Daddy's Sweetheart Parts 1-5: The Complete Collection

by Rachel Burns

  ***

  It had been raining for days and days straight. The children were fussy. Their nannies were annoyed. I gathered both of them to the fireplace, and we got out our blocks. Sarah and I started right in building. This was something both of us liked to do. The three nannies just sat and watched us and waited to be needed.

  I held Adam in my arm close to my heart. I didn’t want to let him go. He would kick and fuss, and then I would let him crawl around for a little bit.

  He crawled away, and then he came back to me. Adam pulled himself up by tugging on my clothes and then he smiled at me. How Brian could ever believe that Adam wasn’t his was beyond me? He looked just like him.

  I built our fortress with one hand and steered Adam away from it with my other hand. His left foot was already kicking. He was just itching to kick it down.

  I built him his own tower, and he kicked it down and laughed. He even nodded at me.

  “You liked that?” I asked as I built it up again. Just as quickly he kicked it down again.

  “Sarah, put the colorful blocks on top. That gives it a nice border. I’ll hold onto Adam, so he can’t knock it down.”

  “Amelia,” someone called to me.

  I turned to look. Daddy was standing in the doorway. He was smiling at me. I stood up and looked at him. Did he want me to leave now that he was here? Or did he want to keep me? I was so unsure what to do. My fingers folded and intertwined with each other. I took a step forward and then moved my foot back again. I did it a couple more times. I wanted to run into his arms, but rejection would hurt too much.

  “Come here, sweetheart.”

  I slowly and nervously went to him. I pulled my head in a little in case he wanted to hit me. The last time I had seen him had been at Adam’s birth. He had been nice to me, but he never came back. That whole time was a large blur, but I do remember him swearing at me a lot. He had been so mad at me.

  I was standing in front of him and not meeting his eye. My shoulders had lifted up, and my neck was sinking away. I felt like a turtle, but I needed a better shell.

  His hand came up very slowly to my face. I shook as it approached. He petted my cheek and smiled at me.

  My eyes slowly lifted to his. He was smiling very nicely at me.

  “How are you feeling, sweetheart?”

  “I’m fine, Daddy.”

  His arms were around me in seconds. He held me so close that I wasn’t standing on my own anymore. I started sobbing and clinging to him. I took hold of his shirt with both of my fists and tried to hold on to him too. I was bawling by the time we heard the blocks scatter across the floor.

  “Adam, you did that on purpose,” Sarah scolded him. “Mommy, he did it on purpose.” Then I heard her squeal, “Daddy.” She had noticed him. I was sure that she was hanging onto his leg. I could hear the sound of Adam’s hands as they slapped down on the floor. He was getting closer to me. He reached up and grabbed my skirt and pulled up. “Mama.” He wanted me to pick him up, but I couldn’t let go of Daddy.

  “I’m home, Amelia. I won’t leave you again. We can be a family now.” Daddy was crying too as he held me tightly. He carefully pushed me away from him, setting me on my feet. He looked over his shoulder, and then he kicked the nannies out.

  All three had been watching everything very closely.

  Once they were gone, he removed my hands from his shirt, and then he let go of me. He picked up Sarah and looked her over. “She has gotten so big.” He looked at me and then back at Sarah. “Mommy is taking very good care of you, isn’t she?”

  “Yes, Daddy. She plays with us all day.” Sarah was beaming at her Daddy. She needed so much attention, and he had so much to give.

  I picked up Adam when I was sure that my legs would hold me. Daddy looked at him, and his jaw dropped.

  “Hello, Adam. You have gotten so big too.”

  Adam raised his hands in the air when he heard the words ‘so big’. He smiled at Daddy. Adam had a beautiful smile, and I watched Daddy melt as he looked at him.

  He took Sarah by her hand and led her over to the ruins of the fortress.

  “Let’s built it up again. Mommy is the architect. She gets to tell us what to build.”

  Sarah built it up and let him put in a few blocks of his own. Adam started to fuss, so I set him down. He crawled over to Daddy and climbed onto his lap. Once there, he just sat.

  I didn’t want to point out how new that was. He usually just did that with me. It was somehow unfair that Daddy could have treated him so cruelly, and Adam would love him anyway. After a bit, Adam fell asleep on Daddy’s lap. I was able to look from one to the other. The resemblance was so obvious. It hurt that Daddy had thought what he did.

  Would he lock me in my room here too and come by once a day to call me mean names again? He did realize that Adam was his in the meantime? I was crying again.

  Daddy stood up as carefully as could be so he wouldn’t wake Adam. He called Sarah to come along. He took the children out, away from me. I stayed sitting on the floor. I wept as quietly as I could. This had to be reckoned with. He hadn’t been happy with me in so long that it was clear that he would want to put me to the side and move on.

  “Amelia, I gave them to their nannies. We have time just for us now.” He was holding his hand out to his side. He wanted me to take it.

  “What’s to become of me?” I felt my heart breaking as I looked up to him to ask that. I remembered asking my father that same question.

  “You are my wife and the love of my life. I want you to show me our room so I can make love with you now and every day after this for the rest of our lives.”

  I was so unsure. Was this a trick? He was saying what I wanted to hear, but I really didn’t trust him not to hurt me. He could only hold out so long, and then it overcame him, and he would hate me again.

  But he was the only person in my life, I reasoned. He had complete power over me, and he had showed me that every day that we had been together. He could make me go to him if I didn’t go on my own.

  I forced my feet to step across the floor to him. One step after the other, I went to him. I was shaking so badly that he had to see it.

  Would that get me into trouble?

  He usually pretended he didn’t see it when I was shaking, crying or doing whatever it was that I couldn’t quite hide. He reached out for me and lifted my chin, so I was looking at him.

  “You are so beautiful. I love you, Amelia. I won’t make any more mistakes. I’ll be good to you.” He dropped his hand and looked at me again. A smile slowly spread over his mouth and moved to include his eyes too. “Show me our room, sweetheart.” He took me by my hand, but he wanted me to lead today.

  I shyly stepped past him and out the door.

  He grinned as he followed me.

  I took him to my room. He let go of my hand. My hand fell to my side again. I felt a little lifeless.

  He closed and locked the door behind us. He smiled at me, and then he looked around the room. I was pretty sure that he was checking the exits, afraid that I could get away.

  He stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me again. I felt a shiver go down my spine as he pushed my hair off to the side and kissed the back of my neck.

  “Daddy’s here now. He will make everything better for his little girl.” He started to unbutton the buttons on the back of my dress. Daddy let it fall to the floor.

  I just let him undress me, scared and unsure of what I wanted.

  Did I want him? I did, but I wanted him to be good to me and to the children. What if I got pregnant again? That was always bad. Maybe he could put me to the side for that time? He did seem to want children.

  He turned me to him. I was wearing a short sleeve blouse, white with puffed sleeves and lace around the collar and sleeves.

  I had around fifty blouses like this one. My closet here was filled with my things from before. Now Nanny just pulled out the short sleeve things.

  I was wearing his favorite style: wh
ite blouse underneath, and a pretty dress over the top. He took off my blouse, and I stood in front of him with just my underwear and knee-high socks on, as well as my black shoes. I only had a bra on because it was so hot here. I didn’t need an undershirt.

  He took a sharp intake of breath. “You are even more beautiful than I remembered.” He looked at me so intently that I even believed him.

  I blushed and looked down. His hand was on my chin again. He lifted it, and I looked at him. I had never in all of my life seen a better-looking man. I don’t think that I was being bias. It was just a fact.

  He moved in closer and kissed me again. My arms went around his neck. He was unbuttoning his shirt while he kissed me. Once his shirt was off, his hands moved to my bra. It was off in seconds. He pulled me close and continued to kiss me. My arms were shyly lying on his shoulders.

  I heard him opening his belt. He wanted Sex, which meant pregnancy, and pregnancy wasn’t good for me. I tried to push away from him. He held me tighter. Now that my shaking had returned I was able to realize that it had stopped while we were kissing.

  “Hush, it’s okay. I’m not going to hurt you. Don’t be afraid of me, sweetheart. Daddy doesn’t want to hurt you. You were so good.” He stepped out of his pants and threw them over to my chair. I had never seen him just throw anything, ever. “It’s okay, sweetheart. See I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to make love to you.” He held me, so I couldn’t get away. I was still scared.

  He took hold of my hand and brought it to his penis. “See this is what I want to do. I want to be as close to you as I can possibly be. I love you so much, Amelia.”

  He pulled down my underwear and again he was breathing hard. “You are the most beautiful thing in the whole world, Amelia. There has never been a more beautiful woman.”

  I was glad that Nanny had been seeing to it that I was perfectly kept up. He picked me up and lay me down on the bed. I believed that he didn’t want to hurt me, at the moment.

  He pulled his boxers completely down and knelt in between my legs. I was shaking and so nervous.

  “Hush, Amelia. I’ll be very careful with you. I know this is your first time since you gave birth to Adam. I’ll be extra careful.” He was using his pediatrician’s voice that worked so well on young scared children. It was also very effective on me.

  It had been a long, long time since we had made love. And the last time he slept with me was when I had been around seven months along. Adam was now ten months old. So it had been eleven months, almost a year and that hadn’t been love making. He had really wanted to hurt me back then.

  He lay down on top of me and went back to kissing my neck. Daddy whispered how much he loved me in my ear. His hand was already working on me. It took a long time for my fear to subside so I could relax. He was being very patient. I was ready for him when he entered me.

  “I’m so sorry, baby. You feel so good. I don’t think I’ll last long. We can rest up, and then I will make sure you can enjoy yourself too.” He was carefully thrusting into me. His face was touching mine, rubbing my cheek as he moved up and down on me.

  Daddy drove deeply into me throwing his head back. He was finished. He apologized that it had gone so fast.

  I still didn’t say anything. I didn’t know what to say. I wished I could see into the future.

  He was cuddling with me. He was speaking, making promises. Daddy told me that everything would be better now. He would stay with me forever. “Daddy is going to make everything all better, Sweetheart. You will only know happiness from now on.” He smiled at me.

  I could tell that he believed what he said. I just didn’t.

  He was talking so much that I couldn’t concentrate on what he was saying. My head was spinning. My thoughts circled around one terrible thought. I was afraid that he would get me pregnant again. He wouldn’t want me anymore if he did.

  Daddy was ready again after a bit. He got on top of me again and took me a bit rougher than before. Daddy knew what he had to do to get the reaction he wanted out of me. He had me moaning in less than a minute.

  My hands went to the pillow, and I grabbed on tight. I made love with him the only way I knew how. I did it the way he had taught me. I raised my hips to greet him and called his name.

  The name he had taught me to use: Daddy.

  We both came then. Me a few seconds before him. I screamed Daddy as I did. The word worked its magic on him, and he came, having a very powerful orgasm.

  Once our breathing had settled down, he praised me, a lot. He told me how he had missed me. I was able to listen to him now and to even say this and that, but not much.

  He tried really hard to get me to say something. I remembered the first day we met. It had been really hard for me to talk to him then too, but he was just as patient and thought up questions that I couldn’t just say yes or no to.

  We stayed in bed all afternoon, making love and talking. He looked so happy. He told me that he wanted to stay living here with the children and me. That way our children could play with Cindy and Travis’s child.

  He asked me how they had treated me. I answered with the word good. Daddy talked on and on, sharing his plans with me. He held me close the whole time. I snuggled into his chest and pretended to sleep. I was really very tired, but my mind was racing.

  I felt him fall asleep. I waited, perhaps an hour, before I turned away from him and slowly snuck out of bed.

  I went into the bathroom and cried. I sat down on the floor and pulled my knees to my chest. My arms were wrapped around my knees, and my head was resting on my arms.

  I sobbed without making a sound.

  I needed a moment to myself so I could try to sort out what was happening and worry about the future.

  It was just so uncertain.

  Did I even have a future?

  Daddy’s warm arms wrapped around me. I was so embarrassed to have been caught crying. He sat down next to me on the cold floor. I didn’t like the idea of him doing that. He could get sick.

  “Why are you crying, sweetheart?” He was scared. I could hear it in his voice. “Did I hurt you, sweetheart?”

  “No, Daddy, you didn’t,” I sniffled my answer.

  “Is it because you didn’t want me to come back?” He asked that in a very nice way.

  “What? No, that isn’t it either.” I sniffled and shook while he rubbed my back. “I’m very glad that you finally came home.”

  “Please tell me, I’m running out of guesses.” He was trying for humor, but I wasn’t in the mood to laugh.

  I remained very quiet and tried to make as few crying noises as I could.

  “No matter what you say, I won’t be mad. I promise. Say whatever it is.”

  I wasn’t sure how to read his tone, so I continued on in silence.

  He took my chin and moved my head, so I was looking at him again. “Tell me, sweetheart.”

  I had never in all my life looked him in the eyes and lied to him. I still couldn’t. “I’m afraid I’ll get pregnant again, and then you won’t want me anymore.”

  I saw the sides of his mouth drop down into a frown. I had hurt his feelings, but I looked back on what he had all done to me, and I couldn’t pity him. I saw him shoving cake into my mouth and choking me with it. I saw his mad face so close to mine calling me names, and the look in his eyes when he told me I would never see my children.

  My shaking got worse. I looked away from him and buried my face in my arms again.

  “While I was gone – I know I hurt you more than anyone should be allowed to hurt another person. Even if I had been right in my thinking – I was so wrong. I don’t even recognize the person I was back then. It has always been my job to take care of children, and I failed both of them, especially Adam.

  “Sarah: because I made you think that you had to leave. I made you think that you had to choose between her and me. I think you did a great job taking care of her all by yourself like you did. I just didn’t understand back then, and I hurt you te
rribly.

  “Then I found out that you were pregnant again, and it was impossible to believe that he was mine. I assumed that the men had forced you to somehow pay for the help that you had been given. Even if they had, I shouldn’t have been so harsh. I am filled with so much regret.

  “The real problem was – I looked at you, and I see someone who is so beautiful. Any man would want you. You are so smart, and you are really nice too. It’s hard to believe that I am with someone as special as you are. It is hard for me to believe that you love me.”

  “But Daddy, you know I love you. I love you more than anything else in the whole wide world.” I turned to look him in the eyes.

  “I love you, Amelia. I know I hurt you so unspeakably much. I don’t deserve you, not at all. And if you ever come to me and tell me you are pregnant, I will believe you that it is mine. There seems to be something about you that makes me able to father a child even though I have been tested several times, and all the doctors said I couldn’t.

  “I was sick as a child. The doctors told my parents that it was very unlikely that I would ever have a child. I am so sorry for everything.”

  I nodded and laid my head back down on my knees. I thought that he could be lying just to test me, to see how I would react.

  “So much has happened. I can’t trust you anymore,” I admitted.

  “You will be able to soon. I’ll earn your trust once again. You’ll see. I’ll be so good to you and to our beautiful children. You’ll see.”

  “And if things don’t change for the better, then that is just my own bad luck?” I asked him. I felt goose bumps spreading all over my body.

  “No, sweetheart. Things will never be that way again.” He pulled me close and rubbed his hand up and down my arm.

  I sniffled. “You expect me to just forgive and forget. You didn’t just hurt me, but Adam too. You called me terrible names and hurt me. The worst thing was that you smiled while you did it.” I bawled then.