by Mia Hoddell
Her throat bobbed, the frustration seeping from her expression ever so slightly.
“I’ve had a great time and it has all been down to you.” I lowered my mouth so it rested centimetres from hers. “You make me feel alive, Alaya.”
Not giving her time to escape, I closed the gap between us. My lips melded with hers and my body pressed her back into the wall as I moved one hand to cup her face.
A small whimper escaped her throat at my touch, only making me double my efforts. I kissed her harder, sucking her bottom lip into my mouth as I traced her cheekbone with my fingers, then drifted up to tangle them in her curtain of silky hair.
In case I never saw her again, I wanted to imprint everything in my mind: her sweet taste, the softness of her skin, the citrus scent of her body lotion, the feel of her body reacting to my touch as she arched against me. She’d asked me to be honest with myself and I couldn’t be more honest than admitting that Alaya consumed me like a drug. I knew one kiss wouldn’t ever be enough even though it was all I could have.
Everything from her love of life down to the little mewling sounds she made against me felt fucking perfect, and I didn’t deserve perfect. I’d already taken too much from her.
Like an ice cold shower, the realisation of what I was doing pulled me away from her. We both struggled to catch our breath as I rested my head on my fist that still remained against the wall.
“That was … it … um … what was that?” she whispered, her words causing her exhales to sweep over my neck.
“I had to know.”
“Know what?”
“What it would be like, even if it was only once.” My voice came out hoarse, the emotions lodging in my throat choking me. They constricted around my heart, tightening to form an ache in my chest that proved impossible to ignore.
“Why do I get the feeling you’re trying to tell me good-bye?”
“This was the best week of my life. I mean it, so thank you.” Pushing off the wall, I smiled down at her. My lips trembled and my expression faltered so I forced my gaze from her eyes as soon as I saw the confusion welling in them. I’d have caved instantly if she kept looking at me like that.
I dropped my lips to her forehead, placing a quick kiss against her skin before dragging myself away. “Good night, Gingernut.”
Without glancing back I strode down the corridor, not wanting to see the state I left her in. It was a dick move, but I had to know. She told me to go after what I wanted in life, and I couldn’t move on without knowing what she felt and tasted like. Even though I knew nothing would ever compare to her and that she’d ruin me.
She was going to hate me tomorrow if she didn’t already, but it was better than the alternative.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Alaya
I knew he’d been saying good-bye. His avoidance of the question and repeated thanks were enough of a tip off. I couldn’t figure out what happened during his phone call, but he came back changed. I kept quiet out of anger for how he spoke to me, and frustration that I wasn’t allowed to know. It may have not been my place, yet if I had to take orders because of it I assumed it gave me some kind of rights.
After he left me in the hallway it took me a full ten minutes to pull myself back together. I stared at the empty corridor the whole time, willing him to come back to me even though my head told me he wasn’t … ever. Part of me wanted to follow him and demand an explanation. However, I didn’t want to be that type of girl. If he could brush me off easily then I vowed to do the same and move on. After all, I’d sworn not to settle down, so in theory he’d done me a favour and saved me the hassle of asking him to leave at the end of the week.
Telling myself that was one thing, convincing myself of it was another. And it didn’t stop it hurting the next day when faced with an empty hotel lobby.
I’d been waiting for half an hour; the bus was five minutes from arriving to take us paragliding, and Cole still hadn’t appeared. I glanced across at Rose manning the reception desk. Striding over to her, she peered up on instinct when my shadow blocked out her sun.
“Aren’t you meant to be leaving?”
I nodded. “Can you check something for me? Cole’s supposed to meet me here and I think he may have checked out last night.”
“Why would he have done that?”
“Can you just check it, Rose? He stayed in room twenty-nine.” I glanced at the clock anxiously. If he hadn’t then I was going to have to rush up to his room.
Rose’s perfectly manicured nails clacked against the keyboard then the mouse clicked as she scanned the information. When she peered up at me with pity filling her eyes she didn’t need to voice the words.
Bastard.
“It says he checked out at one a.m.”
“I knew it. I knew he was telling me good-bye with his kiss.” The sound of a vehicle coming down the gravelled drive caught my attention as the tyres crunched against the stones.
“Wait, what?” Rose latched on to my slip up instantly and I wanted to slam my hand down on the desk. Damn me and my big mouth.
“I’ll tell you about it when I get back,” I shouted over my shoulder, the bus mercifully pulling to a stop and saving me from her.
“You’re still going?” She sounded surprised by the thought for some unknown reason.
Spinning around at the doors, I gave her a toothy grin. “Of course. This was always the plan, with or without Cole.”
I don’t know if she bought the brave face I dredged up because the rueful shake of her head said otherwise. Without sparing her a second glance I jogged on to the bus. I chose a seat on the opposite side to the hotel, only allowing my expression to droop when I was settled and out of sight. Cole’s actions hurt. No matter how much I prayed not to be affected, he’d sliced me open. An emptiness filled my chest. My usual energy deserted me; the bubbly attitude that caused me to walk everywhere with a spring in my step dampened.
I thought he would at least have had the guts to say good-bye in person.
We’d only known each other for around a week, but I thought we got along. He seemed to like me, and although there were things he hid, he was still open with everything else. Was the word good-bye really so hard to speak?
Folding my arms against my chest, I slumped down into the uncomfortable chair and rested my head on the glass. Had I known Cole wouldn’t show up then I would have brought something other than my camera to entertain myself. It was strange how quickly I’d become used to his presence so that it now felt strange for him not to be sitting next to me.
* * *
“When I tell you, I want you to run towards the edge of the cliff. Even when you go over the edge keep pumping your legs until I tell you to stop,” Vincent, my instructor said, a French accent breaking up his English. Strapped to him, very intimately I might add, in the tandem harness, we stood on top of one of the cliffs in Eze.
Already my heart thrummed in my chest, pushing the adrenaline through my veins rapidly. Cole felt like a distant memory as I looked over the coast. The deep blue sea was all I could see this far back from the edge of the cliff. Its surface shimmered in the sweltering sunlight and merged with the pale blue horizon in the distance. The faint sound of waves breaking along the shore drifted up to us, along with the salty tinge to the air, hinting at the beach below.
“Es tu, prête? Are you ready?”
“Yes.” Nervous excitement bubbled through me, but I couldn’t contain the delight lighting up my face. I didn’t want to wait any longer.
“On three you run as fast as you can and don’t stop until I tell you.” I felt him move behind me as he inflated the canopy, but I kept my gaze focused on the edge of the cliff I needed to run off. “Un, deux, trois.”
I started running. Pumping my legs as fast I could, I battled the urge to stop before I hit the edge. All of my natural instincts cried at me to stop, that I was going to topple over the edge if I didn’t. Ignoring them, I held on to the straps of my harness over my shoulders
and charged forward until my feet left the ground and Vincent told me I could stop.
Suddenly I was airborne.
I let out a squeal of laughter when the excitement flowed over and needed to escape. I flung my arms out to the side, allowing the full feeling of weightlessness to hit me as the gentle breeze caressed my skin and contrasted with the boiling rays of the sun. Full elation consumed me, the feeling not comparable to anything I’d ever felt.
It was true freedom.
We soared above Eze, the coastline now fully visible as Vincent guided the parachute through the thermals. The water became more turquoise the closer to the beach it got and white foam broke against the bleached sand. It created a thin band along the entire coastline in the shape of a deformed horseshoe, while the parasols and people below were small, multi-coloured dots on the beach as they sunbathed.
Pulling us up higher into the air, Vincent directed us to overlook the buildings below. Their white walls and terracotta roofs stood out among the greenery. It was like staring down at a model village. The streets crisscrossed in a grid, the small passageways dividing the buildings up. A road weaved up the mountain like a golden ribbon. The sandy track paled in comparison to the dense foliage around it.
Picking my camera up from where it dangled from my wrist, I snapped picture after picture.
I gazed up at all of the blue surrounding me. It was the closest I would ever get to flying and the peacefulness astounded me. I didn’t think I’d ever heard complete and utter silence, yet up in the sky there was nothing.
No traffic, no people, no birds, no wind swirling through the trees.
Just me and the sky.
I even managed to forget Vincent was strapped in behind me until he spoke. “Do you want to take the controls?”
“I’m allowed to do that?”
“Oui,” he said, then proceeded to explain how everything worked and handed over the control lines.
Hesitantly at first, I turned the glider, still marvelling at how weightless I felt. As I became more comfortable with the controls I made sharper turns, the glider swooping above us. I was just getting into things when I had to relinquish the controls once more.
Vincent guided us lower, steering us towards an empty stretch of beach. The feeling of gravity began to return as we exited the thermals, and the closer we got to the ground the stronger it became. Pulling us back to Earth, I kept my knees up as instructed until we crashed into the sand.
The parachute billowed behind us and finally deflated as Vincent unstrapped me.
“That was amazing! Merci beaucoup,” I cried, using my limited French while I bounced on the spot to try and relieve the adrenaline still coursing through my body. I’d never been on a high so big.
Vincent smiled at me and with a nod set about collecting the gear to clear the way for the other gliders to land. We’d been up in the air for at least twenty minutes but it felt nowhere near long enough. I already wanted to go again.
Heading towards the minibus that would eventually take the group back to the hotels we came from, I collected my belongings and changed back into my shorts. The package I’d booked gave me three hours to do whatever I liked before the bus left after gliding, and I planned to make the most of it.
Checking the time on my phone, I set an alarm to give myself thirty minutes to get back to the bus, and headed into the village. I wasn’t sure where I was, seeing as we’d travelled quite a way from our starting point. However, the narrow, cobbled streets soon sucked me into the town.
Once again, the area thrived with history. It looked ancient with its stone houses that had steps leading off in every direction to form a maze. Like a medieval village, it transported me back in time so much I almost expected to find knights in shining armour walking around. A few of the buildings had some types of crawling plants and vines covering part of the stonework, and the old wooden doors finished off the quaint atmosphere.
Hand-painted, wooden signs hung halfway up the buildings, sky blue the most common colour among them all. With my limited French I had no way of translating the writing. However, gazing through the window gave me a good indication of what lay inside them.
As I moved further into the maze the smell of fresh bread wafted in the air. Like a cartoon character following a scent trail with their nose, I found myself drawn in the direction of a bakery.
“Bonjour,” I said, smiling at the man behind the counter. If I were to guess, I would’ve placed him in his late thirties. His face was rounded, and his gentle eyes were partly obscured by his thick rimmed glasses. Wisps of jet black hair peeked out from under his white newsboy hat, and he wore something that resembled chef whites.
He smiled at me and I pointed at the pain au chocolat behind the glass barrier. “Uh … deux?” Yep, that was all I knew, and I held up my fingers in case I somehow got it wrong.
The man nodded and bagged up two of the pastries. My mouth watered at the thought of taking a bite, and pulling out my purse I paid then took the food he handed over. No matter how much I wanted to eat them straight away I refrained. I placed them into my bag and exited the shop with a small wave. Normally, I would have finished at least one by now, yet the shop across the street caught my attention.
When it came to shiny objects I was like a magpie, so the vast array of stone animal carvings were like a light to a moth for me. On the shady side of the street the window display was illuminated by small bulbs, the light catching on the polished surfaces.
I stepped into the store in awe, marvelling at the detail on the animals. As I did, movement behind the counter caught my attention. An elderly woman stepped out from behind the beaded curtain, her glasses resting on the edge of her nose and her grey hair tied in a messy bun on top of her head.
“Bonjour.”
“Bonjour. Uh … Parlez-vous anglais?” I asked, knowing I wouldn’t be able to hold any kind of conversation with the woman in French.
“Oui. Je parle anglais.” She nodded her head, smiling.
“These are beautiful. Did you make them?” I pointed at the sculptures. My eyes kept being drawn to the obsidian elephant with its mottled colours ranging from almost clear near the trunk to yellow under the belly and moving towards pinks and purples at the feet.
“Oui. They’re guardians—to protect. Each symbolise characteristics.”
“What do they mean?”
She listed off some of the more well-known animals and their qualities and I nodded along. When she got to the more unique animals I listened with interest.
She held up a yazilind creature for me to inspect. “Otter. Means laughter, mischief, curiosity.”
Smiling, I handed it back to her and she instantly replaced it with an onyx deer. “Good intuition. They have strong survival instincts on whether they need to flee.”
Her words sent a stab of pain through my chest and I barely managed to hold back the strangled gasp. They sent my thoughts sailing straight back to Cole. The animal summed him up perfectly. He’d chosen to flee, his survival instincts kicking in to make him. I knew he left because of whatever he’d been told during his phone call, but it didn’t make it any easier to accept.
I kicked myself mentally.
I shouldn’t have cared.
Every thought and memory of his existence needed to be forgotten, only that proved I did care … too much.
I brushed off the thought, refusing to pine after someone I hardly knew. He made the choice to leave and I couldn’t allow his decisions to control me. It was the whole reason behind my no guys rule. I came so close to breaking it, but I would bounce back.
Refocusing my attention on the woman, she held up her finger in the universal gesture of one minute and disappeared back behind the beaded curtain. Seconds later she reappeared with another piece in her hand. She held her hand out over the counter, gesturing for me to take the stone.
Gently, she placed it into my palm. I glanced down to see a jade dragonfly, its body made from gold that held all of the st
ones together. Gingerly, I picked it up and admired it from every angle.
“It symbolises living in the moment, change … self-realization.” She pointed at me. “You.”
I gasped. This woman managed to pin me down to the exact insect that represented what I was doing within a matter of moments without me saying anything. Her ability proved impressive and unnerving.
“How much?”
“Sixty euro.” It put a bigger dent in my funds than I liked, yet I had to have it.
I drew my purse out of my bag and extracted the right amount of notes. I’d specifically packed money for paragliding, a gut feeling telling me I would need it when coming to a small village. Handing the money and pendant back to the woman, she once again disappeared behind the beaded curtain. After a few minutes, she returned with the dragonfly on a key ring. She wrapped it in a bag and held it out to me.
“Merci. Au revoir.”
“Bonne journée … have a nice day,” she replied as I left the shop to spend the rest of my time on the beach with my eReader.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Cole
I couldn’t keep my gaze from drifting skyward through the window of the train. Every now and then the odd cloud drifted in and out of view, but apart from that the sky remained clear of any obstacles. It kept pulling my thoughts back to Alaya and whether she floated up there somewhere.
I hoped so.
The last thing I wanted to do was prevent her from achieving the things she set out to. Maybe I sounded egotistical. To think I’d have had such a profound effect on her after only a few weeks seemed ludicrous. However, it was exactly what she did to me. With every mile the train ate up, the spark she’d reignited within me died a little more. Suffocated by the threats hanging over my head, the moments of happiness Alaya had managed to conjure were being extinguished.
