Cracks in the Sidewalk

by Bette Lee Crosby

  The second report was on Charles.

  “In a situation such as this it is not unusual for those involved to hold on to an unrealistic expectation of cure, which is precisely what Charles McDermott is doing. This expectation has pushed him into a state of denial regarding Elizabeth’s impending death. The court must therefore consider whether such a mindset might ultimately influence the three minor children and cause them to experience a higher level of anxiety at the time of their mother’s demise.”

  The report stated that other than this singular concern, Doctor Belleau thought Charles even-tempered and genuinely concerned about his grandchildren’s welfare.

  Claire’s report followed.

  “Claire McDermott exhibits the behavioral tendencies of a mother bear defensive of her cub. Although there has been an incident of violence I believe that to be an isolated occurrence, precipitated by the son-in-law’s aggressive behavior toward Elizabeth. Claire does harbor considerable animosity toward Jeffrey Caruthers, but I am confident that her devotion and fierce loyalty to her daughter and the three children will prevent this anger from adversely influencing those relationships.”

  When Judge Brill finished reading the report on Claire, he began looking for what Doctor Belleau had to say about Jeffrey Caruthers. Twice he rifled through the papers, and twice he came up empty-handed. Judge Brill had no tolerance for inefficiency, so he lifted the receiver and dialed Peter Belleau’s office.

  “Where’s my report on Jeffrey Caruthers?” he growled. “I got your other reports, but there was nothing on Caruthers.”

  “Well,” Belleau said, “we’ve got a problem there.”

  “What kind of problem?”

  “Mister Caruthers canceled the first two appointments we had and was a no-show for the third. I’ve tried to reschedule, but he doesn’t return my calls.”

  “We’ll see about that!” Judge Brill growled and slammed down the receiver.

  The judge chewed three maximum-strength Tums and then placed a call to Noreen Sarnoff.

  “Counselor,” he said firmly, “I hope you can explain why your client has failed to show up for the psychologist’s evaluation ordered by this court.”

  “Well—”

  “Because,” the judge continued, “if you are unable to provide a satisfactory explanation, I will hold both you and your client in contempt of court. Have I made myself clear?”

  “Yes, sir,” Noreen answered without a hint of promiscuousness. “Unfortunately,” she added, trying to pull thoughts from the air, “my client has been extremely ill for several weeks. It’s a very bad case of stress. He’s torn apart by this situation and—”

  “I don’t want to hear it!” Judge Brill snapped. “If he’s too stressed to see Doctor Belleau, then he’s too stressed to make decisions for three minor children! Either I have Doctor Belleau’s analysis of him on my desk by the end of this week, or I will award custody of those children to the mother!”

  “But the mother is—”

  Judge Brill banged down the receiver.

  Within the hour, Jeffrey Caruthers telephoned Doctor Belleau’s office and scheduled an appointment for that afternoon.

  As JT walked down the hallway to Dr. Belleau’s office, he slipped into the persona he felt best suited to the occasion.

  The moment Doctor Belleau entered the room JT flashed a toothy smile and stuck out his hand. “I apologize for missing our previous appointment.”

  “Actually, you’ve missed three,” Peter Belleau answered.

  “Ah, yes, and I truly regret that. But please bear in mind that my first and foremost concern is my children and caring for them. Unfortunately doing this all by myself leaves very little free time. ”

  Feeling no sympathy after the way Judge Brill had lit into him, the doctor gave an insincere smile and led Jeffrey Caruthers back to his office. Once they were seated in the brown leather chairs, Peter Belleau suggested Jeffrey give a bit of background on himself.

  “There’s not much to tell,” JT said pleasantly. “I’m a dedicated husband and father, and that’s pretty much it.”

  “Oh,” Doctor Belleau mused. “My understanding was that you refused to allow your wife to return to your house once you learned she had a terminal condition. Is that true?”

  “That’s my mother-in-law’s version of what happened. It was nothing like that.”

  “What was it like?”

  JT uncrossed his legs and then re-crossed them. “Well, I never actually refused to allow Liz to return home, I only said it would be difficult for me to take care of her.”

  “Did you say difficult or impossible?” Doctor Belleau asked.

  “Hmm,” JT stalled, giving the appearance of trying to remember. “I can’t say.”

  “If I told you that your in-laws are prepared to provide a live-in helper to care for Elizabeth, would you be willing to have her return to the house?”

  The possibility caused Jeffrey to become visibly agitated; suddenly his foot began bouncing up and down. “No. I would not allow her to return to the house.”

  “And why would that be?”

  “Why?” Jeffrey repeated angrily. “Don’t ask me why when you already know! Liz is sick. She’s worse than sick, she’s dying! I love my kids, and I don’t want them exposed to all that sickness and death!”

  “Aren’t they Elizabeth’s children also?”

  “She’s dying. Do you not understand? Dying means she’s on her way to being dead. What’s a dead woman gonna do with kids—drag them into the coffin alongside of her? No way. Not my kids. They don’t need that kind of heartache.”

  “What kind of heartache?”

  “You’re the shrink, you tell me!”

  “I could argue that it would be beneficial for children to establish a relationship with their mother before she—”

  “Are you kidding?! You’re supposed to be a psychologist, and you’re telling me it’s a good thing for kids to bond with a mother who’s got one foot in the grave? Why, so they can have nightmares about her death?”

  “Is it possible that, given time to understand, they might ultimately be more accepting of her death?”

  “No, it’s not possible,” Jeffrey answered, turning his face away.

  “And why is that?”

  “You think you know so much, but all that psycho mumbo-jumbo doesn’t mean squat to little kids. With them it’s out of sight, out of mind. They haven’t seen Liz for almost ten months, and pretty soon they’ll just quit asking about her.”

  “Do they ask now?”

  “Sometimes. Not often. Christian just turned one; he’s never known his mother, so he’s never gonna ask about her. The other two, they’ll forget in time.”

  “What about Elizabeth, do you think she’s forgotten her children?”

  “Obviously not,” JT replied disdainfully, “or she wouldn’t be putting me through this torture.”

  “Do you think she’s doing this just to torture you?”

  “Probably.”

  “Isn’t it possible that she simply wants to see the children?”

  “If she really cared, she’d spare them the agony.”

  “What if she believes that losing their mother without ever having a chance to say goodbye is a far greater agony?”

  “Who cares what she thinks? I know what’s good for my kids.”

  “What about your in-laws? As I understand it, you won’t allow them to see the children either. Is that true?”

  “Don’t get me started on them. That miserly old skinflint and his trouble-making wife are never gonna see my kids again. Never. You got that?”

  “Obviously you have some anger issues with your in-laws. Why?”

  JT gave a loud exasperated huff then sat there for a full minute before answering. “Because of them my life is totally screwed up. Everybody thinks they’re so good because they’re always volunteering to help this cause or that cause, and when they’re not volunteering they’re going to church or saying pr
ayers for somebody. Well, I say charity begins at home and when I needed money to keep my business from going belly-up, Liz’s old man thumbed his nose at me.”

  “Is it possible that he didn’t have the money to give you?”

  “No way. He had it. He just didn’t want to give it to me. If it was something for his precious daughter, well, now, that would have been a different story.”

  “Don’t you think he might consider providing for Elizabeth’s family the same as providing for her?”

  “You just don’t get it do you? He hates me. He’s always hated me. Right this very minute he’s probably reminding Liz how he always said I didn’t know squat about retailing.”

  “Retailing, is that the business you’re in?”

  “Was! Because old man McDermott refused to lend me a little dab of his precious money, I lost my store. Some great life, huh? No store, no job, no money, a stack of bills that could choke a horse, and three kids to take care of.”

  “Are you currently looking for a job?”

  “Doing what? Retailing, that’s all I know.”

  “Is it possible you could find a job in that field?”

  “I suppose the McDermotts told you to ask me that,” JT sneered. “Well, I’m not gonna go from being a business owner to clerking in some five-and-dime. I’ve already lost everything else. Now they’re trying to take away my kids and what little pride I’ve got left.”

  “Who’s trying to take away—”

  “The McDermotts!” JT shouted angrily. “Are you not hearing me?”

  “I hear you, but I’m confused as to why you think the McDermotts are at fault.”

  “They’re doing everything they can to force me out into the street. They think if I’ve got no way to support my kids, they can take them away from me.”

  “Isn’t it possible they’re only interested in seeing the children?”

  “Ha! Shows what you know. I don’t suppose they told you how they got Liz to ask for all her jewelry back. I want my Rolex and my engagement ring, she tells me, like she’s got someplace to wear those things. Well, she’s not getting them, know why?”

  Doctor Belleau shook his head.

  “Because they’re gone. Sold. I used the money to pay the mortgage and put food on the table. What’s more important, a dead woman wearing a diamond ring or me and my kids having a place to live and something to eat?”

  “Perhaps Elizabeth agrees. Have you discussed this with her?”

  “How can she agree when her money-hungry parents are telling her to get the jewelry back?”

  “Perhaps Elizabeth simply wants these things because they have meaning for her, sentimental value. Isn’t that possible?”

  “Yeah, sure. And the moon is made of green cheese.”

  Seeing that nothing could be resolved, Doctor Belleau changed the subject. “Tell me about the children,” he said.

  “What’s to tell? I take care of them as best I can. I’m not all over their back for every little thing they do wrong. They got it a lot better than I had.”

  “Meaning what?”

  “Look, I’m not Liz. She’s all over them with that huggy-kissy stuff. You know where that gets you? No place, that’s where. I give the kids what they need, nothing less, nothing more.”

  “And what is it you think they need?”

  “Beds to sleep in, food on the table.”

  “Do you think that’s enough?”

  “Well, I ain’t asking them to jump through hoops to please me.”

  Doctor Belleau scribbled something on his notepad then continued. “Do you care for the children by yourself?”

  “I’ve got a lady friend who lends a hand, and there’s Missus Ramirez. She babysits now and then.”

  “This lady friend, does she live with you?”

  “Why, is that what my mother-in-law said?”

  “She’s of the opinion that you have a girlfriend.”

  “See what I mean!” JT shouted. “I can’t take it anymore!” He jumped to his feet and began pacing in front of the doctor. “It’s not enough that I’ve lost everything, the McDermotts are looking to destroy me. They pretend to be goody-good, but the truth is they’re exactly like my old man. All they want to do is tear me down! They’ll say anything, do anything—”

  JT flung himself back into the chair and started sobbing.

  “What do they want from me?” he wailed. “Did I make Liz sick? Did I ask for any of this? Do they think I want this?”

  Doctor Belleau handed JT a box of tissues as tears streamed down his face.

  Before the session ended Jeffery had poured out his story of the father he adored who was stony-hearted and impossible to please.

  ~ ~ ~

  After JT left the office, Peter Belleau sat at his desk and composed his final analysis.

  “Jeffrey Caruthers has a genuine but rather misdirected sense of protectiveness for his three minor children, and he has convinced himself that seeing their mother will destroy whatever peace of mind and security he has been able to provide. I believe he has deep-seated issues with his father, and this is the root source of his insecurities.

  “While Jeffrey’s wife, Elizabeth, was previously a bastion of comfort offering unbridled acceptance, her illness has now positioned her as the ultimate challenger to his emotional stability. Because he has been deprived of what was previously his safe place, Jeffrey feels certain that everyone is adversarial and every situation is dangerous. Coincidence has become conclusion, and he is confident that all misfortunes are a result of his in-laws attempts to punish him for his failures. This insecurity has escalated into a state of free-floating anxiety so great that he perceives every setback to be yet another crisis.”

  Peter Belleau went on for several pages, describing the specifics that led to this conclusion. He ended the report by writing, “Although I am of the opinion that Elizabeth Caruthers is an intelligent, caring individual who is well-qualified for visitation privileges with the three minor children, I caution the court not to push Jeffrey Caruthers beyond his emotional limits because of his fragile emotional state.”

  Peter Belleau read through the report once again. Then he slipped it inside an envelope and dropped in into the mailbox as he left the building.

  September 1985

  Judge Brill read through Peter Belleau’s analysis of Jeffrey Caruthers; then he reread the phrases that troubled him. Certain words jumped off the page and stuck out. “Overwhelming sense of insecurity”; “beyond his emotional limits”; “fragile emotional state.” Judge Brill thought back to six years ago, when Jack Wallner, a man much like Jeffrey Caruthers stood before him. Jack Wallner, a man who’d returned to the courthouse steps and discharged a bullet into his brain just hours after the judge had awarded Alma Wallner custody of their two girls.

  The judge knew he had been justified in that decision. After all, Jack was unstable, “stretched beyond his emotional limits,” in the words of the psychologist who’d conducted his interview. Judge Brill had no reason to doubt that awarding Alma Wallner custody was the right decision, yet for months afterward he could see Jack’s desperation in every pair of eyes that came before him. For a while he’d considered leaving the bench and returning to private practice where he could deal with the cut-and-dry issues of embezzlers and negligent landlords.

  When he could no longer tolerate the agony of sleepless nights, Judge Brill took a three-month leave. He rented a camper and drove cross-country with his wife and her pocket-sized Chihuahua. Only after they’d watched sunsets from atop the Blue Ridge Mountains, strolled the tropical beaches of the Florida Keys, fished for salmon off the coast of Washington, and basked in the California sun, was he able to forget. Until now.

  After several minutes, he lifted the receiver and dialed Dudley Grimm’s number.

  “Counselor,” he said, “I realize we’ve already discussed this, but I’d like to ask again if there is any possibility you and the opposing counsel can reach a compromise.”

&
nbsp; “It’s highly unlikely, Your Honor. My client is flexible on the return of her jewelry, but she’s been diagnosed as terminal and before she dies she wants to spend time with her children. There’s no chance she’ll back down on that.”

  “Have you offered the jewelry concession to opposing counsel?”

  “Yes, at our last conference. But her client flatly refuses to budge on visitation. Even though Jeffrey Caruthers realizes his wife is dying, he’s adamant about not allowing the children to see her.”

  Judge Brill gave an exasperated sigh.

  “Elizabeth Caruthers is a dying woman,” Dudley said. “She should at least have the opportunity to say goodbye to her children. Do you think that’s unrealistic?”

  “In cases like this it becomes near impossible to determine what is realistic or unrealistic,” Judge Brill said sadly. “Everything simply becomes a point of argument.”

  “Your Honor, if anyone is being unrealistic and uncooperative it is the opposing counsel. She knows that time is critical to my client, and she’s employing every delay tactic conceivable.”

  “Miss Sarnoff claims the grandparents are an issue.”

  “That’s nothing but a red herring. They figure Elizabeth Caruthers is quasi-bedridden and lives with her parents, so there’s no way the children can visit their mother without exposure to the grandparents. If they ask to keep the kids away from the grandparents, it effectively eliminates any visitation with the mother.”

  “Point taken,” Judge Brill replied. “I’ll have another chat with Miss Sarnoff to see if she can’t move this along.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Judge Brill called Noreen Sarnoff.

  “May I assume you’ve read through Doctor Belleau’s report on your client?” he asked.

  “Yes, Your Honor, I have,” Noreen replied.