Delicious and Suspicious

by Riley Adams

  “I thought you were emailing everybody, Morty. And that you’d switched to online banking to pay your bills. So what are you going to use your Forever stamps for?”

  “They might end up being a collector’s item, man,” said Morty defensively. “By the time Ella Beth and Coco are grown-ups, they might not even know what postage stamps look like! Besides, I don’t see you two winning anything. I think you’re just jealous.”

  “Actually,” said Buddy, “I did win something lately. There was one of those wedding trade show things last weekend. I went to it and won a door prize.”

  Now Big Ben and Morty gaped at Buddy. Big Ben turned up his hearing aid a little higher, thinking that maybe it was malfunctioning. Lulu could hear it making all kinds of screechy sounds. “I’ll go ahead and ask, Buddy,” said Lulu. “Why exactly were you at a wedding trade show? Is there something we should know about? Are things moving along quickly between you and Leticia?”

  Buddy said calmly, “I think wedding trade shows are something everybody should know about. It’s like a big party. You get a plastic bag full of freebies and coupons. The food vendors have samples out and the wine vendors have tastings. There’s music playing from every type of band you could think of. I ate ten different kinds of wedding cake. It’s air conditioned, and I got a door prize. What more could you ask for?”

  “What was the door prize?” asked Morty.

  Buddy looked at them with great dignity. “What I won is not the point. The point is that I win things, too. You’re not the only one, Morty.”

  They all just looked at him, waiting. Finally Buddy realized he was not going to get away with a policy of nondisclosure. “I won,” he said gravely, “a beautiful lace garter. To throw away to the single fellas at the wedding, you know. I’m the wrong gender, but maybe my great-niece might like it. She’s engaged.”

  Amazingly, no one laughed or teased Buddy. But Big Ben spoke in a halting voice that sounded suspiciously like he might be holding back laughter. “I’m pretty sure, Buddy, that this is a cause for celebration. You’ve won something very pretty.” Buddy looked hard at Big Ben, but Big Ben retained his composure. “I think . . . this is the right occasion to open that special wine you’ve been telling us about.”

  “The Domaine Vincent Dauvissat Chablis Les Preuses?”

  Big Ben nodded, and the others held their breaths.

  “Winning a lovely lace garter at a wedding trade show is very nice,” said Buddy. “But it’s not a special occasion.”

  Lulu laughed. “Well, I hope the special occasion comes quickly because I’m getting old enough that I might miss it if we have to wait too much longer.”

  Lulu’s unhappy episode with Seb wasn’t sitting right with her. She hated being on the outs with Seb and wasn’t really pleased by her behavior. After all, he was a grown man and Lurleen was a grown harpy, and they could date whomever they wished to. Besides . . . in the past, whenever Lulu had officially sanctioned one of Seb’s relationships, it meant that relationship’s days were numbered. Lulu wondered sometimes if Seb’s taste in women was intended by design just to irk her.

  Lulu was surprised and pleased to see Seb already at work in the office when she opened the door and peeked in. And Seb was surprised and pleased that his mother was talking to him.

  “Seb,” said Lulu sweetly, “I’m sorry we had words yesterday. I could hardly sleep last night for thinking about it. I know you’re a grown man and you can see who you want. I guess I was just surprised and a little hurt that you didn’t tell me that you were dating Lurleen.”

  Seb smiled back. “Well, I’m sorry that I jumped down your throat about it. I should’ve told you that I was dating her when we started seeing each other.”

  “And actually,” said Lulu, smiling determinedly, “she’s a much nicer girl than I thought. After all, her family is really lovely. Just lovely people. And she’s such a pretty girl. I think I can hear wedding bells ringing already.” Seb looked completely stunned. “And maybe some more grandbabies for me? You know how I love my grandbabies. Maybe a little boy or two . . . like you and Ben.” With these words, carefully chosen to strike terror in Seb’s heart, Lulu sailed out of the office, smiling as she left.

  Seb worked in the office all morning, took a break for lunch, then came back and continued working. Lulu guessed he was trying to make absolutely sure he still had his job. He knew that his mother meant it when she said she’d fire him. Lulu was working hard, too, because the dining room was at full capacity for lunch. The local fire station’s firemen had all come over for some ribs, and Lulu and Sara were serving them as fast as they could in case the firemen got called to leave.

  Lulu noticed Ella Beth peeking over the back of a booth. “Mercy! Is it already two thirty? Where has the day gone?”

  “School’s been out for a while, Granny Lulu. Coco is still doing her homework out on the porch with B.B. and Elvis, but I finished early.”

  “Where does the time go?” Lulu sighed. She noticed Ella Beth had something in her hand. “Whatcha got there?”

  “My camera,” said Ella Beth airily. “You know how it helped me find out about Uncle Seb and Miss Ashton. You never know when a camera is going to come in handy when you’re a detective.”

  Lulu got an idea. It had nothing to do with cameras, but since Ella Beth was just dying to do some detecting . . . “How about if I retain your services for a few minutes? A real detective gig. Do you think you could handle that?”

  “For real?” Ella Beth’s eyes shone behind her glasses. “Sure thing!”

  “Okay,” said Lulu. “Here’s what I need you to do.”

  Seb was still pushing papers around on the desk in the office when Ella Beth joined him. “What’s up, sweetie?” asked Seb absently. “You need to do some homework on the computer?”

  “Nope. I got it already taken care of,” said Ella Beth. “I thought I’d come in and talk to you for a minute, Uncle Seb.”

  Seb pushed his chair away from the desk and looked at Ella Beth with surprise. Usually he wasn’t the go-to guy for conversations with kids. “Sure. Anything on your mind?”

  “Nothing too much, I guess. But some kids at school were kind of giving me a hard time about my name.”

  Seb frowned. “They were giving you a hard time over ‘Ella Beth’? That’s not a weird name.”

  “Well, I didn’t think so either, but the kids have been calling me ‘Smella Beth.’”

  “What kind of kids are these that you’re going to school with?” Seb rolled his eyes. “There’s nothing at all wrong with your name, honey, so don’t worry about it.”

  “That’s what Granny Lulu was telling me. She said that you had some trouble in school with your name, too. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” Ella Beth pushed her glasses up on her nose and looked seriously at Seb.

  “I sure did. That’s why I go by Seb and not Sebastian. The kids at school thought it was the weirdest name ever. Lots of kids had even weirder names, though.”

  “Like who, Uncle Seb?”

  “Well, there was a boy named Poppy and a girl named Pickle, for instance.”

  Lulu busily came into the office with a pile of papers and started shuffling them around in a corner of the room.

  “Pickle? Really?” asked Ella Beth innocently.

  “Yep. Now that’s a funny name. Not like Ella Beth.”

  Lulu turned around from her paper pushing. “Whatever happened to Pickle, Seb? I’m sure you probably know, since you’re dating her sister. Is she here in town?”

  “Lord, Mama, Pickle joined the Peace Corps. She’s off in some remote Tanzanian village showing farmers how to increase their crop production or something. I don’t think she’s ever coming back to join us mere mortals again.”

  “That does surprise me,” said Lulu. “Pickle didn’t strike me as the volunteering type.”

  “No, she was always in some sort of a jam. I guess at some point she must’ve gotten her act together.”


  “So is she coming here for a visit anytime soon?”

  Seb snorted. “No way. She and Lurleen aren’t even talking to each other. Lurleen thought she was a nut to go over to Africa, so she gave her a real hard time over it. And their parents are dead. Besides, Memphis and Tanzania aren’t exactly close to each other on the map.”

  “Poor Lurleen and Pickle. Losing both parents like that,” said Lulu absently.

  Her thoughts were interrupted by Ben, who popped into the office from the kitchen. “Say, Seb, want to go hunting this weekend?”

  Lurleen lied to Flo at the Peabody. She wasn’t waiting for her sister at all. But why was she lying? Because she had just murdered Rebecca Adrian? Lulu was completely prepared to jump to that conclusion but knew the police wouldn’t handle the information the same way. After all, Lurleen could have been lying because she was meeting a married man at the hotel and didn’t want anyone to know about it. Besides, why would Lurleen kill Rebecca Adrian?

  The dinnertime crowd was starting to come in. Lulu walked around and chatted with some of the customers. Then Big Ben, Morty, and Buddy sat down at their favorite booth. “We thought we’d eat a little earlier tonight,” said Big Ben loudly. He turned up his hearing aid when Morty gestured to his ear. “All three of us had a really early start this morning.”

  “Went fishing?” asked Lulu.

  “No, just the old age schedule. You know—get up at five o’clock. Eat breakfast. By the time two o’clock rolls around, it’s time for supper, and you can go to a restaurant and get the early-bird special. Then it’s time for bed at eight o’clock. You’re not doing that yet?”

  Lulu was old, but Buddy, Morty, and Big Ben had her beat by twenty years. “Not yet, but I’m sure it’s coming. Early bird specials sure would be nice.”

  Lulu was on her way to the kitchen to see if they were getting backed up and needed help when Cherry tore inside, red curls bobbing around, and no helmet in sight. She spotted Lulu and pulled her off to an empty booth.

  “Cherry, what’s wrong?” asked Lulu. “And where’s your helmet?” It must be something really bad for Cherry to be helmetless. “You didn’t ride on your motorcycle like that?”

  “Yes, indeed I did,” said Cherry. “And thank God nobody stopped me. That would have been the last straw after the afternoon that I’ve had. Listen, we’ve got to find a place for Flo to sleep tonight. Have you got any ideas?”

  Lulu’s eyes widened. “What happened? Was it her ex-husband? He found her?”

  “He certainly did. Right in the middle of a tour at Graceland.”

  Lulu gasped.

  “We were doing our regular tour. Flo had her disguise on and everything. Graceland was really understanding about it all. We just love them there. Anyway, I guess either Virgil wanted to see Graceland himself as a tourist, or maybe he remembered how crazy Flo was about Elvis. Either way. . . . he ended up on a tour.”

  “Flo didn’t see him in enough time to go hide?”

  “She’d gone off to use the restroom and came back, and he was there waiting with the tour group. Well, he saw her right away, through the disguise and everything. And he went wild.” Cherry looked shaken at the memory.

  “What happened?”

  “Oh, he grabbed her by the arm and twisted it around her back and started yelling at her right in her face. Did she think she could really get away from him? Did she think he was stupid? That kind of stuff.”

  Lulu grimaced. “What about Flo?”

  “She couldn’t get away from him, not the way he was holding her arm. But she was putting up a real fight, trying to kick him and all. She’s got plenty of spunk, you know. And the rest of the Graces and I all jumped on him, yelling and kicking. I don’t know if we were so good at kicking on target—I got some bumps and bruises myself. But then security stepped in, and they got his butt out of there. And no refund for him, either.” Cherry bobbed her head in angry satisfaction.

  “But he didn’t find out where she lived or what her name was, right?” Lulu asked anxiously.

  “No, Graceland wasn’t about to release any personal information on their docents. Somebody in the office did tell us that a man called in a little later, trying to ever so politely ask for information on the black-haired docent. But they’d have nothing to do with it.”

  “But you’re still worried he might be able to find out where she lives.”

  Cherry nodded. “I think it’s only a matter of time. Now he knows she volunteers at Graceland and eats at Aunt Pat’s. He knows the places where she spends her time. And it’s miserable for Flo to have to live like this and not do any of the things she usually does. I hate the idea of her sleeping there by herself. At least if she’s with one of us and he finds her, then we can help her to beat him off or can call the police or something.”

  “Good idea. She’s welcome to stay with me, you know,” said Lulu.

  “She knew you’d offer, Lulu, and thought that was so sweet. But Virgil already knows you spend time with Flo because of Aunt Pat’s. I think your house might be one of the places he’d look for her.”

  Lulu thought again. “How about Pickwick Lake? I’m sure Evelyn wouldn’t mind—she doesn’t even live there during the week at all.”

  Cherry snapped her fingers. “That sounds like just the thing! I’ll give Evelyn a call and see if she’d mind.”

  “Will it be okay for Flo to be there? I mean, Evelyn won’t be there entertaining her Jet Skiing friend, will she?”

  “Oh, that relationship is so day before yesterday, Lulu,” said Cherry with a dismissive wave of her hand. “The only problem with the Pickwick Lake setup is that I don’t know how long this is going to go on.”

  “Surely Virgil has another life he’s got to get back to in Mississippi,” said Lulu. “He should have a job, if nothing else. He shouldn’t be able to afford to go hunting for Flo forever.”

  “That’s true. But maybe he has more money saved up than we think. If it looks like Flo needs to hide out for a while longer, we can always move her around from house to house.”

  “Sounds like the witness protection program.” Lulu clucked. “The poor thing. I hope life starts looking up for her soon.”

  “Maybe,” said Cherry in a hopeful voice, “he’ll do something really bad and end up getting locked up. Nothing to Flo of course. But maybe he can commit some little felony or something while he’s in town. At least then Flo would know where he was.”

  Lulu frowned. “What about Dammit?”

  “Oh, Lordy, I forgot about Dammit. And I can’t take him because Johnny is allergic to cats, he says.”

  “I could take him, Cherry. Flo’s got to be worried about him. And if the cat doesn’t warm to me, I can always have Derrick come over and keep him company after school. Weird animals seem to like Derrick,” said Lulu, picturing Babette’s slavish devotion to him.

  “By the way,” said Lulu, “Derrick saw you at the Peabody the afternoon Rebecca was killed. I explained that you’d gone to see Tony and that was it. You weren’t over at the Peabody murdering Rebecca.”

  Cherry hooted. “Darn right I didn’t murder Rebecca! But I left my phone number with the reception desk at the Peabody for Tony. Just in case he got a little lonely.” She heaved a sigh. “I guess that was right when all hell broke loose at the hotel.” She flushed a little, looking at Lulu. “I wouldn’t have actually done anything, Lulu. I do still love Johnny, slug though he is. But it would have been nice to have a drink with Tony and flirt a little and feel special again.” She looked across the restaurant and brightened. “Hey, there’s Pink Rogers! Maybe he could give us some advice about Flo.”

  The huge policeman had come in for his half-price plate of ribs, slaw, and red beans and rice. When Cherry motioned to him, he came right over.

  “Hey, Pink.” Cherry subconsciously flirted with every man who talked to her. “How are things going with the crime-fighting life?”

  “Oh, I can’t complain. I surely can’t complain.”

/>   “We had a question for you. Flo is really being badgered right now by this guy . . . her ex-husband, you know.” Cherry gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes.

  Pink raised his eyebrows. “I didn’t even know that Flo had ever been married!”

  Lulu thought that there were a lot of things the policeman didn’t know about Flo. And Flo would probably like to keep it that way.

  “See, the thing is that she’s terrified. And he’s somehow found out she’s here in town, and now he’s canvassing the neighborhood looking for her. So she’s been wearing a disguise, and now we have to find another place for her to stay until he stops looking for her . . .” Cherry trailed off, sighing melodramatically.

  “That’s a tough one, Cherry,” said Pink thoughtfully. “Has he made any specific threats? Was there any bodily injury?”

  “No, thank goodness. But not for lack of trying! He attacked Flo at Graceland,” said Cherry. “But she was okay. I mean, he didn’t break anything, and she didn’t have to go to the hospital.”

  “Unfortunately, he has every right to be in the city as long as he’s not breaking any laws. And Graceland is a public place, so he wasn’t trespassing—although he did use violence there. If Flo wants to come in and file a restraining order, I’d definitely encourage her to go ahead and do that. Particularly since he’s already tried to attack her once.”

  “Thanks, Pink. I’ll let her know.”

  Lulu said, “By the way, Pink, how are things going on the case?” Pink made a face like he didn’t want to really talk. “I mean, don’t tell me anything you can’t tell me, but I was just wondering.”

  “There are definitely things that we’re trying to work on,” said Pink. “It’s not directly my case, you know, but I’m hearing a lot of talk about it. This is all unofficial, and you’re not hearing it from me, understand.”