Married...Again

by Stephanie Doyle

  “Max and I had sex, and he thought I was still on the pill. Only I wasn’t. And...I didn’t take the day-after pill because...because...”

  “Because you didn’t,” Selena said knowingly. “Go find Max. Go have your fight. See where that takes you. Then we’ll deal with Daniel.”

  “What if he doesn’t want me back? I was such a bitch to him,” Eleanor whispered. That fear lingered. He’d hurt her so bad she’d been afraid to give him another chance. If she’d done the same to him, could she really hold that against him? And what if she was actually pregnant? God, she couldn’t even let herself think that.

  Would he believe she was coming back to him for any other reason?

  “Two years,” Selena reminded her. “But first, I would stop at a pharmacy and make sure you know the truth before you see him. Because that is going to be one hell of an explanation.”

  * * *

  IT WAS JUST after nine in the morning. The first rush of students had already gotten their morning coffee, so the small shop on campus was pretty empty when Max stepped through the door. He had class in another hour, but for now he planned to have a latte and read a book.

  The reading helped take his mind off Nor. Despite having been separated from her for the last two years, the past month being without her had been that much harder.

  Because he knew she was in Denver. Knew she was working behind her desk in her office. Knew that, if he wanted to, he could go see her again. Except, of course, he couldn’t.

  That would make him a creep and a stalker, and he had no plans of being either. He just wished he hadn’t been so smug in the idea that she would eventually realize she still loved him. What they had wasn’t something that went away. She’d admitted as much. But if he’d known how scarred she was, how afraid she was of getting hurt again, he would have bargained for a better deal.

  Something along the lines of two weeks in the cabin and then he would consider divorcing her. Or maybe two months.

  As it stood he still had the divorce papers at home, sitting on a desk. Untouched and unsigned. He’d told her attorney he needed time. Time to settle in Denver, find a place, find an attorney of his own to review the summons. The truth was he was just stalling for time.

  Time for Nor to change her mind. Only as each day passed, the fear started to creep back in. The fear he’d lived with for at least a year. That she would have already grieved him and now move on with her life. Find someone else, start a family. All things he knew he wouldn’t be able to overcome.

  Now he was starting to think her reluctance to give him a real chance was also something he couldn’t overcome.

  There was small comfort to be had in knowing she wasn’t pressing for the divorce. There was also some comfort to be had from the fact that he’d seen a shot of Daniel on TV the other night going to some big-time, celebrity charity event downtown.

  There had been another woman on his arm.

  A tall blonde who wasn’t half as interesting to look at as Nor was, but Max thought it was a good sign she hadn’t gone back to dating the man she had been seeing.

  The girl behind the counter handed him his drink, and Max took a seat in the back. Coffee. A book. Like every other joy in his life, something he’d taken for granted.

  He heard the door to the shop open, but he didn’t look up. It wasn’t until he felt the presence of someone approaching him that he lifted his gaze...and froze.

  Vaguely he wondered if there was ever going to be a time when seeing her didn’t take his breath away.

  Nor looked different today. Tired, a little disheveled in jeans and an old T-shirt. Nowhere close to the boss lady in her suit of armor. She had dark half circles under her eyes as if she hadn’t been sleeping, and there was a faint tightness to her lips that he took as a sign of discomfort.

  There wasn’t an expression on her face he hadn’t memorized.

  “Hi, Max.”

  “I know why you’re here,” he said, thinking about the papers on his desk. No doubt she’d come to call him out on his stalling, but it still didn’t take away from the fact that she’d come to see him. Could that mean there was hope?

  She certainly didn’t look like this past month had been any easier on her.

  “I doubt that,” she muttered. “Can I sit?”

  “Sure. Don’t take this the wrong way, you know I always think you’re beautiful, but are you feeling okay? You don’t look well.”

  “I’m...fine.”

  “How did you know where I was?”

  “I was on campus and got your schedule. I knew you had a ten o’clock, and I know you used to like coffee to chill out before class. We used to come here all the time when we were dating, so I took a chance.”

  She was right. It had made it harder coming back here. Where they had so many memories, but in a strange way it had given him some contentment, too. Like there was and always would be a connection between their lives.

  “Why aren’t you at work?”

  “Because I wanted to talk with you.”

  Talking was a good thing. Talking in person was something she didn’t have to do. She could do that through her lawyer. Still, the way she’d left things between them he didn’t want to get too excited. The split had felt permanent. In truth, he’d been crushed, and it wasn’t an experience he was looking forward to repeating.

  “About the divorce?” he asked. Ready to launch into a detailed explanation of why it was taking him so long to sign the damn papers.

  “No,” she said, but then seemed to fidget in her chair.

  “Can I get you something? A coffee...”

  “No. No, thank you. Uh, maybe...a water?”

  “Sure.” There was a water cooler set up on a table where the napkins and stirrers were. He filled a paper cup and brought it back to her. And watched as she took tiny sips.

  “Seriously, Nor. What’s the matter?”

  “I’m a little nauseous is all. The water helps.”

  “Are you sick? Is it the flu?” Was it something more serious? The thought struck him, and it was like he’d taken a bullet to his heart. “Nor. Tell me what it is. Now. You’re scaring the shit out of me.”

  Thoughts of cancer and chemo flew through this brain. Was that the reason she hadn’t wanted to give him a second chance? Because there was no second chance for her?

  If that was the case he would find a doctor and make one.

  She took a deep breath, and he knew that whatever she said next was going to change his life.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  He was right. It did.

  Chapter Sixteen

  THE BREATH RUSHED out of his chest. And it took him a few seconds to truly believe it. But it’s not as if she would lie about something this important.

  “Say it again,” he demanded.

  “I’m pregnant.”

  “You said it was probably bad timing,” he said slowly. Not sure what uncharted waters he was wading into. Was she happy about it, sad? She was telling him about it. So it wasn’t as if she’d planned to terminate the pregnancy.

  “I guess it wasn’t.”

  He nodded, taking it in. They had gone to the cabin, they had made love, she was pregnant, and now she was telling him.

  “Why do I feel like there is another shoe to drop?”

  Nor looked at him like he was crazy. “You want another bomb handed to you? I just told you I’m pregnant with your kid.”

  No, he didn’t need another shock. But he was still confused by what it all meant. His instinct was to pick her up, put her in his lap and rub circles on her lower back until she didn’t feel sick anymore. Then he wanted to take her back to his place and make love to her so that she would feel incredibly good instead. Then he would tear up the divorce papers, and they would stay married, have a family and live happily ever after.

>   He just knew it wasn’t going to be as simple as that.

  “Let’s start with the basics. I assume you want this baby.” She’d always wanted a baby. As angry at him, or afraid of him as she might be, he didn’t think there would be any circumstance where she wouldn’t want to keep the baby.

  She nodded.

  “So we’re going to be parents.” That felt good to say. Like suddenly there was this whole new connection that had just formed between them. There was no way from this point forward that they weren’t going to be part of each other’s lives.

  If he hadn’t thought it would have been incredibly immature, he might have made a fist pump. He was that giddy with happiness.

  “I take it that means you want to be a part of the kid’s life?” she asked him.

  “Of course,” he said, a little shocked at the question. Shocked in general by what was happening. “I’ve always wanted a child with you. We were going to discuss it when I came back...”

  Her lips thinned. Max knew it probably was not the best idea to remind her of the fight they had before he left. He reached across the table and settled his hand over hers.

  “Nor, I have done everything wrong. Wrong when I left, wrong when I came back. But this is you and me, and we’re going to have a baby. Something we both wanted. There is a whole lot of right in that.”

  She nodded slowly. “I don’t really know where to go from here.”

  “Move in with me. Or I move in with you. It doesn’t have to be...it doesn’t have to be about us getting back together. But it does have to be about me being allowed to take care of you while you’re pregnant.”

  She didn’t immediately say no. Max thought that alone was a victory.

  “I don’t know, Max. This all seems so sudden—”

  “Have you missed me? Not in the past two plus years, but in the past few weeks? Has it been harder for you knowing you might run into me in a damn grocery store someday?”

  She nodded.

  And there it was. The hope he was trying to contain.

  “Okay,” he said trying to be cautiously aggressive. “I get this. You thought it would be better to walk away. For a lot of different reasons. But now you’re pregnant, and there is no changing that. We’re connected. Which means we need to find a way to move forward.”

  “I agree. But don’t you see how this just complicates everything even more? How are you going to know if I want to move forward because of you or for the baby?”

  Max took it as a good sign that she was even worried about that. That she was actually concerned about his feelings in all of this.

  He wanted a life with her. Any way he could have it. But he knew if he told her that, it would be too much for her to take. A miracle and, well, lack of birth control had given him a third chance with Nor. Something he never thought he would get.

  He needed to be smarter about it this time around.

  “Then let’s not tackle the complicated questions right now. Let’s start with you and me sharing some space. Not a bedroom. Just living together to help get ready for when the baby comes.”

  “Okay. I guess that makes sense. We can just be together and not worry about our relationship per se.”

  “Absolutely,” Max lied. Because he planned to spend every day he had with her convincing her that he could make her happy. That had everything to do with their relationship.

  “Okay. I have a condo close to downtown...”

  “That works. I just have an apartment I was renting month to month until I decided on something more permanent. Give me your address. After class, I’ll go pack up my things. As you can imagine, there isn’t much. Then we will just take things super slow. No concern about anything other than making sure you’re looked after properly.”

  “I’m sorry,” she said shrugging. “I didn’t mean to put you through so much...turmoil.”

  “If you come with the turmoil, I’ll take it.”

  * * *

  ELEANOR WATCHED AS Max dropped his bag by the foyer. The place had been new construction a year ago when Eleanor had decided to take the risk on the pricey mortgage. It was just as Head to Toe was beginning to turn a real profit with no end in sight.

  Funny, right now she could barely think of the business. She was under a threat from a heavy-duty corporate investor, she’d taken on expansion that was making her vulnerable. Every cell in her brain should have been filled with the company she had started, but instead, all she really wanted was to lie down, maybe have Max bring her some tea, then take a nap.

  It’s what he’d always done when she wasn’t feeling well.

  “Wow. Fancy.”

  It was a nice, modern place. High ceilings. Open floor plan. The opposite of their first cramped apartment. The tiny house in Norway, too, for that matter.

  She tried to show him around, but he seemed to get lost in the details. Every picture on her wall he studied. Photos from her life. Some he would remember. Others would be new. He lingered on those even longer.

  “This is Selena,” he said pointing to the one picture. It had been of the two of them popping a bottle of champagne when they’d passed one thousand customers. It had been a good day.

  “Yes. She’s really been through it all with me. Not just a great employee but a good friend, too.”

  “Then I like her.”

  “I think she kind of likes you, too.” Eleanor smiled. “She was the one to convince me that maybe...I had acted too quickly. You know...with the whole divorce thing.”

  “Then I love her.”

  Eleanor snorted. “Grab your bag. I’ll show you to your room.”

  He complied and slung his duffel over his shoulder. Funny, it was a sight that always used to make her sad, because it meant he was leaving. This was so much the very opposite of leaving.

  She opened the door to the guest room. “The bed should be comfortable. Mom says it is, anyway. The few times she’d been here,” she said. “The bathroom is connected through that door. I have my own, so you don’t have to worry about walking in on me.”

  “Because you don’t like that,” he said, his mouth quirked.

  “Correct.”

  “Have you told your mother yet?”

  Eleanor shook her head. “I’ve just barely had time to process it. I kind of wanted to just have it to myself for a little while. Also, I thought you should really be the first to know. Now I’ll tell her and Allie, but it doesn’t have to be today.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’m not stalling, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m just... There is a lot going on right now. With everything.”

  “Nor, I’m not judging. It’s your news to share when you’re ready. I’m here only for support. Got it?”

  Support. It would certainly be a change for them. When they were married and his work had taken priority. It had been her job to support him until she’d stopped doing that.

  She wondered how it would feel to be the one who was supported. She wondered how he would feel taking a back seat to her job. And then she wondered again, what it would feel like to have that support jerked out from underneath her.

  So much of what they had done to each other was unfair.

  And climbing over that gaping ravine of regret seemed impossible unless you believed nothing was impossible when it came to love. Eleanor rubbed her hand over her belly, thinking about the bean inside. Such a tiny thing right now, but, just maybe, it would be responsible for making miracles happen.

  “I’ll let you get settled then.”

  “Yep.”

  She closed the door behind her and made her way downstairs, wondering if she’d just made the biggest mistake of her life.

  Or the best decision ever. Only time would tell.

  * * *

  A FEW DAYS LATER, Max was in the kitchen chopping peppers when he h
eard the front door open. He checked the clock and saw it was close to eight. Which he supposed was better than last night when she’d gotten home after nine. He was determined not to say anything. He was absolutely not going to be one of those men who didn’t understand the demands of running a successful company.

  If he was concerned, it was only because she looked so exhausted each night when she came home. To give her a little incentive tonight, he’d let her know he’d picked up groceries for dinner and was going to be cooking. So she texted him to let him know when she was on her way. Everything had been prepped, so all he had to do was toss it in the skillet with some of the garlic sauce he’d picked up and dinner would be ready.

  She dropped her purse and kicked off her heels and made her way to the kitchen where he’d already poured her a cold glass of water. It seemed to be the only thing she could drink.

  She smiled slowly when she took in his apron.

  “Kiss the Cook?”

  “If you insist,” he teased her. He’d picked the thing up just for the stupid joke. Anything that might make her smile.

  Because the one thing he’d learned in the three days of living with her was that Nor carried the stress of the world on her shoulders. Between him, her job, the baby that was messing with her body and the family she still had to tell, there was not enough plain happy in her day.

  Max figured if he was going to have a chance of winning her back, he would need to bring the happy as well as the support.

  “I think kissing would complicate things,” she said seriously.

  “See, and I think kissing would feel good. But since I would need your cooperation, I’ll have to defer to your thoughts on the matter.”

  “Max, are you flirting with me?”

  He smiled. “Yes. There was nothing in the rule book about not being able to do that.”

  Eleanor eyed him warily.

  “Why don’t you go up and get comfortable? Dinner will be ready in a few.”

  She cocked her head at him. “You know, you really don’t have to cook every night.”