The Way of Women

by Lauraine Snelling

  He looked to Mellie. “You use some of that money for whatever you need.”

  “But—”

  “No buts. What did the doctor say?”

  “I’m going to call him now. We’ll be back later, after our shopping trip.”

  “You heard me, right?”

  “Right.” Relief felt light, like the paper butterfly that he held in his gentle hands. Only relief also wore pink and purple and blue with even a touch of yellow.

  “Bye, Mr. J.” Lissa laid her head on her mother’s shoulder and waved a blue veined hand.

  Down in the main waiting room Katheryn sat down with Lissa while Mellie went to find a public phone.

  Mellie dialed the sequence she had learned the day before. “Sorry, Dr. Thomas is not available now. I will give him a message and we will call you back.”

  Mellie groaned inwardly. “Please tell him that Lissa is much weaker, and in the past they have given her a transfusion to help her along. Can we do that now?”

  “I see. I’ll ask the doctor and call you back. What is your number there?”

  Mellie searched the face of the public phone. “There is none. I’ll have to call you again.”

  “I see. Give me at least half an hour.”

  Mellie agreed and hung up the phone. Why did everything have to be so difficult?

  She passed on the news and picked up Lissa. How easy it was to tell her brief spurt of energy had already been used up. Her eyelids drooped, and she let her head fall on her mother’s shoulder.

  They drove to the Kmart, and Katheryn parked the car as near to the front door as possible. “If you want, Lissa and I can wait in the car.”

  “I want to go.”

  “All right, let’s do this quickly.”

  In the store Lissa pointed to the things she liked, and with two new outfits, undies, toothpaste and other sundries, and a package of panties for Mellie, they left the store. Stopping by the shelter gave them no news, so they returned to the hospital.

  Mr. Johnson was sleeping, so the threesome returned to the waiting room, and Mellie placed the phone call to the doctor.

  Her hands shook as she listened to the nurse pass on the doctor’s orders. “I’m in a hospital right now. Can’t it be done here?” Her head dropped forward and she closed her eyes. “I’ll have to get back to you. Can I call you?”

  Would pounding the wall help? “There’s no number on this phone. I’ll have to call you back again.” Despair not only smelled bad but tasted terrible.

  “But I can’t come up there. I have no transportation. I don’t drive.” God, why didn’t I learn to drive? She felt like wailing instead of just crying. And why can’t I at least talk to the same nurse?

  MAY 21, 1980

  Mommy, she’s here.”

  “Who?” Mellie looked to where Lissa was pointing. The photographer they’d seen at the shelter now stood just inside the hospital door, where they had come to find word about Mr. Johnson. The tall, elegant woman glanced around the room as she had before, smiling when she noticed the three who’d taken chairs together, and came toward them.

  “Hi. I saw you at the shelter. My name is Jenn Stockton.”

  The others introduced themselves, with Lissa peeking out from her mother’s shoulder.

  “Are you working for one of the local papers?” Katheryn asked.

  “No, freelancing. I’ve not done photojournalism before.” Jenn smiled at Lissa. “I love photographing the mountain. I came back to do that, and all this happened. There are a lot of stories here.”

  “Came back?”

  “From New York.” She squatted down to Lissa’s level. “Hi, sweetie. Do you like your picture taken?”

  Lissa glanced up at her mother, then back to Jenn. “Sometimes Mommy takes my picture—with my daddy.”

  “Ah, I see.” Her slate blue eyes darkened with compassion as she laid a hand on Mellie’s knee. “I hope you hear good news soon.”

  Mellie nodded, tears blocking her throat again.

  “You look familiar. Do I know you?” Katheryn, head cocked slightly to the side, studied Jenn.

  “No.” A slight head shake. “I’ve been gone from here for fifteen years. Where are you from?”

  “Seattle.”

  “Nope, never been there.” Jenn stood, turning just enough that Katheryn got part of her back. “If you’d let me take your picture, I’d make sure you got a copy.”

  “But I look so terrible.”

  Lissa looked up at her mother. “No. Not terrible. Nice.” She leaned back against her mother’s shoulder.

  “I’d like you to be part of my story.”

  Mellie shrugged, but nodded at the same time. Making someone happy would be good for a change. With everything so overwhelming and people helping her, she needed to be a help for someone.

  Katheryn pulled out her small portable typewriter and set up to write. At least she could take notes on everything that had happened.

  “What you doing?” Lissa leaned slightly forward.

  “Writing.”

  “Writing what?”

  “I write books—for children.”

  “I like to draw.”

  “You do?”

  “Have you made lots of books?”

  “Some.”

  Mellie listened to the exchange, aware that Jenn was moving around, snapping pictures from different angles, changing lenses. Something niggled at the back of her mind. Katheryn Sommers. The name sounded familiar.

  “What are your books about?” Mellie joined in the conversation.

  “Oh, animals and plants and some with kids in them. I wrote about a little girl with a pony, and right now another one of my characters, Brandy, is in a new school.”

  “Did you write Zoe and the Dancing Pony?”

  Katheryn nodded.

  “That’s my bestest book.” Lissa smiled up at her mother. “Huh, Mommy?”

  “Sure is. How wonderful to meet you. Harv’s read Zoe so much, we all have it memorized.” And to think you’ve been helping me. What if Harv would never be there to read to Lissa again? The black thought nearly took her breath away. No! She wanted to cover her ears and not hear those voices any longer. Surely Harv was coming back to them. Any minute now, they would learn that he’d made it out.

  Katheryn smiled back. “That’s good to hear. I’ll have to send you an autographed copy.”

  “Really? Ours is about worn out.” There, she could talk without crying.

  “What is aut’graphed?”

  “She will sign her name in your book.”

  “Why?”

  “Because she wrote it.”

  “Oh.” Lissa cuddled her rabbit in one arm and leaned back against her mother.

  “Out of the mouths of babes …” Katheryn shook her head. “Lest we become prideful.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No, I’m grateful she likes the book well enough to request it.”

  “All the time. Third only to Goodnight, Moon and The Cat in the Hat. When her father reads, he acts out the parts, with his voice, you know.” Mellie glanced up to see a man in uniform remove his hat as he stepped through the automatic door. He crossed to the desk, spoke softly with the receptionist, and turned to see whom she pointed at.

  Mellie felt the point pierce her heart. Good news, could it be good news? She watched his face, hoping that his stoic officer’s look would at least crack with a bit of a smile.

  “Mrs. Sedor?”

  “Y-yes.” She clenched Lissa’s blanket between her hands.

  “I’m Cowlitz County Sheriff Frank McKenzie.” He nodded at Jenn.

  He glanced to Katheryn. “Are you a friend?”

  “Yes.”

  “Could you all come this way, please?” He motioned down the hall, then shepherded them in front of him. “This room to the left.”

  Mellie clutched Lissa to her as if a drowning victim on a life preserver. Move, feet, keep moving. Lord, what are we going to do?

  “Are
you a friend too?” he asked Jenn as she followed them.

  Mellie turned and caught Jenn’s gaze. “Yes, she is.” Surprised at her own answer, she followed Katheryn into the room, empty but for several folding chairs and a desk.

  “I’m sorry to have to ask this of you, but a body that might meet your husband’s description was brought in this morning. I need you to come down to the morgue and see if you can identify him.”

  Mellie closed her eyes. Might be. Please, Lord. Oh, please, not Harv.

  Katheryn put an arm around Mellie’s shoulder. “Isn’t there any other way to identify him?”

  “Yes, but getting dental records would take time. His fingerprints didn’t match anything we have on record.”

  “I … I’ll come.”

  “I’ll go with you.”

  “Thank you.” Mellie shifted a small part of trust to Katheryn, her slight weight seeking harbor in the woman’s warmth. A friend, yes, a friend; she had so few. At least someone she knew would be with her.

  “Lissa, you and I could read a book while they go with the sheriff.” Jenn offered. “Or we could play with my camera.”

  “That’s a very good idea.” Frank nodded as he spoke.

  “Lissa, baby, here’s your blanket so you can cuddle up right here with Jenn.”

  “Can I take a picture?”

  “You sure may. How about we set up your bunny and you take a picture of him.”

  “He’s Harvey the magic rabbit.”

  “I see.”

  Frank took Mellie’s arm and the three of them tiptoed out of the room. He led them back to the elevator and pushed the Down button.

  “I don’t know if I can do this.” Mellie, eyes closed, collapsed against the wall behind her.

  “We’ll get through it.” Katheryn took her hand.

  “I have to tell you that the body is in really poor condition.”

  “Where did they find it?” Katheryn asked.

  “Not far from here. Most likely been in the water and mud since Sunday morning.”

  Oh, Harv.

  They walked down a narrow hall and stopped in front of a door marked MORGUE. Frank held the door open and ushered them into a small room with a large window showing into a stainless-steel room, the walls, tables, and all the apparatuses gleaming in the bright fluorescent lights.

  Mellie ran into a blinding wall of orange scent overlaying a sharp smell of decay. It reminded her of the stench in her kitchen when she’d once burned a chicken to a crisp. Her eyes watered and her throat clenched against the gagging.

  “Breathe through your mouth,” Katheryn whispered, digging in her purse for a tissue.

  “You stand here at the window, and I’ll bring the body out.”

  “I … I can’t do this.”

  Katheryn’s arm around her shoulders held her tight.

  The sheriff and a man garbed from head to foot in green scrubs pushed a sheet-draped gurney up to the window.

  Mellie gasped and sucked in a breath through her nose. “Uh, uh …”

  “Easy, you’ll make it.” Breathing through her mouth garbled Katheryn’s words.

  “Mrs. Sedor, did your husband have any scars or identifying marks, like a tattoo?”

  Mellie stared at the white sheet that covered what looked like a jumble of puffy packages. “Ah, he had a scar with a jag in it about three inches or so on his upper right arm. Close to the shoulder.” She indicated on her own arm where it would be. The man in green screened the area with his body, moved something around, and stepped back to point at what must at one time have been an arm.

  Mellie nodded. “I think so.”

  “But you are not positive?”

  Mellie fought the dizziness that threatened her vision. “He … he wore a ring, wedding ring that has three sort of Xs on it. They match this.” She held out her hand to show the decorations on her own rings.

  The sheriff and the man in green fussed over the gurney again, and Frank turned to the window.

  “Yes, ma’am, they match. I’m so sorry.”

  Mellie sagged against Katheryn, a whimper, like that of a lost and frightened puppy, escaping her clenched lips.

  Together they turned from the window, but Mellie spun back, spreading her white fingers on the window glass. “Harrrrvvvvvey!” Her cry echoed around the viewing room, ricocheting from wall to wall and burying itself in their souls.

  “Come, dear.” Katheryn took her by the shoulders, tears streaming down her cheeks.

  Frank came back through the door to the viewing room, and another wave of the morbid stench hit them.

  Mellie gagged and retched before either of them could help her. Her eyes rolled back, and Frank caught her before she collapsed on the floor.

  “You get the door. We’ll take her out of here. George, bring us a basin and a wet cloth.”

  Gently, Frank lowered her into a chair, and Katheryn took the offered basin and cloth to tenderly wipe Mellie’s face and hands. She rinsed the cloth and dabbed at the wet spots on her T-shirt.

  “Mrs. Sedor, can you hear me?”

  Mellie’s lashes fluttered and her eyes opened. “Harv?”

  “No, he’s gone.” Katheryn bit her lip.

  Mellie gave a small nod and closed her eyes again, at the same time struggling to stand. “Lissa, poor Lissa.”

  As the rumblings dissipated, she wondered, What have I done to deserve this decree that continues from everlasting to everlasting? Why has the Creator forsaken me? Her glory, her rocky summit once her crown and the mantle of white, her royal robe, had been reduced to muddy relics of carnage and fire-streaked, ashen hills. Gray clouds shifted, and a hint of sun pierced down upon her like a needle. Survival, yes, for she had before, but inside she felt hollow and wondered if she would ever be beautiful and majestic again.

  MAY 20, 1980

  Surely that wasn’t Harv. Of course it was. You know his scars and the ring. But … The thought of that gurney of sheet-draped body bags made her gag, but she had nothing left to vomit. That had all erupted before she made it out of the room. That cold, terrible room. Death indeed lived in that room in spite of the white lights and stainless-steel everything.

  She hadn’t even been able to touch him. Not through the glass—not that the police officer would have let her.

  He’s in heaven now. Harv’s in heaven, I know that. He reassured me so many times that he—we—would go straight to heaven because we believe in Jesus.

  Lissa believes in Jesus. I can’t say for sure about me. I used to believe that, but why, God, why did you let Harv die when we need him so bad? Why?

  Are you there? Are you real?

  Lissa stirred in her arms.

  “Do you want me to take her for a while?” Katheryn, who’d been sitting by Mellie ever since they reached the hospital waiting room, offered again.

  “No … thanks, we’re fine.” We’re fine. What a stupid thing to say. I’ll never be fine again. I can’t live without Harv.

  I can’t get a job. I can’t do anything. All I know is to take care of Harv and Lissa.

  “I need to tell Mr. Johnson.”

  “Is there anyone else we should contact—parents, relatives, friends?” Jenn returned from somewhere. What people said seemed to float right on over Mellie’s head. She took the chair on the other side of Mellie and picked up Lissa’s rabbit that she had dropped in her sleep.

  “Have you heard any more of when they’ll be ready to do the transfusion?”

  “I have to call the doctor back.” The thought became words, as if it passed through a dense filter.

  “Let me do that for you.” Katheryn leaned closer. “Where do you have the number?”

  “Number?”

  “For the doctor for Lissa—the transfusion.”

  “My purse.” Mellie fumbled with her purse, her hands like thick mittens.

  Katheryn returned after a few minutes. “Dr. Thomas is setting things up here for you.”

  “When?” Jenn asked.
<
br />   “Soon.”

  Soon, what a joke, nothing was soon when you waited for doctors. It wasn’t like they were regular patients here. Mellie watched as Katheryn rose and crossed to the desk. She spoke softly so Mellie couldn’t hear. What could she be saying? More than I would. I’d just nod and … Mellie felt like she was standing off in a corner, watching all this go on.

  Sometime later a nurse in a blue-and-pink top motioned them from the door. “Mrs. Sedor and Lissa.”

  Mellie stood, her back aching as she tried to shift a sleeping Lissa into an easier carrying position.

  “Let me take her.” Katheryn took Lissa from her mother’s arms and nudged her toward the door.

  “We have a room ready now.” The nurse led the way down the hall and into a room with a high child’s crib, the sides lowered nearly to the floor.

  “You can lay her there, and I’ll be right back to undress her.”

  Mellie shook her head. “I …” She paused, the words not coming as they should.

  Katheryn smiled over her shoulder as she laid Lissa on the white sheets. “Do you have a gown for her?”

  When the nurse left, Jenn peeked in the door. “All right if I join you?”

  “Okay by me—there’s plenty of room.” Katheryn motioned to the empty spaces. “Probably the only room in town.”

  Lissa whimpered, and Mellie leaned on the bed to speak into her daughter’s ear. “Mommy’s here.” She smoothed her daughter’s hair. Together she and Katheryn undressed the thin little body with skin so blue as to seem transparent.

  “Has she had transfusions before?”

  Mellie nodded. “Several.”

  “Is there anything else to do?”

  “She’s had chemo. We were supposed to see a specialist in Seattle on Monday, but we came down here instead. I had to find Harv.”

  The nurse handed them a child’s gown with pink teddy bears on it. “We’ll be ready in just a few minutes.”

  Lissa roused as soon as they tied the rubber strip around her upper arm. “No, Mommy, no.” Her shriek could be heard down the hall.

  “You’ll have to hold her steady.” The nurse waited, butterfly needle in hand.

  “I’m trying.” Mellie leaned closer to Lissa. “Easy, baby. Let’s get this over with, and then it won’t hurt anymore.” She kept her murmuring, at the same time rubbing Lissa’s arm.