Somebody Else's Man

by Daaimah S. Poole

  “So what are you going to do?” Reshaun asked as she sat on my sofa.

  “I have no idea. It would take a Nicole, right?” I laughed, trying to make humor of my situation. “This is just so crazy, Reshaun. As soon as I think I got it all together, something like this has to happen. Never in a million years could I have thought up this shit.”

  “Right,” Reshaun said, agreeing.

  “I don’t know. It’s like I can’t believe either one of them. I’m just trying to figure out why Tia would wait until weeks before my wedding to tell me some shit like this. If she had something to say, she should have said it when I introduced them at the engagement dinner. Right? That would have made more sense than playing it off like she didn’t know him. Tia is the most fucked up person I know.”

  “You’re right.”

  “I mean, I cheated too. I’m not perfect. I got with Malcolm once. I mean, it happens. And I can accept he had somebody before me. But what scares me is that he might really still love her and want to be with her.”

  “I don’t think so. I think he was with her because he was used to being with her. And probably for his children.”

  “He said something like he was going down there for his kids, but that’s too hard to believe.”

  Suddenly, someone knocked on the door and we both jumped.

  “If it’s him or her, I’m not here,” I said as we both peeked out the window. It was my mother. I was so relieved. She motioned us to hurry up and open the door. Reshaun flipped open the lock and my mother came in.

  “So, is this wedding happening or what? Are you canceling? If we act fast enough, we can maybe get some of the deposit money back,” my mom said as she bust inside my house.

  “I still don’t know. I don’t know, Mom.”

  “It is not that hard. I wouldn’t be bothered with either one of them. After you fuck me, I’m done with you. But I don’t know about you. You got a lot of forgiveness in your heart, Nikki.”

  “No, I don’t. It’s just that I already mailed out the invitations.”

  “That don’t mean you have to still marry him. He ain’t the only man out here.”

  “How can I cancel the wedding? How do we get in touch with all those people and tell them not to show up?” I asked.

  “Easy. I can send out an e-mail and make some phone calls. You don’t have to go through with this if you don’t want to.”

  “I can help your mom with the calls and everything. You really don’t have to do this,” Reshaun added.

  “I just always knew it was something going on with that girl. She always had that bull dagger look in her eye,” my mom said out the clear blue. I looked over at Reshaun and we both began laughing and shaking our heads.

  “Mom, hold up on the calls and e-mails ’cause I really don’t know what I’m going to do yet.”

  “Whatever you decide, I will support you. Either way I am here for you. Make your own decision. Because no one has to live with this but you.”

  “She is so right, Nikki. Let me just say this—I know it is hard, but I tell you one thing, that man loves you more than anything. And you can’t let Tia walk up in here and ruin everything for you,” Reshaun said.

  “So I should trust him? He lied to me. He said he broke up with her. Oh, my God, I’m so confused. I wish this didn’t happen. Tia could have really kept this shit to herself.”

  “She should have,” my mother said, grabbing her purse and standing up.

  “I think Tia has changed, and she is not the same person anymore. Call me if you need me. I have to go,” Reshaun said as she kissed me on the cheek. “Be strong, girl. I know you’re gonna do the right thing.”

  When they left, I sat in my living room all alone. I didn’t answer the telephone or watch television. I just kind of meditated and went into a deep thought process. I was weighing all the possible scenarios in my mind. The shoulds and the shouldn’ts. Should I believe Tia, someone who had already done me wrong, or should I believe Dre, the man who came into my life and loved me the way no other man has ever done before? I had to make a decision and I had to make it fast.

  CHAPTER 30

  I didn’t have to give out an explanation. I made up my mind, the wedding was off. I was not marrying that man and that was my final answer.

  I dialed my mother and yelled, “Cancel everything. Everything! I’m not marrying him and I don’t care. Write a letter and sign my name. Say something like, ‘Sorry, there will not be a wedding. Thank you.’ Keep it short and sweet.”

  “Are you sure about this?”

  “Yes, Mom, I am sure.”

  “I don’t know, Nicole. Just think about it some more.”

  “There is nothing else to think about, Mom.”

  “So, you want me to cancel the bridal shower, too?”

  “Yes.”

  “Cancel the wedding, call everything off?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you’re sure?”

  “Positive. I’ve made up my mind and it is final.”

  Lolo took one long breath and said, “Okay.” I could hear her still talking before she hung up the phone, saying something about, “I don’t believe this shit.”

  If she couldn’t believe it, how did she think I felt about me and Dre’s future together being over in the blink of an eye? It was a hard decision to make, but it came down to honesty and trust. Dre was not truthful about our entire relationship. I do believe he loved me, but I wasn’t sure if he was over Jocelyn. And I was not marrying with all that doubt hanging over my head. I didn’t want the what-ifs to drive me crazy for the rest of my life. He had those two children and they were always going to be there. He was going to have to interact with their mother, and I didn’t want to be scared each time he dropped them off. No. I couldn’t live my life that way. He had been trying real hard to talk to me, but I didn’t have time for him. I had to handle him and all of this from afar. I felt so mortified and let down. I had a beautiful wedding dress, I’d mailed out invitations, and now I was not having a wedding. Did I really think I was going to walk down the aisle and get married, for real? Nope! Deep down, I knew something was going to happen before the wedding actually happened. That’s the kind of luck I have.

  Ms. Pam kept calling me, trying to plead Dre’s case, but there was nothing to talk about. And when she was not on my phone, Mercedes was. And my relationship with her was on the line too! Because although she had been trying to remain neutral, she had been grappling with her loyalty toward her brother, and lately she’d been speaking on Dre’s behalf. But it’s finally over. I wrote Dre a letter, listing all the reasons why I couldn’t marry him. I went to his house at three in the afternoon when I knew he wouldn’t be there. I ran up the steps with my two empty black suitcases and began filling them up with all the things I’d left behind. I took everything hanging up on my side of the closet. My shoes, my suits, dresses, belts. I threw them in my suitcase. I went in the bathroom and took all my perfume, body wash, everything that belonged to me, down to my toothpaste. I saw the watch I’d bought him sitting on the dresser. I put that in my pocket, too. He didn’t deserve it. I could give it to Ernest. I looked under the bed, and then checked the drawers. I saw some of my bras, so I picked them up and slipped them in my bag. I took a long look around the room to make sure I didn’t miss anything. Then I placed my letter on his pillow. I went down the steps, my suitcases thumping at each step and making it hard for me to stand up straight.

  As I walked out of his house with all my belongings in tow, I turned around and said good-bye to what might have been. And even though I cancelled the wedding, I really didn’t want to speak to Tia, either. She had done so much, I was not sure I knew her. My girl, my friend since the fourth grade, the ride-or-die chick I would do anything for—I didn’t know where she was. The Tia I knew would never do her sister like this.

  I was happy I made it out of the house without running into Dre—that confrontation would have been drama. I placed the suitcases in my backs
eat. I opened my cell phone and saw I had two missed calls from Lolo. I checked the messages—she said she had started calling everybody. And her voice just seemed to quiver as she spoke, so I pressed One and played the message again. I needed to hear that she said, what I thought she said. She had called everybody and told them. I was instantly sad. Why me? Why me? I thought. I am going to be so humiliated. People are going to call me, asking me what happened. I started tearing up again. All this crying was getting old. I took my engagement ring off my hand and rolled down my window and tossed it out onto the expressway. Fuck Dre, and anybody that plays for his team.

  I came home to my empty house and didn’t have the strength to do anything. I was tired from crying. I turned my phone off. I would deal with that shit tomorrow or maybe the next day. I just closed my eyes and wished none of this had ever happened.

  I must have fallen asleep, but when I opened my eyes, Dre was sitting at the edge of the sofa. I screamed loudly until I was able to focus in and see that it was him.

  “What are you doing here? Get out my house. How did you get in here?”

  “It don’t matter. I’m done dealing with this shit,” Dre said with his head and hands in his lap.

  I sat up. “You done. I been done. You need to leave. Nobody invited you over here.”

  “I’ll leave, but let me just say what I have to say.” He cleared his throat and continued, “I promise you there is nobody else I want to be with. I haven’t been one hundred percent honest with you about me going to visit my children. However, there is nothing else I lied about. I don’t want to be with anyone else besides you. I love you more than anything and I can’t believe you would think I would try to hurt or play you. I would never. I am here, willing to do anything. But ‘I can’t take no more, Nicole. I really can’t. Now listen—yes, me, Jocelyn, and Tia had threesomes a couple of times. Yes, I was originally thinking it was something that I was interested in, but each time after it happened, I didn’t feel right. I wasn’t with it. I didn’t want to see anyone I care for with another person. So I told Jocelyn, don’t bring her around anymore. I didn’t enjoy it. We were already on bad terms and I think that made it worse, and by then it was too late. They were already into each other and Jocelyn wouldn’t leave Tia alone. I mean, we wasn’t together anymore. But then she took my kids back and forth to South Carolina to be with this chick and that made me mad. I didn’t want my children raised by no lesbians.”

  “So you had a threesome and didn’t like it. And you didn’t try to keep a relationship with Tia going on the side and you got mad because she wasn’t with it? And you still not fucking Jocelyn, but you never mentioned it to me that you were visiting her? Yeah right. Do you think I’m stupid?”

  “Nicole, I haven’t touched, slept with, or tried to get back with Jocelyn in over a year. When I was going to Atlanta, I was really checking on real estate and it was so close to Columbia, so I checked on my children. I wanted to make sure they were okay. I didn’t tell you, because I didn’t think it was a big deal. I don’t know what Jocelyn was telling Tia about my visits, but think about her motives. She probably did say I wanted her back, or maybe she really felt that way, but I don’t want her at all. I want to be with you, Nicole. You are the only person I want to be with. I can call her right now and she can tell you.” He opened up his cell phone and turned his speakerphone on. The numbers dialed loudly, then there were long pauses between rings and a sleepy woman answered the telephone.

  “Jocelyn,” Dre said.

  “Yeah, what’s up? The kids are ’sleep. Call back tomorrow.”

  “I’m not calling about them.”

  “Then what do you want?” she said nastily.

  “I need you to tell my fiancée that me and you are not together and haven’t been together for over a year.”

  “Oh, my God! I know you not waking me up for this bullshit.”

  “Jocelyn, she is right here. Tell her,” he demanded.

  “No, we not together. I don’t want you or any man,” she finally admitted. Dre looked over at me and I gave him a so-what? expression. I didn’t care what she said or what he said. As far as I was concerned she wasn’t a credible source for information. Everybody said she was crazy and a liar anyway. Dre noticed I wasn’t the least bit swayed by their conversation. So he kept going on and on, asking her more questions in hopes that she would say something that would convince me that they weren’t a couple.

  “When the last time I’ve been down there?”

  “I don’t know. A couple of months, I guess.”

  “Do I try to get back with you?”

  “No! No, I don’t want you and you don’t want me and I’m hanging up now.”

  Dre hung up his phone. “Now do you believe me?” he asked as he attempted to hold me.

  I snatched away from him and said, “What did that prove, that you are not seeing her anymore? Huh? What about in the beginning of our relationship? Listen, you have a lot of issues that I don’t think you have worked out. Everything Tia said makes sense.”

  “What Tia says makes sense?” Dre shouted as he got off the sofa and kicked my wall. Then he screamed, “Shut up right now, Nicole. You sound so stupid. This is the same hoe who sued your mom, tried to fight you in a parking lot, didn’t speak to you for six months until her baby father left her. And now she is the most honest person you know? You got to be kidding me. You are being so loyal to her and she ain’t even loyal to you. She don’t really care about you. Did Tia tell you that she used to call me, asking to be with me? She was telling me how I needed to leave Jocelyn all the time and how I should be with her. She was talkin’ that shit even this summer. Did she tell you that?”

  “I don’t believe that. She said that you were trying to get with her.”

  “Tia doesn’t want to see anyone happy. She got a lot of fucking issues. She ruined one relationship for me and I refuse to let her ruin another one.” I still didn’t believe him. He cupped my face and said, “Nicole, listen up. Look at me. I am so done right now. I can’t take anymore. I am not joking or playing. This is my life. Hear me out. I would never do anything to hurt you.”

  “I don’t believe you, Dre, and I think you need to leave.”

  He grabbed my arm and said, “I’m not going anywhere. If I leave out this door, I’m going for good. I’m sick of all this back and forth shit with you.”

  “You are going to get out of my house or I’m going to call the police on you.”

  “Call the police. Do whatever you want, but whatever you do, you better mean it. I’m really done with acting like we are fifteen. I love you and I want to marry you.”

  “I don’t love you. I hate you. Now leave!”

  “I’m going to stay right here. You need to think about this. I’m serious. Is this what you really want to do?” I tried to go upstairs, but he pinned me down and I began crying in his arms. “I love you, Nicole. I’m not going to hurt you. I love you. I’m not leaving you. I’m never going to leave you. I’m not walking out of our life. Look me in my eyes.”

  I kept my head down, refusing to look him in his eyes. He started tilting my head upward, so I closed my eyes and turned my face away. I wanted him to let me up. But he wouldn’t loosen his grip. I was getting mad. So mad, I screamed, “Let me go. Let me up. You don’t love me.”

  “Yes, I do. I can’t leave you. I’m not going anywhere. We are going to stay right here until we work this out.”

  I got tired of struggling so I lay still as Dre’s body heaved up and down on mine. I felt his tears dripping on my face. “I love you, Nicole, I’m not leaving you.”

  We sat in the living room on that sofa in a deadlock for hours. I finally gave in and let Dre convince me that he loved me and that if I didn’t marry him it would be the biggest mistake of my life. I could not give up on him. I couldn’t give up on us. I wanted to be with him. I loved him and was going to make a way for us. We were still getting married in two weeks as planned. Nothing was going to stop that.
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  CHAPTER 31

  When I told Lolo to cancel the wedding, she had tried, but it was too late to get any of my money back, so she left everything in place just in case I changed my mind—like I did. Our only real issue was calling everyone, reinviting them to the wedding. After I called the wedding back on, I told Dre what I did with my engagement ring. We went back to the expressway and searched for it. I couldn’t remember exactly what stretch of the highway I threw it out on, but I remembered it was right before my exit. I felt bad and stupid for throwing it and I knew we weren’t going to find it. But it was at least worth the effort. Dre and I double-parked on the side of the highway, put on the truck’s hazard lights, and began our search. We searched inch by inch as cars raced past us on the expressway. After a half hour I wanted to give up, but Dre didn’t. I said forget it and I went and sat in the truck.

  But Dre kept looking for it and he found it amongst the gravel and dirt. He came back in the car and said, “Look what I found.” My ring was a little bent, but my diamond was still in place. I was surprised he found it, but I knew that was a sign that it was meant to be. If I forgave him I had to forgive Tia too. The way I saw it, she is like my sister and we have been through so much. Sisters and families fight all the time, and I figured if I could forgive Dre then I could forgive her, too. I knew she slept with my soon-to-be husband, but I also knew that it would not ever happen again. We made up two days after me and Dre called our wedding back on. At first, he said she couldn’t be in the wedding, then he said he didn’t care as long as it made me happy.

  The night before the wedding, we were all staying at the Embassy Suites hotel on the Benjamin Franklin Parkway. I had just picked up my shoes and finished getting my nails done and was on my way. Everybody was at the hotel waiting for me. I called Reshaun to check on everything.