on as manager once you take over.”
Pete angled a questioning look Carter’s way, as if to verify.
“Is this true? Would your man be able to help me with this ranch?” Jurgen asked.
“I can’t speak for Wade. You’d have to talk to him about that, but I’m sure he would be pleased to know that he could still work here.” Carter was glad Jurgen would be willing to keep Wade on. That had been one of his concerns for his good friend. “You might want to look at hiring an extra hand, though, until you know the ranch well enough to manage it yourself,” Carter said.
Jurgen frowned as he looked at Emma. “I understand you work here. You would not be staying on?”
Emma’s hand surreptitiously slipped into Carter’s. “I don’t think so.”
Her hesitant words gave Carter pause. After his declaration, they hadn’t had much opportunity to talk. To decide where things were going between them. To make any plans. He had his own ideas, but he could hardly expect Emma would immediately fall in with them simply because he had told her he loved her.
Jurgen’s eyes slipped to their hands. “I see,” he said, though his frown told them otherwise. “So now I have seen the house and the corrals. Now I would like to see the cows.”
“They’re in the upper pasture,” Carter said. “We would have to ride up to them.” He glanced over Jurgen’s clothes, the cowboy boots so new the soles were probably unscuffed.
“I expect that,” Jurgen said. “I have ridden horses before.”
Carter doubted that, but he kept his doubts to himself.
“Have you ridden English or Western?” Emma asked.
“English,” Jurgen replied. “But the Western saddles are sturdier. I am confident I can hold my seat.”
“I can let him ride Diamond,” Emma said, as if sensing Carter’s hesitation. “We can use Wade’s saddle.”
This seemed to be the best plan.
“Did you want to come up with us?” Carter asked Pete as Emma got the halters from the tack shed.
He held up his hands, a look of horror on his face. “You kidding me? I’ll go see if I can scam some cookies from your grandmother. How long will you be?”
“Maybe half an hour. Probably more.”
“Take your time.” Pete shot them a quick smile, then beat a hasty retreat.
“So this Emma girl. She is your girlfriend?” Jurgen asked as Carter pulled two saddles off the trees in the tack shed.
Again Carter felt a faint niggle of dissatisfaction. He wanted to lay a claim on Emma, but in spite of what she had said to him yesterday, he still felt as if he had to get part of his own life in order before he did.
And the biggest part was what to do after the ranch was sold. He wanted to know he could provide for her and Adam. Take care of them.
How was he supposed to do that when his future and future employment were surrounded by so much uncertainty?
“We care for each other,” was all he said as he laid the saddles by the hitching post.
He looked up to see Emma coming toward them, leading three horses through the grass. The sun burnished her brown hair, bringing out a reddish tinge. She was talking to the horses, her voice low, quiet and confident.
This was where she belonged, Carter thought, his heart growing heavy in his chest. If only…
He cut that thought off. The new owner of the ranch stood in front of him, waiting to be shown the rest of the place. Carter had spent enough time in the past. It was now time to move on.
Twenty minutes later they were mounted up, and Emma led them out of the pasture toward the river.
“Pete tells me the ranch has been in your family for four generations,” Jurgen was saying as they rode side by side down the trail.
“That’s true. My great-great-grandfather started this place, and it’s been passed on.” Carter tried to keep his voice even, his tone light, but regret hung like a cloud in the background. Why had he been so hasty? Why hadn’t he waited?
“I asked Pete why you are selling this place. He only told me that you had experienced a loss.”
“My son. He drowned in a stock waterer in the corral two years ago.” Again Carter felt the pain of the words, but as he spoke them he looked ahead and saw Emma sitting straight in the saddle, her hand resting on her thigh. She didn’t wear a hat this time, but her pose so easily resurrected his first memory of her.
How much had changed since then. Emma had brought such healing into his life.
As they splashed across the river, much lower now than a few days ago, Emma looked back, giving him a tentative smile, as if quietly thanking him again for saving her and Adam. He returned the smile, and in that moment his regret slipped away.
They would make it, he thought. It didn’t matter where he, Emma and Adam lived or what they did. They would make it because they would be together.
“I am so sorry to hear about your son,” Jurgen said quietly as the horses walked up the other bank of the river. “That is a huge loss and difficult to recuperate from.”
“It was, but I’m thankful for Emma and her son, Adam,” Carter replied. “They’ve given me a new reason to carry on.”
Jurgen said nothing after that. The trail narrowed and they rode single file. Once in a while Emma turned around and pointed something out to Jurgen. A mountain they saw through the trees. An old wagon trail, since overgrown. Rubbings on the tree from elk trying to shed the velvet from their antlers.
The sun played hide-and-seek behind the clouds, but as they broke out of the trees into the open fields of the upper pastures, the clouds dissipated. Golden sun poured down from a blue sky and lit up the valley below like a promise.
“Nydelig utsikt,” Jurgen said, his voice full of awe as he brought Diamond to a halt. He leaned forward, his eyes looking over the valley as shadows of clouds chased each other over the green-clad slopes of the mountains sweeping away from them. The dumbfounded expression on his face said more than his words had.
“I don’t think we need a translation of that,” Emma said as she brought Dusty up beside Carter’s horse. “I remember feeling exactly the same way when I first saw this.”
Carter gave her a melancholy smile then, giving in to an impulse, brushed her hair back from her face. His fingers lingered a moment on her cheek, and she reached up and captured his hand in hers.
“I’m so sorry. I wish things were different.”
She squeezed his hand, her expression growing serious. “No. Please. Don’t say that. We’ve both spent enough time in the past. I don’t want you to look back.”
He cupped her cheek with his hand, and his smile shi
fted. “How did I get so blessed to have you come into my life?”
“How many acres—” Jurgen stopped, and Carter dragged his attention away from Emma.
“I’m sorry,” Carter said, lowering his hand. “What were you going to ask?”
Jurgen’s eyes slid from Carter to Emma, as if trying to puzzle out their relationship.
“I was wondering how many acres you have up here. For pasture. And how many cows the pasture can carry.”
Carter shot Emma an inquiring glance. “Why don’t you take care of this?” he asked. “You’re the one who came up with the rotational-grazing plan.”
“Rotational grazing?” Jurgen frowned again.
Emma swung off her saddle. “Come with me,” she said. “I’ll explain.”
Jurgen dismounted and followed Emma, but Carter stayed behind, looking out over the valley. Thankfully it was too early in the day to see The Shadow Woman. He was afraid that if she made an appearance, he would see rebuke in her features.
In spite of Emma’s brave words, mourning of another sort settled in his soul. Mourning for the loss of a place where he grew up. A place that had been a source of refuge for him and his brother. A place where he and his cousins had grown up.
Naomi had called him early this morning and had expressed her regret at the loss of the ranch, but she had echoed what Emma had said. The ranch was just a place. People were what counted. And yet…
Carter tried to slough off his momentary funk.
Forgive me, Lord, he prayed. Help me to be thankful in all circumstances.
Then he looked back at Emma, and he realized how blessed he really was.
“…we get better usage of the land and the cows are healthier,” she was saying, obviously selling Jurgen on her new project.
Carter came up beside Emma, and she flashed him a quick smile. He caught her hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze.
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