Married...Again

by Stephanie Doyle

  Nor tucked her hair behind her ear. A gesture he knew meant she was shy about something. “I have my stuff in the trunk of my car. I have an SUV. I thought for the trip it might be better. I wasn’t sure what you were driving...”

  “A rental. Probably best we take your car.”

  “Okay. Why don’t you bring your car inside the garage? You can park, and we’ll move your things to my car.”

  “I was hoping you could...” Max shrugged, not sure what he wanted. Maybe to be in on the joke Selena thought was so funny. Something about spending all their money. “Show me around the place. I would like to see...everything you built.”

  Eleanor extended her hand to the space outside her office. Max saw lots and lots of open desks and phones and computers. “That’s pretty much it.”

  “It’s not it,” Selena interjected. She nudged her hip into Nor’s. “Go show him. He should see it. What you’ve done.”

  Eleanor took a deep breath and let it out. “Okay. Come on.”

  She led him out the door of her office, and he fell in line like a helpless puppy who could do nothing else but follow where his master led. He tried to remember if that was the way she had walked before, or if the three-inch heels she was wearing had changed that. He liked the way the shoes made her legs look. That was for certain.

  Then he had to stop thinking about her legs and focus on what she was saying.

  The customer service department was responsible for answering questions, taking orders, signing up new customers. Dealing with returns and unhappy clients. A tough job, but she required that her people be upbeat and “on” all day.

  The words were spilling out of her lips, and he was desperate to soak in each and every one. He wanted her to know he was paying attention. He wanted her to know that her life and everything that had happened to her in the past few years mattered.

  It was just hard to concentrate when even the sound of her voice was its own kind of delicious turn-on. The way it made him feel. Like he could listen to her and only her forever.

  I think I love you, Max. Isn’t that crazy?

  He remembered the first time she’d said it. They had been in bed together, the morning after they first made love, just days after their first date. Too soon, he thought and yet not soon enough. That’s how greedy he’d been for the words.

  I love you, Max. More than anything.

  She’d said that to him on their wedding day. Standing in front of a judge, knowing she was going to be on the receiving end of her mother’s wrath and her younger sister’s disappointment. Except he’d been so sure of them. Absolutely positive they had been doing the right thing at the right time.

  I love you, Max Harper.

  It had been the last thing she’d said to him. The words he’d lived on for over two years. Believing that after everything he had done, no matter what had happened in those years, that those words would always be true.

  “Our IT staff is pretty robust, as well. Obviously, as an online business, our access to the internet and our customers’ access to us is incredibly important. One day of lost sales can have a major impact on our revenue for the month...”

  He nodded. Because it was important that he hear the words. Important that he understand her life, her business, what was important to her. Except it was hard to hear over the sound of the voice that had once told him she loved him.

  She stopped when they made it back to her office. A basically square room with the different departments broken apart. “And that’s really it. Shipping is two blocks away in another building. That’s where we warehouse our products and handle boxing. I also subcontract with a delivery service that handles pickup and delivery.”

  “It’s amazing. You’re amazing.”

  She smiled, but he thought it wasn’t totally genuine. As if she didn’t quite believe him.

  It wasn’t that Nor was a stranger to him. She could never be that. Not when he knew what each quirk of her lips meant, how every gesture showcased all her different emotions. No, she could never be a stranger to him.

  But she was trying to be.

  A distant stranger, an old acquaintance. Not the woman who used to tell him how much she loved him. Not his wife. She was putting up roadblocks between them. Signs that all said, Don’t Get Too Close.

  He had a few days to change that.

  Suddenly, he feared it wouldn’t be enough.

  “Shall we go?”

  Max nodded. “Is Selena okay here by herself?”

  The other woman had returned to her own office and seemed to be furiously typing on her computer.

  Nor looked at him then as if she was reminded of something about him. Max thought that was a good thing. The more she remembered about him, the more she might remember she liked him.

  Of course, that was a two-sided coin. The more she remembered what drove them apart, the more help she’d have to secure those walls she’d put up against him.

  “She’s fine. The building is security monitored, as is the garage. We both work a lot of late hours. I wasn’t sparing any expense on our safety.”

  “Smart.”

  “A single woman has to be.”

  They both flinched.

  Then she shrugged in apology. As if she hadn’t meant to say it so harshly.

  “I’ll go get my car. I parked on the street.”

  She nodded tightly. “Meet me in parking area D. It’s toward the back.”

  They separated, and Max made his way to his car. He started it, then drove toward the building where she must have done something to open the garage door automatically. It was easy enough to follow the letter coded system to the rear of the garage, and as she pulled out in her white BMW SUV, he slid in to the spot next to hers.

  He got out of his car and popped the trunk. He grabbed his new duffel, the one he’d had to buy after losing his well-worn, well-traveled one to the Arctic Ocean. It still felt stiff over his shoulder.

  Nor had gotten out of the car and popped the trunk for him. As he tossed in his bag, he noticed she was wearing pants but had removed her suit jacket. She still had on heels, and he wondered if she wanted to change. It was only an hour-and-forty-or-so-minute drive to where they were going in the mountains, but still...

  Then he realized she was heading around to the passenger side of the car.

  Of course, she thought he would drive. When they were together, he always drove. It was his thing. He preferred to be in control behind the wheel.

  Then he considered the discomfort in his leg. Driving hurt like a bitch. Even the short, fifteen-minute trip to get to her building from his hotel had been enough to set it throbbing. Most of the trip would be along the highway, but he knew once they got into the mountains, it would be a lot of slowing down around steep curves.

  He didn’t want to spend his time thinking about his damn leg. Not when there was so much they had to talk about. He needed to be focused, but he also didn’t want to seem weak in her eyes.

  She stopped as she reached for the car door. The sound of her clicking heels coming to an abrupt halt.

  “You’ve changed your mind,” she said softly. “You don’t think this is a good idea.”

  “No!” Shit, shit! The fact that she asked the question meant she was having doubts. He didn’t want her to have any doubts, but it’s not like he could expect anything less.

  “No,” he said a little more calmly. “I want this. I want us to have a chance to talk. More than anything. I just...my leg. It’s my right, so driving puts a lot of pressure on it.”

  “Oh. I didn’t realize.”

  “How could you?”

  She ducked her head; then as if it were the most casual thing in the world, she circled back to the driver seat and hopped inside.

  “All good,” she said. “Let’s go.”

  Let’s go. Right, he tho
ught. As if this was no big deal.

  It was probably the first time ever in their relationship when he’d admitted to any kind of weakness.

  Because he’d thought men shouldn’t be weak. Men should be strong and in control and leading, always. Which was crazy, too, because his dad had not been that kind of man at all. He’d been kind and good, so humble.

  It had had more to do with Max spending so much of his post-college years at sea with salty shipmates, and even saltier captains. As the research nerd, he found out pretty quickly he had to hold his own on a ship with hard-core, hard-nosed seamen, or his ass would have been kicked to the shore fairly quickly.

  There was no time or space for weakness at sea. Something several men of Max’s acquaintance died knowing.

  Still, worrying about not being able to handle the drive would make him look like a stupid, macho man.

  Even if he was a stupid, macho man.

  Max made his way to the passenger door, then got in. He felt a wave of embarrassment creep over him, but then he quickly got over it. This wasn’t about being the cocky sonofabitch he’d once been. The man who thought he could leave this woman over and over again without any repercussions.

  This was about him turning the page and being not the man he thought he needed to be. But the man Nor needed him to be instead.

  That man had a bad leg. And an almost two-hour drive into the mountains wasn’t something he was physically able to do without a lot of pain. He wondered how she would process that.

  “Weird, huh?” he finally said.

  She nodded. But she smiled a little. “It’s probably something you never knew about me.”

  “What?” he asked. He hated the idea that there was anything he hadn’t known about her.

  “Well, the truth is I really love to drive. It’s like one of my more favorite things. And this baby handles curves in the road like a man’s hand on a woman.”

  Max barked out a laugh. “Why did you never tell me?”

  She gave him a look that said he should know better.

  “Right. I probably would have insisted. Still...something I didn’t know about Nor Harper. I like it.”

  She smiled again, and he thought maybe she liked that, too.

  Chapter Seven

  “SO WHAT DID Selena mean about spending all your money?”

  The road stretched out before them. It was dark, but Eleanor had no problem navigating the familiar roads out of the city until they had finally reached the highway. She was still reeling a little from the fact that she was the one driving.

  It made sense, of course. His leg hurt, so she should be the one driving. But deep down she knew it was so much more than that. Max had acknowledged a weakness in front of her.

  Eleanor tried to think back to their years together. Had he ever done that?

  She didn’t think so.

  “Nor?” he asked again, reminding her that there had been a question.

  “Oh. That. We decided to move ahead with our plans for expansion. It’s a pretty big risk, and we took out a significant loan. Now we have to hope it pays off. For the foreseeable future, however, financially speaking, we’re a little vulnerable. It’s the first time it’s been like this. So far, it’s all been about organic growth. This is the first time we’re taking matters into our own hands. It’s scary and thrilling and—” She glanced over at him. “And I’m boring you to tears?”

  “No, not at all. I’m fascinated. I want to know every minute of your life that’s happened in the past few years. I don’t want you to skip any of it.”

  She wasn’t surprised by his sincerity. It made sense for a man who had been disconnected from his life, now permanently disconnected from his family, to want to find comfort in something familiar. Someone familiar.

  “Max, I know you think this trip is about some kind of reunion. I even understand why. You must be terribly unmoored.”

  “Unmoored,” he repeated thoughtfully.

  “But you have to understand we can’t go back to what we were. It’s not possible.”

  “I don’t want to go back. I was a selfish ass then. I want to go forward. So let’s do this another way. I don’t want to know everything that’s happened to you in the past few years so I can catch up. I want to know everything that’s happened to you, so that I can get to know Eleanor Harper. A woman I would like to get to know.”

  Eleanor didn’t say anything. She knew she had to be careful with Max. He was charming at the worst of times. So easily able to get past her defenses when she wasn’t on guard.

  Because you love him.

  No! Loved him. Past tense.

  “There isn’t much in my life beyond the company.”

  “How did you get started?”

  “I came back home after...well, after. We had subleased our apartment, so my only option was to stay with Mom in Nebraska.”

  Max barked out a laugh. “Once again necessity is the mother of invention. You were desperate to get out of the house, so you were forced to come up with a brilliant business idea.”

  Eleanor chuckled. “Something like that. There are only so many times you can hear I told you so before your choices whittle down to murder or escape. I didn’t want to go to jail for murdering my mother, so...”

  “Head to Toe was born.”

  “I liked to shop for you. I always did. You hated it, and you were awful at it. Anytime I said you needed a new shirt or pants you were sure to come home with something dreadful. And I know it didn’t matter to you, but as your wife...it mattered to me how you looked. I thought of all the men out there in the world who don’t have someone to tell them what matches nicely, what doesn’t. What’s new in clothing trends, what’s out. I happened to be in the mall, and I guess I was feeling sad, knowing I would never shop for you again. I found myself in the men’s section looking at ties, and this poor young man walked up to me desperate for help. He had an important job interview, and could I help him put together a decent outfit. He must have thought I worked for the store, but I didn’t hesitate. I took in his hair, his coloring and sent him out of the store in a guaranteed job-winning suit, shirt and tie.”

  “Did you ever find out if he got the job?”

  Eleanor shook her head. “It didn’t matter. I just knew it was something I could do. I was a business major. I had the basic concept of what I wanted to do. The rest was a matter of rolling up my sleeves and getting down to work.”

  “And Selena?”

  “She was my first hire. She’s got great instincts when it comes both to clothes and business.”

  “You called her your number two,” Max pointed out. “Does that mean she’s a partner?”

  Eleanor shook her head. “No. It’s all mine. She works for a salary. I think if we grow, though, she’ll eventually want a piece for herself. I’m considering letting her opt in, but only for a third of the company.”

  “You always did like to be in control,” Max said, resting his head against the car seat even as he tried to stretch. She saw in her periphery vision he was rubbing his right leg again.

  “Except with you,” Eleanor said quietly. “Never with you.”

  Reason 1,952 why she shouldn’t spend one second allowing herself to even consider giving Max a second chance. Their dynamic had been too lopsided for her. For him, too, she eventually came to learn.

  He’d always been the one in charge. She’d tolerated it because she’d loved him so damn much. That as much as he could make her crazy, he also made her happy.

  It couldn’t be the same now. As the owner of her own business, she knew instinctively she’d be less likely to put herself second to his every wish.

  She couldn’t imagine he would deal well with that. Then again, she couldn’t fathom a scenario in which he would let her drive him, either.

  “It would be different, Nor,” he
said as if reading her mind. His face was turned toward her, but she kept her eyes on the road. She found that the less time she spent actually looking into his face and his eyes, remembering everything that they had shared, was healthier for her.

  “You say that...”

  “I know it. You don’t spend over two years in what amounts to solitary confinement not looking at your life and studying it. The mistakes you made. The paths you took that steered you off course. I know where I went wrong, and I know what I have to do to fix it. All I’m asking for is a chance.”

  Eleanor shook her head. “It’s impossible. We should focus on the reality of our situation and moving forward.”

  “A divorce,” Max said harshly.

  “It only makes sense.” She said it, and she knew it did make sense, but the word still grated. “Did you ever sign the papers I sent to you?”

  “No,” he said dully. “I tossed them in the trash.”

  At the time she’d wanted to make sure she had started the process so he would know how serious she was. So that when he came running after her, as she’d been so convinced he would, she would be prepared. Then, of course, he’d been dead, and there had been no need to do anything else to try to finalize the divorce.

  Legally, she was single again.

  Only now, he wasn’t dead and she wasn’t single. She looked over at him again, and she was struck by his profile. A profile she’d memorized every line and dip of. She’d memorized the sound of him breathing, the flicker of him blinking.

  He was alive.

  Her heart started to pound in her chest, and she took a few deep—and quiet, she hoped—breaths to steady herself.

  After a time he asked, “What kind of divorced couple would we be?”

  It took her a second to process the question. “Uh, a divorced one.”

  “No, I meant what would we be like. The kind who go their separate ways and never see each other again? Or the amicable kind who still like each other and get together for dinner or brunch once or twice a month?”

  Eleanor considered that. She couldn’t imagine never seeing Max Harper again. She’d done that. For more than two years. Now that there was an option, she didn’t want to do that again.