Girl Alone: Joss came home from school to discover her father’s suicide. Angry and hurting, she’s out of control.

by Cathy Glass

  ‘Have you finished your homework?’ I asked.

  ‘I’ve done the hour,’ Joss said, which wasn’t the same thing, but I left it at that. She’d done an hour and I knew that, with only three weeks before the end of term and the academic year, the schools were reducing homework – Adrian, Lucy and Paula had less. ‘Miss says I’m doing well,’ Joss added.

  ‘Excellent. Good girl. You’ve earned back the pocket money you lost for swearing.’

  ‘Wow,’ Joss exclaimed a little sarcastically. But I could see she was pleased. It was part of Joss’s armour to reject praise and compliments as though she didn’t care: a defence mechanism to stop others getting close to her, in the belief that this would protect her from being hurt again.

  Joss went out as soon as we’d finished dinner, but to my surprise she returned at 9.20 p.m., ten minutes early.

  ‘Are you all right?’ I asked, fearing she might be ill or that something bad had happened to her.

  ‘Zach said I should get back on time and do as I’m told more.’ Which stopped me in my tracks. I was amazed, although I wasn’t about to revise my opinion of Zach yet, for Joss had come in sucking a mint.

  ‘Did he give you alcohol?’ I asked.

  ‘Only a little cider. But we didn’t go to Chelsea’s flat,’ she added, as though this made it all right.

  ‘How much is a little?’ I asked.

  ‘One small bottle.’

  ‘Joss, we need to talk,’ I said. I closed the front door.

  ‘I’m not drunk!’ she exclaimed. ‘Not on one small bottle. And you’ve already told me how bad alcohol is for me so let’s skip the lecture. I’m tired, I need to go to bed.’

  ‘It’s not about alcohol,’ I said. ‘Although you shouldn’t be drinking at all. Your social worker has asked me to have a chat with you about sex and relationships.’

  Joss groaned and pulled a face. ‘Must we? I’m not doing it, if that’s what you think.’

  ‘I don’t, and I’m pleased to hear it, but I want to have that chat with you anyway. It’s not late and it won’t take too long.’

  Joss groaned again but came with me into the living room where we sat in the easy chairs. During the evening I’d given much thought to what I wanted to say, so I had my words ready.

  ‘Joss, I’m going to speak to you frankly and honestly. Please listen to what I have to say, as it is important. Stop me if you have any questions or comments. All right?’

  She gave a small nod but looked down at her hands in her lap.

  ‘Sometimes us girls have to make difficult decisions in respect of boys – or, as in Zach’s case, young men. They may want a physical relationship before we are ready or old enough. I was a teenager once and I can remember the conflicting emotions I felt. Attitudes have changed since then, but I think it is still true today that sex is much better in a loving and committed relationship. This is what I’ve told Adrian, Lucy and Paula and all the teenagers I’ve fostered. But I know girls can feel pressurized into agreeing to have sex and then later regret it. They might not like to say no, because they want to please the boy and keep him as their boyfriend. Any boy or man who says they will leave a girl if they don’t have sex with them isn’t worth hanging onto. I’ve even heard of boys telling girls that if they don’t have sex and ejaculate regularly it makes them ill.’

  Joss smiled, or rather smirked, but didn’t look up.

  ‘That’s nonsense, of course,’ I said. ‘And in this country, as in many others, it is illegal for an adult to have sex with a young person – under the age of sixteen. There is a good reason for this, Joss. It’s because the law recognizes that young people don’t have the maturity to deal with a sexual relationship and can be easily taken advantage of. The law protects them, as I am trying to protect you. Although a girl always has the right to say no, I am concerned that by drinking alcohol and smoking cannabis you are putting yourself in a position where you could agree to something you later regret, or be coerced or forced into it.’

  ‘Zach’s not like that,’ Joss protested, finally looking up. ‘He respects me. He wouldn’t do anything I didn’t want to. I know him. We’re going to wait.’

  ‘Good, but Amelia has asked me to talk to you about contraception. Contraception is free and the service is confidential. You can go to the doctors or the family planning clinic if you need to. Do you know where they are?’

  ‘Yes, but I don’t need them. I’m not doing anything.’

  I looked at her carefully. ‘Joss, when I collected you from Chelsea’s flat on Saturday you were on the sofa with Zach and your clothes were all ruffled.’

  ‘Yeah, but we were only kissing and cuddling,’ she said. ‘Honestly. Tell Amelia I don’t need contraception. I’m not like that, and Zach isn’t either.’

  ‘I’ll tell her,’ I said. ‘Does Zach know how old you are?’

  ‘Yes, and he said he’s happy to wait until I’m older. He’s not what you and Amelia think. He’s polite and thoughtful. He’s interested in me as a person, not my body. He treats me like an adult and listens to what I have to say. He’s so kind and sympathetic about what happened to me when I was little, about my dad. He cares about me and looks out for me. He brings me home in his car to keep me safe. He loves me, Cathy, and we’re going to get married as soon as I’m old enough.’ Joss stopped. Her eyes glistened with passion and adoration for Zach.

  ‘Why doesn’t he have a girlfriend his own age?’ I asked.

  ‘He doesn’t like them. He says most of them are self-opinionated tarts. He likes me because I’m fresh and innocent.’

  Which did nothing to lessen my concerns.

  ‘How did you meet him?’

  ‘At Chelsea’s flat. I told you, he’s one of her uncles. She has lots of uncles, of all ages.’

  ‘On her father’s side of the family or her mother’s?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ Joss said with a shrug. ‘But Zack is a real gentleman. He looks after me, not like that creep Eric.’

  I could see that, having lost her own father so young and in such tragic circumstances and then not getting on with her stepfather, Joss could be attracted to a father figure in a partner, but from what I’d seen of Zach he certainly wasn’t that.

  ‘Does Zach work?’ I asked.

  She nodded. ‘Sort of. He’s in business. He’s doing well. He always pays for everything.’

  Including drink and drugs, I thought but didn’t say. ‘What sort of business? Do you know?’

  ‘No. Zach doesn’t like talking about work or himself when he’s with me. He says he’d rather talk about me. I’m more interesting.’ She smiled. ‘He’s not like the boys at school, Cathy. They’re so immature and silly. All they can talk about is themselves and football. Zach is very mature and not at all silly. He’s responsible.’

  I think at thirteen and in Joss’s position I might have fallen for Zach’s charm too, but with maturity and the insight that came from fostering, I wasn’t swayed by what Joss had told me. Indeed, I was more concerned than ever. I was pleased that Joss had opened up, but from what she’d said it sounded to me like sweet-talking Zach was slowly, carefully and very cleverly grooming her. However, I knew that any more warnings or negativity from me would drive Joss further into his ‘understanding’ arms. It was back to the same old problem: if Joss had been my daughter I would have done whatever it took to keep her safe and away from Zach, but as a foster carer I was very limited in what I could do.

  ‘Joss, rather than you keep going to Chelsea’s flat, why not bring Zach here?’ I suggested.

  She laughed out loud.

  ‘What’s the matter? It seems reasonable to me. This is your home for now, so why not invite him here? When Adrian, Paula and Lucy have partners I’m sure they’ll bring them home.’

  I could see Joss’s thought processes working. ‘Zack wouldn’t like it,’ she said at last.

  ‘Why not? I’d make him feel welcome.’

  ‘We – I mean he – couldn’t drink or
smoke here.’

  ‘No, but at thirteen you shouldn’t be anyway. I’m sure Zach would understand that if he’s as mature as you say.’

  ‘Nah. He wouldn’t come,’ Joss said.

  ‘Why? If he’s planning on marrying you, surely he will want to meet your family, and we’re part of your family. We could ask your mother and brother to come too.’

  ‘No. It’s not his scene,’ Joss said.

  I bet it’s not, I thought. That would really cramp his style. ‘Ask him,’ I suggested. ‘You might be surprised by his reply.’ Although not as surprised as I would be if he accepted the invitation and came to meet us all.

  ‘OK, I’ll ask him,’ Joss agreed. ‘But don’t get your hopes up.’

  I nodded. Joss said goodnight and went to bed. I believed her when she’d said she wasn’t having a sexual relationship with Zach, or ‘doing anything’, as she’d put it. But my concerns for what could happen remained. He was a grown man, and although I’d only met him briefly, and despite all Joss’s reassurances that he respected her, I didn’t trust him.

  The following day Miss Pryce telephoned me during her lunch hour. ‘I thought you should know Joss is on report,’ she said.

  ‘Oh, no. What is it for this time?’ I said. ‘She told me yesterday you said she was doing well.’

  ‘Yes, I did, in the morning, but then in the afternoon Joss swore at a member of staff. The head was going to exclude Joss – and it would have been a permanent exclusion, as she’s already had one fixed-term exclusion and multiple warnings. But I persuaded her that now Joss is settled with you, she deserves another chance.’

  ‘Thank you so much,’ I said gratefully.

  ‘Let’s hope she doesn’t let us down,’ Miss Pryce sighed. ‘In case you don’t know what being on report involves, the student carries a card with them to each lesson. At the end of the lesson the teacher signs the card and writes a comment about the student’s behaviour during the lesson. The head reviews the comments with the student at the end of every week.’

  ‘Thank you. How long will Joss be on report?’

  ‘Until the end of term – two-and-a-half weeks. Then hopefully Joss can start the new term afresh in September. I’m optimistic that having spent the summer with you, she will return a new person.’

  ‘I’ll do my best,’ I said. ‘What was the situation that gave rise to Joss swearing?’

  ‘She went out with Chelsea at lunchtime and was late back again. A member of staff told her she was in detention for being late, and also warned her against joyriding in a car with two young men. Joss got angry and told her it was none of her effing business.’

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ I said. ‘I’ll speak to her, and also sanction her.’

  ‘Thank you. We’d like to keep her and a few others we have concerns about in at lunchtimes for their own protection, but we’ve been advised we can’t do that regularly, as everyone else is allowed out.’

  ‘I understand,’ I said. I thanked her again and we said goodbye.

  It seemed that the school was in a similar position to me when it came to taking steps to keep Joss safe. There was only so much we were allowed to do, and it simply wasn’t enough.

  Chapter Ten

  A Positive Sign?

  Joss had a detention after school that Tuesday, so she didn’t return home until 5.30 p.m.

  ‘You know what happened, so don’t ask!’ she thundered as she came in. ‘Miss said she’d phoned you.’

  ‘She did phone,’ I said.

  I closed the front door as Joss kicked off her shoes. She was clearly angry, so there was no point in trying to talk to her now. She marched upstairs to her room and I went into the kitchen to continue making dinner. A few minutes later she came down again, holding her school bag, which she plonked unceremoniously on the dining table. ‘I suppose I’ll have to do my effing homework before I go out.’

  I turned to look at her. ‘You won’t be going out tonight, love,’ I said. ‘Not after the way you behaved at school today.’

  ‘But that’s not fair! I’m allowed out on a Tuesday. I’m not doing my homework, then. You can stuff it!’

  Here we go again, I thought. Grabbing her bag, she stormed back upstairs. I heard her bedroom door slam and then her moving nosily around in her room, which was directly above the kitchen.

  How much easier it would be, I thought, in the short term at least, if I let Joss do as she wanted instead of trying to put in place guidelines for good and safe behaviour. Here I was, at the start of yet another evening, tense and anxious, with my stomach tied in a knot. But letting Joss continue unchecked would do her no good and would have been irresponsible of me as a parent and carer. Someone needed to make Joss understand that there would be consequences if she kept behaving as she was, and who else was there to do that but me? Her mother and stepfather had tried and failed, so had an aunt and two previous foster carers, and it looked as though I was going the same way. I knew Joss and I were heading for a showdown – her will against mine – but it was essential she learnt to behave in a safe and acceptable manner.

  Joss stayed in her room for the next fifteen minutes, until six o’clock when I called everyone to dinner. She came immediately and was no longer angry or even sulking; she took her seat at the table and spoke pleasantly to Lucy and Paula – Adrian wasn’t home yet. Naïvely I assumed that, alone in her room, she’d had time to reflect on her behaviour, had realized she was in the wrong and now accepted she wasn’t going out. She ate her main course, didn’t want any pudding, but remained seated at the table until we’d all finished. Then we took our dishes through to the kitchen and Joss returned upstairs to her room. I’d go up shortly and encourage her to come down, as I didn’t want her sitting alone all evening. However, a minute later, while I was clearing up, I heard her bedroom door open and then her footsteps on the stairs. I was expecting her to go into the front room where Paula and Lucy were, or possibly to come and find me, but a few moments later I heard the front door open and then close. I went straight into the hall to find it empty.

  ‘She’s gone out,’ Lucy called from the front room.

  ‘I don’t believe it! She wasn’t allowed out tonight. I’m going after her.’ I quickly pushed my feet into my sandals and opened the front door.

  ‘Be careful,’ Paula said, appearing in the hall.

  ‘Don’t worry, I won’t be long.’

  I went out, down the front path and onto the pavement just in time to see Joss disappearing around the bend further up the road. I assumed she was heading for the bus stop on the high road, in which case I’d need to reach her before she got on the bus. It was a fine evening and still light. I walked quickly, but as I turned the bend I saw her standing on the pavement further up. She was looking away from me, concentrating on the top of the road, watching and waiting for someone to arrive, I guessed. I continued towards her and only at the last moment, when I was pretty close, did she turn and look at me, shocked and surprised.

  ‘What do you want?’ she demanded.

  ‘I told you to stay in tonight,’ I said none too quietly. ‘How dare you disobey me and go out.’

  ‘Go away,’ she hissed, glancing anxiously around. ‘You can’t make me stay in.’

  ‘I’m not going home without you. Who are you waiting for?’

  ‘No one. Leave me alone. I can do what I like.’

  ‘No, you can’t,’ I said. ‘No one can do as they like all the time, and certainly not at thirteen!’

  Joss looked around, clearly embarrassed. It was a warm summer’s evening and people were out, on their way home from work and the shops, and of course I was making a scene.

  ‘I want you to come home with me now, Joss,’ I said quite loudly. ‘Then we can talk about this.’

  ‘I’m not coming. I’m waiting for my friends,’ she hissed.

  ‘Who? Zach?’

  She nodded.

  ‘I’ll wait with you then and explain what’s happened.’

  ‘You
can’t do that. Go home,’ she hissed again.

  ‘Not unless you come with me.’

  ‘He’ll be annoyed if he finds you here,’ she said, and it sounded like a threat.

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll handle it. Is this where he usually picks you up and drops you off?’ I asked.

  ‘Yeah. Now go away, will you?’ She looked anxiously up the street.

  ‘I’m not going anywhere, Joss, without you,’ I confirmed, and remained standing beside her.

  ‘Oh, shit!’ she suddenly said.

  I followed her gaze to the shiny black BMW that was now turning onto the road.

  ‘He’s here. Go away!’ She tried to elbow me away and a passer-by looked at us.

  Clearly the driver of the BMW must have seen us, and for a moment I thought he was going to drive straight past, but then the car slowed and pulled in to the kerb, level with us. I could see Zach at the wheel, Carl in the passenger seat and Chelsea in the rear. The front windows stayed up, but Chelsea lowered her window and looked out.

  ‘What’s up?’ she asked Joss.

  ‘She says I can’t go out tonight,’ Joss said.

  ‘Aww,’ I heard Carl sneer from the front.

  ‘Come on,’ Chelsea said. ‘Don’t take any notice of her. Get in.’

  Much to Chelsea’s surprise, I opened the rear door. ‘Hello, everyone,’ I said, looking in.

  ‘Hello,’ Zach said sombrely, while Carl gave a snort of derisive laughter. Both lads continued to look straight ahead.

  ‘Are you getting in or what?’ Chelsea asked Joss.

  ‘No, she’s not,’ I said. Joss stood beside me, embarrassed, agitated and not knowing what to do.

  ‘She’s not coming out tonight,’ I confirmed.

  ‘Do what your carer says,’ Carl sniggered. Then to Zach he said: ‘Come on, man, let’s go. We don’t want any trouble.’ Zach revved the engine.

  ‘You coming? Last chance,’ Chelsea said to Joss.

  ‘No, she’s not,’ I said.

  ‘Close the fucking door, man,’ Carl snarled from the front.

  ‘Bye then,’ Chelsea said, annoyed, and slammed the door. Immediately the car sped away, tyres screeching.