High Kicks, Hot Chocolate, and Homicides

by Mary McHugh

  “That was a good one,” Tina said. “What else?”

  “The Neue Galerie is free from six to eight on the first Friday of the month,” Alex said. “The Times did a whole article on free times in museums. I’ll email it to you, Tina.”

  “Thanks, Alex,” Tina said, making a note on her iPad.

  “You can pay whatever you wish, including nothing, at the New York Aquarium at three o’clock on Fridays during the year, and four in the summer,” Peter said.

  “I love boats,” Janice said. “Especially yours, Peter. When you’re not around, I jump on the Staten Island Ferry or the ferry to Governor’s Island in the summer when it’s hot. They’re both free. Sometimes I don’t even get off the boat. I just ride it there and back. Lovely.”

  “Did you ever go to the Downtown Boathouse, where they have free kayaks to take out?” Peter asked. “It’s really fun, Jan. You’d love it.”

  “I think I want somebody else to drive the boat,” Janice said. “You have to come with me, Peter!”

  I went out to the kitchen and got my platter of little pastry shells filled with a mixture of cream cheese, sour cream, onion, and red caviar. They were bite-size and favorites of my friends.

  I passed the shells and napkins around to everybody.

  “These are the best things I’ve ever eaten,” Peter said. “Are they free?”

  “No, they’ll cost you a kiss,” I said, leaning over so he could plant a kiss on my cheek.

  “Leave my fiancé alone and think up something else free in New York,” Tina said.

  “How about the High Line?” Denise said. “That’s always fun to do and totally free.”

  “Perfect,” Tina said. “Where does it go—from what street to what street?”

  “From Gansevoort to Thirtieth Street, between Ninth and Eleventh Avenues,” she said. “And it’s always different. Flowers and shrubs. Shops and people watching. You go along a wooden walk above the city where train tracks used to be and get a great view of what goes on below you. As well as beside you.”

  “There’s the Bronx Zoo too,” Pat added. “It’s free on Wednesdays. Or I should say, you can pay what you want, and it’s the one place I allow myself to not pay.”

  “Tsk, tsk,” Gini said. “The Lord will get you for that, Pat.”

  “You forgot my favorite free thing in New York,” George said. “That pianist who plays classical music in Washington Square. He brings his own piano and plays there when the weather is nice.”

  “He’s wonderful,” I said. “People donate money to a box on the piano, but you can just sit there all day and listen for nothing if you want.”

  “These are all excellent,” Tina said. “But I should put in some warnings about things not to do in New York. Any suggestions?”

  “There are a lot of places you should avoid on weekends because they’re too crowded,” Alex said. “It’s not fun to go on the High Line, for instance, on a weekend because it’s full of New Yorkers as well as tourists. Same for Times Square and the top of the Empire State Building. Or the Metropolitan Museum or the Museum of Modern Art, which are packed on weekends. “

  “And don’t go on the subways during rush hour, either,” Gini said. “You can’t move. You get squashed.”

  “But you should tell them to take the subways other times,” Pat said. “People tend to take taxis everywhere when they come to the city and that’s really expensive. And if you’re in a hurry, taxis get stuck in traffic jams. Tell them to get a subway map and get around that way.”

  “Good idea,” Tina said. “What else shouldn’t they do?”

  “I always feel sorry for those people on tour buses,” Denise said. “They just get glimpses of the city. It’s better to find a walking tour or get a city map and explore the city on your own.”

  “Not everybody can do that, though, Denise,” Tina said. “If you’ve never been to New York before, it can be confusing.”

  “You can usually get street maps in the hotel where you’re staying,” I said. “And tell your honeymooners they shouldn’t be afraid to ask directions from New Yorkers hurrying by them. They may look unfriendly, but if you stop someone and ask for help, most people will be glad to give you directions and a few kind words.”

  “I love New Yorkers,” Janice said. “They always help me whenever I need it.”

  “It’s because you’re so ugly they feel sorry for you,” Gini said.

  “Thank you, Gini, dear,” Janice said, sprinkling some pastry crumbs into Gini’s drink.

  “A few more helpful hints and then dinner will be ready,” I said.

  “I’ve got one,” George said. “Tell them not to eat only in chain restaurants that they can go to in their own home towns. Tell them to ask someone in the hotel for the names of some inexpensive, good restaurants in the city and eat there.”

  “I like that one, George,” Tina said. “In fact, I think I’ll include a list of some affordable places at the end of the article. I think I’ve got enough now, gang. Thanks for all this.”

  “Oh wait, Tina, I have one more,” Janice said. “Tell them not to wear flipflops when they walk around New York. I know they’re used to wearing them at home in the summertime, but in New York their feet will be grimy by the time they get back to their hotel at the end of the day. And if someone steps on their toes, they’ll be sorry.”

  “Uh, speaking of honeymooners,” Tina said and shot a questioning look at Peter.

  “Oh go ahead, tell them,” he said. “You know you’re bursting to.”

  “Well,” Tina said looking around the room at all of us.

  “Spit it out, for heaven’s sake,” Gini said in her usual tactful way.

  “Okay, here goes,” Tina said, taking a deep breath. “We’ve been offered a great job in January.”

  “Where?” Gini said. “What do you mean January? You’re getting married in January and I’m going to India and Janice is going to Spain and Pat’s going to Disneyland. Mary Louise is the only one who’s available.”

  “I promised George I—” I started to say.

  “Cool it, Gini,” Tina said. “I haven’t signed us up for anything yet. It’s just that this nightclub in London in the West End—you know, near all the theaters—asked us to come and dance for a week during their slow time in January. They heard about our dancing on the Bateau Mouche in Paris and wondered if we were available. I said I’d see.”

  “Now wait a minute, Tina,” Pat said. “Won’t you be on your honeymoon in January? You’ve got your whole wedding planned at the Frick, and then I thought you and Peter were going to St. Bart’s. Where it’s warm.”

  “Well, we did sort of plan on St. Bart’s,” Tina said. “But then this man with a great British accent called and asked me if we were free. Peter said London was fine with him for a honeymoon. But if you all have other plans, I’ll just tell him it’s impossible.”

  “Are you nuts, Peter?” Gini said in her most exasperated tone. “You’d rather go to London in January in the rain and fog and cold for your honeymoon than lie in the sun in St. Bart’s?”

  “I learned long ago that anywhere I go with Tina is just fine,” Peter said, smiling at his bride-to-be. “Knowing her, she’ll make cold, rainy London as wonderful as hot old St. Bart’s.”

  We looked at these two people who were obviously destined to have a long and happy life together. Nobody said anything for a while.

  Then Pat spoke up. “Well, Denise and I can certainly take David to Disneyland in February,” she said. “It won’t make that much difference to him. David is very adaptable.

  Denise nodded in agreement. “Of course,” she said.

  “George loves London,” I said. “Don’t you, honey?”

  “I do,” he said. “I should be able to arrange it. Depends on when this trial is scheduled.” He put his arm around me and gave me a hug.

  Alex looked at Gini. “We can go to India from London,” he said. “It’s only another week.”

  “I s
uppose,” she said, not looking pleased, but then she never does at first. We all knew she would come around.

  “What about your trip to San Sebastian, Janice?” Tina asked her. “I thought you had it all planned as sort of a pre-wedding honeymoon. Are you okay about going to London instead?”

  Janice looked at Tom.

  “We can go to Spain right after London,” he said. “It’s closer than going there from New York. What do you think, Jan?”

  Janice smiled. “That’s fine,” she said. “I love London. Even in January.”

  “Then we’re all agreed we’ll go to London after we finish in New York and after our wedding?” Tina said

  We all raised our glasses and cheered.

  “To London,” Alex said.

  “Á la table, everyone,” I said, and my friends and I all joined each other at my table for dinner, excited about a chance to dance again.

  Are you in a London mood? We’d love to have you join us.

  RECIPE FOR TROUT AND BACON

  Serves 6

  ¾ cup balsamic vinegar

  1½ cups water

  2 large onions, sliced

  ⅓ cup sugar

  4 tsp. fresh rosemary leaves, chopped

  2 cups chicken broth

  1 cup heavy cream

  6 trout, skin on the bottom, heads and tails

  removed

  24 slices bacon (you might need more,

  depending on how thick the bacon is)

  1 T. olive oil

  Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

  1. Boil first five ingredients in a saucepan for about seven minutes. Just make sure the onions are cooked.

  2. Drain the onion mixture but save the liquid it cooked in and reduce it to ¾ cup.

  3. Add the chicken broth and boil it until you have about 1½ cups left. You can prepare the trout while this is boiling.

  4. Spread the trout out and fill each one with the onion mixture.

  5. Fold up the trout around the onion and wrap bacon slices around each trout so that they overlap, completely encircling the fish. You might need more than four slices of bacon for each fish.

  6. Brown the trout in the olive oil until the bacon is cooked.

  7. While the trout and bacon are cooking and the bacon is nicely browning, add the cup of heavy cream to the broth that is boiling on the stove and let it simmer until it’s reduced to 2 cups. Reach over and stir it every once in a while when you’re not tending to the trout.

  8. When your bacon is beautifully brown, transfer the trout to an oiled pan and bake it in the oven for 20 minutes.

  9. When the creamy broth is reduced to its proper amount, pour it into the pan the trout browned in and stir it all up to get the flavorful brown bits in the bottom of the pan.

  10. Pour the sauce over the trout and serve. Be prepared for a lot of compliments.

  RECIPE FOR VINAIGRETTE SALAD DRESSING

  Makes one cup

  4 tsp. Dijon mustard

  Salt and pepper to taste

  1 tsp. minced garlic

  8 tsp. red wine vinegar

  1 cup vegetable oil

  1 tsp. dried rosemary

  1. Mix the garlic, vinegar, salt, and pepper together thoroughly in a bowl.

  2. Whisk in the oil, but do it very gradually, until the dressing is the right thickness. You don’t want it to be watery. You might not need the whole cup of oil.

  RECIPE FOR CHEESE PUFFS

  Makes about 24 puffs

  1 jar Kraft Old English Sharp Cheddar Cheese

  or similar product, softened

  ½ stick salted butter, also softened.

  ½ cup sifted flour

  ½ tsp. salt

  1. Moosh all ingredients together and roll them up into little balls.

  2. Flatten the balls and place them on a greased cookie sheet.

  3. Bake at 350 degrees for 15 minutes.

  The precise number of balls each recipe makes depends on how small or large you make the balls.

  RECIPE FOR PASTRY SHELLS WITH CAVIAR

  Makes 32 shells

  Dough:

  ½ cup water

  ¼ tsp. salt

  Dash cayenne

  4 T. butter

  ½ cup flour

  2 eggs

  Filling:

  4 T. cream cheese, softened

  ½ cup sour cream

  ½ cup red or black caviar

  1 T. grated onion

  Preheat oven to 375 degrees

  1. Bring water, salt, cayenne and butter to a boil in a saucepan.

  2. Add flour and stir over low heat until it turns into a ball of dough.

  3. Take the pan off the heat and add the eggs to the dough, beating them until the dough is nice and glossy.

  4. Grease a flat baking pan with butter.

  5. Put 32 teaspoons of the dough on the baking pan. Leave space between them for the cooked shells to spread out.

  6. Bake about 20 minutes until they are brown. Let them cool while you make the filling.

  7. Blend the cream cheese and the sour cream.

  8. Carefully add the caviar and onion so the caviar doesn’t mush up.

  9. Split the shells and fill them with the divine caviar mixture, and try to be modest when everyone raves about them at your party.

  Acknowledgments

  I want to thank New York for all the adventures I’ve had there: for the interesting friends I’ve made in the city, especially Michaela Hamilton, my editor at Kensington; for the chance to ride on the merry-go-rounds in Bryant Park and Brooklyn Heights; for the plays I’ve seen; for the museums I’ve loved; for the people I see in this city I’d never see anywhere else.

  Did you miss the first book in the Happy Hoofers Mystery Series? Turn the page to read the delightful opening chapters from Chorus Lines, Caviar, and Corpses!

  Available from Kensington Publishing Corp.

  Chapter 1

  Keeping On Our Toes

  It all started when Mary Louise decided we needed to exercise. We are five close friends, who’ve all managed to stay fit over the years. Still, when we moved into our fifties, we knew we had to watch what we ate and become more active.

  We considered all the ways there are to exercise. What we really loved was dancing, especially tap dancing, so we took a class and worked out some routines. Before long, we were asked to perform at a local senior center . . . and then at a community service luncheon . . . and one gig led to another. Pretty soon the word was out about the fabulous five fifty-somethings with the high kicks, smooth moves, and bright smiles. Our video on YouTube got hundreds of hits.

  Who knew we’d get to be so good that someone would hire us to dance on the Smirnov, a Russian ship sailing up the Volga from Moscow to St. Petersburg? That we would encounter a stern German cruise director named Heidi, a disgruntled British chef who loved to drink but wasn’t fond of cooking, and a motley crew that never did master the art of graceful service?

  We thought we would eat some good food, meet some nice people, see things we’d never seen before, and get paid for it. What could go wrong?

  Plenty, as it turned out. If I’d known ahead of time that we’d get mixed up in a couple of murders and that my own life would be endangered on this so-called pleasure trip, I would have stayed happily at home in Champlain, New Jersey, commuting to New York to my job as a travel editor at Perfect Bride magazine.

  Let me tell you a bit about us.

  Just briefly, there’s me, Tina Powell, who for better or worse is the leader of our little group because I’m the most organized. Like our whole gang, I’m in good shape because of our dancing. I weigh 110 pounds and am 5′4” tall. I don’t mention that I’m over fifty to strangers because I can read their minds: Drives a gas-guzzling SUV. Wrapped up in her kids. Belongs to a book club that reads Jane Austen and never gets around to discussing the book. Botox.” I loved telling my coworkers at Perfect Bride magazine, where I’m the travel editor, that my friends and I were hired to dance o
n a cruise ship in Russia. Their usual reaction was, “You mean they’re actually going to pay you?” I would just nod and smile. Besides dancing on this trip, I’m also writing an article for newlyweds who might want to honeymoon on this cruise.

  Janice Rogers is an actress and director of shows in community theaters in our town. Since her divorce, she’s been busier than ever, especially after her daughter went off to college. She’s tall and blond and has an unlined face that never seems to age. Her skin has a glow that makes her look far younger than she is. When we ask her how she keeps her complexion like that, she says, “Neglect. I only wash it once a day. Soap is bad for your skin.” She is a fierce friend, always there when you need her. I met her when she moved next door to me just after she and her husband split up.

  Janice has long legs and, in black tights, they are stunning. “The legs are the last to go,” she says. Actually, we all have great legs—it’s just genetic, nothing we did or didn’t do. And black stockings hide a multitude of sins.

  Pat Keeler, a family therapist, our mother hen, watches over us. She’s on the phone whenever she thinks it’s necessary to make sure we’re all right. She always remembers the tap routines. If we forget, we just look at Pat and do whatever she’s doing. She is our rock. Her face is beautiful, with a few worry lines on her forehead. She’s usually very serious, but when she smiles, it warms all of us. She’s taller than the rest of us. Oh, and she’s gay. It’s just a fact of life with her. She doesn’t flaunt it or hide it. Many of her clients are gay; she understands what they’re going through. The rest of us are straight. Pat helps us with our problems too.

  Mary Louise Temple has been my closest friend for over thirty years. We met when we both worked at Redbook magazine and became best friends. She has one of those Irish faces, with porcelain skin, dark hair, and blue, blue eyes. She somehow managed to keep a great body after three children and she thinks if you’re not Irish, you should at least try. She’s the only one who still has a husband, George, who believes it’s his job to correct all the mistakes her parents made when they were bringing her up. I never could find any mistakes.