Delicious and Suspicious

by Riley Adams

  Lulu gave a happy sigh.

  “Or, if you’re watching your figure, the half-and-half. We’ve got ourselves a few eggs, some nutmeg, some butter to cook up our onions in . . .” She tapped her foot while she tried to summon the other ingredients.

  “Bacon?” asked Lulu hopefully. “I’ve been having the biggest hankering for bacon lately.”

  “Bacon!” said Tommie, thumping the granite counter. “That’s exactly right.”

  “That sounds like the perfect lunch.”

  “That’s not the lunch, sweetie, that’s just a side item. No, we got the famous Tommie fried chicken as the main course. Y’all are having a special, pampering girls’ day. So get ready for some pampering from the kitchen.”

  Evelyn hurried in. “’Scuse me, y’all. I’ve got some cutting up to do.”

  Tommie put her hands on her hips. “Something I can do for you, Miss Evelyn? Because I’d rather not have you messing around my kitchen.”

  “No, just cutting up some limes and lemons, that’s all.”

  Lulu winced at the glass cutting board that Evelyn whipped out from the cupboard. “Ooh, honey, don’t cut on that.”

  Tommie heaved an exasperated sigh. “You’re gonna destroy those knives. Use the wooden board for cutting.”

  Evelyn was already done and hurrying out of the kitchen with a bowl of cut-up limes and lemons. Tommie said, looking after her, “She means well.”

  “Those knives don’t deserve the treatment they just got.” Lulu clucked.

  “Don’t you worry,” Tommie said, “I guard my kitchen from Miss Evelyn’s clutches. She’s got nothing to do with the brunch y’all are about to enjoy.”

  Tommie’s food was manna from heaven. There was a breakfast casserole of eggs, bacon, cheese, and hash browns. The buttered grits on the side were the perfect texture—not too soupy, not too dry. There was a big bowl of peeled, sugared peaches, topped with blueberries. And she’d made the world’s lightest biscuits, which had come straight from the oven.

  Lulu felt a nap coming on. “Now this,” said Cherry as she crawled into a convenient hammock there on the porch, “is living.”

  Nice to see how the other half lived, thought Lulu. Not many people would opt to have a saltwater pool (complete with underwater barstools and table) right on the lake. Evelyn—or maybe, Tommie—had hung hummingbird feeders right outside the porch.

  Cherry gave a contented, “Ahh.”

  “Oh, no-no-no! Out of the hammock—it’s time for some fun!”

  Cherry groaned. “But an after-brunch nap is fun, Evelyn. What planet do you live on?”

  “Don’t be grouchy, Cherry.”

  “Then let me take a nap! I’ll be a kinder, gentler version of myself.”

  Tommie started collecting the empty dishes.

  “Tommie, tell Cherry to agree with me.”

  Tommie snorted. “Sugar, do yourself a favor and give in. Miss Evelyn always gets her way.”

  Evelyn pleaded with Cherry, “Tell you what—you can have a nice little naptime right after your waterskiing adventure.”

  Cherry sat up in the hammock. “We’re going to ski? Okay, I’m in.” She reached out to pluck her helmet from a nearby chair.

  Peggy Sue patted her perfectly coiffed curls apologetically. A couple of hours on a boat and you’d never be able to tell she’d spent an hour at the salon yesterday.

  The boat was a roomy model that zipped through the water. Evelyn took off a flowing caftan to reveal a widely patterned zebra-inspired suit. She sported large sunglasses and dripped with diamonds. Most of the other Graces had swimsuits with sequins, underwires that did astounding things with their anatomy, and wild colors. Except, that is, for Jeanne. She wore a one-piece that was even more of a granny suit than Lulu’s.

  Lulu decided her water-skiing days were over but received full entertainment value for her day by watching the others ski. Evelyn piloted the boat and didn’t ski, but she dangled an arm over the side to feel the spray.

  The escape from Memphis had worked a remarkable change in Flo. She was much more like her old self, although a little quieter than usual. Lulu was relieved to see she hadn’t gone wild with the Bloody Marys that morning.

  “Both Cherry and Evelyn,” said Flo in a lazy voice, “are completely crazy. Look at them—jewelried to the hilt. And waterskiing and hanging their arms overboard.”

  “And Evelyn is even crazier than Cherry,” said Lulu matter of factly.

  “How do you figure that?”

  “Because Evelyn’s jewelry is real.”

  Cherry finished skiing, and Evelyn helped pull her back onto the boat. Cherry gave a big whoop. “Now that,” she said, “was some real exercise. And a heckuva lot more fun than the treadmill.” She wrapped a huge Elvis towel around her wet swimsuit.

  “Time for our picnic!” declared Evelyn.

  “More food?” asked Lulu, wishing she’d brought a Tums with her.

  “Why not? We deserve it! Tommie packed us a bunch of really different things so you can either eat light . . . or pig out like I’m going to do!”

  Evelyn took the boat to a shady cove and threw down the anchor. She opened the huge cooler. “See? It’s like a treasure chest.” Sure enough, there were bottles of wine, a corkscrew, Lucite wineglasses, deviled eggs, pasta salad, fried chicken, potato salad, Tommie’s delectable-looking onion pie, and both pimento cheese and vegetable tea sandwiches.

  Everyone helped themselves from the cooler, and Evelyn poured them all glasses of wine before finally lounging back and proposing a toast. “To Memphis! And Elvis!”

  They all took good-sized gulps from their glasses, even pious Jeanne, who felt it would be somewhat mean-spirited not to drink to Elvis.

  “This potato salad,” said Flo, “is the best stuff I’ve ever put in my mouth. Tommie is going to have to share her secret with me.”

  “I’m first in line to hear that secret,” said Evelyn. “That’s Tommie’s insurance that I won’t ever get rid of her. If I couldn’t have that potato salad for lunch every day, I’d turn into a shadow of myself.” She tilted her face toward the sun. “Ahh,” she said, chestnut hair gleaming in the sun. “Now this is perfect—wine and gossip.”

  “Gossip?” frowned Jeanne. “But we’re not gossiping. Our mouths are full of food.”

  “But,” said Evelyn wickedly, “we’re about to start gossiping. It’s a girls’ day out, after all. And gossiping can be fun.”

  Lulu thought gossiping would be okay, only if it stayed in the territory of the murder. She really didn’t have any interest at all in hearing the dirty laundry of other Graceland aficionados being aired. She hurriedly interjected, “Well, I don’t know if it qualifies as gossip or not, but I can’t seem to stop talking about Rebecca Adrian’s murder, y’all. It was just too close for comfort. And the police don’t seem to really have any leads to find out what happened.”

  Lulu quickly found out that her chosen subject of gossip was not appreciated. Flo resumed her haunted look, Jeanne seemed stricken, Peggy Sue looked guilty, Cherry choked on her sandwich, and Evelyn looked gravely disappointed.

  “I’m sure that murder is not a good picnic topic, Lulu,” said Evelyn. But she relented at Lulu’s hangdog expression and sighed. “Okay. I’ll admit it is the most interesting subject du jour. And . . . I did have something to tell you, although I was going to pick a better, less-public time.” She hesitated.

  “Well don’t stop there!” said Lulu. “For heaven’s sake, spill the beans.”

  “I was at the Peabody myself that afternoon,” said Evelyn, pausing for dramatic effect. She got it, too.

  “What?” chorused everyone.

  “This is the gossipy part of my story,” Evelyn explained. “Yes, I was at the Peabody, having an assignation with a gentleman I’ve been seeing for a little while.” They all gaped at her. “Not in a room. In the lobby, for heaven’s sake. We were having afternoon drinks. And you know how vast that lobby is, filled with sofas and arm chairs
and tables and people. And ducks. The woman was there, but she clearly either didn’t see me, didn’t recognize me, or didn’t care.”

  “Rebecca, you mean?” asked Lulu in a hushed voice that somehow seemed more appropriate when speaking of the dead while on a springtime picnic.

  “Yes. I didn’t know she was there until she came right up close to me, talking on her phone. She was wandering off and talking on the phone, just like she did at Aunt Pat’s that day. Except I guess she didn’t see me there with my back to her because she walked right toward me. And she was fussing at some loan creditor. Really letting them have it for harassment.” Evelyn gave an emphatic bob of her head. “And we thought she was rolling in money with her Chanel sunglasses and designer clothes.”

  This news, however interesting it might be, wasn’t a major surprise to Lulu. Rebecca Adrian had tried to blackmail Seb, after all. And she had a feeling about the very next thing Evelyn was going to say. Sure enough: “So then she wrapped up her rant and went back to her table, when what should happen but yet another phone call for Miss Thing. She wanders over near me again, and you’ll never guess who she’s talking to this time.” Evelyn peered at Lulu anxiously.

  “Seb?” she said quietly.

  Evelyn leaned back. “How’d you guess, Lulu? I thought Seb and she had never even met each other. I know he’s a smooth operator, but—”

  “Actually, it’s a smaller world than we all thought it was. Apparently Seb and Miss Thing dated each other for a while in New York. Crazy, isn’t it?” Lulu said.

  This time it was Lulu that everyone gaped at. “Really? He went out with that woman?” asked Cherry. “I thought Seb had more sense.”

  “Well, maybe he does, but not when it comes to women.”

  Evelyn broke back into the conversation to take the spotlight again. “Well, I’ve been meaning to tell you about this, Lulu, like I mentioned. But it sounds like you already knew. I guess the police know, too?” When Lulu nodded, Evelyn said, “Just as well. We know he didn’t have anything to do with her death, but the police would want to know they were old flames.”

  Cherry said, “Actually, I might have some information, too. I didn’t know I did, though. I heard Seb on his phone the morning of the tasting. I’d gone to the gas station to fill up my bike. Seb was there, but I saw he was on his phone, so I didn’t try to say hi. Then I was really glad I didn’t say hi when I realized he was having a blazing argument with somebody on his phone. It sounded like women troubles, which didn’t really surprise me at all, knowing Seb. All I could gather on my end was that he’d been accused of cheating on somebody.”

  Lulu tried to digest this tidbit. “So you’re thinking he had an argument with Rebecca Adrian? That maybe she was ragging him for cheating on her in New York a while ago?”

  Cherry said, “Well, that could have been true. But the explanation that I like so much better is that maybe Seb and Lurleen were arguing the morning Rebecca died. Since we know that Seb and Lurleen were an item, maybe Lurleen got real jealous of Rebecca—maybe she thought they were trying to reignite an old flame. She could have gone all Fatal Attraction on him and killed her competition!”

  Lulu said slowly, “As appealing a solution as that would be, I just don’t see it. That seems like an awfully severe reaction to the possibility of some cheating.”

  “Maybe it’s something to tell the police, though. The next time we have to talk to them,” said Cherry. There was no reasoning with her when she was being insistent. That was her theory, and she was going to stick with it, no matter what. “And you know what? That woman needs a makeover. Is she trying to look like Wonder Woman? She’s got those clunky gold bracelets on and keeps wearing Fourth of July colors for that dumb Hog Heaven Loves America theme of hers. I keep thinking she’s got an invisible jet parked out back somewhere.”

  “She’s a brazen hussy,” said Jeanne with some degree of venom.

  Evelyn heaved a dramatic sigh. “Well, if you’re going to be a hussy, Jeanne, it’s best not to be a meek one. My sympathy lies with Seb, though. Like him, I used to be unwise with my relationships. But then I realized that I needed to really think about who I went out with. Not treat it like a fling, but like the beginning of something that could last a lifetime.” She flung back her head and let the wind blow her hair back around her shoulders. “Love is too important to treat cheaply.”

  Suddenly, their quiet picnic was interrupted by the roar of a Jet Ski and an enthusiastic, “Hoo-boy!” Lulu blinked as Evelyn did an abrupt about-face and started waving to the sunglassed younger man on the Jet Ski. “Hey there! I’m thinking about buying one of those things. Mind if I go for a test ride with you?”

  “Sure, sweetheart! Hop on!” he shouted as he pulled up to the boat.

  “Evelyn,” said Lulu, “uh . . . what about us going back to the house?”

  “Y’all will be fine! Enjoy your picnic, and I’m sure motorcyclin’ Cherry can maneuver that boat home when you’re done.” Her last words were nearly swallowed whole by the ruckus the Jet Ski made as the young man soared away on the top of the water.

  “Well, my God,” said Peggy Sue. “And off she goes with a handsome stranger on a Jet Ski. So this is how the other half lives.”

  “Sounds like an invitation to fornication to me,” said Jeanne. She pressed her lips together tightly. Then she said, “I think it was that wine she drank. And now what will we do, stranded on the lake with no captain?”

  Everyone looked at Cherry. She lifted her hands in protest. “Hey, I never said I could pilot a boat, y’all. We could just wait to see if our hostess comes right back.”

  But nobody thought that was a good idea. After all, Evelyn hadn’t said she was planning on coming back and rescuing them at all.

  “I could call the police,” suggested Peggy Sue. “I think they have a boat patrol out here.”

  “And how excited would they be to rescue a bunch of middle-aged ladies from a picnic?” said Jeanne.

  Lulu said, “Cherry, I think you’re our only hope. Think you can give it a go?”

  Cherry puffed out a breath in consternation and put on her helmet. “Okay.” She turned the key gingerly, pulled a lever, and turned a wheel, and sure enough they were moving through the water. Everyone groaned with relief. At least, they did until Cherry said, “Anybody remember where Evelyn’s lake house is? All these coves look alike!”

  Actually, no one had taken any notice at all of how they’d arrived at their picnic spot. After all, they weren’t anticipating being stranded there without their captain.

  And so began an hour of cruising through different nooks and crannies of Pickwick Lake. Although it was a very picturesque cruise, to be sure, it was one marked by Cherry’s quick confidence behind the boat’s wheel—and her rapid transition to speedy piloting, which made Lulu more than a little seasick.

  Finally, Flo caught sight of Evelyn’s house. “There! There it is!” she cried, standing up in her excitement before quickly falling down on the deck as the boat crested some waves from another watercraft.

  “All right, girls, I’m steerin’ her in. Somebody jump out when we get near the dock and rope her up, okay?”

  “I’ll try to,” said Jeanne in a trembling voice.

  Cherry fired the motor and steered the boat toward the dock. She tried to cut the motor and idle the boat to the dock. But something happened and the motor revved instead of idled. And Evelyn’s dock would never be quite the same again.

  The next few minutes were a blur to Lulu. The Graces whooped and hollered, the dock fell apart, and Tommie ran down the stairs to the boat, cussing Evelyn out and trying to direct them in. They ended up dropping anchor and giving up on docking the boat to anything at all.

  You’d have thought that the afternoon, like the dock, couldn’t have been salvaged. But Tommie became the world’s best hostess in the absence of their original hostess. They swam in the heated saltwater swimming pool and had the most succulent supper of shrimp and grits that you
could possibly imagine. Cherry suggested they play canasta, which Tommie was a whiz at, and they stayed up much later than they’d planned, laughing, dealing the cards, and delving thoroughly into Evelyn’s extensive wine collection.

  The next day dawned hot and humid. Evelyn had come in pretty late the night before and seemed not at all concerned by the wrecked dock on her property. The breakfast the next morning was mouthwatering—a quiche lorraine, bacon, and poached eggs on toast. By the time Lulu had eaten all that food, she decided to have a second cup of coffee so she wouldn’t turn around and head straight back for the bed.

  Evelyn had decided to stay on at Pickwick Lake for another day. The gossip in the car was lively as they considered her motives behind this extended stay. “I just know it’s because of that boy,” said Cherry.

  “That boy is her son’s age!” said Jeanne. “He must be in his midtwenties.” But she wasn’t all that shocked, by the sound of it.

  “All the better!” said Flo. And the others were just glad Flo was still in an upbeat mood.

  Lulu was delighted to see Big Ben, Morty, and Buddy at the restaurant when she arrived. “Good to see y’all here. I wanted to let you know that Ben called me last night and said the place was jam-packed with folks. I’m absolutely convinced it’s because of y’all. They’re all still talking about the music you played.”

  Morty tried and failed to look modest. “Well, we do have a good time playing it. I guess people are bound to have a good time when they listen to it, too.”

  “It sure brought me out of the doldrums,” said Lulu. “And it brought the balance sheet out of the red. Y’all have a seat and enjoy yourselves. I’ll bring you a pitcher of sweet tea.”

  “That’s the kind of welcome I like,” said Buddy.

  “What’s happening?” bellowed Big Ben.

  “Sweet tea,” yelled Buddy back. “Can’t you put your ears in? I’m tired of hollering at you!”