by Jade White
“You’ve injured yourself,” he said, sliding his arm behind her back to support more of her weight.
“I think I just twisted it when I fell. It’s nothing serious,” Eleri said with a scowl, refusing to be more of a burden.
“Perhaps. We can look at it once we make camp, but it would be foolish to have you make such a strenuous walk until we know for sure.” He scooped her into his arms like a child and started up the hill himself without waiting to hear her opinion.
“I can walk,” she protested, slapping at his chest half-heartedly. She hadn’t been looking forward to going back up the hill, it was true, and his body was pleasantly warm in comparison to the air, which was cooling rapidly now that the sun had set.
“I do not doubt your abilities,” he countered. “I have a feeling you are the type of person who could survive on stubbornness alone. But this is much faster, and it will prevent you from being injured further,” he said, his breath somewhat labored as he ducked his head to avoid a tree branch.
“Hmmmph.” She couldn’t think of anything else to say to that. Even her father had called her stubborn on occasion, and she knew that just as it had been from him, Carwin said it in grudging respect and fondness rather than censure. The teasing banter kept her mind off the horror and grief waiting in the wings.
“I’m sure you know nothing about that. Stubbornness, I mean.”
He huffed out a laugh as they finally crested the top of the hill. “You have pierced my heart with your keen insight, lady,” he said, his voice taking on a comical dramatic tone. “It is not for nothing that my mother named the mule after me.”
“Oh! She didn’t!” Eleri chortled. “How awful.” Carwin set her back on the horse. If her rear could have voiced protest, she was sure it would have groaned out loud.
“I know. The poor mule. Imagine her embarrassment,” he said, raising his eyebrows. It took several minutes for Eleri to stop laughing.
***************
They made camp next to a river, which Carwin named Llwynogolchi, the Foxwash. Just as Eleri had suspected, her ankle injury was not severe, and dangling her foot in the cold water did wonders for the soreness, but she was still exhausted. After eating a simple supper of bread and porridge, she fell asleep almost as soon as she laid down her head.
“Eleri! Eleri!” She could hear them calling for her, her mother and sister, their voices echoing through the trees.
“Where are you?” she shouted, moving toward the sound, but no matter how far or fast she ran, their voices never seemed to get closer. Ash was falling from the sky like snow, the air was filled with smoke, and the ground was black under her feet. “Mother? Gwen? Are you here?” she said, icy dread pooling in her belly.
A shape rose out of the burned ground, black and twisted, only vaguely human-shaped. “Why did you leave us, Eleri?” it said with her sister’s voice.
“I’m sorry! I looked for you! I...” she cried desperately, backing away in revulsion and fear.
“You abandoned us to our death,” said another of the creatures, this one almost recognizable as her mother, despite the charred face. “All because a handsome man came along.”
Eleri stifled a scream, scrambling backward. “No! Carwin is... he’s just trying to help me. You left me alone; I had nowhere to go!”
Bony fingers brushed the back of her neck. “You’re a bad daughter,” said her father, his face a roiling mass of darkness. “If only you had behaved as you should, this never would have happened.” Now she did scream, terror making her heart feel as though it might fly from her chest, and she ran, her throat raw from crying and her lungs aching from smoke. Tears streamed from her eyes as she fled, heedless of the direction.
“The dragon will protect you,” said a new voice, the child she had carried from the castle. It surprised her, stalling her flight, and then she heard a roar above her. She looked up just in time to see a dragon soar through the sky overhead.
CHAPTER TWO
Carwin awoke in the darkness, the fire having burned down to embers. He listened for whatever noise might have woken him, but at first heard nothing. There was only the wind in the leaves, a few chirps and hoots from the forest denizens, and the subtle music of flowing water. Then his ears registered the sound of someone weeping. He could barely see Eleri’s form in the moonlight, curled up on the other side of the fire, but he had no doubt that it was she. “Eleri?” he said quietly, hoping not to startle her. There was no response.
He crept over to her, feeling his way on his hands and knees, cursing when he pressed his palm into a sharp rock. By the time he was close enough to touch her, he could see that she was shaking, but she showed no sign that she was aware of him. She must be having a nightmare, he thought. It was no wonder, with everything she’d experienced in the last two days. He put a hand out, gripping her shoulder and shaking it. ” Eleri, wake up.”
She shot upright with a gasp of breath, grabbing onto the front of his shirt with surprising strength. “They’re dead! It’s my fault, all my fault,” she sobbed, barely able to breathe through her grief and fear.
He put a careful arm around her, stroking her hair like he had done before. “Shhhh. It’s not your fault. It was just a dream.” Her hands were like ice through the thin fabric of his shirt, and he realized that the night had grown so cold that he could see his own breath. No wonder she was freezing. After a few minutes, she had calmed down enough that she was no longer shaking, and he pulled away.
“Don’t leave me,” she said in a panicked whisper, holding onto his shirt even tighter. Carwin raised his eyebrows. Maybe she wasn’t fully awake. Though he didn’t know her all that well, he suspected she would never suggest something so inappropriate if she was in her right mind. Still, he didn’t like the idea of leaving her alone when she so obviously needed comfort, and he felt badly about the cold as well.
“All right, I won’t leave. Just lie down. You need to rest.” It felt strange to be so close to another person again. Not since... He shook his head, unwilling to revisit those memories, and having found the blanket crumpled at her feet, he pulled it over the both of them. Though he tried to give her space, every time he moved away, she scooted closer, and finally, he gave up. Once she had curled up against his chest, he could feel her body relax, and soon her breathing was deep and even. Carwin lay awake a long time, wondering what he’d gotten himself into.
********************
Eleri woke to the golden-green light of morning in the forest, feeling somewhat disoriented. There was an image in her mind: Carwin comforting her in the night, and herself begging him not to let go, of lying down next to him and feeling warm and safe. It had to have been a dream. She was sure he wouldn’t have done that, no matter how much she had begged, and he certainly wasn’t there anymore. Of course, even dreaming of such a thing was embarrassing, as well as confusing and even somewhat alarming, but Eleri decided that thinking about it would only make the problem worse.
Upon sitting up, she saw that Carwin was nearby, standing on the edge of the river with his bow drawn. As she watched, he fired the arrow and cursed. To her surprise, he then reached down and pulled on something she couldn’t quite see, and the arrow was back in his hand. She approached slowly, caution and curiosity warring, and when she was just a few steps behind him, he fired again.
“Ha,” he exclaimed, evidently satisfied, and this time when he bent down, she could see the thin rope that he drew out of the water. Eleri finally realized what he was doing when she saw the wriggling fish speared by the arrow on the end.
“I had no idea you could fish like that,” she remarked in amazement. He was so startled that he nearly dropped his catch. Apparently, he hadn’t realized she was there. She found herself smiling at his discomfiture.
“Eleri! Good morning,” he said once he had a firm grip on the fish again. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m as well as can be expected,” she replied, more honest than she had intended to be. She’d bee
n taught not to complain about her lot, and normally, she preferred to keep her problems private. There’s no point in hiding things from Carwin, she told herself. He knows what you’ve been through. There was a part of her that wanted to ask him if he really had slept next to her the night before, but she held back. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the truth. “Are you fishing for our breakfast?”
“Yes. I thought we may as well save our supplies as much as we can, in case of trouble, and currently, the river is teeming with fish.” He gestured out to the water, and Eleri realized he hadn’t been exaggerating. She could actually see the silvery bodies swimming in the murky water, flashing in the sunlight as they leaped over a small waterfall.
“It must be difficult to hit them while they’re swimming, though,” she mused as she followed him back to the fire. “I’ve always been fascinated by archery.” She’d begged her father to teach her, back when she’d been too young to know better, before she’d understood the difference between what women and men were permitted to do.
Carwin looked up with a smile. “It does take some skill to fish with a bow. But if you are really curious, I could teach you the basics.”
“Really? Isn’t that...” she ducked her head with a red face, torn between voicing her shock and demurring from contradicting a man she hardly knew, “inappropriate for a lady?”
“Perhaps,” he admitted with a shrug. “But considering what you’ve already been through, it might be practical for you to have some survival skills. I doubt anyone would blame you. Of course, I would never force you to learn, if you aren’t interested.”
“No!” she said, surprising even herself with her vehemence. “I mean, I do want to learn. Though I suppose not right now since you are busy preparing our meal,” she added with a half-smile.
He smiled back, and Eleri felt a strange sort of fluttering feeling in her stomach. “That’s true. Actually, I thought you might like to bathe while the fish is cooking. The river is not too deep or swift.”
Eleri looked down at herself and frowned at what she saw. Her skin was streaked with dirt and soot, and upon inspection, she found her hair to be an unruly tangle. “I swear, I will not look,” Carwin offered.
“I wasn’t worrying over that so much as the chilly weather and lack of clean clothes,” she admitted. “But you’re right. I might as well rinse the dirt off while I have the chance.”
Carwin fished out a small cake of soap and a rag out of the saddlebags, and then went back to cleaning the fish. Eleri turned her back to him as she undressed, feeling his presence behind her like a burning brand in her mind, but once she stepped into the water, the chill drove all self-consciousness from her thoughts.
She took a deep breath and waded further in, shivering but not stopping until the water covered her breasts, and swinging her arms to get the blood flowing. Finally, she felt brave enough to turn and look back at the shore.
It seemed like Carwin hadn’t moved since she’d stepped away. He was bent over the fire, turning the fish on a spit, his face resolutely pointed in the opposite direction from the river. She hadn’t expected him to be anything less than honorable, but then, why did she feel disappointed? Could it be that she wanted him to look at her?
Eleri felt her cheeks growing hot. She’d always done as her parents told her and stayed away from men, even when the castle guard whistled as she walked past or when the kitchen boy with the sky-blue eyes had said she was prettier than a flower. She had been too scared to respond.
But when Eleri looked at Carwin, she didn’t feel frightened at all. Instead, she felt a strange warmth blooming somewhere in the vicinity of her navel. Her mind, without her direction, wondered what would happen if he were to glance her way. If he saw her bathing, what would she do? Logically, she knew that he would never look on purpose, and if he did happen to see something, he would apologize. Unless she asked him to look...
She couldn’t imagine doing such a thing. It seemed like something out of a bawdy play, yet once the thought entered her mind, she couldn’t let it go. If she just called out his name, perhaps he would look over. He would be worried, thinking she was in trouble, but then she might smile at him. Maybe even crook her finger in his direction?
Her face burned when she imagined it. Would he be confused? Excited? Angry? Eleri feared he would be dismissive. That seemed the most likely result. After all, she was just a girl who’d barely ever left her childhood home, who had fled from danger and cried at the sight of blood.
Though she didn’t know much about Carwin, he was certainly a few years older than her. At least thirty, she thought, and obviously an experienced traveler and warrior. Considering how handsome he was, she had no doubt that he had been with all sorts of beautiful women, even with his virtuous nature. Surely, he would see her as little more than a child.
She picked up the soap and cloth from the rock she’d laid them on and began to wash, dunking her head under the water to rid herself from ridiculous thoughts, but when she leaned her head back, her eyes seemed to drift back to Carwin of their own accord. He was watching the fish and sharpening a knife with a whetstone. After a moment, she heard the soft sound of whistling drifting over the water, the kind of song she’d heard the bards play when the villagers danced around the fire on Calan Mai.
Of course, then she imagined dancing herself, dancing with Carwin in the firelight. Was this what the nursemaid meant when she talked about people being lovesick? It was like she couldn’t get her mind off of him. Even as she scrubbed her hair and rinsed it, running her fingers through to try to work out the tangles, she couldn’t help but continue to imagine asking him to join her.
How he might discard his tunic on the shore, and the sun would shine on his skin... Eleri felt suddenly feverish, and she pushed deeper into the water, if only to cool herself off.
“Breakfast is ready,” Carwin called out. “We shouldn’t delay much longer. It’s a long way to the temple.”
“Yes! I’ll only be a moment,” she replied, embarrassed at the sudden squeakiness of her voice. She splashed water over her face and waded to the shore, rubbing herself dry with her cloak before hurriedly pulling on her clothes and fixing her hair into a loose braid.
By the time she was dressed, she was feeling a little bit steadier, but she still worried that Carwin would notice that something was wrong. She approached the fire, and he handed her a small bowl with the fish and some porridge.
“How was the bath? I’m surprised you stayed in there so long; I thought the water would be freezing at this time of year,” he said. Eleri glanced over at him, fearing the worst, but he seemed to be only mildly curious.
“I was...,” she cleared her throat, forcing her mind not to wander back to her previous train of thought. “I just got lost in thought. A lot has happened in the past few days.” That was a vast understatement. Just thinking about all of the devastating changes in her life and what might come next was enough to completely dispel her distracting thoughts of Carwin and replace them with existential terror.
He seemed to sense her change in mood and placed a hand on her shoulder. Even through her feelings of dread, the touch made her heart flutter. “I know it’s been difficult, but try not to dwell on it. I’m sure there are people at the temple who can help you. I’ll make sure you’re well cared for.”
Eleri was sure this was only a courtesy, but it warmed her heart as well as relieved some of her anxiety. “Thank you. You said it’s a three-day journey?”
Carwin nodded. “We did go some distance last night, but we will have to travel all day today, tomorrow, and part of the next day before we arrive there. I could tell you were having difficulty riding for so long yesterday. I’m sorry to tell you that we’ll have to continue to travel quickly for the foreseeable future, but you should let me know any time you need to stop.”
Eleri grimaced. She supposed she hadn’t tried to be subtle about how badly she’d been feeling the night before. In truth, her hips were still a bit achy.
“I don’t want to slow us down. I know we need to hurry, in case those creatures are following us.”
“That is true, but you also have to look out for your own well-being,” he chided gently. “Besides, if it ever came to a point where we had to abandon the horse and go on foot, it wouldn’t do for you to be unable to walk. A few short breaks won’t slow us down terribly, and it will be better in the long run.”
“All right,” she replied, unable to find an argument against such logic. They finished their breakfast in silence and were soon on their way again.
******************
As the day progressed, the path through the forest widened until it was something Eleri might have called a road. The trees still arched overhead, but now there was a narrow strip of blue sky in between. It felt strange, with all the dark and terrible things that were happening, to see the world continuing normally, with fine spring weather all around. Despite the surreal part of it, she couldn’t help but be cheered by the sunshine, even though by noon, she was so sore from riding that she could barely think.
