by Heidi Swain
‘I honestly don’t know,’ he said with a self-deprecating shrug. ‘I just kind of get a feel for the subject and then put together the shapes that I think will work.’
He was utterly self-effacing and it infuriated me to think that Zak and his father were so ignorant and dismissive of his talent. Perhaps once the garden was finished and they could see Finn’s art, because that’s most definitely what it was, in situ, then they might change their opinions. They’d be stupid not to.
With some difficulty, I tore my eyes away from the sculptures and took in the rest of the space.
‘Did you draw these?’ I asked Finn, as I walked over to the bench, which was covered with sketches of hares in various poses.
‘Yes,’ he said, ‘I know this guy, Jake, who has a farm over near Wynbridge with hares on the land and I spent some time there, photographing them and then sketching them in the fields.’
‘Amazing,’ I sighed, meaning both the real hares and the essence of them that Finn had captured in just a few strokes of a pencil.
The marks he had made appeared effortless, but for someone who struggled to come up with so much as a competent doodle, I knew they were incredibly accomplished.
‘There aren’t anywhere near as many hares there now as there used to be, thanks to the bloody coursers, but Jake does what he can to keep those on his land safe.’
‘I thought coursing was illegal,’ I said, turning back to look at him.
‘It is,’ he said sadly, ‘but it doesn’t stop it happening.’
‘But why would anyone want to kill something so beautiful?’ I said, shaking my head, my tears not quite banished.
I knew there had been an increase in coursing activity in Suffolk too in recent years, but thankfully not too close to the Broad-Meadows estate.
‘Money,’ Finn said bluntly. ‘It’s all about money. And big money too.’
He turned back to the sculptures, squatting down on his haunches to get a closer look and I wished he was always like this. Not talking about cruel blood sports and rural crime obviously, but looking proud of his work and with his inner spark aflame.
But then, perhaps it was his artistic temperament, the soaring highs and deep lows, which enabled him to create such stunning pieces. Maybe he needed the good as well as the bad to balance it all out. He looked then like he did the night we had supper with Luke and Kate. He had come alive when he presented Jasmine with her cat sculpture and, in that moment, he wore exactly the same look as he did studying the hares; his eyes blazing with something close to wonder.
He appeared to all intents and purposes as if he didn’t believe he was looking at something he had made, but rather at a vision someone else had been responsible for. It was most endearing and very sexy.
‘Talking of money,’ I said, dismissing my libido as I walked back over to him, ‘I bet you could charge a fortune for these and there would be no suffering or bloodshed.’
‘Perhaps,’ he said, straightening back up. ‘These hares might be cruelty-free, but my hands have taken a bit of a battering.’
They did look rather knocked about, but at least he had come out of his trance far enough to acknowledge that the work in front of us was his own.
‘But you know what I mean,’ I said, swallowing hard as I tried not to look at his hands. ‘They’d sell in an instant.’
‘Yeah,’ he said, ‘maybe, I dunno.’
I could see that he really had no understanding about how unique his work was. He might have been passionate about the creative process, but he was clueless when it came to considering his sculptures financial value.
‘I’m being serious, Finn,’ I said firmly. ‘You could make a proper living doing this.’
Anyone would be able to see that it wasn’t just a case of welding a few bits together and coming up with something that resembled the animal he had been aiming for. There was real personality, life and movement in what he had created. I guessed his family’s dismissal and belittling of his passion had taken a toll, just like my parents’ opinions about me taking the job at Broad-Meadows and Jackson’s cruel words had dented my confidence for a while. Perhaps this was going to be the moment to share some of that with him after all.
‘Well,’ I said, ‘Luke’s going to be thrilled, along with every single other person who walks through the garden and spots them.’
‘I hope so,’ he sighed.
‘I know so.’ I told him.
‘I wish I had your faith,’ he said, sounding vulnerable.
‘You just need a bit of time,’ I told him, moving a little closer and laying a hand on his arm.
‘Time?’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I mean, you’ve barely started, have you?’
‘I’ve been doing this for a while,’ he said, the frown forming again. ‘I did tell you that.’
‘You did,’ I confirmed, ‘but you also told me that you were surrounded by people who were hell-bent on chipping away at your dream, didn’t you? Given the circumstances,’ I carried on, ‘it really must have taken some strength to keep going at all, but you did and now you’re here and Luke has given you the opportunity to work in a completely different atmosphere and surrounded by people who want to champion your achievements. Believe me, it won’t take long for your self-belief to catch up.’
I stopped to draw breath and found he was staring at me.
‘Sorry,’ I said, removing my hand from his sleeve and feeling my cheeks flush.
I hadn’t meant to have such a major soap-box moment.
‘No,’ he said, ‘don’t apologise.’
‘Sorry,’ I said again, without meaning to.
‘And certainly, don’t apologise for apologising,’ he laughed, reaching for my hand and holding it tight in his.
I couldn’t have offered a third apology, even if I’d wanted to because his action robbed me of speech, my libido leapt up again and my body tingled as our skin touched.
‘It’s just that I’ve been in the same boat as you.’ I eventually managed to say. ‘My parents hated it when I took the hands-on role at Broad-Meadows and, even though they didn’t voice their opinion quite as vociferously as your father and Zak, I felt its impact nonetheless.’
‘So,’ he said, looking deeper into my eyes as he stepped closer and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, ‘perhaps you and I aren’t so different, Freya.’
‘No,’ I whispered, glancing up at him and remembering how Zak had said he had described me to his family. ‘Perhaps we’re not.’
Whether it was the feel of his fingers lightly touching my face, the fact that our hands were still entwined or the sound of my name on his lips, I couldn’t be sure, but the next thing I knew I was in his arms and he was kissing me and I was kissing him.
Held tight in his embrace I didn’t hold back; I didn’t think about our professional relationship or Chloe’s warm feelings for him. I kissed him long and hard as the flames of desire which had been burning so low in me for so long, sprang up, shooting hot, fiery sparks to every nerve ending and erogenous zone. Pressed tight against him, I could feel his firm body reacting to my mine and as I dipped the tip of my tongue into his mouth he groaned with pleasure.
‘Freya,’ he breathed, as I twisted my hands into his hair and then felt his tongue gently meet mine.
As one we took a step towards the workbench and he lifted me up on to it. I was just about to wrap my legs around him and pull him in again, when the sound of the Gardeners’ World theme tune filled the air and I realised my phone was ringing.
‘Is that your phone?’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ I breathlessly replied, reaching for him.
‘I think you’d better answer it.’
‘It’ll stop in a minute,’ I insisted, determined not to have our passionate moment doused.
‘I don’t think it will,’ he said, a few seconds later.
He gently lifted me down and, feeling furious to have been interrupted, I wrenched my phone out of my pocket and ac
cepted the call without checking to see who it was first.
‘Freya?’
‘Hey,’ I swallowed, my annoyance slightly scotched as I realised who it was, ‘Peter.’
Finn took a step away and I checked my watch. He was the last person I would have expected it to be.
‘Why are you ringing so early?’ I asked him. ‘Is everything okay?’
Some speedy mental maths told me it must have been before dawn in New Zealand.
‘Everything’s fine,’ he told me, ‘but I’ve got an early start and a long drive. I’m going away for a couple of days and wanted to talk to you about the stuff you sent before I set off. Is now a good time? Why are you breathing so hard?’
‘Actually,’ I said, taking a moment to try and slow my breathing back down as I looked over at Finn who had moved further away, ‘it’s not a great time.’
He was standing with his hands on his hips, his breath shallow like mine, but I couldn’t have guessed what he was thinking.
‘It’s fine,’ he said, in a low voice.
‘Who’s that?’ asked Peter.
‘No one,’ I shot back, which made Finn’s eyebrows shoot up in response.
‘It’s not Finn, is it?’ Peter laughed. ‘I reckon you wrote more about him than your plans for this Winter Garden.’
‘No,’ I said, pressing the phone harder against my ear in the hope that Finn wouldn’t hear what was being said, ‘it’s not.’
I suppose I had gone a little overboard telling Peter about what had happened since mine and Finn’s first unfortunate encounter, but it had felt cathartic, writing it all down. Peter would have been mightily amused by the sequel, not that I would be telling him about it.
Now the moment had passed and I had come back to my senses, my face burned with shame as thoughts of Chloe and her feelings for Finn filled my head. Some friend I had turned out to be.
‘Look, Peter,’ I said, ‘can I call you back? Now’s really not a great time.’
‘Don’t hang up on my account,’ Finn said gruffly.
‘Are you sure that’s not him?’ Peter persisted.
‘I’m really sorry,’ I said to Finn as I gathered up the bag of bulbs, I had dumped on the studio floor. ‘But I think I’d better go.’
‘It’s fine,’ he said tersely.
‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ I insisted. ‘We’ll…’
‘What?’ he said, his chin held high. ‘Pick up where we left off?’
Had it not been for Chloe’s obvious interest in him, that was exactly where I would have liked to have picked up, but I really did have to factor my friend into the equation and embarrassingly, Finn sounded far from thrilled at the prospect. He was obviously regretting the moment already, which made me feel even worse about allowing it to happen.
‘I thought we could look at the meadow lawn and work out where to put the hares,’ I therefore suggested instead.
He shrugged his shoulders and turned away.
‘Freya?’ came Peter’s voice in my ear again. ‘I’m sorry, but I really do need to get on.’
I suppose I could have told Peter that I’d catch up with him when he got back from his trip, but given that he had taken the time to read through what I had sent him and had kindly made the effort to call, I could hardly cut him off and so I left Finn brooding over his trio of beautiful hares, and walked back to the office, all the while wishing that Finn hadn’t invited me to look at his sculptures and cursing that we had got caught up in the moment and let our artistic emotions get the better of us.
Chapter 14
Needless to say, I wasn’t looking forward to having to face Finn the next day and spent the morning hoping that he hadn’t been paying attention when I had suggested that we should look over the meadow lawn, but luck wasn’t with me and he turned up at the office just as Chloe and I were finishing lunch.
I had given Chloe a morning full of jobs on the opposite side of the garden from where I was working, for fear of blurting out what I had done. Keeping quiet didn’t make me feel any better about betraying her, or less embarrassed that Finn hadn’t requested a repeat performance, but it did save me from hurting my friend.
Peter, full of praise for my plans and proposals, had soon winkled the details of my heated moment with Finn out of me and said I should just come clean with Chloe, like I had with him when I had broken our engagement, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it and opted instead to pretend it hadn’t happened.
That wasn’t an easy mindset to maintain when I could still feel the imprint of Finn’s lips on mine and when faced with him, standing just behind where Chloe was sitting in the office, it became even harder. My already flimsy denial bid a hasty retreat, and left me floundering, which was probably no less than I deserved.
‘I’m just going to take Nell back to the square,’ was all I could think to say. ‘It’s chilly this afternoon and she’ll be more comfortable at home with the heating on.’
I knew I was taking the coward’s way out, but I thought that if Finn wanted Chloe to know what had happened between me and him, then he might take the opportunity to mention it himself. She wasn’t going to hate me any less, finding out like that, but at least I wouldn’t be the one having to say the words.
The pair of them were coming out of the studio when I arrived back and Chloe was looking more than happy, so I knew he hadn’t spilled the beans. Perhaps like me, he was going to pretend it hadn’t happened. It would certainly make our lives simpler, and perhaps it really hadn’t been a memorable moment for him, but I was still full of mixed emotions.
I’d never experienced a kiss like it, the heat between us, to my mind, had been scorching and there was a part of me, quite a large part actually, that would have very much liked to experience it again.
‘The hares are amazing,’ Chloe beamed when she spotted me. ‘You should see them, Freya.’
‘She has,’ Finn said bluntly.
‘They certainly are,’ I agreed with a smile and making a gargantuan effort to pull myself together.
‘You didn’t say,’ Chloe frowned, looking at me.
‘Well,’ I said, ‘we’ve hardly seen each other all morning, have we? Now, let’s get on. It looks like it might be gearing up to rain and there’s loads I still want to get done today.’
‘You haven’t forgotten I need to leave early, have you?’ Chloe asked.
‘Bunking off now it’s getting cold, are you?’ Finn tutted. ‘You didn’t strike me as a fair-weather gardener.’
‘Not at all,’ she said primly, swatting him with the end of her scarf. ‘I have a meeting at school about a student who came to us recently and is struggling to settle in.’
‘You’re in demand, Chloe,’ Finn smiled.
‘All the more reason to cut the chat and get on then,’ I butted in, striding off with the heavy tray of daffodil bulbs under my arm.
‘Fair enough,’ said Finn, sounding equally crotchety as he relieved me of the tray. ‘Let’s get it over with, shall we?’
‘Whatever’s the matter with you two?’ Chloe demanded.
‘Nothing,’ we said together, before sharing a glance which told me very little about how Finn was feeling, other than that he didn’t really want to be anywhere near me.
Chloe didn’t look as though she believed us and I could hardly blame her.
‘I’m just feeling the pressure,’ I elaborated, as she came to link her arm through mine. It wasn’t a lie; I still spent plenty of time worrying that I wouldn’t hit the open day deadline. ‘And it’s making me jittery because I desperately want it all to be perfect.’
‘It will be,’ she said, squeezing me close. ‘We’re a team, right?’
‘Of course, we are,’ I swallowed.
‘Absolutely,’ Finn reluctantly joined in.
The area which formed the meadow lawn had been cut at the end of the summer which made it easier for us to negotiate. We looked at it from all angles before carefully marking the spots where Finn’s trio of ha
res would be most admired. Thankfully, focusing on the task had eased some of the tension between us and it didn’t take long to plot the prime positions out.
‘They’ll be great here now,’ I said, adding covers to the tops of the cane markers for obvious health and safety reasons, ‘but when the grass starts to grow up around them in the spring, they’ll look even better.’
‘And if the grass gets too high in summer,’ Chloe suggested, ‘we could trim it, but just around the bases.’
‘That’s a good idea,’ I agreed, feeling better for being out in the fresh air again.
‘And what about this lot?’ asked Finn, pointing at the bulbs. ‘Are they going in here too? There’s an awful lot of them.’
‘Yes,’ I told him, ‘they are. You need a lot if you want to make an impact.’
‘We’ve forgotten the planter,’ Chloe tutted. ‘I’ll go back and get it.’
I’d added the short-handled one to the tray but forgotten its long-handled cousin which kept bending to a minimum and saved a fortune in muscle soak.
‘You can go, if you like,’ I said to Finn, suddenly self-conscious now that it was just the two of us.
‘No, it’s all right,’ he said, picking up one of the bulbs and rubbing its papery skin. ‘I’ll stay and give you a hand. How are you going to decide where to put them?’
‘I have a trick up my sleeve,’ I told him.
‘Ah yes,’ he smiled, making my heart melt, ‘Luke mentioned that you have a way with bulbs, but he couldn’t tell me what it was because you had insisted on keeping it a secret even from him.’
‘I want it to be a surprise,’ I told him, ‘so if you are staying, you can’t go blabbing.’
‘I won’t.’
‘Promise?’
‘Scout’s honour,’ he said seriously. ‘I’m good at keeping secrets.’
I was just about to suggest keeping our kiss a secret when Chloe came back and the moment was lost.
‘Right,’ I said, ‘you two stand back.’
I carefully stepped up on to a tree stump and then used all of my strength to launch the bulbs from the tray on to the grass where they fell in exactly the haphazard muddle that I had been striving for.
