Southern Lights

by Danielle Steel

  He nodded somberly, and knew he was lucky she was even willing to do that. “Deal. I’m sorry.”

  “Good. Go home to your wife now, or whatever you want to do. I’m going to meet Savannah at the soccer game.” He nodded, a little shaken, or even a lot, by what she had said. Somehow, foolishly, he had hoped he could still get her back. He had thought of it when he saw her in New York, but didn’t know how to do it. And he hoped that she might feel that way too. She didn’t. He had hurt her way too much for her to ever come back to him. She might forgive him, but she would never take him back. There was no doubt in his mind now. Or hers.

  They walked outside after he paid the check, and she smiled at him. “Thank you. I feel better.” She had waited ten years to say those things to him, and had finally had the chance. She knew that that had been a gift. He didn’t feel better, and she could see it. But that was no longer her problem.

  She left him outside the restaurant and drove to the soccer game, and found Savannah just leaving the bleachers. There was a tall handsome boy waiting for her on the field, and other kids leaving the game too. Savannah was smiling at him, with a whole world in her eyes, and it made Alexa’s heart ache to see it. She told herself that if this boy hurt her, she would have to kill him. Not really, but she would want to. She was still shaken by what Tom had said to her at lunch. If she had let him, he would have dumped Luisa and come back to her. Maybe. Or had an affair with her and broken her heart again. If his mother had even let him do that, or if he had the balls, which she knew he didn’t. Luisa and his mother had them. It hadn’t been fair of him to say he still loved her, but at least he had said he was sorry and seemed to mean it. Maybe that was enough. She felt lighter than she had in years.

  Savannah introduced her to Turner when her mother walked across the field and reached them.

  “Turner, this is my mom.”

  “Hi,” Alexa said, smiling broadly. He looked like a sweet boy, and so young. And as she looked at him, she remembered that he had lost his mother and felt sorry for him.

  “It’s very nice to meet you, ma’am. I’ve heard a lot of great things about you from Savannah.” He was very southern and very polite, but looked sincere.

  “I’ve heard some pretty nice things about you too. How was the game?”

  “We won,” he said, grinning and pleased, as Savannah smiled at him and then her mother.

  “Turner scored the winning points. Two of them,” she said proudly, as her mother looked at them both and felt a thousand years old, but happy for them.

  She took them to their favorite hangout for a burger and shake. They chatted easily for an hour, and then Savannah and her mother went back to the hotel to get their nails done. It was a luxury they both enjoyed. Alexa told her daughter that she liked Turner very much, and Savannah looked delighted.

  When they went back to the room after their manicures, Alexa told Savannah what had happened at lunch. She never kept secrets from her. They were best friends as well as mother and daughter, although Alexa was always clear what her role was, as the mother.

  “Daddy asked me in a roundabout way today if I’d come back to him—he said that he still loves me and regrets what he did.”

  “What did you say to him?” Savannah asked with interest, watching her mother’s eyes. She looked happy, happier than she had in a long time.

  “I told him never to say that to me again. It’s enough if we can be friends. That in itself is a miracle after what happened. I could never trust him again. I would never, ever trust him. And I don’t want to go there again.”

  “What did he say?”

  “I think he was shocked,” Alexa said honestly.

  “Was he pissed?”

  “I don’t think so. Sad maybe. It wasn’t even fair for him to ask me, or imply it. It’s been too long, and he hurt me too much.” Savannah nodded. She agreed. She knew how hurt her mother had been, or could guess.

  “I understand, Mom. I think you did the right thing.” Even Savannah remembered her mother crying for hours every day, for years. It had been a terrible time. He couldn’t just walk back in now, because he was bored and didn’t like the choice he made. What about Alexa and what it had done to her? “I don’t think he’ll ever leave Luisa anyway,” Savannah said wisely. “She runs the show. And he lets her do it.”

  “He always did,” Alexa said quietly, “even when he was married to me, at the end. They deserve each other.” Savannah nodded, although she felt sorry for her father too. Luisa was a terrible person. But he had made that choice, twice.

  They had a wonderful evening and talked late into the night. Turner called Savannah, and Alexa invited him to brunch with them the next day. And Travis called them in the morning. He wanted to see Alexa, and he and Scarlette dropped by after church for a few minutes. Savannah and Alexa were too lazy to go this time, and they didn’t want to run into Luisa again. They were glad they hadn’t gone when Travis said they had just gone to church with his mother.

  He sat down with Alexa in their living room and talked about old times, and his life now. He apologized for not writing to her, and she said she understood. He had been young and his mother had forbidden it. Alexa knew that, although out of loyalty to his mother he didn’t say it. He was as polite and sweet as he had been as a child, and he was very proud when he introduced her to Scarlette. She seemed like a nice girl, and Alexa hoped they would make each other happy. They talked about the wedding for a few minutes and how stressful it was organizing everything, and then they left. They were going to have lunch with Scarlette’s parents to work on the guest list for the wedding.

  The rest of the day sped by, and then it was time for Alexa to leave again. Tom met them in the lobby, as he had before, to pick up Savannah. Alexa thanked him again for lunch the day before. He had taken to heart all that she had said, and he met her eyes sadly.

  “Thank you for being willing to have lunch with me.” He realized now what a concession it had been for her, and how brave she had to be to do it. He understood now more than ever how much he had hurt her. He had focused on his own pain and loss for almost eleven years, but had never fully understood the depth of hers, and now he did. He had lost her forever. Just when he wanted her back. For her, it was way too little way too late, and no matter how much she had loved him, he was a man she could never trust again. For Tom, it felt awful. Hope died in him the day before. For Alexa, it had died ten years before.

  Savannah kissed her mother goodbye again, and went home with her father. Her mother had promised to come back in two weeks. The time was going by, and Savannah was used to it here now. In some ways it felt like home, and in other ways she felt like a stranger. It was what Alexa said she had felt when she lived there, because no matter how much you love it, if you’re not born in the South, you will never really be one of them. And now Savannah was beginning to understand that too. They still talked about southerners and Yankees, and the flag of the Confederacy was embedded in their hearts forever, and flew from many homes.

  She noticed that her father looked unhappy as they drove home, and she glanced at him with concern.

  “You okay, Dad?” He nodded and smiled at her, but his eyes were sad. She suspected that what her mother had said the day before had affected him deeply. But Savannah didn’t blame her a bit.

  When they got back to the house, Luisa was waiting for him. She was wearing a black Chanel suit and a lot of jewelry and makeup. She scolded him for being late. They were going to dinner with friends. This was his life now. For better or worse. It was the life and the woman he had chosen. The one he had truly loved, and who had loved him, was gone.

  Chapter 15

  It was the beginning of April, with only a month until the trial. It was still cold in New York, and it snowed the whole week after Alexa came back from her weekend with Savannah. In Charleston it was spring, and flowers were blooming everywhere. There were azaleas and wisteria vines, cherry blossoms. The garden at Thousand Oaks was resplendent and a
fleet of gardeners worked on it every day.

  Everything about the two cities and their lives there was in sharp contrast. In New York it was freezing cold, snowing, barren, gray, and Alexa was preparing the trial of a man who had murdered eighteen young women. The weather was as cold and dark as what she was doing.

  In Charleston everything was blossoming, the weather was warm, and Turner and Savannah were falling in love. Daisy teased her about it constantly, and all the girls at school were jealous. He invited her to the senior prom. And her father allowed her to invite him to dinner at the house. Luisa wasn’t welcoming, but at least she wasn’t overtly rude to him since the Beaumonts and his father were friends.

  The best part about Savannah being in Charleston, other than meeting Daisy, dating Turner Ashby, and developing a relationship with her grandmother, was that she had a chance to do things with her father that she never would have otherwise.

  He went on long walks with her, showed her the places where he played as a boy, took her to the famous plantations outside the city, Drayton Hall, Magnolia, Middleton Place, and Boone Hall. They explored them together, and went for walks on the beaches near Mt. Pleasant. They spent hours talking and getting to know each other. She had a real father now, not just a cardboard figure who showed up twice a year in New York, and wouldn’t let her into his real life. And he knew for certain now, as did she, that he would never shut her out again. He wanted Savannah in his life.

  He took both girls to the aquarium. He played tennis with them. He took Savannah to the country club and introduced her to everyone. And the more he did, the more Luisa felt he had betrayed her, but Tom no longer cared. Savannah’s stay in Charleston, and Luisa’s reaction to it, had driven a wedge between them that widened the gap that had been there before Savannah arrived. Tom and Luisa hardly spoke to each other anymore, and Luisa was either out, in a rage with him, or in bed with a damp cloth on her head. She just couldn’t get past it and didn’t try. She hadn’t had a single kind word, or made a single hospitable gesture toward Savannah, since she arrived. Her father apologized to her for it, but he just couldn’t make his wife behave. It was open civil war.

  Her grandmother got a touch of the flu, and Savannah went over several times to keep her company and nurse her. She had read all the books her grandmother had given her, and was learning a great deal about the Civil War.

  Savannah was sitting with her one afternoon on the porch, when Luisa came by unannounced. She looked furious the moment she saw Savannah there and told her to go home. Savannah started to get up. She didn’t want to cause a problem.

  “Sit down,” her grandmother told her harshly, and looked at her daughter-in-law. “She’s not going anywhere, Luisa. Why don’t you try to relax? She’s not going to hurt you. She’s just a child. She doesn’t want anything from you. And her mother doesn’t want him either.” Her son had reported to her what Alexa had said to him over lunch. His mother wasn’t surprised, and respected her for it. She told Tom that Alexa was right, and at least had pride and self-respect. She was sure she probably did love him, but she didn’t want a man who could hurt her that badly, and wait ten years to come back, when it was convenient for him. Tom had been shocked by what his mother said.

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Luisa said grandly, as Eugenie looked at her with narrowed eyes.

  “Yes, you do. You’re afraid that Tom will do the same thing to you that you and he did to Alexa. He won’t. She won’t let him. You’ve got him. And Savannah has nothing to do with it. She’s stuck here. So there’s no reason to punish her.”

  “I haven’t punished her!” Luisa looked outraged. “Did she tell you that?” She looked daggers at Savannah, and her mother-in-law shook her head.

  “No. Tom did. He says you’ve been mean-spirited and rude to her since she arrived.” Eugenie pulled no punches, southern or not. And she ran the show. Savannah was mortified to be listening to their conversation. She didn’t want to defend her stepmother, but she didn’t want to confront or condemn her either. She was too formidable an opponent to take on, and already bad enough without that. “I think you should just sit back and enjoy yourself for a change, and have some fun. You got him. He’s not going anywhere.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “He’s not that kind of man.” She knew her son, and also that he didn’t have the guts. “You dragged him out of that marriage, and I pushed him. Without our help, he’s not moving. And a seventeen-year-old girl is no threat to you. All she’s doing here is waiting for her mother to finish her trial so she can go home.”

  “Why is she spending so much time with you?” Luisa sounded suspicious and suspected a plot between them. It was the kind of thing she would have done, but not Savannah. It was the farthest thing from Savannah’s mind.

  “Because she’s a nice girl,” her grandmother said kindly. She had grown fond of her in a short time, and she was grateful for the time they had shared. “And she’s probably lonely here, without her mother. You haven’t done anything to make her feel at home.”

  “I … I …” She started to splutter, but she had no response.

  “Why don’t you come back and visit some other time, when I’m alone?” She was sending Luisa away, and Savannah stood up, embarrassed to be witness to a conversation where they talked about her as though she weren’t there. Luisa acted like she didn’t exist.

  “I have homework to do anyway,” Savannah said, bending to kiss her grandmother. She promised to come back soon, and a few minutes later she drove away, and Luisa was left with the mother-in-law who knew too much, and had been part of it, but now held it against her.

  “I thought you’d be good to him,” she said as Luisa sat down across from her, angry that Eugenie had championed Savannah’s cause, but not hers. Savannah was a lot easier for the old woman to love than Luisa. “You haven’t been good to him. You’ve been mean to my son. You won him, like a dog at a fair. He’s yours now, he has been for ten years. There’s no need to kick him. He might be nicer to you, if you treat him well.” She was defending her son, with good reason. Luisa had treated him badly for years.

  “I really don’t know what you’re talking about, Mother Beaumont.” Luisa would have liked to say that they were the rantings of an old woman, but they both knew that she was totally clearheaded and what she was saying was true. Luisa pretended to look hurt but in fact was livid.

  “I think you ought to go home and think about it,” Eugenie said to her. It was late in the afternoon, and she was tired. Savannah had stayed for a long time, and her grandmother had enjoyed it. But now she was worn out. Too much so to deal with Luisa. “You’ll lose him in the end, if you treat him badly. Alexa won’t have him back. But someone else will. He’s a fine-looking man.”

  “I’ve already lost him,” Luisa said hoarsely, looking crestfallen, and for once was sincere. “He never loved me, not since I got him back. He never stopped loving her.” They both knew it was the truth, and Eugenie had regretted it ever since. Her son had been miserable for ten years, and in great part it was her fault. She felt guilty for it now, and was repaying the debt to Savannah, and felt guilty about her too. Luisa was only thinking about herself, and the fact that her husband didn’t love her, and never stopped loving Alexa.

  Her mother-in-law knew she was right. “We were wrong, Luisa. Both of us. We had no right to do what we did. We hurt both of them, and their child. If I were you, I’d do everything I could to make it up to him, and to Savannah while she’s here. That would mean a lot to him.” Luisa was bereft of speech for once, nodded at her mother-in-law, and went back to her car. She was no different to Savannah that night, or to Tom, but she was very, very quiet. Tom could see she had something on her mind. He stayed away from her, because it was easier for him. Luisa went upstairs instead of having dinner with them. She said she had one of her sick headaches, and went to bed.

  Spring was in full bloom when Alexa came back to Charleston again. She was bringing tw
o important things with her, Savannah knew, her college acceptance letters, and her grandmother from New York. Savannah was excited about both, and threw herself into Muriel’s arms the moment she saw her.

  “You look wonderful, Savannah,” her grandmother said, looking pleased. She’d been afraid that being away for so long had been hard for her granddaughter. Instead, she looked happy, and was thriving, and seemed even more grown up and poised. She could see why Alexa was worried. Savannah seemed so comfortable in Charleston that it was hard to believe she would ever want to leave. But Muriel was still certain that ultimately she would want to come home. And New York with her mother was home.

  “Okay, so shall we open the letters?” Alexa asked excitedly after Savannah greeted her grandmother in the suite. Savannah hadn’t allowed her mother to open them and read them to her. She didn’t want to hear the news on the phone. They had all finally come in that week, some several weeks late, others right on time. Some were thicker envelopes than others, which usually meant acceptance. She had heard back from every college where she’d applied, and she looked nervous as she held the envelopes. Her future was about to be decided, and where she would spend the next four years. And more than likely, she would have several choices. She hoped they were the ones she wanted, and not just her backups.

  There were six envelopes. Some of her friends had applied to a dozen schools, but Savannah had narrowed it down to six. Alexa and Muriel sat on the couch and waited with bated breath. Savannah began.

  She opened Stanford first, and they had turned her down. She looked crestfallen for a moment, and her mother quickly said that she wouldn’t have let her go there anyway, so it was a moot point, which softened the blow. Savannah knew that was true since her mother had said it all along, unless it was her only option.