Say Hello to the Broken-Hearted

by Dervan Brown

  “There is more?” John suddenly became skeptic.

  “Yes there is more.” She forced.

  John braced backwards and looked at her with a curious eye. “Is there something you haven’t told me?”

  “Yes there is. I should have told you from the get-go, but somehow I couldn’t find the courage to.”

  “Just spit it out for Christ sake.” John promptly ordered.

  “Promise me you will not hate me when I tell you this.” Karla pleaded. The insecurity was perturbing. She had no clue how he would react.

  John frowned at her with a direct gesture. “I am afraid I cannot do that.” She almost caught a blood clot, the words were as glazers.

  Karla sighed and proceeded anyway. She couldn’t control how he would react but figured the redemption would bring some amount of solace. “John-I-was…raped, at the age of fifteen…”

  “Hold on-wait-what?” John baffled.

  She nodded her head. “What you heard was exactly what I said.”

  “You must have lost your fucking mind at the doctor’s office. That’s unbelievable!” John still struggled to come to terms with the fact that she was raped. He was a pretty composed guy in character but that seems to have ruffled his feathers.

  “So let me get this straight. You have never found it necessary to tell me this until now?’

  She nodded her head.

  “Why!” He demanded answers.

  “John I have tried to tell you. Day and night it plagued my mind, but I didn’t know how to--please, you have to believe me.”

  “That’s all bullshit Karla! John snapped, “You and I have been through so much, I accepted you for who you are! You should have told me this from day one Karla!”

  “John please!” Karla begged as she reached out to touch him.

  “Keep your hands off me!” He shrugged her off and stood to his feet, “Don’t come near me!” He sharply stated and walked to the door. From the corner of his eyes he saw her bleeding but the pitiful gesture didn’t faze him one bit.

  “I am starting to feel like I can’t trust you anymore Karla… I believe I have made a mistake.” John Steelburg said his piece and left with a slam of the door behind him.

  Chapter 26

  Very often in life a man has to battle with his egotistic nature and what is conventionally right. You may choose to turn back and take the easy way out as long as you still have time, or you may pause for a minute and deeply acknowledge the man that you have become. You often times realize that the aspirations are too high, so you look down on your tired feet and worn out slippers, which only serve as a staunch reminder that the road is indeed rough. However, a true man picks his baggage up, puts his shoulders to the wheel and strives all the way through, even if the dream never turns into a reality.

  Six Pm.

  “So you are here…are you ready?” Ice asked John as he walked up to the pavement of the corner store.

  “I am here, and I am not turning back.” John affirmed.

  “Good, let’s go inside.” Ice ordered and led him into the store where they walked through the door that said “Employees only.” There were lockers on the side of the wall and a table with chairs at the center. The fifty watt bulb on the side of the wall dimmed slowly at intervals.

  “Have a seat.” Ice told him as he opened locker seven. From it he took out a black plastic bag and laid it on the table. “I am going to start you off selling weed.” He untied the bag and the scent diffused into the air.

  “Damn! That’s some potent stuff.” John added.

  “This here is the bestseller on the streets right now. With this you are going to make a name for yourself. Then we can get you in the big league, where the big money is at.”

  “That’s where I want to be.” John blurted.

  “Be patient, only a matter of time.” Ice assured as he packaged two different portions of the potent cannabis. “See this, this you sell for ten dollars and this you will sell for twenty. If someone wants to buy a hundred dollars worth, you sell them five of this, understand?

  “Yeah, that’s easy mathematics. Nothing to it.”

  “Good, that’s what I like to hear. By the way, you are getting my spot outside. If you need more, it’s in locker number seven. I’ll let the store manager know you are our new guy.”

  “Right, is there anything else?” John asked. He seemed anxious to cut his duck.

  “Yeah, there is one more thing.” Ice went into locker eight and took out a loaded point three eight caliber handgun.

  “This is yours--for now.” He handed it to him, but John refused to take it.

  “You didn’t say anything about a gun Ice.” John shook his head, “I do not intend on killing anybody.”

  Ice laid the Taurus magnum revolver on the table, “Look, I told you before, anything can happen and I mean anything. What if some random guy walks up to you one night and tries to rob you, what are you going to do John…run?”

  John couldn’t find an answer. He stared at the chromium piece in front of him.

  “Now do you know how to use it?” Ice asked.

  “Nahh,” He shook his head, “Never held one before.”

  “Here let me show you, it’s quite easy,” Ice took the gun up and demonstrated, “You hit the release, this right here, to open the cylinder. It has six chambers. Place the bullets pointing inwards, close it, and then aim. Make sure to aim a little below the target to compensate for the recoil, then squeeze…got it?”

  “Yeah it’s quite simple.” John took the gun and repeated the instructions. As he held the metal in his hand for the first time, he felt a thrill of control and power. Eager to squeeze one out, his imagination ran wild.

  “I’ll suggest you let it remain in the locker most of the day. When it gets dark, around eight, you keep it on you.”

  “That’s good thinking.” John handed it back to him, “I am going outside, show you how this is done.”

  Ice laughed, “Nahh, you are on your own, I have some other business to take care of tonight. I’ll catch up with you tomorrow.”

  “Alright then, catch you later.” John closed, and picked up the stash, “Time to make some money. After all I have a woman and a child on the way to provide for.” He thought as he walked to his spot outside the corner store.

  John Steelburg made three hundred dollars the first night. He did well bearing in mind that he is dew ten percent commission and only stood there for five hours. One week passed and his sales had tripled. He had already managed to save over five thousand dollars with his household bills paid. For the first time he was able to attain a hold on his finances, like the way a man should be able to. He was convinced that life had a renewed positive perspective, even with the glitches in his relationship with Karla. John somehow felt that things would work itself out for the better, his love for her hadn’t changed one bit. It may topple at times, but so far it had always managed to return to its center of gravity.

  Karla watched John as he slept like a baby in the couch. She wanted to talk to him but thought it cynical to wake him. The alarm snoozed at seven fifteen Am. He opened his eyes to find her watching him like an angel.

  “Hey!” John greeted and smiled, “Good morning.”

  “Hey, morning.” She replied softly with a slight dull gesture.

  “Are you ok baby?” John puzzled, “Is everything ok?”

  She didn’t bother to hesitate, “John where did all that money come from?” She asked.

  “What money?”

  “The money I found in your sock in the drawer.” Karla persisted.

  “Oh that money. It’s money I saved from helping people out with their handy-work…”

  “Oh so that’s what you have been doing late hours of the night, handy-man work?” Karla continued. She didn’t believe a word.

  “Yeah, pretty much, I wanted to tell you but I have been so busy, as you can see.” John continued lying.

  “Ahh huh, I damn sure realize that. You have bee
n so busy I can’t tell the last time you ate here or the last time…you-slept-beside me…in bed…”

  John stood and held her face. What he saw was a piece of diamond in the sand of a deserted island. It still had its value, just needed someone to discover and treasure it.

  “Cuz…” John opened.

  “Call me baby.”

  “Baby, I have been going through a lot lately. It’s not your fault. I take full responsibility for it. All of this is new to me Karla. I haven’t been through anything like this before, and I didn’t do a course in school about it either. What I am asking of you is to, bear with me…please.”

  “John...”

  “Call me baby.”

  “Baby, I do understand what you are going through, I do. I have lived a rough life--I know.” Karla affirmed as she held his hands, “And John, I have never stopped believing in you. I still love you like crazy, even when you walked out and slammed the door behind you. If there was ever a time when I needed you most, that was it. I felt so alone, it hurts so badly. God! I have never, never felt anything worst.”

  “I am so sorry Karla.”

  “Hold on, wait...shhh…let me finish.”

  John nodded, “Go ahead.”

  “What you did led me to believe that if something worse had to happen to me you would walk out on me just the same, may even walk out and leave me for good. So honestly John, and I have thought about this long and hard…I still do love you with all the passion of a thousand seas, but truth be told…I don’t trust you anymore--I just cant.”

  John was totally dumbfounded. The guilt suffocated him. From this point on things will never be the same.

  “Now you may speak.” Karla instructed.

  The words hit hard. An atomic bomb exploded in his chest. Coming to terms with what she just said wouldn’t be easy. Time may not even be a factor. John didn’t bother to reply. Maybe he was cognizant that words wouldn’t make a difference.

  When a woman divulges into a certain thought process, there is nothing you can do to influence her mind. You could take the moon, put it on a plate and offer it on bended knees, she will always see you differently.

  John released her cheeks, took two steps back, squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to say.” He opened his eyes to find a portrait of a stranger standing in front of him.

  “Never in a million years could I ever imagine her saying those words to my face. Still, she loves me dearly, but the trust is nothing more than a dead corpse. I may be confused, how can you claim to love someone and in the same breath you don’t trust them? That’s neither here nor there for me. I believe she is fighting-fighting to keep the relationship above the waters. It’s obvious in her eyes-the flame is dying.”

  “That’s fine, you don’t have to say anything.” Karla added.

  “Right…I am about to take a walk. Get some fresh air.” John walked to the door.

  As he turned the knob to open the door, she uttered, “John…I love you.”

  He left without giving a reply. At that point he was in a dilemma of what that really meant.

  Chapter 27

  John made the streets his comfort zone, his new home away from home. It was the only place where his mind found freedom from conflict. The exchange of weed for money, being constantly on the lookout for the police, and the fear of muggers pouncing on him to rob his money kept him on edge.

  Friday, October the 12, Eight Twenty PM.

  John opened the door of the store, as it was about time to retrieve his pistol from the locker. But suddenly he heard a voice from behind him commanded, “Hey you! Come here!”

  John paused, his first impulse told him to not look behind him, pretended he didn’t hear and proceed for the gun. Then the voice called again, this time with authority.

  “Turn around and walk this way!” He heard the car door opened, “This is the police, don’t do anything stupid!”

  “Fuck! I still have a bag of weed in my rear pocket.” John fuddled as he turned around to face the cop approaching him while the other stood at the car door.

  “Is there a problem officer?” John asked calmly.

  “Yes--you are the problem.” He was a Lieutenant. At first guess you would say he had about twenty years in the force. His approach was intolerable. Twenty years of dealing with hoodlums could easily turn anyone into a hard-ass.

  “I can assure you, I am a law abiding citizen--sir.” John responded.

  “Is that so?” He replied as if he knew more.

  “Yes that’s correct.” John kept his responses brief.

  “In that case you don’t mind if I do a quick search on you? To see if you are carrying any illegal weapons or contrabands.”

  “John stared at him sharply. If he searched him he would definitely find it.

  “Actually I do mind--unless you have a probable cause or written warrant.” John replied.

  “The officer smirked. He was sparked that John new his rights.

  “So you are a smart one huh?” The Lieutenant asked.

  “You could say that,” John added, “And by the way, how do I know you are not just criminals impersonating police officers?”

  The Lieutenant and his partner laughed, “My name is Lieutenant Fixely and this is my partner Lieutenant Davis. We are both assigned to the Trin-City police department. Now with that said, I believe we have to take you down to the station. We have to withhold you in custody for suspicion.”

  “Suspicion of what?” John questioned.

  “Suspicion of murder.” Fixely replied.

  “What! I have never killed anyone.” John pleaded.

  “Well we don’t know that yet. See there was a murder of a woman couple blocks from here two days ago. Based on what we know now, you fit the description. A man about six feet tall, sneakers, jeans, casual T-shirt, and a black tom on his head, who hangs out often at this very store. Now you can do this the easy way or you can make this difficult, your choice.”

  John was enthralled, nervous to a chicken feather and overwhelmingly confused.

  “Are they real officers? Badges, strips and a radio car…am I really a suspect? There is no way to tell for sure…Come to think of it, they could be mistaking me for Ice. I bet that’s it.” John sighed, “The safest option I have is to cooperate for now.”

  “Ok then, I guess I don’t really have a choice.” John afforded.

  “No you don’t.” Fixely replied as he took out the handcuffs.

  “No need for that.” John assured him and walked into the backseat of the radio car.

  “Oh-I-I had the time of my life, and I owe it all to you…

  “Hello!” Karla answered the ring.

  “Hey baby, where are you?” John asked.

  “I am home John, why are you calling me from a toll free number?” She puzzled.

  “Karla I can’t explain right now. I am in the Trin-City lock up. I need you to inform Calvin of this and the two of you come and bail me first thing in the morning. Do you understand me?”

  “But John-wait! What’s going on?” Karla startled by the sudden unfolding. “What did you do John?”

  “Initially they suspected that I was a killer, but further investigation later cleared my name of that. So they booked me for the drugs they found--I had a little bag of marijuana in my jeans, no big charge. So hey, just do what I tell you ok?’

  “Yeah just hang in there, I’ll do exactly as you said.”

  “Ok baby, see you in the morning then, I got to go.”

  “Ok baby, please be safe ok.”

  “Yeah I will…and Karla…I love you.”

  “I love you too John.”

  Dial tone…

  “Mr. Steelburg! Mr. Steelburg!” John heard Lieutenant Fixely yelling his name as he approached the cell.

  “It’s time to go. Your fiancée and friend is here--they posted your bail. You are free to go, come on.”

  As John exist the passage of the cells, he paused, and turned aro
und, “Hey Lieutenant…Thank you.”

  The Lieutenant nodded his head, “You are a good person kid, stay off the streets, don’t let me see you back in here.”

  “I promise you this is the first and the last.” John assured him.

  “Good--Very good.”

  John proceeded to the station lobby where he found Karla and Calvin worrying with faces in palms.

  “You two can quit distressing for a little bit, I haven’t left, I am still here.” As he said that Karla face lighted up as the moon and she thrust into his arms.

  “I am here baby-so sorry-but I’m here now.” John assured as he smoothed his fingers through her hair.

  “What were you thinking?” Karla asked as she punched his chest, “Don’t you ever scare me like that again, do you hear me?”

  “I know, I know.” John sighed, “I felt like I needed to be a man you know, provide for us. With all the expenses, and my son growing inside of you, I had no choice baby.”

  Karla stood back with her sweaty hands clasped as her jittery eyes failed to maintain a steady stare. The shocking guilt consumed her.

  “Oh God no! What have I done?” She thought.

  “Baby, are you ok, is something wrong?” John asked as he noticed her sudden fidgety disposition.

  “John there is something I have to tell you.” She gave out.

  “Yeah, what is it baby?” John puzzled.

  Karla looked behind her and realized that Calvin was standing only a few feet away.

  “On second thought, can you wait until we get home?”

  “Yeah sure, no problem. It can’t be that serious.” John assumed despite his obliviousness.

  “Hey! You are not in pain are you?” Calvin walked up and intervened.

  “Nahh, I am fine. It was no great ordeal.” John affirmed.

  “Well good to know you didn’t drop the soap.” Calvin jeered.

  “No bro, they had liquid soap.” John laughed.

  “Yeah, you got away easy this time, next time you might not be so fortunate.” Calvin alluded to the careless predicament that John had gotten involved in.

  “Hey sweetie can you wait in the car? Give us a minute please.”