by Mia Hoddell
That was what I wanted, though, right?
I needed to die again and disregard all of my feelings so I could return to the monotonous life of someone in hiding. The only way I’d be able to do that was to squash any flicker of the emotions she’d brought out in me. They didn’t belong in the life I needed to live.
If Crowley ever found me I really would be dead and I couldn’t allow Alaya to suffer because of her association to me. He should have been locked up for life with the things he’d done. Nevertheless, Crowley knew better than to actually get his hands dirty. With no evidence tying him to his more sinister crimes, they’d only been able to prosecute him for identity fraud with the intent to distribute. It got him ten years in a minimum security prison … seven with good behaviour.
Obviously, Crowley played the system right because he wandered the streets again. It didn’t matter whether he was on parole, the dealings he made would never be traced back to him and so he’d resume his leadership and pull the strings from behind the scenes.
I couldn’t believe some unknown bastard may have put me back on his radar. Levi had been right; when I checked my wallet, both of my credit cards were missing. I only had two. They were old and I never emptied my wallet so I stored them along with the PINs I could never remember. A stupid mistake I now realised. However, they were the last reminder of who I used to be and I hadn’t had the heart to throw them away and erase that man completely.
Somehow the asshole who stole them managed to take my wallet, remove the cards, and replace the wallet all without me noticing. It was lucky I’d not added any more cash to it. The most I lost was fifty euro, and so I worried more about the cards. Even if Levi had cancelled them and wiped all traces, it did nothing to assuage the fear Crowley may have seen them. The chances were slim, but I knew Crowley and he’d monitor everything to do with me after the stunt I pulled … even if I was supposedly dead.
That was what killed me the most: the waiting. Not knowing whether someone hunted me. It forced me to flee once more, and only one place stood out in mind. I’d been away from Alaya for a fucking night, yet she still consumed most of my thoughts and guided me. I was stupid to think I would be able to cut her out after everything, even if she hated me now, so I planned to head to Germany. I knew she’d show up at some point and all I hoped was by the time Christmas came around I would know for certain whether I was safe or not. Without being able to guarantee her some security I’d be forced to leave again, and I didn’t think I possessed the strength to give her up for a second time.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Alaya
I was about to walk through the swinging doors leading out of the kitchen and into the dining area when the plate I carried was abruptly removed from my hand. A hand settled on my back, and using my momentum it spun me around to face the kitchen once more.
“That’s a plate for washing up. Your meal is over there,” Rose said, and when I took a step back I noticed she held the dirty plate I was about to deliver to a customer.
“Oh … yeah.” I headed over to the stainless steel worktop where the correct meal rested. Picking it up in one hand, I reached for the condiment bottles with the other.
“That’s syrup, Alaya. Ketchup is to your left,” Rose called out again when I clasped a bottle. Glancing down at the bottle of maple syrup I held with irritation, I let out an infuriated sigh. I was really off my game today … all week in fact.
Rose settled a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. “Why don’t you finish early? The restaurant’s almost empty so I can cover you. I’ll come and find you after my shift ends.”
“No, I can manage. I’m fine, really.”
“No offence, Alaya, but in the last half hour alone you’ve tried to serve three plates that were meant for washing up, given two tables the wrong bill, and mixed up the sauces numerous times.”
I gave her a sheepish look. “My head isn’t in the room today. I’m sorry.”
“I think I figured that out long before you.”
“Maybe I should clock off early.”
“That’s the best idea you’ve had all day.” Rose grabbed the plate from me and with her free hand she pointed towards the door. “I’ll find you in an hour or so, and then you can tell me what’s going on. Although I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the asshole.”
I fought back a smile at the use of Rose’s nickname for Cole. Ever since he left she refused to call him anything apart from ‘the asshole’.
“You don’t need to do that—”
“I am and I will. Now move.” With a final shove she pushed me from the kitchen and went to serve the meals.
Things had become so screwed up since Cole left. I hardly stayed present in the real world anymore. Rose described it as if I sleepwalked everywhere. My body went through the motions of life but my mind drifted elsewhere.
It was an accurate description.
For the last week I’d thrown myself into my work as a distraction. I forgot all about my list of activities I wanted to try out, and when I wasn’t working I hid out in my room. When I tried to convince myself Cole didn’t matter, I was lying.
Of course he did.
I couldn’t explain it, but something about him challenged me even further. He’d intrigued me instantly, and since our first meeting he consumed the majority of my thoughts. It was why I denied everyone’s comments about falling for him; I’d hoped when shit like this happened I would have been able to move straight on.
Turned out everyone else was right.
He worked his way into my life, fed off my freedom, and then he took it with him. I’d grown too close and now nothing held the same appeal without him there to make me laugh.
He said he wasn’t bored of me, yet maybe he lied. It wouldn’t have been the first, after all. In fact, I shouldn’t have even been surprised by the disappearing act. He warned me frequently enough that he was no good, I just ignored it. And now I was paying.
I punched the pillow on my bed. Of course I wasn’t the problem. We had fun until he received a phone call, and from then on everything changed.
What could someone have told him to cause him to flee so rapidly?
I moved out on to my balcony. Even the sun didn’t have any effect on me these days.
Fuck, I never thought I’d be one of these girls.
Sitting down with a huff, I folded my arms on the table and rested my head on them. At some point I must have drifted off because I remembered nothing else until Rose poked my shoulder and snickered at me.
“Feeling any better?” she asked when I squinted up at her. She stood in front of the sun, making the edges of her body glow until she collapsed on the chair next to me.
I brought my hand up to my eyes lazily. It felt as if I was trying to pick up a ten kilo dumbbell as I rubbed them, noting the circular imprints on my cheek from lying on the table. Rose stared at me, waiting for an answer I didn’t have.
“What happened, Alaya? Things were going great. You loved it here, and now you barely enter the real world.”
“I think it’s time I moved on.” Where did that come from? The words startled me as they slipped from my lips. Regardless, as I mulled them over they only grew in appeal. It meant cutting my plan of three months per country short by two, yet it sounded exactly like what I needed.
A new location.
No memories.
Another new start.
“I thought we had all summer? What did the asshole do to you? I know it’s his fault, and I think it’s about time you explained the kiss because I’ve let you wallow long enough.”
My shoulders slumped. “What’s there to explain? He kissed me to tell me good-bye.”
She raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow dubiously. “I know you’re not telling me the whole story so spill it.”
“There really is nothing to tell. We met on the train, he found me here, we hung out, and then he left after kissing me.”
“Wow, you must have been terrible for
a guy to check out of a hotel because of it.”
“Really? You think that’s helpful right now?”
“No, sorry.” At least she had the decency to appear apologetic.
I knew she didn’t mean it; I was just taking everything to heart a lot quicker these days. “I don’t know, Rose. Is it weird to miss someone this much after only a few weeks?”
“You fell for him, Alaya.” She raised a hand to cut off my protest. “You fell for him hard, end of discussion. Don’t bullshit me with denial.”
I puffed out a breath and deflated into my seat. “I know.”
The applause to my right drew my sceptical gaze back to her instantly.
“Finally, you admit it! That’s step one on the road to recovery.”
“Isn’t that for alcoholics?”
She waved me away nonchalantly. “It applies to your case too.”
“What’s step two?”
“Deciding what to do about everything. Either you suck it up, forget him, and move on, or you don’t give up on finding him.”
I dropped my gaze to the table top again and traced the patterns with my finger. “Unless he comes to me we’ll never see each other again. We never exchanged numbers—not that it would have mattered seeing as he threw his phone into the river—and he’s not even on social media.” Yeah, I’d reached the level of sadness where I attempted to cyber stalk him. “Who doesn’t have an account on at least one site nowadays? He doesn’t want to be found.”
She reached out to touch my knee, her smile weak and her expression pitying. “You know what you have to do then, right?”
I only peered up at her, my head tilted to the side in question. My eyebrows knitted together, knowing I wasn’t going to like whatever she had to say.
“Stop looking. You have to forget him, Alaya. If there really is no chance of you seeing him again you have to forget him, and we’re going to start now. I need some girl time and I think you could use it too.”
I groaned. I wanted to wallow and be self-deprecating.
“Come on, stand up.” She hauled me from my seat, throwing me out of it like someone had detonated an airbag beneath me.
“Rooose,” I whined, my head lolling back and my body limp as she dragged me through my room. While she meant well, I didn’t feel like doing anything other than staying in my room away from the world so I didn’t notice how numb I was becoming. If I had nothing to get excited about, then I couldn’t compare the empty feeling inside of me to anything. There were no highs or lows; just a casual acceptance of my existence.
“Shut it. You came here for adventure and I’m not allowing you to throw away your opportunity because of one asshole. When you arrived you were free and loved life. You’re going to get that back even if it kills me, so deal with it … or I’m phoning Dalton.”
Trust me to make friends with the only other employee who knows Dalton personally.
“Fine. Can I at least know where we’re going?”
“We’re going to get crêpes and then we’re going to sit out by the lake.”
* * *
It turned out “crêpes” had been Rose’s code for cocktails.
Typical.
We placed our order at the bar and as soon as our drinks were made up, Rose insisted on taking them out to the lake. Personally, I didn’t think alcohol, negative emotions, and water mixed. Then again, I didn’t have a choice.
We sat on a boulder a little way off the path and out of view from the hotel. Silver Firs partially surrounded the lake, but the sun had risen too high for them to cast any kind of shadow over us. I swirled my feet in the clear water, staring at the smooth pebbles beneath the rippled surface as I slurped up the centimetre of drink I had left through my straw. Against the tranquil background noises, I sounded like a plughole. The thought made me giggle as I imagined someone pulling the plug on the lake and it emptying like a sink.
“Please don’t tell me it only takes one Sex on the Beach for you to become tipsy.”
“I’m good.” I collapsed back against the rock, throwing my arms over my head and letting the glass fall to the ground with a clink. And it was true. I felt lighter, not so empty inside as a contented smile worked its way on to my lips and the rays warmed me. Okay, maybe the alcohol had a slight effect.
“Are you sure?”
“Mmm hmm.” I hummed, not bothering to open my eyes.
Suddenly Rose’s hands found my side, and with a shove she pushed me off the rock. With nothing to hold on to and no time to react, I landed ass first in the shallow water and kicked up a splash.
I shrieked in surprise, but soon caught myself. The water had been warmed by the afternoon sun, making the shallows feel like a hot bath. I glared up at Rose, lifting one hand to block out the sun. She lay back on the rock, holding her stomach. Her body shook with uncontrolled laughter.
“I cannot believe you did that!” Flicking up water with my hands, I made sure as much connected with her as possible.
She squealed, flailing her legs like an insect stuck on its back. I picked up more water, cupping my hands together so I could carry it right over her head. Making sure she had her mouth closed, I released the mini shower with a giggle.
Rose jolted up, sliding off the rock so she landed shin deep in water. Immediately, she kicked up a splash, her leg moving so quickly I didn’t have time to dodge the attack. Cool droplets hit my shirt, seeping through to my skin, and I turned away to shield my face from her attack. I didn’t see her moving towards me until it was too late. Her hands landed on my shoulders and the next thing I saw was sky before she plunged me beneath the water. The sharp sting of cold bit into my skin and cut off my yelp.
When Rose dropped her hands from my shoulders, I pushed myself to the surface and shook my head to clear my eyes. Blinking up at Rose, she looked smug as she tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear and began wading towards the shore.
“What the hell was that for?” I cried, trying my best to sound irritated, only I struggled to stop giggling. The cold dip washed away the numb sensation and happiness filled its place. Life flowed through my veins and I felt revived once more.
“To get you out of your funk. And by the looks of it, my job is done.” She bowed dramatically. “You’re welcome.”
I threw myself backwards. Letting my ears dip beneath the surface, I lay on my back and stared up at the sky. It silenced all noises except for the gentle splashes of movement around me in the water. The sun dried the droplets on my skin rapidly, and shutting my eyes I allowed myself to float there.
Taking a deep breath, I held it, enjoying the feeling of weightlessness again. It couldn’t compare to soaring, however it came a close second. If I could, I would have stayed there all day and let a current dictate my journey. My problems would seep into the water and trail behind me as I flowed around the world.
Flecks of water landing on my face interrupted my dreaming. They forced me to squint against the light, and the sight of Rose’s face peering over me once more had my body sinking like a block of cement as I lost my balance. I took in a mouthful of water when I went under, the natural taste of pond weed and stagnant water forcing me to spit it straight back out the second I came back up for air.
Rose appeared too pleased with herself.
“You’re not getting away with that a second time.” Sensing she planned to retreat, I dived on her back. Clinging to her like a baby, I wrapped my arms around her neck and my legs around her waist. The force of my landing caused her knees to buckle, sending us both back into the water headfirst.
I pushed off from her and waited for her to surface a few metres away. When she did I roared at the mass of blonde hair she had to push out of her mouth and untangle.
“Now we’re even.”
“What are you two doing?” a third voice shouted from behind us.
Jumping in shock at the recognisable, male voice, we both spun. My mouth dropped open at the sight of Dalton on the bank, his hands lowering from where he�
��d cupped them over his mouth. He shook his head with a chuckle as he watched us wade towards him.
“I thought you weren’t going to call him,” I hissed at Rose.
She stared at me like I was stupid. “I didn’t. And even if I did he wouldn’t have arrived so quickly.”
I shrugged, then glanced across at Rose with a knowing grin as an idea formed. I jerked my head towards Dalton. For a second she looked confused, but when I opened my arms and started to run she caught on quickly.
“Don’t you even think about it, Alaya.” His tone remained light and full of humour so I continued. Even with his back peddling I caught up with him easily.
Wrapping my arms around him, I hugged him tightly and Rose did the same from the other side to soak him. He grumbled too low for me to decipher his words, although he soon relented and hugged us back.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, stepping back and wringing the water from my hair. When I peered up, two dark splodges covered either side of Dalton’s body.
“I own the place, remember? Or has the heat gone to your head?”
“Not the heat, probably the cocktail she just downed,” Rose laughed and wrung out her shirt.
“And here I was thinking I sent you on a journey of self-discovery.”
I rolled my eyes at his teasing tone. Shoving his arm he barely even moved under my assault. “This was the first drink I’ve had since moving out here.”
He watched Rose as if awaiting confirmation. Having known him for the last five years, though, I knew he was only trying to wind me up. Dalton was a relaxed guy, and a boss you could have a joke with—at least around a select few. He treated me more like a daughter than an employee, and nothing he said was ever serious. He acted like a big kid himself as long as things didn’t affect his business.
“Seriously, what brings you out here? You didn’t tell me you’d be coming.”
“I like to keep everyone on their toes every now and then. I couldn’t have you giving them a heads up, could I? Anyway, I thought I’d come and check up on you as well. It’s not the same back in Cornwall without you.”
