Break Me Down

by Jennifer Domenico

  “Therapy is like that.”

  I nod. “Yeah.” I sigh. “I realized today that I’ve never been on a date before. Isn’t that weird?”

  “No one’s ever asked?”

  I shake my head. “They don’t even get a chance to. I make it clear from the beginning what I’m interested in.”

  “Got it.”

  “I’ve met a lot of men, but never really known any of them. I’ve never gotten a card for Valentine’s Day or flowers just because.” I half smile. “I convinced myself I didn’t want it.”

  “That’s a shame.” He searches my eyes for a moment. “What are you doing the rest of the weekend?”

  I shrug, a little confused. “Swim, maybe run a little. Why?”

  He smiles. “Can you be ready at seven tomorrow night?”

  “For?”

  “A date.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. It may be a little unconventional on my part, but I’d like to show you how a man should treat you.”

  I smile. “Is that part of my therapy?”

  “Sometimes it’s necessary to bend the rules.” He smiles. “And I can give you a tour of the house.”

  I perk up, grinning. “I’d love that.”

  He nods. “Good. We’ll do that tomorrow.”

  “Okay. Is Lina here on the weekends?”

  “No. It’s just us. Does it make you nervous to be alone with me?”

  “Nothing about you makes me nervous.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “Does it make you nervous?”

  “A little,” he admits, surprising me.

  “Why?”

  He takes a deep breath. “I’ve already crossed a few lines with you. I’m not sure why, but you make me want to.”

  “And Lina’s presence somehow keeps you in line?”

  He smiles. “No.”

  “So, you’ll just have to trust yourself and me.”

  “Right.” He clears his throat. “If you’d like to swim after lunch, I’ll join you.”

  “I’d like that.” I grin, lifting a grape to my lips. “I still don’t have a suit.”

  “I know. Are you comfortable with that?”

  “Remember, nudity doesn’t bother me.”

  “It doesn’t bother me either. Yours doesn’t.”

  “Ah, but yours does?”

  “In front of you, yes. I’m afraid that my body would betray me. It’s not every day that I have a beautiful nude woman in my pool.”

  “It could be.”

  He sighs. “What are we doing here, Kaia? Are you flirting with me?”

  “I’m not thinking about what I say. I’m just being in the moment with you.”

  “Why don’t we talk about something else.”

  “Sure. Like what?”

  LIKE HOW I WANT to tear that robe off and lay you across this table. I need to put some space between us. I stand abruptly.

  “I’ll go change and see you upstairs in a bit.”

  She smiles, leaning back in her chair. That robe is barely capable of holding all she’s got. I pull my eyes away from the gap that reveals the tiniest bit of her upper thigh.

  “See you soon,” she says, softly.

  I walk out and close the door, leaning against it and breathing hard. I close my eyes, regaining my composure.

  “You are okay?”

  My eyes snap open to see Lina standing in front of me, looking concerned.

  “Uh, yeah, I’m fine.”

  “I came to clear the dishes.”

  “Kaia’s still eating.”

  “Okay.”

  I turn to walk away, but feel Lina lingering. “Did you need something else?”

  “No.” She smiles, stepping closer. “I saw you with her. Sleeping.”

  I nod, pursing my lips. “She was distraught.”

  “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I just wanted you to know that I’ve never seen you look so peaceful in the five years that I’ve known you.”

  “It was just a nap.”

  “I know. Still, it was nice to see.”

  “I’ll be upstairs swimming.”

  She nods as I walk away. Peaceful? There is nothing peaceful about how I feel when Kaia is near me. Tormented is a better word.

  In my bedroom, I strip out of my suit and put my swimming trunks on. There’s no way I could swim in the nude around her. She would know how much I wanted her instantly. She would try to touch me. I close my eyes imagining that for a moment. I can see her sparkling green eyes looking at me as that sweet pout of hers glides up and down my shaft. My breathing quickens as I remember her body, the curve of her hips, her tiny waist, those amazing tits. I can only imagine how delicious she must taste, how good it must feel to sink between her legs, buried balls deep inside of her. I can feel my dick harden just at the thought of being with her. Without hesitation, I reach inside my shorts and pull my cock out, fisting it furiously. I can’t fight it. I need the release before I get anywhere near her again. I explode and open my eyes. What the fuck is she doing to me?

  After cleaning myself up, I splash my face with cool water. It’s been a long time since I’ve given in to such primitive urges. That was the second time in one week. I run my fingers through my hair. I can handle this. I’ve spent years of my life learning how. I help people for a living learn how. I can do this. I just have to remind myself when the feeling arises. Like it will as soon as I see her face again. As soon as she speaks with her sweet, purr like rasp. The voice that dances through my mind all night, whispering my name, begging me to hold her, asking me not to leave. That voice that I long to hear every morning when I wake up. Those eyes that see so much more than I want her to. Her lips, so pink and perfect. Even her tears are tragically beautiful.

  The worst part though is that she trusts me. She doesn’t know what I could do to her. What I want to do to her. She needs love. Not a monster. I should stay far away from her outside of therapy. I sigh as I look up the flight of stairs in front of me. Who the fuck am I kidding? I can’t stay away from her. I don’t even want to.

  And now I’m taking her on a date? Am I out of my fucking mind? I couldn’t resist though with her sad eyes telling me she’s never been on one. I just have to be a perfect gentleman. No touching and definitely no kissing. I’ll get through it. I can’t back out now. It would crush her.

  When I get to the top of the stairs, she’s sitting on the bench, wrapped in her towel, looking at the pool. I open the door and approach her. She looks at me, smiling.

  “It’s pretty up here,” she says.

  “It is.”

  “You have everything you need in this house, don’t you?”

  “Mostly, yes.”

  She stands, looking directly into my eyes, and removes her towel. I try to avoid looking at her body, but we both know that’s impossible. She turns and jumps into the pool, disappearing from my lustful stare. I exhale and jump in too.

  We swim laps, silently, sloshing water the only sound between us. Right now, I don’t have anything I could say to her that wouldn’t violate our professional relationship.

  She rolls to her back, staring up at the glass ceiling. “I wish I never had to leave,” she says. “I would stay here forever.”

  “Why?”

  “This house has everything I need too.”

  “Don’t you miss California?”

  “No. I didn’t have anything there.”

  “You had the sun and the ocean.”

  “I can visit. Maybe I would like New York. I’ve never really seen snow except on TV.”

  I chuckle. “Well, stick around long enough and you’ll see plenty of that.”

  “It won’t snow in the next three weeks.”

  “No, probably not.”

  She stands and runs her hands over her hair, releasing the extra water. “I don’t want to think about leaving. It makes me sad.”

  “You’re not leaving yet.”

  “When we have dinner will you l
et me ask you personal questions?”

  “You always ask personal questions.”

  She laughs softly. “Will you answer them?”

  “Depends on the question, Kaia.”

  “That’s fair.” She swims over to me, and I feel my whole body tense as she stands and walks close to me. “When I was little, really small, my Dad would pick me and toss me in the air and let me splash into the pool. I would laugh and laugh and ask for more. It’s the only happy memory I have of him.”

  “I’m sure there were others. You just don’t remember.”

  She nods. “Sometimes, he would pick me up and just swish me through the water. I would close my eyes and it felt like I was flying. Do you know what I mean?”

  I nod and bend down, swooping her off her feet. “Like this?”

  She laughs and I’m astonished by the sound of it. I’m not sure I’ve heard it yet. “Yeah, just like this.”

  “Close your eyes and fly.”

  She lays back, relaxing into my arms, and closes her eyes. I dip her, turning in circles watching the warm water caress her silky skin the way I want to. She reaches up and wraps her arms around my neck.

  “Thank you,” she whispers.

  Her naked body against my chest is too much to take. I run my hands down her back, stopping just before they land on her ass. It would take nothing to slide my shorts off and enter her. She would let me. I know she would, but then what? I couldn’t look at her tomorrow. I couldn't help her anymore.

  “You have to let me go,” I say, softly. “Please.”

  She releases me and steps back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

  “I know.” I smile, touching her cheek lightly. “I am a man, Kaia. I’m not immune to a beautiful woman pressed against me.”

  “I kind of thought maybe you were.”

  “Just because I control my impulses doesn’t mean I don’t have them.”

  “You’re attracted to me?”

  “That’s a ridiculous question.”

  “Is it?”

  “Why do you think I can’t stop touching you?”

  “Because you feel sorry for me.”

  “You’re wrong. I don’t feel sorry for you. Not one bit. You don’t have my pity. You have my compassion, my understanding.” I step closer. “But not my pity. You’re too strong for that. In fact, I’m in awe of your strength.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Regardless, I can’t allow myself to overstep my bounds.”

  “What would you do if you could? Would you kiss me? Would you take me to bed?”

  “I can’t answer that.”

  “Why? It’s just make believe, like our date tomorrow. Just a fantasy. Those are okay, aren’t they?”

  “They can be dangerous.”

  “Do I look dangerous to you?” She smiles, lowering her eyes and then lifting them back up to me. She steps closer and my heart beats hard in my chest.

  “You’re more dangerous than you know.”

  “What would do if you could have me? If I was just a woman you met on the street.”

  I exhale slowly. “I would take you dinner, like a gentleman should.”

  “And then?”

  “I would politely drop you at your door and kiss your cheek, like this.” I lean close and press my lips against her skin. She sighs.

  “And then? On the next date, what would you do?”

  Gazing into her eyes, I reply. “I would suggest that we go dancing, and I would hold you close all night. I would walk you home, holding your hand, and if you were cold, I would give you my jacket to wear. I would make sure you knew how honored I was that you gave me some of your time.”

  “Then would you kiss my cheek again?”

  I shake my head. “No. I would kiss your gorgeous mouth.” Gazing into her eyes, I fight the urge to do just that.

  “And then,” she says. “I would invite you in for a drink, and I would curl up on the couch and wait for you to kiss me again. I would part my lips and our tongues would dance the way our bodies did before.”

  “And then?” I ask, swallowing hard.

  “I would say good night because the second date is too soon to sleep together.” She smiles. “But I would want to.”

  I grin. “I would want to also.”

  “Would you ask me out again?”

  “Definitely.”

  “What we would do on our third date?”

  “Ice skating, I think. In Rockefeller Plaza under the Christmas tree. You would fall and I would laugh and help you up. Then I twirl you around and kiss the tip of your nose. I would buy you some hot chocolate because you’re not used to the weather and walk you home as the snow fell, landing on your eyelashes.”

  “That sounds like fun.”

  “It would be fun. I would wait at your door, hoping you asked me in again. Hoping I could kiss you once more.”

  “I would ask you in. I would wonder if it’s too soon still. Will you respect me if I let you take me to bed?”

  I cup her cheek. “I would still respect you. It would be my absolute honor to make love to you. I would work hard, coaxing your body to unending pleasure over and over again until we were both too exhausted to continue.”

  “Then would you hold me while I slept? Would you be there in the morning?”

  “Nothing could drag me away from you.”

  She smiles softly. “That’s a nice fantasy, isn’t it?”

  “The best one I’ve ever had.”

  “Me too.” She looks down at her hands. “I’m turning into a prune.”

  I laugh. “Yeah, me too. Let’s get out.”

  We swim to the edge, and I watch her walk out and wrap the towel around her. I climb out and walk to her. Cupping her face, I stare into her expectant eyes.

  “I don’t know what you’re doing to me, Kaia. I’ve never said things like that to any woman, much less a client. I’ve never done those things, but you make me want to.”

  “You make me want it, too. With you.”

  “You understand why we can’t do that, right?”

  She nods. “I do, but I’ll live on the dream of it.”

  I pull her close as she wraps her arms around my waist. “So will I,” I whisper.

  I DON’T WANT TO LET HIM GO. It feels too good, too perfect. I can hear his heartbeat against my cheek and it’s the most soothing sound I’ve ever heard.

  “You need your rest,” he says, softly.

  I nod. “I know.”

  “I can’t go back with you.”

  “I understand.”

  “I hope you do.” He steps back and holds my gaze. “You’re a very special woman. I hope you know that.”

  I touch his cheek. “Thank you, Doc—”

  “Oliver. When we’re home, you can call me Oliver.”

  Home, I repeat in my mind. “Thank you, Oliver. For everything.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, sweet Kaia.”

  “Okay.” I start to walk away, but pause. “Oliver, I know that this date tomorrow is just for me to see how it should be. I know it’s not real and you won’t kiss me goodnight or come inside for a drink.” He nods as I speak. “But thank you for doing it. It makes me feel a little more normal.”

  “My pleasure.”

  I pull myself away and head back to my bedroom. That was the best time of my life, even if most of it was made up in our minds. I climb in to bed, tossing the towel aside and close my eyes. Whether he knows it or not, Oliver Scott is the perfect man.

  I ROLL OVER AS SUNLIGHT streams into my room. Glancing at the clock, I’m startled to see it’s nearly ten in the morning. I stretch and sit up, then gasp.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, Miss Kaia,” Lina says.

  “I thought you weren’t here on the weekends?”

  “I’m leaving soon. I just had a few things to finish this morning. I did your laundry and then I was going to strip your sheets, but you’re still in them.”

  “I can do it. Just leave the fres
h sheets.”

  “Oh, no I can’t do that, Miss Kaia. Dr. Scott would not like that.”

  “Well, then don’t tell him.” I smile. “It’s really very simple.”

  Lina looks nervous and then sets the linens on the couch. “Okay, maybe just this once.”

  “I can make my own bed. I live alone in LA and clean my own place all the time.”

  “Yes, it’s just that Dr. Scott is very particular.”

  “You let me handle him.”

  She nods. “Okay. I’ll go now.”

  “Enjoy your weekend.”

  “You too.” She smiles and excuses herself. I just laugh. All worked up over bed linens.

  I climb out of bed and walk into the bathroom to freshen up. I laugh when I see my hair. It’s a tangled mess, which is why I know better than to go to sleep on wet hair. I brush through the tangles and then braid it. After brushing my teeth, I saunter back into my bedroom, surprised to see Oliver sitting at the table.

  He turns and smiles, looking away. “You’re not dressed yet.”

  “I just woke up.”

  “Do you need some time alone?”

  “No. I’m glad you’re here.”

  “I brought breakfast.”

  “I’m starving.” I walk to the table and sit down, digging into a croissant.

  “Uh, I assumed you would put something on.”

  “Do you want me to?”

  “Yes. It’s very distracting otherwise.”

  I grin and stand, throwing a t-shirt over my nakedness. “How’s this?”

  “Slightly better. You’re still sexy as hell, but I don’t think there’s much you can do about that.”

  I smile and pour myself a cup of coffee. “What are your plans for today?”

  “I’m going out for a few hours to run errands. Would you like to come with me? You haven’t been around the city yet.”

  “No,” I reply shaking my head. “I’m not ready for that.”

  “You don’t think you can trust yourself outside these walls?”

  “It’s not that. I told you before I won’t run. I don’t want to do any of those things I did before.”

  “Then why are you concerned?”

  I shrug. “I think that would feel too normal. The next thing you know I’d be asking to go ice skating.”

  Oliver laughs softly. “You’re worried about being with me outside of this setting?”