Leave it for the Rain: A Love She Couldn't Remember—A Woman He Couldn't Forget (Grayson Brothers Book 6)
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As she descended the steps inside the lighthouse her thoughts went round and round, exhausting her with their ceaseless circling. She longed for a life with Adam, but her conscience acted like a rudder that steered her away from a possible disaster. If Adam realized what monsters swam in the dark caverns of her mind, would he throw her back like a bad catch? Head down, she prayed she would find a lighthouse at the end of her journey instead of an asylum and a broken heart.
Chapter Twenty-four
Adam’s heart pounded in anticipation as Rebecca arrived at their little rental home on Mill Street. They had returned to Fredonia with their grandmother yesterday evening, but Rebecca had been too weary to view the house.
Heart pounding, he watched her ride into the yard on Star. That she and Star were happy to be reunited was obvious in their jaunty canter into the yard and the affectionate pat on the neck Rebecca gave her mare when they stopped.
“Star seems glad to have you back home,” he said, reaching up to help her dismount. “Now that you’ve had the chance to ride, are you feeling better today?” he asked, admiring the way she’d bundled her hair atop her head. The style gave her a perky look that enhanced her dark beauty. “You’ve been so quiet since we left Crane Landing that I’m a little worried about you.”
She released a long sigh. “I suppose I miss that beautiful bay and the lovely little house I had beside the river.”
“Me, too,” he said, honestly. He would always miss the briney scent of the ocean and the slow way the water seemed to inhale and exhale as if the ocean were a breathing living being.
With their thoughts back at Crane Landing they naturally leaned into each other. Their mouths met and they sank into the kiss as lovers might. They weren’t lovers... yet, but Adam’s blood pumped with the knowledge they would marry soon and share that relationship as well. He forced himself to ease away.
“This is the best I can offer just now, Rebecca. Our house doesn’t sit beside the river, but it’s just a minute’s walk to the gorge. I hope you will like it.”
“I’m sure it’s lovely,” she said, her voice a little dreamy sounding, which told him that despite her tendency to shy away from setting a wedding date she enjoyed their kisses as much as he did.
“I want it to be more than lovely, Rebecca. I want to give you the world.”
She met his eyes, something in her own unsure and perhaps sad. “I don’t need the world, Adam. I was quite content with that small home on Crane River. I suspect, however, that Jojo would like a house where there aren’t a dozen other cats to contend with.”
“Then let’s have a look at her new home, shall we?” He opened the door and stood aside, his gaze glued to Rebecca as she took in the home she would be sharing with him. He’d asked Faith and Evelyn to set up their house for them so it was ready when he brought Rebecca home.
A sizable fieldstone fireplace took up the west wall and was bracketed by two Windsor armchairs and a sofa that sat upon a thick green and gold carpet. Across the parlor a pier table and mirror had been placed between two tall windows dressed with green draperies. A smaller sitting area with a round tripod table and a fall-front desk gave Rebecca a place to study her veterinarian books if she chose to continue her apprenticeship with Calvin Uldrich.
“The furnishings are lovely, Adam. It will make a nice home for us someday.”
Someday? He intended to marry her as soon as possible.
He placed an ornately carved wooden box in her hands. “The Crane family has given us our first wedding present.”
A confused look lit her eyes. “Should we not wait then... until we know for certain if... when we’ll marry?”
“Not for this gift,” he said, knowing in his gut that today was the right day.
“All right,” she said, hesitantly lifting the lid as if she didn’t feel entitled to the gift because she wasn’t yet Mrs. Adam Grayson. When her gaze landed on the mirror, her breath whooshed out and she gaped at Adam. “Is this what I think it is?”
“I’m afraid so,” he said, still grossly uncomfortable with having received something so near and dear to the Crane family—and a thing of value far beyond what he would ever be able to give Rebecca.
“Oh, Adam...” Amazement filled her expression as her gaze flowed over the mirror and the beautiful ribbon of gemstones surrounding it. “When Mr. Crane described the mirror it sounded so beautiful, but this is... it’s utterly magnificent.”
It was beyond magnificent. Adam had no words to describe the benevolent energy and comforting vibration he felt emanating from the Crane heirloom, but he was spellbound in its presence. Rebecca appeared as thoroughly captivated as he was each time he opened the carved wooden box.
Reverently, Rebecca lifted the hand mirror from its velvet bed and turned the backside to face her.
The six-rayed star sapphire flashed as if a wild creature had opened its eye and fixed its gaze directly on them. The royal crest, stamped in pure silver, created a nest-like setting for the stone. The rays of the sapphire shifted, watching as if it were alive.
Rebecca smiled and brushed the tip of her pointer finger over the surface of the sapphire. “This stone...” Her voice drifted off as if she was so taken with the gem she couldn’t form a complete thought or sentence. “You are magnificent,” she said to the sapphire. She glanced up at him. “Adam, we can’t accept this. It’s too... precious.” Again she stroked the sapphire. “We must return this to the Crane family.”
“I tried. To force the issue will insult them.”
“But it’s far too much,” she said, turning the face of the mirror toward her again.
“People give commensurate with their fortune, Rebecca. As uncomfortable as this gift may make us, it has brought the Cranes peace of mind to give it to us. The best way to show our appreciation is to care for it with love. We must write down the story of Princess Cecily and keep her rich history with the heirloom.”
Allowing Rebecca to admire the mirror, Adam moved behind her and slipped his arms around her. He kissed the side of her head, their eyes meeting in the mirror. A powerful surge of emotion seemed to roll over them like an ocean wave.
He tightened his arms in a gentle hug. “I love you,” he said softly against the shell of her ear. “I want to marry you.”
In their reflection, her eyes searched his for a moment before her gaze fell away.
“Any chance you can see your past in the mirror?” he asked.
He felt the change in her immediately, the way she contracted in his arms and pulled away. “The only thing I can see in the mirror is my present... and my hope for a fulfilling future. I don’t have a past beyond the minute my head connected with that oak log.”
“I’m sorry,” he said.
“So am I, Adam. I know you’ve lost a lot, but it seems you can only see that girl in your past instead of the woman standing in front of you.”
“I see you, Rebecca. You’ll always be that girl I fell in love with.”
“I don’t even know who she was, Adam. My memories are gone—and that girl went with them.”
“But she might come back, Rebecca. Your memory might return.”
“And it might not, Adam. Life gives and life takes away. The question isn’t whether I’ll ever remember our past but rather will you ever let it go?” She stepped back, away from him, the mirror forgotten in her hand. “I thought you were courting me, not the girl from our past.”
“That girl is you, Rebecca. All of this is for you,” he said, gesturing with open arms to encompass the house, the mirror, his aching, battered heart. “Everything I’ve done has been for you, for this day when we could marry and begin our life together. All I am, all I have to give now and each day for the rest of my life is for you, for the girl I fell in love with and the woman you’ve become. What more must you have before you’re ready to marry me?”
For a minute she said nothing. Then, on a hard sigh, she said, “I need time.”
“Time for what?”
She could have said nearly anything and shocked him less. Fredonia was her home—their home—and everything they had planned and worked for together was in this beautiful village. Their families were here. The mill was here. Her beloved livery and mare were here.
But Rebecca was somewhere else, and this woman standing before him didn’t know what she wanted or needed.
Her indecisiveness tore him up and broke him down.
Everything he’d ever wanted was here—with Rebecca.
“Adam, you’re moving too fast for me. I just need more time to sort things out and piece my life together again.”
In that moment he finally understood. As Princess Cecily had done when forced to leave her past behind, Adam, too, was forced to let go. Walking away from the dream he’d worked toward for ten years seemed impossible, but it was unfair to push Rebecca into something she wasn’t ready for. She needed time—and maybe even that wouldn’t be enough for her to remember him or their love. Understanding a situation didn’t make it easier to accept, but he knew he must.
Sick inside, he released a trembling breath and pushed his hands deep into his trouser pockets to keep from reaching for her—for the only thing he’d ever wanted. “You’re right that life changes things, Rebecca, but it will never change how I feel about you. I love you too much to hold you to a promise you might not wish to keep. I’ve pushed you to remember us because we have—had—something too beautiful to lose. But this isn’t just my decision. I’m going back to Crane Landing. I release you from your promise and I wish you only happiness and good health and...” He swallowed the grief rising up like bile. “I wish you... love.”
“Oh, Adam...” She clasped the mirror to her chest. “There are things I must... I need to figure out.”
“I understand that you don’t know what you want, Rebecca. I don’t hold that against you. You need time to heal and to pursue a life in whatever manner fulfills you. You deserve to be happy.”
He walked away then. He couldn’t be in her presence one more minute without breaking. He had been feeding the well of her memory, reliving their past with the hope of pumping those memories back into their lives one draught at a time. But that well had remained as empty as his heart suddenly felt.
He moved his legs without knowing they would take him to the willow tree. Enclosed in the cool damp interior circle of the branches, he understood why he had come here. For the last time, he dropped to his knees in that sacred place where he’d built his love with Rebecca. He picked up a flat rock and raked a furrow four inches deep in the soil feeling as if it was his heart he was ripping open. There in the moist soil, where they always buried their stones, he buried his worry stone for the last time. There was nothing more he could do but leave his heartache for the rain.
He was going back to Crane Landing.
He couldn’t live in this village without Rebecca, walk this creek without her hand in his, work the mill where she had lost every precious memory they had ever made together.
He was walking away because he loved her.
Sorrow rolled over him in waves, tumbling him back over the years he’d spent loving her, crushing him beneath the weight of his loss. It left him hunched over his knees, wracked with grief so deep he couldn’t breathe. His Rebecca, the girl who had loved him, the one who would have known what they were losing, would have wept with him.
And that knowledge broke him.
Chapter Twenty-five
Rebecca clutched Princess Cecily’s mirror to her chest and walked through the home she was supposed to share with Adam.
A small part of her was relieved to be released from a promise made in a lifetime she couldn’t remember. The other part of her felt pain deeper than anything she’d experienced during even her most debilitating headaches—because this pain ravaged her heart.
Adam had just walked out of her life.
He was going back to Crane Landing—without her.
Suddenly, all those memories he had shared about a young girl and a boy who loved her beyond reason were leaving with him. Rebecca had both loved and envied those young sweethearts, and sometimes she’d even hated them for threatening the life she was trying to build with Adam.
He had held onto her with one hand... and his past with the other.
She hadn’t held him at all. Not when he had needed her most.
She loved him too much to chain him to a woman who might be mentally unstable.
The thought settled like a rock in her gut. Weighted by guilt and regret, she sank onto the parlor sofa. The magnificent heirloom lay on her lap, a sparkling reminder of Adam’s love. He had treated her like the princess who had owned the beautifully crafted mirror.
She had treated him like a servant.
She hadn’t meant to. From the beginning of their relationship—from the beginning of her memory of them—he had been dedicated and passionate, willing to pluck the stars from the sky had she desired them. He’d made it too easy for her to depend on him... and to love him.
“You deserve more than a broken woman,” she whispered to the empty parlor.
The distant whine of her family’s sawmill a few blocks away seemed to echo the cry in her heart. Adam should be here living in this house, working the mill he loved so much, spending his days in the bosom of his beloved family. Instead, she had chased him away from everything he loved.
He was leaving it all for her—but all she wanted was him and to know she was of sound mind.
But she was a woman who walked the house at night and saw people who were most likely hallucinations, a woman who would never compare to the girl he lost or the young woman who had promised to marry him. This new woman he claimed her to be was as much a stranger to him as he’d been to her—he just couldn’t see past his memories to realize that.
She had no memories to cloud her eyes. She could see her potential illness and what that could mean for Adam.
She could see the man she had fallen in love with—and she had driven that man away for his own good.
o0o
Head down, Adam strode across the Grayson lumberyard hoping no one would approach him. Whenever one of the crew called out a greeting, he merely raised his hand and kept walking. He needed to talk with his father.
Adam found him in the office.
Any other day Adam would have been happy to catch up with his dad and uncles all corralled in one place. Some of his best memories were right here in this office where the Grayson brothers had put on marvelous displays of ribbing and roughhousing. Their joking and brotherly debates had made Adam laugh himself to tears more than once. Seeing them today made his eyes burn with tears of sadness.
Swallowing hard he tried to get hold of his emotions. “Dad, you got a minute?” he asked.
All four Grayson men swung their attention to Adam.
“Morning,” his dad and uncle Kyle said in unison.
Radford greeted him with a nod.
Boyd, not one to miss an opportunity to heckle the youngest partner, pushed a coffee mug into Adam’s hand. “Perfect timing, young blood. I’m ready for my third cup of coffee.”
A surge of sorrow clogged Adam’s throat and cut off his breath. He couldn’t laugh at Boyd’s blatant heckling and make his own wise comeback as he usually would. He couldn’t even summon a smile. All he could do was bite his lip and try to choke down the bitter anger and hurt trying to burst forth.
“Oh, boy,” Boyd said, “looks like I’d better get you a cup of coffee.”
Adam shook his head. He didn’t want coffee. He wanted Rebecca.
“You all right, Adam?” he father asked, his smile fading.
“I have some news about the mill that I need to share with you.” Adam passed the cup back to Boyd. “I had thought to talk with you alone, but...” He swallowed again, cursing the insistent surge of emotion that kept clogging his throat. “This wil
l affect all of you, so I’ll just out with it now. I need to step out as a partner.”
His father frowned. “What?”
Boyd laughed. “Very funny, Adam.” He thrust the cup back at him. “You’re just trying to get out of pouring your uncle a cup of coffee.”
Adam took the cup, turned to the pot sitting atop the small office stove and filled the cup. He handed it to Boyd, who sat with his mouth open. Any other day Adam would have eaten sawdust before succumbing to Boyd’s ridiculous joking command, and his uncle knew it.
“Whoa,” Boyd said, setting the cup aside. “What’s going on, Adam?”
Now that he had the full attention of the four men he respected most in the world, he struggled to find the words to say goodbye. Everything he aspired to be was contained within these strong, honorable Grayson brothers. He’d become a son to one, a nephew to the others, a partner with all of them—something he couldn’t have even imagined when he’d moved to Fredonia ten years ago.
But this had been part of his dream—the one he’d created with Rebecca—and he had to leave it all behind him.
Clearing his throat, he said, “Rebecca and I ended our engagement this morning.” He clamped his mouth shut and tightened his chest to keep his sorrow from erupting in a boyish sob. But he longed to throw himself into the strong arms of these men who had become his friends, who had long ago rescued him from a wretched childhood and had taught him so much about life.
For several seconds all four of them stared, dumbfounded and speechless.
“She’s not ready to marry me,” Adam said, his voice hoarse, his throat aching. “I released her from her promise to me. I’m leaving for Crane Landing today.”
“Slow down, son.” His father, always the one to reason through a situation, gestured for Adam to pull up a chair. “Before you make a rash decision let’s talk this through.”
Adam shook his head, declining the chair and the chat. “There’s nothing left to say, Dad. I’ve been reeling Rebecca back into our relationship from the minute she opened her eyes and didn’t recognize me. It’s not fair to her. She hasn’t had a chance to decide a thing for herself. I’m going back to Crane Landing so she can do that and so I can figure out how to live my life without her in it.”