by Amy Sedaris
Season popped corn with salt.
I eat popcorn about 3 times a week. It’s good for you, just ask your dentist.
Conn (the man who designed the title page for my book) recommends popping your kernels in bacon fat, so every year on his birthday I give him a jar of bacon fat, a good gift idea.
PORK CHOP
Panfry pork chop in olive oil and a little butter. Salt and pepper.
WHIPPED POTATOES WITH TURNIPS OR GARLIC
Peel and slice red potatoes and turnips. Cut into large cubes, boil, drain, mash with a fork. Add butter, salt and pepper, and a little milk if desired. If you want garlic mashed potatoes then add 2 garlic cloves when boiling your potatoes. Drain, mash with fork. Add butter, salt and pepper, and a little milk if desired.
A potato ricer is fantastic for this.
AVOCADO SALAD
Whisk about 1/8 teaspoon each of salt, pepper, and prepared mustard into olive oil (preferably Spanish). Add some fresh lime juice (to taste). Pour over sliced avocados.
SPINACH AND MUSHROOM SALAD
Fresh spinach, 1 bunch scallions, trimmed and sliced; ¼
pound fresh mushrooms, sliced; olive oil; lemon juice;
salt and pepper
Put spinach and scallions in a bowl, top with mushrooms and the dressing, toss and serve.
Too Hot to Cook?
Then don’t. Cook at someone else’s house or order in.
When ordering takeout, have your order planned. Nothing is more annoying for an employee at a busy restaurant than listening to a caller ask a room full of people what they want, and then going back and forth with endless inane questions like: “Does that come with cheese?” “What kind of cheese do you have?” “I’m sorry can you say that again?” “Do you have grilled onions?” “Can I have French fries instead of the salad?” “Do you have sweetened or unsweetened iced tea?” “OK, scratch that, I’ll just have the . . . You know what—I’ll call you back.”
A Gift Suggestion for Someone Who Orders in a Lot
Make a menu folder and fi ll it with menus from all the local restaurants that deliver in their area. This also makes a nice housewarming present.
Live Alone?
• Change the décor of your apartment with every season so it seems like you have more homes.
• For single servings of lasagna use mini loaf pans (5¾" by 3"). Normal size lasagna noodles fi t snugly in the pan when cut in half. You can cover the pans with foil and freeze. Bake one when you want. This is also a good gift idea for other single-dwellers.
• If you can’t live without meatballs on hand, freeze them as you make them. Place them on a cookie sheet and put them in your freezer until frozen. Then toss them in a plastic bag, they will stay separated. Heat and serve when desired. This also works well with manicotti.
• Make a half cake. Bake an eight inch one-layer cake. Cut in half, frost one side, top with the other and frost. Now you’ve got yourself a 2-layer half cake. Knock yourself out, fatty.
Fifteen-Minute Meals in Twenty Minutes
In a hurry? Are patience for hospitals?
STEAK AND SALAD
Cover broiler pan with foil. Jab a few holes and sprinkle coarse sea salt all over it. Rest your steak on top and broil, turning once. Broil to desired temperature. Top with pepper and a pat of butter.
Serve with salad of your choice.
DIMPLETON’S PANFRIED STEAK
Take a N.Y. strip steak and dimple it (embed it) with crushed pepper-corns. Heat a skillet and brush it with a little olive oil or butter. Panfry the steak on both sides until it is done to your liking. Remove the steak. Add a little butter, red wine, and onion to the drippings and cook for a little bit. Pour over your steak.
Crushing the peppercorns on the floor: Fill a dish rag with peppercorns. Place on floor and beat with a mallet. You might have to invite your downstairs neighbor up for this.
TILAPIA AND SAUTéED SPINACH
Sprinkle salt and pepper on both sides of tilapia.
Put a little olive oil in pan and sauté fish, never flipping over. Cook until you start to see the edges of the fish begin to turn white and the center gets a little pink, about 6–8 minutes. Sprinkle a little lemon on top and put in a 500°F oven for 3–4 minutes. Serve with spinach.
SPAGHETTI WITH BUTTER AND PEPPER
Boil spaghetti, melt butter, toss together with some salt and pepper.
SPINACH
Sauté minced garlic in oil, and add fresh spinach. Cook down by tossing around the leaves. Don’t add any water, but add a little lemon (this will darken the leaves a little), and some salt and pepper.
Al dente means “to the tooth.”
I like making dishes that I can eat out of the pot, standing up, over the stove. The following macaroni dishes are good for this.
PESTO AND CORKSCREW MACARONI
Pesto Sauce (see page 175). Boil corkscrew macaroni, drain. Add pesto and toss.
When you make this batch of sauce, save some and freeze it so all you have to do is melt it when you need it. My aunt Joyce kept pesto in her ice cube tray covered with see-through wrap and would just pop one out when she wanted some.
RIGATONI, BUTTER, AND GRATED KASSERI CHEESE
Boil rigatoni, toss with melted butter and grated Kasseri cheese. Salt, pepper. Parmesan cheese optional, as well as roasted pine nuts.
HUELLA’S LIGHTLY PANFRIED FISH FILLETS
3 fish fillets
Shallow bowl of milk
Shallow bowl of flour
Shallow bowl of beaten eggs
Shallow bowl of breadcrumbs
3 tablespoons of butter
Lemon
Dip the fillets in the milk, then dredge them in flour. Dip fish in egg, then roll in breadcrumbs. Melt 3 tablespoons of butter in frying pan. Fry fish. Squeeze lemon on top.
Courtesy of Hugh Hamrick.
Fowl
SOUTHERN FRIED CHICKEN
Chicken parts, legs and thighs
Buttermilk
Salt, pepper
Paprika
Flour (if you add 2T of cornstarch to the flour it will make the chicken more crispy)
Lard
Soak chicken in buttermilk seasoned with salt, pepper, and paprika overnight. Dredge the chicken pieces in flour and shake off any excess. Place chicken pieces skin side down into the heated lard in skillet. Don’t overcrowd the pan, fry in batches. Cook about 10 minutes on each side or you can fry for less and bake it off in the oven for about 30–40 minutes at 350 degrees F.
When you remove the chicken from the skillet drain on crumpled-up paper towels, not flat ones.
Part of this recipe was inspired by The Gift of Southern Cooking by Edna Lewis and Scott Peacock.
CHICKEN OF THE TAVERNS
1 chicken, cut up, or pick of the chick
1 stick of butter
2 tbsp of oil
Juice of 1 lemon
Salt and pepper
1 2-pound can of whole tomatoes
1 onion, thinly sliced 1 tsp oregano
1 tsp marjoram
1 tsp savory
1 bay leaf
½ cup of red wine
Parmesan cheese or Kefalotiri
Wash chicken well. Combine butter and oil in a pan, and heat. Pour half of oil mixture into a shallow baking pan and rest chicken pieces in it. Mix strained lemon juice in remaining mixture and baste chicken. Sprinkle the chicken with salt and pepper.
Bake at 400 degrees F for 30 minutes.
Put tomatoes and remaining ingredients in a pot. Cook for about 25 minutes and bring to a boil. Pour over chicken (after that ½ hour). Reduce oven to 350 degrees F. Continue baking for 1 hour.
Serve over spaghetti. Top with grated cheese.
Courtesy of Tiffany Sedaris.
BROWN BASMATI RICE AND CHICKEN
6 chicken thighs, or cut-up chicken
Butter
1 cup brown basmati rice
2½ cups water
Salt and pepper
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Place chicken in an oiled baking dish. Dot with butter. Add ½ cup of water and bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees (uncovered). After 20 minutes add 2 cups of water and 1 cup of rice. Stir around with the chicken, cover and bake at 400 degrees for 1 hour. Season with salt and pepper.
Serve with a salad.
KOTOPOULO PILAF (CHICKEN AND RICE)
6 chicken thighs, or cut-up chicken
Garlic powder
3–4 T of tomato paste
Salt and pepper
Butter
2½ cups of water
1 cup of raw rice
Rub chicken with garlic powder, place in an oiled baking dish or casserole dish. Coat with tomato paste.
Sprinkle with salt and pepper, dot with butter, add ½ cup of water, and bake at 350 degrees for 30 minutes, covered, turning chicken once.
Add remaining water, salt and pepper. Stir carefully to make sure that all rice sinks to the bottom of the dish. Increase to 400 degrees and continue baking for 30 minutes.
CLAYTON’S CHICKEN
You will need a clay vessel for this.
Follow the directions on the back of the clay vessel as far as preparing it to be ready for use. Immerse the pot in water for as long as the directions say. This has everything to do with getting the chicken just right.
Insert some chopped onion and garlic, and salt, pepper in the bird’s cavity, then truss it, rub the outside of the chicken with olive oil, lemon, salt, pepper, and garlic. Drain the vessel (this will make sense to you after you have read the back of the clay pot’s directions). Lay slices of lemon on the bottom and set chicken on top of that, with the lid on. Put the pot in an unheated oven, set oven at 450 for about 45 minutes.
CHICKEN PARMESAN
1 bell pepper, chopped
1 onion, chopped
1 stalk of celery, chopped
1 garlic clove, chopped
4 T of olive oil
1 can of crushed tomatoes (14-½ ounces)
1 cup of chicken broth
1 T of tomato paste
1 T parsley
1 t of sugar
¾ t of dried basil
Salt and pepper to taste
4 chicken cutlets, about 3/8 inches thick
1 large egg
¼ cup of flour
2/3 cup unseasoned breadcrumbs
2 T of butter
1-½ cups of shredded mozzarella
2/3 cup of freshly grated Parmesan cheese
Sauté the pepper, onion, celery, and garlic in 1 T of oil in a saucepan over medium heat for about 5–7 minutes. Stir in tomatoes, tomato paste, parsley, sugar, basil, salt and pepper. Simmer covered over low heat for 20 minutes. Then uncover and continue cooking for another 20 minutes until the sauce has thickened.
Pound out your chicken with a mallet until ¼ inch thick. Beat your eggs in one bowl and put your flour and breadcrumbs in separate bowls.
Dip your chicken in the flour until completely covered, then in the egg, and then in the breadcrumbs.
Heat butter and 2 T of oil in a skillet over medium heat. Add chicken. Cook turning once until light brown, about 3 minutes a side.
Heat oven to 350. Remove chicken from skillet with a slotted spatula to a shallow baking dish. Sprinkle mozzarella evenly over chicken. Spoon the sauce evenly over the mozzarella cheese. Sprinkle the Parmesan cheese evenly over the sauce.
Drizzle a little olive oil over Parmesan cheese. Bake uncovered until the chicken is tender and the cheese is golden brown, about 30 minutes.
CHIP CHOP CHICKEN POT PIE
You will need:
Puff pastry sheets (I buy mine)
1 4-pound chicken Several onions
3 stalks of celery
1 cup of sliced carrots
Several potatoes
1 box of frozen peas
6 tablespoons of flour
3 cups of chicken stock
6 tablespoons of butter, plus extra butter on hand
Tabasco sauce
Fresh parsley, if desired
Salt and white pepper
Boil a 4-pound chicken with onion and celery tops to make a broth. When chicken is done pick meat from the bone and set the meat aside. Enhance the broth the best way you know how to make it a good chicken stock. You’ll need about 3 cups.
In boiling water, add about 1 cup of sliced carrots and cover. Remove using a slotted spoon after 4 minutes. Set aside. Cut potaoes in small cubes and simmer in pot for about 7 minutes. Drain and set aside. Sauté a large onion in butter and set aside.
Make a cream sauce using butter, flour, and 3 cups of the broth. Add 6 drops of Tabasco sauce, salt, and white pepper.
In a large bowl combine carrots, potatoes, onion, box of frozen peas, and 1 cup of chopped celery ends with the chicken and gravy. Add about a fistful of fresh parsley if desired. Toss really well, adding salt and pepper to taste.
Line a baking dish with ½ of the puff pastry dough. Pour in all the chicken mixture. Dot with some butter and a little milk. Put the other puff pastry crust on top and rub top with a little milk. Bake at 450 degrees for 30–40 minutes, until brown.
CHICKEN SNATCHATORE
8 pieces chicken (1 chicken cut up)
3 T olive oil
1 sliced onion
1 bell pepper, cut into strips
2 minced garlic cloves
½ cup dry white wine
½ t dried oregano
1 t dried thyme
2 T minced fresh basil
1 bay leaf
Salt and pepper to taste 1 can peeled tomatoes, drained and chopped up
8 Italian or Greek style black olives (optional, add in the last min. before adding the veg. mixture to the chicken)
4 oz. fresh chopped mushrooms (optional, add when you are adding the onions)
Heat 2 T of oil in a large electric skillet (or regular skillet if you don’t have one) over medium heat. Place as many pieces of chicken in skillet without overcrowding and brown, turning just once. Remove chicken to a flame-proof Dutch oven. Repeat this until all your chicken pieces are browned. Add the leftover tablespoon of oil to the skillet and get that hot. Add the onion, pepper, and garlic. Stir and cook for about 6 minutes. Add the wine and reduce for 1 minute. Add the tomatoes, oregano, thyme, salt and pepper, bay leaf and simmer. Put the chicken back into the skillet, cover, simmer for 30 minutes. Transfer the chicken to a serving platter. Reduce the onion and pepper mixture in skillet, stirring until it is thick, about 4 minutes. Spoon this mixture over the chicken and top it with the fresh basil.
GARLIC CHICKEN AND WINE
You will need:
One chicken, cut up
Bottle of dry white wine
Head of garlic
Salt and pepper
Oil and butter
Tiny amount of fl our 1/3 cup of milk
Put some oil in a deep pot. Brown chicken pieces in batches until tanned. Remove chicken pieces to a plate. Keeping the pot over the heat, add the unpeeled garlic cloves and stir around. Return chicken to the pot and sprinkle a little flour on top. Pour in ½ bottle of white wine.
Reduce heat and simmer on low for 45 minutes or until chicken is tender. Season with salt and pepper. During simmering time, you can add 1/3 cup of milk. You may also add mushrooms at the end of cooking time, if desired.
Serve with mashed potatoes.
Courtesy of Hugh Hamrick.
VULGAR BARBECUE SAUCE
If you do insist on making your own sauce try this; “it’s so good it’s vulgar.”
1 stick of butter
1 onion chopped
3–4 garlic cloves minced
4 teaspoons of Tabasco sauce, more or less to taste
1 tablespoon of lemon juice
2 teaspoons of chili powder
2 cups of apple cider vinegar
1 32-ounce bottle of ketchup, more or less to taste
1-½ cups of brown sugar
4 tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce
Salt and
pepper
Melt butter in frying pan. Sauté onion and garlic until light brown.
Add remaining ingredients and simmer on low heat for 45 minutes, stirring frequently.
Keeps well in refrigerator.
Courtesy of Brenda Thomas.
CHICKEN ON THE STOVE
This is good to make when you and your husband are going out and leaving the kids at home.
Lightly flour some chicken and brown. Add salt and pepper and a little water, add some cut potatoes and onions, cover and cook 30 minutes. Add ½ bottle of red wine. Add, oregano, thyme, basil, and continue cooking until potatoes are tender and chicken is done, about 45 minutes. In the last 10 minutes add mushrooms.
BBQ CHICKEN
Everyone swears that they can make the best BBQ chicken. The key to good BBQ is the sauce, but to me, making your own BBQ sauce is like making your own Chinese food or pizza, why bother? It’s never going to taste as good as when you buy it. My recipe for BBQ sauce is as follows: I simply mix two different brands of the same kind of sauce, different prices, and then top with green, yellow, and red bell peppers for color.
I then melt ½ stick of butter with 2 cloves of garlic and baste my chicken. I place the chicken in a preheated oven (to 350) and bake for about 45 minutes. I then pour my combination sauce on and peppers over the chicken and cook for an additional 20 minutes. I try to do some degreasing and serve it with noodles and green beans and sometimes sweet potatoes and corn bread. Here is an additional way to make great BBQ chicken:
Get yourself a bottle of my brother’s Can’t Kill the Rooster BBQ sauce and use liberally. So good, people have been known to drink it. Also good for marinating chicken.
THE ROOSTER’S CHICKEN IN PHYLLO
I’ve seen my brother Paul make this so many times. He pounds his chicken breast using a plastic coffee cup that he got at the beach and he defrosts his phyllo by placing it on top of a toaster under a cabinet light, and it always turns out just the way it is supposed to.
4 boneless chicken breasts
1 garlic clove, cut in half
½ lemon
