Tarnished

by Erica Chilson

  “Young Mr. Kennedy, we’re waiting.”

  “Rip the Band-Aid. Wish I’d thought of a cupcake. Maybe a hand grenade.” After muttering to himself, shifting on the love seat, staring at Kade for moral support, Brennan takes in a big gulp of air and releases it in a gust. “Jesse’s pregnant.”

  Several gasps light around the room, but no one asks who the father is. Hayley’s, “Oh, another baby! YAY!” has me acting without thought.

  “Kids, we need to have an adult conversation. Go upstairs and play.”

  “Ah, do we have to?” Hayden whines.

  “You can take the bears with you.”

  Scooping them up into his arms, Hayden marches up the stairs like he weighs nine thousand pounds, with Hayley picking up the teddy bears he drops along the way.

  Once the kids are out of earshot, it’s a relief that this is something I can take charge of. We don’t need Dr. Cassidy to intervene. This is a job only a father can perform for his son, especially when it’s a mistake he’s already learned from.

  “NO!” I state so strongly the single word borders on violence. Bren starts to speak but I don’t let him. “No. Absolutely not. No.”

  “But I love–”

  “But I love Jessica is what you were going to say. We already know it. She’s been one of your best friends since kindergarten.” I put my hand up when Bren starts to balk. “You love Jessica like I loved your mother. I get it. But no.”

  “Why the hell not?” Bren lunges to his feet, furious. “I’m a grown fucking man! I’m going to take responsibility for my child, so I don’t have to deal with a bullshit intervention in the future. I don’t want to be an every other weekend dad who pays child support while Jessica flounders. I want my baby every day. Give me some credit, Dad.”

  “I want more for you, son.” I shake my head sadly. “So much more. Don’t you get that?”

  “Apparently not!” Bren shouts, flabbergasted. “I’m going to marry Jessica, Dad. I’m going to marry her. I’m going to love her. I’m going to take care of her and our children.”

  “And you won’t be happy,” I remind him. “No, don’t shake your head at me. You won’t be. You have to hear me out.”

  Standing over my seated form, Bren speaks to me in a way he never has before. He bellows at me, losing his temper. “No, you have to hear me!”

  Feeling gutted, I admit the truth. “Brennan, I loved your mother with all my heart. I miss her like crazy every single day. She was my best friend, and I wouldn’t trade a second I had with her for anything. But there are different kinds of love… If your mother had been alive when I met Willa, I can’t make any promises I would have remained faithful.”

  “What the fuck?” hisses out from between Kaden’s lips. “Oh, shit. Royce. Don’t go there.”

  “I loved your mom, but I was never in love with her, and there is a difference. I’m sorry that I have to tell you that, son.” I clutch my chest– the ache unbearable.

  “Dad?” My words hurt Brennan, but he’s finally hearing me through the haze of anger.

  “I’m not saying I love Willa more. I’m saying it’s different. Different like how I feel about Donny and you kids. How I even love Jackson and Francis– Jessica. Because I watched them grow up beside you. But it’s not the same thing.”

  Taking a deep breath, I wipe the tears from my eyes with the back of my wrist. “So much for shutting up so I don’t open anymore therapy avenues,” I mutter sarcastically. “I would have lived my entire life in ignorant bliss with your mother. We would have had a basketball team full of kids, and we would have died happy in our old age. But you are not ignorant.”

  Baffled, Bren takes a few steps back, and then falls onto the loveseat. “What the hell does love have to do with an education?”

  “It doesn’t,” I twist my words. “I know you and Jessica love each other, and right now Jesse is on board because she’s ignorant to how it could be. But you both deserve more. I know she likes girls and she doesn’t think she’ll ever find one. Maybe she wants to be a wife and mother, and she found this great guy who she can love– a guy who takes the loneliness away and loves her in a different way than she loves him.”

  With narrowed eyes, Brennan lunges to his feet like he wants to murder me because he doesn’t want to hear the truth. I don’t flinch. I pour it all out there, wishing someone would have done this for me when I was his age. No matter how hard Bren tries to evade my eyes, I don’t allow it. He will look me in the eyes and see that I speak the truth.

  “But the thing is, you’re not ignorant. I can tell by the pained expression on your face that you get what I mean by comparing your momma and Willa. If you’d never met Jack, and if Jessica never meets a girl who will rock her world, you could die happy in ignorant bliss because you do love each other. You’re just not in love. But it’s too late because you’ve already met Jack, and I can tell you’ve already had a taste.”

  My son turns his back to me, refusing to look me in the eye, and I ache for him. “I bet you’ve had more than a taste. I bet it happened after you committed to Jessica. Probably last night. Jack is on his way to school right now with a broken heart, isn’t he?”

  “I had no other choice.” Bren’s voice warps from defiant to devastated. “My kid will come first. You taught me that.”

  Ignoring the dig that this is my fault, I soldier forth. “You can tell yourself that you’ll be faithful, but it’s impossible. You can tuck that boy in his dorm room far from your reach, but you’ll still miss him and ache for him. You can have your brother make sure Jack doesn’t shake his ass at every guy he meets to take the pain away. But then you’ll get a whiff of it and get jealous, and you’ll break your vows to your wife.”

  “I won’t! I won’t cheat,” Bren vows, but I can tell even he doesn’t believe it because he undoubtedly already has.

  “Someday, could be next month or ten years from now, Jessica will make a new friend because she can’t play pretend anymore. There’ll be a spark with this woman and your marriage will fall apart. It will hurt your children more than if you would’ve just started a healthy routine and parental relationship from the start. Just be friends raising your child, that’s all I’m saying. You both deserve what will make you happy.”

  “It’s not gonna be like that for me and Jesse!” Bren’s false outrage warps into a whine. “It’s not!”

  “Bullshit.” I finally admit the truth. “My brother is my best friend– without your momma, you and Donny were my whole world –and look what I did to him, Bren. Look!” I bark out sharply while pointing at Willa. “I can make excuses about an extortionist, but it doesn’t change the fact that even if Donny was in love with Willa, I would have actively tried to get into her pants. There was nothing on this planet that would have altered that fate, no matter how depraved it was.”

  “You wouldn’t have done that to Uncle Donny.” Bren has more confidence in me than he should.

  “I would. I did. He was my brother, not just a girl I’ve known since the sandbox.”

  Bren is purposely being stubborn for some reason, completely conflicting with the son I’ve always known. “Dad, Jessica and I are not the same as you and Willa.”

  “No, shit! I’m talking about you and Jack, dumbass.” I sigh in exasperation. “I’m stopping you from living an endless cycle of jealousy, hurt, and guilt and shame. Where Jack gets a boyfriend, and you snap. You both cheat with each other, say you love each other, and then leave because you feel responsible for Jessica’s happiness. Because that’s what’s gonna happen until you get your head out of your ass and think selfishly for yourself but selflessly for Jessica, Jack, and your unborn child. Just because it’s the moral thing to do, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing for you.”

  “Fuck,” Bren gasps out, choking on the single word.

  “I told you so,” Kade taunts, but he sounds like he’s going to be sick. “I told you to talk to Dad first. I tried to warn you but you wouldn’t listen.”


  “Because he’s doing what I knew he would do. He’s making my decisions for me, not letting me be my own man.”

  “You’re too young to be your own man,” flows in unison from Dr. Cassidy, Kade, Willa, and me. I finish it off with, “You’re too young, son. But you’re old enough to make mistakes. It’s my job as your father to share with you the wisdom I’ve learned from making mine.”

  “It’s too late for that,” Bren cries out, clutching at his chest. “Way too late.”

  “It’s never too late,” I whisper sadly. “Never.”

  “It is!” Bren shouts. “It is. I married Jessica this morning.”

  ___________

  Coming Soon

  Stainless

  Rusty Knob #3: Brennan Kennedy

  -Acknowledgements-

  A lot of work goes into writing a novel, and it isn’t just by the writer herself. My parents: for their unconditional support. My readers: thank you for reading my twisted words and spreading my books to the masses. For without you, no one would have ever heard of my stories. My readers are my lifeblood. A shout out to the members of the M&M of Restraint Group on Facebook: thanks for the endless entertainment and inspiration. Thank you to my street team: Erica Chilson’s Deviants! You guys ROCK! Wicked Reads: (in all its incarnations) Angela G., thank you for taking over and making Wicked Reads better than I could have done by myself. & thank you for helping promote my work and the work of other authors. Angela? Have I told you lately how much I appreciate you? A huge thank you to the Wicked Writer’s Betas for keeping me grounded and encouraging me to keep trudging along when I get frustrated. Your thoughts and observations are invaluable. ((Hugs)) Beta readers who worked on Rusty Knob: Kris D, Suz A, Darcy V, Di C, Angela G, Diane P, Jacki G, Linsey T, Alexis W, Alicia P, Billie Jo H, Shelby H, Tassie M, & Liz S. Someday, I’d love to meet you all in real life- it would be the experience of a lifetime.

  About the Author

  Erica Chilson does not write in the 3rd person, wanting her readers to be her characters. Therefore, writing a bio about herself is uncomfortable in the extreme.

  Born, raised, and here to stay, the Wicked Writer is a stump-jumper, a ridge-runner. Hailing from North Central Pennsylvania, directly on the New York State border; she loves the changes in seasons, the humid air, all the mountainous forest, and the gloomy atmosphere.

  Introverted, but not socially awkward, Erica prides herself on thinking first and filtering her speech. There are days she doesn’t speak at all. If it wasn’t for the fact that she lives with her parents, giving her a sense of reality, she would be a hermit, where the delivery man finds her months after expiration.

  Reading was an escape, a way to leave a not-so pleasant reality behind. Reading lent Erica the courage she gathered from the characters between the pages to long for a different life. Writing was an instrument of change, evolving Erica into the woman she is today– a better, more mature, more at peace thinker.

  Erica has a wicked mind, one she pours out into her creations. Her filter doesn’t allow all of it to erupt, much to her relief. Sarcastic, with a very dark, perverse sense of humor, Erica puts a bit of herself into every character she writes.

  Erica Chilson loves hearing from readers. If you would like more information on release dates, works in progress, teaser chapters, and random bits of madness...

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  Website: ericachilson.com

  Via email: wickedwriter.ericachilson@gmail.com

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