Clarity

by Gabbie S. Duran

  “Okay,” she answers, making me feel a sense of triumph inside. “But, I really don’t think this is a good idea,” she mutters.

  I give her a wide smile. “Stop worrying, Taylor. Everything will turn out fine,” I confidently reply. “Now, how about dinner with just me tonight?”

  The humor in her eyes has returned. “Is it just dinner you want, or dessert?”

  Wagging my brows at her, I say, “I’ve always liked eating my dessert first.” My voice drops low as I add, “And I know I can find a way of making you want the same.”

  Her laughter vibrates throughout the room and is music to my ears. “As long as there’s chocolate. The real kind, not the kinky stuff I know you’re thinking about,” she lectures as she wraps her arms tight around my neck to pull me down to kiss her.

  Now she has the possibilities floating through my mind. She may not be keen on the idea at the moment, but I’ve proven I can be a very convincing man.

  I DON’T NEED an alarm to wake me this morning. My nightmare of a dream has me frightfully awakening. Gasping for air, I go rigid, fearing I’m still trapped as an arm wraps around my waist, pulling me to a hard chest. However, the voice delivering comforting words into my ear do not match the darkness of my nightmare.

  “Taylor?” The gentleness in which my name is said is opposite of the monstrous growl belonging to my dreams.

  Forcing my breathing to calm, I answer, “I’m alright.” I try to sound convincing even though I still feel frightened with every breath I take.

  “You scared me,” he whispers against my skin, tightening his hold as he conveys the words. The gentle feel of Nick’s lips placing a kiss on my shoulder helps push the lingering demons aside.

  “Was it just as bad as the last two times?”

  His question surprises me. I would have never expected him to keep track of the moments they’ve occurred. Swallowing the lump still lodged in my throat, I answer, “No. This time I couldn’t see his face. I could only hear his voice.”

  There’s a moment of silence before he hesitantly asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “I would prefer not to,” I automatically answer, as I’ve always done to anyone who’s asked the question in the past.

  The disappointed sigh he lets out forces the guilt I’m holding inside to build. “It’s not you, Nick. I just don’t like telling anyone about them,” I say, knowing it’s not the answer he’s seeking.

  “Then you’re not having them because I’m staying the night?” he asks, hesitation laced into every word.

  Turning to face him, the darkness encasing the room keeps me from clearly making out his features. But knowing I’m directly facing him gives me the courage to say, “Some nights are good and some are bad,” I admit. “I don’t think my nightmares will ever go away, but knowing you’ll be here when I wake up helps push my fear of falling asleep aside. That’s more than I’ve ever hoped for since they began.” He pulls me close so we’re mere inches from each other.

  The comfort and security of being enveloped in his arms unexpectedly awakens the same desire as the previous night. With the sun slowly rising behind us, notifying me it won’t be long before my alarm goes off, I plan to take advantage of what little time I have left with Nick.

  Lifting my leg to pull him to me, I kiss him. His hand squeezes my thigh, an indication he’s still holding onto the restraint he’s been containing since last night. Deepening our kiss helps push the terrifying thoughts of my past from my mind and replaces it with a desire I’m still discovering.

  “Taylor, we should stop. You’re probably still sore this morning,” Nick mumbles into my mouth while pulling away and kissing a path down my chin. He may have made the suggestion, but the tantalizing kisses grazing across my skin say otherwise.

  Lifting my head, I say, “I thought you had kissed it better last night.” Remembering where his mouth had been before we’d fallen asleep does nothing but fuel my desire.

  “Taylor . . .” he warns as I push myself up against the erection prodding between my legs.

  “Are you sure?” His eyes search mine for any sign of uncertainty.

  The question has me smiling at how considerate he’s been, a sentiment I would have never expected from Nick. I pull him down for a kiss, and within seconds I’m trembling as desire courses through my veins.

  Our hands gradually start removing clothing, returning to feel every inch of each other’s skin with every layer removed. Wrapping my legs around his waist to pull him into me, he groans, making me laugh. He’s hard against my core and I’m surprised he has the willpower to pull himself away to sheath himself. But within seconds he’s back on top of me, nipping at my neck, his teeth grazing my skin, driving my senses wild.

  Slowly, as if still cautious of his actions, he fully enters me, remaining motionless when he’s buried himself to the hilt. His eyes hesitantly search mine for a moment before he gradually starts rocking his hips. Blissful jolts of pleasure travel through my veins. Every rhythmic thrust of our hips drives me closer to the pinnacle of completion. I can no longer resist letting go. Moaning his name, I explode with the all too familiar ecstasy Nick has helped me discover. The continuous rocking of Nick’s hips increases in speed, making me rise once more. The explosion is much more powerful this time as we both scream out in unison.

  Bringing our bodies to a slow stop, we’re both drenched in sweat, both breathless and satisfied, as we lie still entangled in each other’s arms.

  Pulling away to hover above me, he says, “Good morning.”

  Giggling, he rolls our bodies so I’m draped across his chest. I’m delightfully exhausted and all I want to do is fall back to sleep. My eyes find the clock on my bedside table and take in the time.

  “Shit, I’m going to be late. I’m never going to hear the end of it from Katie,” I say, scrambling off the bed in search of my clothes.

  “Damn straight you won’t. Hurry up!” I hear Katie exclaim from outside my door, making me wonder just how much she can hear since our walls are thin. Through my peripheral vision, I can see Nick already dressing.

  “You’re not going to take a shower?” I ask, scrunching my nose at the thought.

  He stalks the few steps needed to reach me and embraces me in his arms. “If I take a shower with you, you’ll definitely be late for work.”

  Wrapping my arms around his neck, I ask, “And why is that?”

  My body is gently lifted off the ground, bringing me eye level with Nick. “Because I’m going to do things to you in the shower that will make you late,” he states. His husky voice sends a shiver down my spine. If I weren’t already lifted off the floor, his response would have me floating in mid-air.

  Katie’s distinctive knock is pounding on my door, reminding me of the time.

  “You’re right. I can’t risk being late.”

  Sliding down Nick’s chest, a gleam of hope sparks in his eyes. “There’s always the weekend,” he points out. The declaration has me laughing.

  “Only you would think of a silver lining,” I tell him, making us both chuckle as I rush off to take a shower.

  When done, I rush to the kitchen, walking past Nick sitting on the couch. I’ve somehow expected him to still be waiting, as he’s done in the past. On the way, I grab my purse to start digging through it, quickly finding what I need. Next, I’m grabbing for a glass to fill it with water. From the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of Nick walking towards me. Coming to stand directly behind me, his arms link around my waist and his face leans in to nuzzle at my neck, the slight stubble on his face tickling me.

  “Whatcha got there?” His chin rests on my shoulder as I proceed to toss a pill into my mouth and swallow it down with a gulp of water.

  “My birth control pill,” I answer when done.

  He stiffens behind me before I rapidly spin to face him. “You’re on the pill?” he asks.

  Nodding my head, although still confused, I say, “It helps regulate my period. Why?” />
  “You’ve been making me glove up this whole time when I could have been feeling every inch of you?” Confusion courses through me with the look of disappointment he’s delivering.

  “I make you glove up because I don’t know who you’ve been with.” He looks ready to answer, but he isn’t allowed to reply due to my hand now held high to silence him. “I don’t want to know, either,” I mention, the words bitterly coming out as I unwillingly imagine Nick with other girls. Especially the most recent that showed up at his door.

  “What about you? Have you been tested?” he asks.

  Annoyance slowly builds inside of me, but the resentfulness he’s also stirred is the reason I answer. “I got tested when I went in for a pregnancy test after I was raped. I needed to make sure I wasn’t going to have the bastard’s baby or be left with some damn disease from what he did. Thankfully, I was left without either.”

  His eyes sympathetically look down at me, but it isn’t his pity I want. To be honest, I don’t want anything from him at this point. “I better get going or else I’m going to be late,” I say, already pushing him away as if he’s to blame for my now bitter attitude. Grabbing for my purse again, I walk my way over to the door, Nick closely behind me. Locking the door when we both exit, I shove myself past him and out of my apartment building, quickening my steps when I’m outside.

  “Taylor . . .” Nick demands my attention, but I ignore him. The cause of my resentfulness is still lingering inside of me. Halted to a stop when Nick takes a hold of my arm, he forces me to face him. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to work.”

  “I thought I was giving you a ride.”

  “I’d prefer to take the L today.”

  My answer is like a slap in the face as he looks down at me with shock.

  “What did I say to make you mad?” he asks, the same sincerity conveyed in his eyes as he’d had in the kitchen. The tears are slowly starting to build and I forcefully push them down, refusing to surrender to the memory.

  “It’s bad enough I have to live with the nightmares of what he did to me, but I hate having to explain my actions because of what he did.” My jaw is tightly locked as I suppress the tears still threatening to emerge. The tender touch of his palm brushing against my cheek helps push some of the tears away.

  “Don’t let that asshole do this to you, Taylor. You’re only letting him win when you do.”

  Swallowing the lump still lodged in my throat, a gloomy silence stands between us before Nick pulls me to his chest and tightly wraps his arms around me. Surrendering to his embrace, I need his comfort to push away the demons that have returned.

  “I’m sorry,” I regretfully reply for my reaction.

  “I’ll forgive you if you let me give you a ride to work.”

  The offer makes me laugh into his chest, but it isn’t until a few minutes later that we are taking the steps leading to his car. The tension follows us on the drive to my work, but it isn’t until we are pulling up to my building that the subject is deflected in another direction.

  “Don’t forget about dinner tonight. I’ll pick you up around seven.”

  “Are you sure about this?” I ask, still hesitant.

  Grabbing my hand to tug me to him, his lips gently meet mine and I can feel the smile on his lips. “Everything will be fine. It’s just dinner.”

  Sighing, I decide to withhold the choice words lingering on the tip of my tongue. “See you at seven,” I say, feeling anxious about tonight. Pulling away so I can exit the car, I walk away without a backwards glance, and a heavy heart.

  Is it too late to reconsider stepping in front of a bus?

  The lab technician withdraws the needle from my arm with a smile on her lips. It’s a flirtatious smile and I plan to take full advantage of it.

  “We’ll mail you your results within the week, Mr. Hunter.”

  Holding my hand against the gauze that is wrapped around the crook of my arm, I flash her with a smile as I ask, “Can I have them before I leave?”

  “Not usually,” she answers.

  “What do I need to do in order to get them before I leave?” I plead as I lean in closer to her, purposely dropping my voice in a low, seductive tone.

  Her lips shyly curve up in a smile and the evident blush in her cheeks is a sign my antics are working. Nervously biting her lip as if considering my request, she lets out a deep sigh. “Do you mind waiting a couple of hours? It’s the fastest I can promise,” she informs me.

  Pulling back, still flashing her with my smile, I say, “Of course. You’re the best.” I pause to glance down at her nametag. “Alice . . .”

  A glow spreads across her cheeks as she gathers the vials of blood she just finished withdrawing. “We’ll give you a call when the results are ready.” She leaves the room with a brisk step in her walk.

  She leaves me with a smile as I contemplate all the possibilities those results will bring.

  I’M SO DISTRACTED that I don’t notice when Nick walks into my office. The sound of the closing door is what breaks my concentration, making me look up in the direction of the door. The sight of him leaves me breathless. My heart begins pounding against my chest while my mind contemplates the reasons why he’d need to shut the door.

  I’m curiously looking at him as he begins to stalk in my direction, holding up a document in his hand.

  Curiosity gets the best of me. “What is that?”

  “This, Ms. Taylor, is what you requested of me.”

  My face draws back in clear confusion. I know for a fact I’ve asked nothing of Nick. He doesn’t stop until he’s standing directly in front of me as he places the document on my desk. Instead of looking at it, my eyes are locked firmly on his, waiting for him to explain himself.

  My eyes draw up as he leans down and locks me firmly into my chair.

  “I went and got tested this morning, and according to this paper,” he says, tilting his head at the direction of my desk, “I’m all clean, which means I get to feel every inch of you from this day forward.” Leaning down so his lips brush my ear, he whispers, “Without having to glove up.”

  My heart suddenly halts. The fact that he got tested all on his own is the reason why my excitement grows.

  “There is no longer an excuse to have anything between us and I plan to take full advantage of it tonight.” His warm breath causes a wave of shivers to shoot directly down in between my legs where it hits me like an electric jolt.

  I’m pretty sure my underwear is soaked from the pooling liquid suddenly forming below. He places an open mouthed kiss below my ear, instantly causing me to moan from the sensation. The kisses continue along my jawline until his mouth finally meets mine. I’m sitting here trying my best to keep myself under control, but I can’t. The memory of this morning is currently replaying in my mind.

  “Later, Taylor. I plan on finishing this later.”

  A strangled whimper escapes my mouth, adding to Nick’s laughter.

  “Dinner first,” he adds.

  I’m now grimacing into our kiss as he reminds me of our original plans. “I want to give you a ride home, but I know if I do we’ll never make it to dinner.”

  “I wouldn’t mind going straight home to plan B.”

  Smirking at me, he asks, “What exactly is Plan B?”

  “You. Me. My bed.”

  Closing his eyes and letting out a strangled groan, he takes a deep breath before snapping them back open. “Neither would I, but I doubt my parents would be happy if I didn’t show up.”

  I sigh from his remark. Katie walks into our office, forcing Nick to pull away. “I’ll see you at seven,” Nick remarks, turning to walk away from my desk and giving Katie a quick wave goodbye before he exits.

  “Did I interrupt something?” Katie mischievously asks. The teasing wag of her brows has me rolling my eyes. Picking up the document left behind on my desk, my eyes quickly scan the page for the results.

  He is in fact clean.

&nbs
p; “What’s that?” Katie curiously asks, walking over to my desk.

  “Nick’s results.”

  “Results?” she asks, holding out her hand for the document. I surrender it so she can see for herself. Seconds later, her brows are arched high as she looks down at me. “He went and got tested?”

  “Yes. And before you ask, no, I didn’t ask him to do it.”

  “Damn, Taylor. That boy has got it bad for you.”

  “Him getting tested does not mean he has it bad for me. It only means he’s like every other typical man wanting to get laid. He’s just preferring to do it without a condom.”

  She snickers. “Believe what you want, Taylor, but he didn’t have to do it,” she states before dropping the paper back onto my desk.

  My eyes follow her movements as she heads back to her own desk and concentrates on her computer. The entire time my mind wonders about the true reason why Nick decided to get tested. The only person who can give me a definite answer has already left the room. Until then, I’m left asking the same question that is constantly on my mind. What the hell am I to Nick Hunter?

  What the heck was I thinking when I agreed to go to dinner with Nick and his parents? I’ve only just met the guy a little over a month ago and he already wants me to have dinner with them? I must have been out of my mind when I agreed. But when he looked at me with those pleading blue eyes of his, I couldn’t deny him; there is no winning when he begs. Lord knows he’s done enough to try to make me happy; the least I can do is grant this one request. The only problem is this request is the biggest one when it came to—Shit. I still don’t know what to call what is going on between us.

  What exactly do you call two people having sex together?

  Friends with benefits?

  What have I gotten myself into? It’s too damn soon to be meeting his parents.

  Letting out a frustrated groan as I go through my lame and practically empty closet, I hear Katie come into my room. “I thought you’d need help so I brought over some options,” she cheerfully says with an armful of dresses. I’m instantly thankful that she’s my roommate.