Ruined

by Jess Michaels

  “We were all so flustered when you arrived so suddenly. I realized you didn’t officially meet anyone yesterday. Let me being by introducing you to my wife, Mary.”

  Claire smiled weakly at the very pretty, petite, dark-haired woman. She smiled back, and there was a genuine kindness to her way that made Claire instantly comfortable.

  “I have waited so long to meet you,” Mary said as she took her hand briefly. “I look forward to getting to know you.”

  Edward drew her along the line. “Of course you already know Jude, Audrey’s husband.”

  Claire nodded. Jude was Edward’s man of affairs, and she absolutely knew that Audrey had wanted him for years. Her sister looked blissful as she held his arm. Claire let her gaze slide down to her sister’s swollen belly and couldn’t help but reach out to touch it gently.

  “When?” she asked.

  Audrey caught her breath. “A few months more now.”

  Claire fought to hold back the tears that strung her eyes. She thought of Francesca. Would she know her cousin-to-be?

  “I love you,” Audrey whispered as she hugged Claire tightly. “I have missed you terribly.”

  “You too,” Claire breathed against her sister’s ear.

  Audrey released her and motioned toward Evan, who stood beside Claire’s childhood best friend, Josie. Evan was merely watching her, but it was Josie who reached out to take her hands.

  “It must be a surprise to you to see that Evan and I are wed,” Josie said, her voice shaking.

  “You hated him,” Claire said with a soft laugh.

  “She still does,” Evan teased as he looked down into his wife’s eyes with the kind of adoration that was too difficult to look at directly. Josie swatted his chest playfully.

  “I do, quite desperately,” she said. Then her face grew more somber. “Honestly, Claire, we are so relieved you’re home.”

  Claire flinched. Home? She couldn’t say she was home. She didn’t belong here, even if everyone welcomed her. She knew the truth of her parentage. Of what she’d done. How could this ever be home again?

  Gabriel was next in line, and Claire searched his face closest. They had been raised believing they were twins. She had felt a bond with him that she’d truly believed was formed in the womb they shared. Now it was a lie, and she could see that fact cut her brother as deeply as it cut her. Funny, since normally he didn’t show much emotion.

  Today it was lined all over his face.

  “I looked for you,” he whispered, his tone both an admonishment and an endearment. “I searched for you everywhere.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “I know you almost died for me. That they almost killed your wife.”

  He blinked, and some of the desperation left his stare. “My wife,” he said, then reached out to take the arm of the pretty young woman beside him. She had curly red hair that was only just tamed and a fine-boned face that spoke of intelligence. “This is Juliet,” he explained. “My wife. I have so longed for you to meet each other.”

  Juliet nodded as she extended her hand. When Claire took it, she covered it with her other. “I’m so happy you’re here.”

  “Juliet is also a healer who saved our mother when she was very ill last summer,” Gabriel said, inspiring a light blush in his wife’s cheeks.

  “So I have heard. It seems we all owe you a great deal, Juliet,” Claire whispered. “I’m so pleased my brother has found someone.”

  Her gaze slipped from Juliet’s face down the line to where Mrs. Gray stood, watching Claire’s every move. Reluctantly, she stepped toward her and the older man at her side.

  Once she had reached her, she watched Mrs. Gray’s hand as it lifted, so slowly. She touched Claire’s face lightly, tracing her cheek. Claire sighed. Then she shook her head. She couldn’t be caught up by this. It wouldn’t last.

  “I-I don’t know what to call you now,” she said softly.

  Mrs. Gray’s face fell slightly. “I meant what I said yesterday, Claire. You are my daughter. You will continue to call me Mama unless you find it too difficult.”

  “No,” Claire said. “Mama is fine. This must be your new husband.”

  “Jed Gray,” her mother said with a wide smile. “An old friend I was reunited with. Juliet’s father.”

  Claire glanced at the beaming Juliet. It seemed everyone was utterly pleased with this match, which made Claire happy about it as well. “Mr. Gray. I’m happy to meet you.”

  “As am I,” Mr. Gray said with a gentle smile. “Why don’t we sit?”

  “Actually,” Evan said, exchanging a look with Edward. “I’d like to have a chat with War. Why don’t you all talk, and perhaps Edward and I could do that?”

  Claire tensed and immediately took a step toward War. But he held up a hand to stop her. “Lead the way.”

  She shook her head. “War—”

  “Spend time with your family,” he said softly as he strode past her toward the door where Edward and Evan had moved. “I’ll be fine.”

  War grimaced as Edward shut the door to another parlor and leaned against it, watching him with mistrust in his eyes. War had earned that look, he knew it, but he hated it nonetheless.

  “I’m surprised you didn’t bring in Jude and Lord Gabriel as well.”

  “Gabriel needs time with Claire,” Evan explained as he took a place beside the mantel. “And Jude wanted to be there for Audrey, in case the excitement grew to be too much for her and the baby.”

  “I see. Was it also that you didn’t want me to believe you would all attack me?” War asked, taking a seat between them that was angled so he could see them both.

  Edward shrugged. “That might have been part of the decision process, yes. A room full of Woodleys and you? We didn’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

  War stifled a wry smile. He wasn’t sure that last statement was true. His discomfort was likely planned. “I assume you have questions.”

  “How long have you known where Claire was?” Evan asked, clearly trying to temper his anger. Only partially succeeding.

  War steepled his fingers. Normally he was quiet with everyone but Claire, but this was not the time to hold back. “She showed up in Idleridge just a week ago asking for my help. Before that I was just as unaware of her location as all of you were.”

  Edward explored his face a moment, then nodded, as if satisfied with the answer. “You say she asked for help. What kind of help?”

  War arched a brow. “You would have to ask Claire that.”

  “We’re asking you,” Evan said, his tone low and angry.

  “I understand that. I’m not at liberty to say.”

  Evan pushed off the mantel and took two long steps toward War. His hands were clenched at his sides and his face was bright with anger. War slowly got to his feet, shifting his weight in case he was about to be punched.

  But Edward rushed forward, inserting himself between the two men. “Stop, Evan.” He placed a hand on his brother’s chest, though he kept his gaze on War. “What if I order you to tell me? I am your employer, am I not?”

  “You are,” War agreed. “And if Claire’s situation were related to my work, I would tell you. But it isn’t. If you want to know what your sister has come to London to do, you will have to speak to her yourself.”

  “She won’t tell us,” Evan said, pacing away at last. War retook his seat and watched him. “She’s still too guarded.”

  War didn’t respond and after a moment Edward rolled his eyes in frustration.

  “All right, you won’t discuss Claire’s reasons,” Edward said. “But I believe I am right in assuming that you are more than just a mere guard or guide to her.”

  War lifted his brows. “How so?”

  “Your connection is clear. And she returned to your home last night,” Evan said. “My brother is asking if you are fucking her.”

  War flinched at the base term. Accurate, but unexpected. He narrowed his gaze. “Wat
ch yourself, my lord. That is a lady. And your sister.”

  Edward tilted his head. “I see. Well, tell me this: do you think she is going to stay?”

  War took a long breath. “I don’t know,” he said with a shake of his head. “And that isn’t me being difficult. I honestly don’t know. I am trying to convince her that back with her family is exactly where she needs to be. But Claire is of her own mind, now more than ever.”

  Edward exchanged a long look with Evan, and then he sighed. “Well, I appreciate you helping her. She needs a friend. If she reached out to you, at least I know she is with someone I can trust. Someone who cares for her.”

  War pressed his lips together. He had not always been someone this man could trust. Even now, he knew he wasn’t. But he appreciated the faith nonetheless.

  “I’d like to spend some time with our sister,” Edward said. “Come, let’s return to the parlor.”

  Claire shifted, feeling so many eyes on her, hearing all the unasked questions that were in their minds and hearts. Ones she couldn’t answer. It was Audrey who drew in a long breath and addressed the heaviness that hung in the room.

  “What was revealed to us yesterday was difficult for us to accept,” she said, looking first toward their mother and then toward Claire. “And I can imagine how devastated you were to find out the truth.”

  Claire nodded. “It was difficult.”

  “I wish you had come to me,” her mother said, her tone distant and sad.

  Claire looked at her evenly. “I wish I had too. I wish you had.”

  Audrey edged closer to her. “We can all wish a million things, I think. But I want you to know that nothing has changed.”

  “What do you mean?” Claire asked, shaking her head as she looked around the room.

  Before Audrey could answer, Edward and Evan reentered the parlor, War trailing behind them. She cast her gaze to him immediately, searching his face to see how much he had been punished and how much he had revealed. He lifted a hand slightly, as if to tell her to remain calm. He smiled just a fraction and she found herself doing just that.

  “I think what Audrey means,” Edward said as he moved to stand beside Mary, slipping an arm around his wife, “is that we have all discussed this. You are our sister. There is no half-blood in our eyes. The way we feel about you doesn’t change. So we can go on just as we were, Claire. If this is what kept you away, please know that you can come home.”

  Claire shifted as she looked at the faces of her siblings and mother and all their spouses. She saw their acceptance. Their love for her. And oh, how it swelled her heart to see it there when she had so long feared that love might be damaged if the truth came out.

  “Your words mean so much to me,” she said. “More than you could ever know, I promise you that. But I can’t go back.”

  “What do you mean?” Gabriel asked, pain lacing his tone so much that Juliet caught his hand and began to smooth her fingers along it.

  Claire met her “twin’s” eyes and smiled gently at him. “I have changed, Gabriel. And so have all of you. None of us can go back to what we were the night before I deduced the truth. Or even the moment before I took Aston’s hand and rode away with him.”

  “So you are saying you can’t ever come back, because of me?” her mother said, her voice trembling. “Because of the secret your father and I kept?”

  Claire pushed from the settee and moved to crouch before her mother. She reached up and touched her cheek. “Oh no, Mama. Not that at all. I’m not saying this as a punishment. You say you loved me from the moment you held me. You wanted me—how could I hate you for that? And I think I can understand your desire to protect your child.”

  Her mother’s brow wrinkled and she tilted her head. Claire sucked in a breath, wishing she could tell her about Francesca but not ready. With everything going on, she wasn’t certain she could ever be ready.

  “Then what do you mean?” Mrs. Gray said.

  “We can’t go back,” she repeated. “But it doesn’t mean we couldn’t go forward. I can’t promise I’ll come home, but I do promise that I love you all. You are the only family I know. The only family I will ever know, considering that the woman who birthed me is long gone.”

  Her mother caught her breath, her face filled with both joy and sadness. Claire leaned up to kiss her cheek.

  “This is enough weeping!” she said with a laugh that she had to force. She pushed to her feet and moved to stand beside War at the mantel. She needed to be near him in that moment. “I look around the room and I see all these marriages, some of them quite astonishing! I have missed a great deal. Why don’t we catch up? Edward, please start. How did you meet Mary?”

  Edward held his stare on her for a long moment. She felt him reading her expression, reading her tone, trying to find the truth in who she was now. She hoped he couldn’t see it.

  Finally, he smiled. “Well now, that story begins on a terrace,” he said. “With a little bird who only wanted to fly away.”

  “Edward!” Mary said, her laughter soft and musical and immediately bonding Claire to her.

  They set off to tell the tale together and Claire leaned back to watch. The one thing that made her happy in this moment was that her siblings seemed so very happy themselves. If she had that and she could get Francesca back, that would be enough.

  At least she hoped it would be.

  Chapter Eighteen

  War watched as Claire leaned back against the carriage seat, her lips turned up in another distant smile. She made such a different image than she had just the previous day when she spent their ride sobbing. But then again, today’s visit with her family had been so very different.

  He had observed from the sidelines as she reconnected with them that afternoon and into the early evening. It had been nothing short of a wonderful experience. Watching them acknowledge her, despite what they knew of her true parentage, seeing her slowly open up and show flashes of the Claire she’d once been, bearing witness to their family bond…all of it had warmed him. He loved it for her, because whether or not she admitted it, she needed her mother and her brothers and sister.

  But another part of him shrunk at seeing her accepted back into their fold. It was her first step away from him.

  “You have a strange look on your face,” she said, drawing him from his thoughts.

  He shrugged. “Do I? You should talk. You are dreamy, my lady. Pondering your future back in your family’s arms?”

  She blinked. “No. You know I have no intention of returning completely.”

  He cocked his head. “After today I thought that might have changed.”

  She bit her lip and turned away. “No. I loved being with them, of course. But they don’t know all I’ve done.”

  “You always say what you’ve done.” He leaned forward and caught her darting gaze. “You weren’t exactly a murderer, Claire.”

  “No. Just a thief. A liar. A thief and a liar’s whore.”

  “Don’t say such things,” he said, barely reining in his anger at those words. “I will not allow you to berate yourself.”

  “It’s all true.” She sighed. “Even if it weren’t, my family doesn’t know about Francesca either.”

  “I wondered about that. Today you talked to Audrey about her impending motherhood and later Gabriel announced to you that Juliet was with child as well.”

  “He was so happy when he told me.” She said with a contented sigh. “And Juliet glowed.”

  “Yes,” he said, drawing the sound out. “Yet both were perfect openings to declare that you also had a daughter. But you didn’t. Why not?”

  The joyful expression on her face faded as she frowned. “Francesca was born out of wedlock, a bastard. I cannot bear comparisons between my siblings’ legitimate children and my own. Even if they are not spoken.”

  “They would never shun her—I think today proved that,” War said softly.

  She bit her lip, drawin
g his attention there even though he didn’t welcome desire for her in this moment, when things were so serious. “Perhaps not. But why tell them anything when my daughter won’t be in their lives, regardless?”

  “Claire—” he began.

  She held up a hand to stop him. “War, you must know that I still don’t belong with them, even if they welcome me there.”

  He let out a long sigh of disappointment. He had hoped she could be convinced, but it seemed that would require more time. “So you will still run once this is over and you have your daughter back?”

  “You sound so judgmental, War,” she said softly, folding her arms as if to protect herself. “Are you planning to reunite with your brother after we meet with him tonight?”

  He frowned. “That is entirely different and you know it. My brother is a criminal.”

  “So was I. Am I, I suppose. I would steal or lie to get Francesca back, after all. You must understand that neither of us belongs in our old worlds anymore. You because you don’t want to get hurt yourself, me because I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”

  “Don’t you see that—”

  She interrupted him again. “We could talk this in circles all night, but we have very little time before we arrive at our meeting place with your brother. So tell me, what can I expect from him?”

  War fisted his hands at his sides, frustrated both by her absolute belief that she was not worthy of her old life and her single-minded focus on Jack. It made him focus on his brother too, and he didn’t enjoy the exercise.

  “Jack.” He shook his head, wishing his mind couldn’t so easily conjure all the best memories of the brother he had abandoned all those years ago.

  The best memories weren’t why he had left.

  “Yes,” she said, leaning closer. “What sort of man is he?”

  “Charming,” he admitted. “He’ll like you straight off because you’re pretty.”

  She shook her head slightly. “And can I use that against him?”

  His eyes went wide. “What are you suggesting?”