Sidelines (Wounded Hearts #1)

by S. M. Smith

  “We’re not under any tornado warnings or anything?” I stand and pick up my mug, waiting for him to answer as I wipe the tears from my eyes.

  “No, just a thunderstorm.”

  “Okay, I’m going to bed then. Good night, Logan.”

  I turn and cross the kitchen quickly, placing my mug in the sink on my way out.

  “Good night, Allie.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Branches and twigs lay haphazardly all over the patio and yard the next morning when I take my coffee outside. I missed the boys and Logan for breakfast intentionally, not ready to see him after our conversation last night and worked so hard in the gym that I’m sure I’ll be sore soon. Logan’s words won’t stop playing on a loop in my brain and I desperately need to get my bearings for this crazy day.

  My phone pings a message and I can’t help but get a little excited. The last couple of days have really played hard on my heart and seeing a familiar face has me more excited than a rookie starting in his first pro game. A few moments later, my arms wrap around Alec who returns my hug in full force.

  “You look good, girl. The country agrees with you.” Alec leans back and squints in the harsh morning sun.

  “I’ve gotten some down time. It’s been…nice.”

  “Hmmm…you don’t sound like you’re really enjoying your time here. What’s wrong?” He lifts the hatch to his rental and starts pulling out equipment and handing it to me.

  “Nothing’s really wrong, just…” At that moment, Logan appears out of the corner of my eye and I can’t help the sigh that escapes.

  “Oh, Allie.” Alec’s tender reprimand tells me that we’ve worked too long together for me to successfully hide anything from him. “Please tell me you’re not falling for your subject.” I can’t tell if Logan heard him or not, but he’s approaching us so quickly that I know he’d hear my response, so instead of answering, I plaster on a strained smile and introduce the two men to each other.

  “We met, actually. Your interview at the studio.” Alec pumps Logan’s hand exuberantly.

  “I remember. It’s good to see you again.” Logan’s polite manners grind on my raw nerves this morning. I clearly haven’t consumed enough coffee yet.

  “Oh, Allie. Before I forget!” Alec spins with his camera bag in one hand and reaches for the passenger door. When he pulls out a beautiful arrangement of the brightest color of daisies, my heart breaks wide open. “I’m supposed to tell you that he’s sorry for being early, but it was the only way he knew to get them to you.”

  I take the arrangement and feel a tear slip down my cheek. Walt has been sending me a different bouquet of flowers for my birthday every year since I moved in with them. I’m always so busy that even I forget that my birthday is coming up, but he never does.

  “They’re pretty,” Logan states quietly, a hint of curiosity and maybe some concern in there somewhere.

  “He had me pick them up this morning from a shop in town. Great service you guys have here,” Alec continues vaguely. Logan nods with a tight smile, but those prying eyes give him away.

  “They’re from Walt. Tomorrow’s my birthday. He always sends me flowers for my birthday.” Relief floods over Logan and I’m not the only one who notices it. Alec glances between us, putting two and two together and getting a higher sum that what is really there.

  Trying to distract him, I turn him toward the house and loop my arm through his. “Come on. I have some great ideas for this shoot.”

  ***

  Three hours and about four wardrobe changes later, what little patience Logan might have had for Alec and me is starting to wane. Emma showed up shortly after we got started, claiming that as his future publicist she needs to be around for such things to ensure Logan is putting his best foot forward. But really, I can’t decide if she came to watch her brother get bossed around by Alec and me and have his picture taken two million times, or if she came to make sure this shoot goes better than the interview. Either way, I’m glad she’s here to help keep me distracted.

  “Why didn’t you tell us your birthday is tomorrow?” she berates me for the tenth time as her fingers fly over the keyboard of her phone.

  “Because even I forgot.” She gives me a stunned look, stopping her seemingly important conversation with whoever she’s been texting.

  “How do you forget your birthday? I’m dropping gift hints and party ideas to Owen and Lucy a full month in advance. They both need it. They’re terrible party planners.”

  Although her comment makes me smile, it still stings. “Well, I don’t really celebrate my birthday much.”

  “Like at all?” We follow Alec and Logan back inside to get a few shots of him making one of his horrendous looking smoothies. When Logan’s head tilts just the slightest toward us, I know he’s started eavesdropping on our conversation. Alec must have too because he laughs out loud.

  “Allie never celebrates anything. She’s like a machine.”

  Normally, I’d take praise like that for what it’s worth, but today, today I just resent it.

  “I’m not a machine. I just don’t normally have any reason to celebrate.”

  “Um, how about your existence! We’re celebrating,” Emma states matter-of-factly, as if I have no say whatsoever.

  “We don’t need to celebrate. Logan and I are leaving for San Antonio in a couple of nights and I need to get more of the article put together. I need to get quotes from the rest of your family and once Alec gets done editing these photos, I have to start the layout. I have so much work to do and not much time left here. We don’t need to celebrate.”

  Alec gives Logan an “I told you so” look and Emma scoffs at me as if I just told her I don’t like puppies and ice cream. She turns her gaping look to Logan, who subtly nods at her and before I can protest his assent, she scurries off on a mission.

  “Please don’t—” I start to protest, but Logan cuts me off.

  “I’m kind of in the middle of something, Allie. We can discuss this later, if you’d like.” He turns back to the bunch of bananas in front of him and peels one. “Is she always this stubborn?” he asks Alec, a complacent look plastered over his face.

  “You have no idea.” Alec’s nonchalant comment makes Logan smile a full mega-watt smile and the homesickness comes rushing back to me.

  I leave the two boys to finish making Logan’s gross concoction while I make a quick call to Walt.

  “Hey, kid,” he answers almost immediately. “Did you get my flowers?”

  “I did. They’re really pretty, Walt. Thank you.”

  “For you, anything. How is the shoot going?” His words start to strain and before the last one is out of his mouth, he breaks out in to a coughing fit. Worried, I wait to answer until he’s calmed back down.

  “It’s going. Are you okay? That sounds like an awfully nasty cough.”

  “Aw, I’m fine, Allie Cat. Just got a little tickle in my throat.” Another round of hacking up a lung and I’m not so convinced.

  “Walt, I know what I want for my birthday.”

  “Really? What is it?”

  “For you to go see the doctor. I don’t like the sound of that cough and I would feel better knowing Dr. Estes has had a look at you.”

  “Aw, Allie, I told you. I’m fine.”

  “And I don’t believe you. Please. For me?”

  “Alright. I’ll put a call in to his office in a bit. Sound good?”

  “Sounds great. I love you, Walt.”

  “I love you too, kid. That Logan got anything good planned for you tonight and tomorrow?”

  I turn around and see Logan and Alec cracking up about something, Logan’s earlier irritation long gone. When Logan’s dancing eyes find mine, a contented smile settles on his face.

  “I don’t know, Walt. I’m not sure I’d be up for celebrating even if he did though.”

  “Allie, I’m only going to say this once this year, so listen up, kid. You’re not ancient like me. You’re not dying and you�
��re not some leper who needs to be quarantined. Go out. Have some fun and live a little. Lord knows you deserve it.”

  Yeah, well Lord knows Maggie didn’t deserve what she got, so I think we can all agree Lord’s not always fair.

  “Yeah, okay, Walt. I gotta go. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Sounds good, Allie Cat. Have a great birthday, kid. Can’t wait to see your pretty face again.”

  “Thanks. I’ll be home in a week and a half. And you better believe that if you haven’t seen the doc by then, I’ll be more than happy to let the cute nurses at the hospital inject all necessary medication into your pasty old butt.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Can’t you cut an old guy a break, kid?”

  “Not when it comes to your health.”

  “Oh, Allie. I’m not going anywhere, honey.”

  “You don’t know that. Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself, please.”

  “Done deal, kid. I love you.”

  “Love you too. Thanks again for my flowers.”

  “Any time. Bye.”

  Once the line disconnects, my heart continues to slowly fall. I’d give anything to have another birthday dinner at home where Maggie makes me a plate of her famous eggplant parmesan and a delicious pan of brownies. But she’s no longer around to whip up a delicious dinner, and work once again comes first, Allie second.

  “Allie!” Emma’s svelte figure steps out of the foyer and into the living room, her phone stuck to her ear, an excited air about her that makes her eyes sparkle. “Chocolate cake with chocolate icing or strawberry cheesecake.”

  “Seriously, you don’t have to do this.”

  “Chocolate cake, Mom…No, I’ll check with Logan though…Okay. I’ll call you back.”

  “Your mother does not need to make me a chocolate cake,” I tell a beaming Emma. She’s in her element but all the attention on me makes me want to curl up in my room and hide for the next 36 hours.

  “Stop fussing about it, Allie, and embrace it. Look forward to it. Her cakes are to die for.” I follow her back into the kitchen to find Alec packing up his equipment, a smug look on his face.

  “I have half a mind to make you stay and endure all this with me.” Crossing my arms, I lean against the counter beside him while he chuckles.

  “You know I’d love to, but I’m supposed to be in Montreal by this time tomorrow. I’ll have the edited shot to you by end of day tomorrow though.”

  “No rush. Apparently we’re celebrating my existence tomorrow.” Alec watches Logan and his sister over my shoulder and shakes his head in pleasant disbelief.

  “Allie, listen to me. Logan’s a good guy. One of the best I’ve ever met. But you need to be careful here. Everyone is excited about Logan’s story and rumors are already starting to fly around why he chose you to write it. Just…just promise me you’re being careful.” The strained look on Alec’s face reminds me that regardless of how I might feel, I have a professional image to keep. It’s just the reminder I need to keep my head in the game.

  “I promise, Alec. Nothing is going on, regardless of any impressions he or I may have given you.”

  He chokes on his laugh. “Oh, Allie, darling, there is most definitely something going on. Anyone can see that. Just make sure that you’re prepared for the consequences. Because no matter how hard we try to fight it, what will happen will happen and all we can do is sit back and enjoy the ride.”

  ***

  “I really don’t need a party or anything,” I tell Logan after he sees his sister off. A small smile tugs at his face as he washes his hands and starts pulling out stuff to make sandwiches.

  “I know you don’t need one, but my sister would like to put one together for you.” He doesn’t need to turn around to face me for the guilt to start piling on.

  “But if you asked her not to—”

  “Allie. Let her do this. You’ve made quite the impression on my family and they’d be heartbroken if you didn’t allow them to do this for you.”

  I want to continue to fight him but I know I’ll just lose, so I decide to move on to another topic.

  “So, I’m getting a tour of the ranch this afternoon. I got my jeans and my shnazzy new boots on. Anything else you require before I venture out onto the last frontier?”

  He rolls his eyes and offers me the sandwich he just constructed. I take it and watch as he immediately starts putting everything away. “Aren’t you going to eat as well?”

  “I had a smoothie. And no, you’re good. Question, though. Have you ever ridden on a horse before?”

  “Um, no.” I take a bite of the sandwich, flattered that he went through the effort to make it for me specifically. He finishes putting the last of the ingredients away and leans against the counter next to the stove, his bulky arms folding over the vintage style Rattlers shirt Alec had him change into last.

  “Okay, we’ll take the four-wheeler then,” he states casually, but my insides pick up in excitement.

  “A four-wheeler! You didn’t tell me you had a four-wheeler.” His amusement at my excitement makes him look way too cute for his own good.

  “I take it you like four-wheeling.”

  “I haven’t gone since Danny took me to meet his family, but yeah. I loved it.” The mention of Danny makes the muscles in Logan’s jaw spasm. “Do I get my own?”

  Logan’s eyes narrow. “No.”

  “Do I get to at least drive then?”

  “No.”

  “What if I play the birthday card?”

  Logan’s serious look slips for just a second. “Only if you let my sister throw you a birthday party.”

  The decision is a tough one, but I feel the tug of freedom to roam a wide open space with the wind in my face and all the drama of the last few days behind me, and I can’t help but immediately give in.

  “Okay, consider the birthday card played.”

  Logan smirks and pushes off the counter, taking the few steps between us so quickly and getting so up in my business that it takes my breath away. His smirk grows when he reaches for the plate on the counter in front of me. “We’ll see.”

  ***

  Logan’s too good at being a tease. And I’m ashamed to say I’m sulking. He didn’t give me free reign of the ATV. At least not like I had expected. He did let me drive, but because of the free range the cows have and the harm it would cause them to get spooked by the blaring of the vehicle, my worries chase me around the property like a mediocre defensive back. By the time Logan guides me around the ranch, he needs to help Joe and Travis finish moving a herd from one section of the pasture to another. Watching them direct cattle traffic is pretty amusing to watch, especially when a calf and Travis go head to head and Travis goes sliding onto his butt. My laughing did little to entertain Logan though, who just seemed to want to get the drive over with. When the last stubborn calf was locked into the new pasture, Logan turns a tired but grateful look my way.

  “You ready to head back?” I ask, expecting him to be ready to call it a night.

  “Nah, I have to help Travis with a few more things before I’m done. You can head back to the house, though if you’ve got things to do.” He rubs the back of his neck and judging by the darkening under his eyes, I think it’s safe to say he hasn’t been getting much sleep lately either. Despite my reservations about our heavy conversation last night, I feel the need to stick around for a bit longer.

  “Anything I can help with?” He looks up at me through his lashes and smiles timidly.

  “You want to help out with work in the stables?”

  I shrug. “Why not?”

  Logan takes a minute to think this through, but must decide that my assistance is worth more than arguing with me. He climbs onto the back of the four-wheeler, his warm legs brushing up against my thighs and sending flutters to the pit of my stomach. He points in the direction of the stables and leans back to hold onto the cargo railings while we cross the field. He doesn’t say anything and he doesn’t move the entire trip back, b
ut I can feel his body tensing up as we inch our way toward the stable. The tension that has lingered between us since the dance stretches like a worn rubber band and at some point it’s going to break. And without a doubt, I know the backlash from it will more than just bruise me.

  The second we reach the stables, Logan hops off the back and holds a hand out to help me climb off the ATV. He doesn’t say much as we make our way inside. Grabbing a couple of work brooms, he hands one to me and shows me the stables that need swept out. We start in different stalls, working in the thickening silence, and I’m sad to say I start taking some of my stress out on the poor broom and stable floor. Before I know it, I’ve swept through three stalls before Logan can get his second one done.

  “Can I ask you a question?” His sobering tone causes all my muscles to stiffen.

  “Depends.”

  He stops moving, too, and leans on the handle of his broom. He glances at the floor, clearly unsure if he should ask or not. “I can’t get the other day out of my head. Sunday.”

  At first, my mind drifts to the dance and being wrapped up in our own moments, but then the church services pokes at those somewhat pleasant memories. Judging by the rigidity of his features, I’m guessing that’s the part that has been consuming his thoughts. For some reason that hurts.

  “And?”

  “Well, I would completely understand if you didn’t want to talk about it, but…”

  “You want to know what upset me Sunday morning.”

  His eyes pin me but immediately soften.

  “You have to understand, I—of all people—get it. I just…I watched you all but writhe in pain and it…it broke my heart, Allie.”

  The pain he speaks of creeps toward the surface and I feel my defenses spiking up, erecting walls in a heartbeat.

  “It’s nothing that you need to be worried about, Logan. The past is in the past, where it needs to be.”

  “But I don’t think it really is in the past. It clearly is still affecting you—”