by Rachel Burns
I was his biggest secret, I hoped.
Why wasn’t I strong enough to just leave? Excuse myself and just slip out of the door, never to return.
That would take courage; something I didn’t have.
I always played it safe. That was the reason I’d gone back home after school had been over. I’d hoped that my father would want me. He was all I knew.
I longed for a crystal ball. I wished I could see into the future. I could see what he was planning to do with me. To see if I could survive it and if after all the good and bad times were added up if it would be worth it. I doubted it, but I still had hope.
I wished I wasn’t so scared of him. I remembered him spanking me for getting up in the night because I had to go to the bathroom. He was just so much stronger than me. I didn’t have a chance.
I wondered why God had let me be born. If I’d have died too, then I could be in heaven with my mother. Maybe she’d have wanted me and loved me without hurting me. I wondered what that would be like.
He paid for the meal, and I thanked him.
He took me by the hand and led me out again. I held on to his arm with my free hand. He didn’t mind. He acted like this was the most normal thing in the world.
Daddy wanted this, maybe even needed it. He needed my dependency on him. That was the role he wanted to play, Daddy.
He hailed another taxi, which brought us to the theater. We got in line to show our tickets. They had been reserved and waiting for him. He just told her his name and a code number.
We went to our seats and sat down. He greeted a few people around us and introduced me to them. They all called him Brian. I had sort of forgotten that was his name.
That was a good thing. I knew I’d pay dearly for a slip up.
He took a little rectangular blue velvet box out of his pocket. He gave it to me. “A little present to complete your outfit.”
He smiled while I opened it up. It was a necklace. It went so well with my dress. Blue sapphires. He put it on around my neck while I held my curls up and out of the way. I turned to him when he was finished. He smiled proudly. He laid his arm around me.
I snuggled into him as the play began. It was a comedy. We both laughed and held our sides. We were having fun. I was sorry when the play was over.
He held on to me even tighter on the way out. I got the feeling that he was more worried about the people who were out at this time of night. He wanted to protect me.
Daddy hailed a cab that took us to his car. He opened the car door and helped me in.
We drove home in almost complete silence. He seemed very happy to just sit next to me even without talking.
Once we were home, he took me into his office on the ground floor. He gave me my shot, and then he slowly opened my hair and let my hair down. He looked for my wound, and he very gently put a salve on it.
When he was finished, he took my hand and led me upstairs to his bedroom. He closed the door behind him. He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me. Then he moved his hands up to my breasts. He reached inside my dress and cupped one. He was being so gentle as he squeezed them and played with the nipples, making them stand out.
Daddy withdrew his hands and started unzipping my dress. It fell into a puddle at my feet. He unhooked my bra and let it fall too. I felt very self-conscious of the whip marks. He didn’t seem to notice. He pushed my body back against his so I was leaning against him.
Daddy slipped his hand in my underwear and played with me while he held me tightly to his clothed body. As always, I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I reached back to him and let my fingers run through his hair. In that position, my breasts arched up in a silent offering to him. He gently pushed me towards the bed. He turned me to him, kissing me deeply before he started removing his own clothes. I tried to help him, but he preferred to do it alone.
He finished and laid me down on the bed the same way he did on our wedding night. Only this time I felt no pain as he filled me and thrust in and out of me. He was rough in the way he took me this evening.
I opened my legs wide and lifted them high in the air, giving him the deepest penetration possible.
He was a very good lover. I was enjoying him so much. I thought of nothing but him and what he was doing to me. A pulsating feeling grew inside of me.
I held on to him to support me as he carried me over the edge. I cried out ‘Daddy’ as I came. He drove himself deep inside of me so he could ride the wave of my orgasm with me, and then he took his own pleasure. He collapsed on top of me breathing heavily.
“Daddy, I have to go to sleep now,” I begged. The beautiful experience had left me exhausted. He pulled out of me, and then he picked me up and laid me on my side of the bed. I fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.
Chapter 14 – Amelia’s Not Perfect
“It went well, Nanny. She smiled for me a lot. I know that you were worried, and that I’ve made several mistakes but – She’d had a couple of chances to run, and she didn’t. That has to mean something, right?” Brian couldn’t hide his smile.
“Of course, sir.” Nanny wasn’t so sure about anything anymore. Amelia had looked so scared. She realized that the girl needed them to be good to her. Amelia longed for the happy family that they could give her.
“This could work out.” Brian had a good feeling at the moment. He’d been too strict before, but now he had to loosen up a little and make her feel happy and safe with him.
Of course, that didn’t mean that he’d ignore her bad behavior, but she really was a little girl. She didn’t seem to be playing with him. She’d just been scared of him. If she behaved, there would be no reason for her to be afraid.
“Yes, it could work out beautifully.” Nanny knew that the problem wasn’t Amelia. She’d looked so scared when she’d asked her to tell her what she should do so no one would hit her. It was the scared face of a child. “She needs lots of smiles and tenderness.”
Brian smiled at her, thinking that they were once again on the same wavelength. “I couldn’t agree more. She needs a healthy routine. Start in with that tomorrow. Good night, Nanny.”
He went back to his room to watch Amelia sleep. She just looked like such an angel with her long hair spread around her on her pillow.
***
The alarm went off. I looked in the direction of the sound. Light was coming in the windows at strange angles. It was just daybreak.
He was already on top of me and inside of me. He was sliding in and out of me so easily. My body had already awakened to his touch before my mind had woken. This was a part of our marriage that I loved. We were so compatible this way.
I threw my head back into the pillow and raised my hips to meet his thrusts the way he liked it and the way my body demanded it. I laid my hands on his shoulders and then moved them to the pillow and grabbed it tightly.
I’d almost reached my pleasure when he pulled out of me. I was surprised. My first thought was that he wanted to punish me, but he lay down on his back.
“Amelia, come on top of me.”
I obeyed immediately, eagerly, just wanting to continue the feeling that he’d been giving me. I rolled towards him, straddled him and took him inside of me, guiding him in with my hand.
His hands went to my hips so he could control the rhythm, lifting me up and down on him. The pleasure was intense. My head fell back again, and my breasts thrust forward.
I wished he had more hands, so he could continue to hold my hips and pet my breasts. I moaned just thinking about it. He let go with one hand and stroked me in between my legs.
I had a place there that responded to him so perfectly. It strained to meet his touch. It was so sensitive to his touch. He knew about this place and stroked it often. My will melted when he did.
He was bringing me close to the edge again. I was afraid he’d stop. I wanted my pleasure so badly right now. I shuddered as I came, also calling out the name I knew him by and again it drove him over the edge too. I’d collap
sed onto him this time.
He held me in his arms, petted over my head and whispered in my ear how much he loved me. I told him that I loved him too.
He looked so happy as he got up. “Amelia you have to get up. You need to be awake when I’m not here today. Remember your head.”
“Yes, Daddy.” I got up and stumbled to his waiting hand. He set me down on the side of the tub again while he let the water in. His bathtub was twice the size of mine and mine was really big.
He checked the temperature again and again as the tub slowly filled. I was getting cold waiting. I wasn’t looking forward to this in winter.
He picked me up and placed me in the tub. I was his little girl again. He took me on his lap, and he cleaned me with a washcloth while he whispered in my ear what a good little girl I was.
I said nothing, just letting it happen. I decided to watch how things developed here. I’d figured a way out of here yesterday. If need be, I’d just have to fake an appendix infection. Nanny would take me into town, and I could get away so easily.
I laid my head on his chest while he cooed at me.
Nanny had me working on my essay. It was getting a little long, but I was wordy. This was something that I like to do, that kept me busy. Maybe I was even drawing it out on purpose. I didn’t know what I’d be doing tomorrow.
I had my essay finished. I numbered everything in the order that I wanted it to go when I wrote it nicely.
I was particularly worried about that. My penmanship was that of a second graders. After a while, the nuns had just given up. They realized I was trying. I did lots of extra work on it, but it never helped. The letters were never the same size, and my lines always went up or down at the end unless I tried to correct it. Then they’d swoop up and down. A person could get seasick reading the things I wrote.
I had to wonder if this would be considered endearing, or would it get me into trouble? It was playing right into their thoughts that I was a child.
Nanny was coming and going. Every time she checked on me I was working. She seemed pleased. She called the school she wanted me to go to and made an appointment when Daddy had time.
We’d be going on Friday morning. Daddy hadn’t been convinced until I said that we could just go and look and make an informed decision. He said ‘yes’ then. I wasn’t sure if he said yes to make me happy. I wondered if he’d listen to my opinions afterwards. That the final decision was his was clear.
This was something Nanny wanted. I wondered why. What was in it for her, other than mornings off? She seemed to like spending every second with me that she could. She seemed just as certain as he was that I needed to be watched and cared for every second of the day. She probably imagined terrible things that could happen if she didn’t.
I started in writing as neatly as possible, well, as was possible for me. I was glad that the paper was lined, that helped.
She stopped me when it was time for lunch. I’d given up on my ideal of starving myself, for now. It was a plan I could always go back to later.
Right now I felt calm and safe. I hoped I wasn’t being naïve. I second-guessed all of my thoughts. I guessed I wasn’t all that calm or relaxed yet.
I didn’t want to underestimate them. They were, in truth, capable of more than what they’d showed me up until now. I’d only seen the tip of the iceberg.
Daddy was new to this scene, finally living out his most secret desires, but Nanny did this professionally. She had more tricks up her sleeve, and she’d pull them out and use them with no qualms if I didn’t comply.
I prayed that my realization of that would protect me from the unknown.
“Clean your plate, Amelia,” Nanny strictly said. Her perfect posture intimidated me. “Amelia,” she sighed, “It’s important to participate in the conversations at the table. You’re being very rude.”
Would she hit me for that, I wondered? I thought it would be best to change the direction of this conversation, away from my behavior and on to something that could help me. “I was just thinking about my essay. I decided to move something up that I’d planned to say later.”
I looked off for a second like this was something that really bothered me, and then sat up straight like the idea had just hit me. “Could I type my essay into a computer? That way I could rearrange everything until it was perfect,” I beamed at her.
She raised an eyebrow considering it. “Write it out by hand. I’ll talk to your Daddy about it at supper. He can decide.” She went right on eating not knowing how important a simple laptop with a decent writing program was to me.
I’d pretty much lived in the school’s computer room. I’d practice at writing as little as possible. I’d typed all of my homework.
I felt it had been a close call. I so wanted to get out of it. I had a premonition that this could go very bad. In my head I could hear whistles and sirens going off, screaming – trapped!
After lunch, she gave me regular lessons for a couple of hours, and then she let me work on my essay. She’d praised my intelligence all afternoon. What I didn’t know she explained once, and I got it.
She even seemed to be proud of me. How long would that last?
I finished writing my essay. It was six pages long. I read through it. As far as penmanship went, it was okay in some places, and especially bad in others. I’d personally given up so I hadn’t practiced in years.
Nanny would come to collect it soon. I laid it upside down on my desk. She’d told me to work with some of my learning toys until she came back.
I was working on math when she came in. She was in a good mood. She was even chipper. “Finished?” she asked as she scooped up the papers that were lying upside down on my desk.
I nodded. She took them off to her room again. I waited to see what would happen. I looked at the clock. A minute had passed, and she didn’t come back.
I went back to my math project, but I was too nervous to concentrate on it.
Five minutes after she left, I heard her feet marching back to me. I raised my head as red faced as if I’d robbed a bank.
“Is this supposed to be a joke?” She threw my essay down on top of my desk. Her fists were clenched at her sides.
“No, Nanny, it isn’t a joke,” I answered, shamefaced.
“I don’t believe you. You’ll have to be punished for this. Come here.” She too was red in the face.
“Nanny, I swear I did my best. That really is my best.”
She stepped up to my desk and grabbed me by the ear. She pulled me into the bathroom where she finally let go.
My hand automatically flew up to my ear to rub it. It was warm with pain.
“Prepare this room for your spanking.” Nanny crossed her arms over her chest. She was the perfect picture of rage.
“Nanny, you’ve got to believe me. My penmanship is really that bad. I can’t do it any better,” I pleaded with her to understand.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I’ll count to ten, and if this room isn’t prepared for your spanking, you’ll receive a second spanking tomorrow right after breakfast.”
I gulped. Nanny started counting. I raced to pull the chair out and placed it in the middle of the bathroom. I’d just gotten the paddle out when she said ten. I stood there shaking but ready. This was so unfair.
Nanny moved to the chair and sat down. “Thank you, Amelia.”
I stood frozen next to the chair.
She looked up at me as I held the paddle in a death grip. I really didn’t want to let go of it. In my hands, it couldn’t hurt me. “Come over my knees, Amelia.”
I was still debating whether or not to explain that I’d done my best, but my fear for another spanking won over my sense of justice.
I stepped forward and very strangely tried to lay myself across her knees and still keep my balance.
Nanny grabbed me as I hovered over her, and she pushed me down. My hands flew forward once again to hold some form of balance.
Nanny lifted my dress up and
folded it over my back. She pulled my underwear down to my knees. She wasn’t hurried or stressed anymore. I was so humiliated, and I started whimpering.
“Amelia, will you please give me your paddle now.” She said this as if she were saying something completely normal and not something that would be causing me so much pain.
I balanced my weight on one hand and reached back with the other.
“Thank you, Amelia,” she said as she took the paddle.
My hand flew back to the floor to support my weight.
She adjusted her legs so that she was more comfortable. I heard the paddle move through the air before it hit my bottom. First it hit one side of my bottom, then the other, then on the spots that she’d already spanked.
I was already crying my heart out, partly because of the pain and partly because I didn’t believe that I deserved this.
I hated Nanny with all my heart at the moment, and I hated myself for not running away yesterday when I had the chance. How could I’ve forgotten how mortifying this was?
She stopped spanking, “Why am I spanking you?”
“Because I can’t write pretty,” I sobbed.
“No. This is because you didn’t feel it was worth it to try harder. You must have thought that just Nanny was reading it.” She gave me several more smacks.
“No, Nanny. I did try hard. I’m so sorry. I can’t do it better.”
At least ten more smacks rained down on my bottom. “You can always do things better. Don’t give me that excuse.”
She spanked me some more, and my feet lifted off the floor kicking. My middle tried to twist left and right to get away from the paddle. She showed no mercy and continued on.
At one point, I gave up. I was defeated. I felt so stupid and worthless. I lay limp across her lap. My will was broken.
Shortly after that, she stopped. I wasn’t so sure what to do then. Should I try to stand up so I could put my paddle away.
“Amelia, turn to Nanny.” She pulled up my underwear and pulled my dress back down. I turned so I was sitting on her knees. I looked straight ahead.
