His to Own (His to Own #1)

by Autumn Winchester

  “Where at?” I asked, looking up at him from my spot. He was so much taller from this view.

  “One of my clubs. I usually only pop in once or twice a month unless needed otherwise. Travis keeps it up most of the time until he disappeared on us. Now with him back, I just need to check things over before I step back once more.”

  “Oh, okay,” I said, not entirely understanding what he meant. “Sure.”

  “It’s not the normal type of club you’d find,” he warned. “It’s daytime, so there shouldn’t be a whole lot going on, but it will be more than what the books you’ve read so far might have.”

  “Some of those books had descriptive pictures,” I said, holding my eyes to his. “I can handle it.”

  “I’m sure you can,” he smiled and ran a hand down my hair, causing my heart to skip a beat once more.

  He left me then so I could finish my homework. It was strange to think of it as homework, since to me, it really wasn’t homework per say. It was a means to keep my calm and learn balance.

  I sat cross-legged, my hands palm down on my knees and closed my eyes after setting the timer for ten minutes. I made sure to keep my shoulders back in the correct posture, and took deep breaths to center myself.

  I knew what this was meant to achieve, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure what I expected out of it. Was I supposed to let my thoughts wonder? Or was I to clean them away and just sit here?

  Now that I was thinking, my brain wouldn’t stop. I thought of what possibly Zachariah liked. Did he enjoy tying women up, making them bound and helpless? Would he do that to me in time? That thought wasn’t as scary as it should have been. A few weeks ago, it certainly would have been more than frightening and send me running.

  The thought of just having my hands tied up above my head as I laid flat out on my back caused my core to throb. I felt my face heat with red at the same time. I had never dared to touch myself in such a way, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to.

  Masturbation is forbidden unless your dom gave you permission the books had said, but surely if Zachariah taught me how to, it could be worth it. Surely pleasure with my soon to be husband would consist of such touching, right?

  I had no idea.

  When would he start with his training sessions on getting me ready? Did he expect me to be naked and waiting without any warm up?

  I had no idea what to expect for our wedding night. Heck, I couldn’t even know what to expect tonight!

  My breaths began to come faster as my thoughts swirled in circles.

  Crap, crap, crap! I chanted in my head, willing my chest to quite seizing with each short choppy breath I took in.

  “Avidya, honey,” Zachariah’s voice reach me. He seemed way too calm for what my breathing was doing. Or lack of breathing, really. At least my thoughts stopped trying to figure out the whole oncoming sex. Instead, it was focused on why I couldn’t breathe correctly.

  “Avidya,” he stated, his breath washing over my face. “Listen to my voice, honey. You’re in a panic attack. Try to match your breathing with mine. In. Out. In. Out.”

  I tried to copy his, but my body wouldn’t do it right. Oh, God, was I going to die?

  “Hey,” his voice became sterner as he laid a hand on my cheek. “It’s okay. I’m right here. Please, Avidya deep breaths.”

  Once more, this time successful, I followed his cue on breathing in and out. After what felt like hours, I was finally able to calm my breathing, at least enough to where I didn’t think I was going to die.

  “There ya go,” he soothed.

  It wasn’t until then that I noticed I was in sitting on his lap, his arms holding me tight and my head resting against his chest. I could hear his pounding heart next to my ear as I slowly regained back my senses.

  One of his hands moved to my hair, smoothing it down. I didn’t want to move; didn’t want to recall why I was in his lap. Although, I certainly enjoyed being held by him at any time.

  “Can you tell me why you panicked?” Zachariah asked quietly after a moment.

  Knowing that he’d get the answer out of me one way or another, and not feeling like fighting off the questions, I told him. I told him everything. Told him that I was worried about having sex with him. I was worried about not being good enough the first time; worried about not pleasing him. Worried that he wouldn't fit or be a huge disaster.

  He sat there, listening to my fears that seemed to come out of nowhere. I didn’t understand why they came now with everything I’ve been through lately, but they did.

  When I was finished, he didn’t reply right away. Was he mad at me? Was I already a disappointment?

  “Fears are normal,” he finally spoke, still holding me in his lap after drying my tears off my face with his thumb. “I didn’t think meditation would be what would set you off. I knew a panic attack would likely happen sooner or later – it usually does with newcomers into my world. I hadn’t countered in everything else you’ve been through, and I should have.” He paused, wetting his lips.

  “When we do have sex, I’ll make sure you are ready, both mentally and physically. Surely you know we can’t put it off on the wedding night, since my . . . the family has certain customs about needing proof that we consummated our marriage. I will do everything I can to make sure that you are as ready as you possibly can be for that night. I promise, Avidya, I will explain it more when the time comes.”

  “Mafia family custom, I take it?” I asked out, lifting my eyes to his.

  “Yeah,” he grimaced. “I was never a fan of the way my grandfather demands it, but he will want proof. I believe I’ve gotten him talked out of standing in the same room watching, given how new you are to my lifestyle. And the fact that we aren’t bringing together two existing families.”

  “He’ll want to see the bed,” I muttered in disgust.

  “Unfortunately, yes. I’m sure he’ll even test the blood that is left there afterward,” he replied as I shivered in worry and disgust. “That gives us plenty of time to play and get you ready, though. I will have you begging for me that night, so you do not need to fret about it. Everything will work out just fine when the time comes.”

  “Were you going to tell me?” I asked.

  “I didn’t want to,” he stated. “But I would have, yes. I don’t want to hide anything from you. To deal with how my family works, I want you to know everything in time. Are you calmer now?” he finished.

  “Yeah,” I yawned out. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I panicked, and it kind of came out of nowhere.”

  “There is no need to apologize, kitten,” he said before pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “It will most likely happen again at some point. That’s why I’ve been taking it so slow with you. I don’t want to push you too much at once.”

  “I need to be pushed, though,” I stated, turning so I faced him fully and knowing how true my words were. “I know I’m not ready for everything, but to get anywhere, I have to be pushed.”

  “You are a lot stronger than I ever give you credit,” he muttered to himself. “You amaze me, more than I ever thought you could.”

  I gave him shrugged smile. I was different here with him that I ever knew. He tested my limits I didn’t know were there in a good way.

  I knew in time, that my limits would be tested more often, and I was okay with that.

  “Just talk to me about your worries, at any time. I’ll be here to listen, alright? Also, I would like for you to start keeping a journal of questions or feeling you may be having, that way we can discuss them,” Zachariah stated.

  “I’ll try,” I whispered, my eyes drawn to his lips as he spoke.

  I had this desire to kiss them, to feel them once more against my own.

  “That’s all I can ask for,” he said.

  With one deep breath, I took the chance to press my lips against his, taking him by surprise. He only froze for a moment before his lips returned to kiss as his hands tangled themselves in my hair at the base of m
y neck.

  The kiss went straight to my core, causing small butterflies to grow in my lower stomach. I didn’t doubt his words, his promise, that I’d be ready for our wedding night. Zachariah knew me well enough to know just how to make me crave more, no matter if it was a simple kiss or more.

  Chapter 36

  Avidya

  The lights, although on, were so much dimmer than I expected as I entered after Zachariah into his club. I knew of partying clubs as classmates would talk about them in school. I never went to one; never had the desire to.

  He had given me strict instructions to not look at anyone until we made it to his office. I was free to look around to get a feel of what the place looked like. I was also instructed to not make eye contact with any other sub or doms unless given permission to do so, along with talking to anyone but Zachariah.

  Before leaving the house, he had placed a wristband on my right hand, a dark brown color with a simple X placed along the front in bold, bright red.

  “It’s so everyone knows you are taken, and no one can talk to you unless I give them permission to talk to my sub,” Zachariah had explained when I asked what it was for.

  On another day, he promised to bring me back and explain more of the rules for these types of clubs. The rules were stricter, as there were other dominants and submissives that came and went during open hours. Having rules in a busy place like this kept things not only professional but safe.

  I was unsure of what to expect as I took in what looked to be a normal empty bar at first glance. The floor was covered in cement in a design that drew attention to itself. It had dark and light colors mixed all together, making it blend in perfectly against the almost black chairs, stools, and tables.

  A few booths along the walls had curtains around them that were partially opened. I had a good idea on why they were that way as I looked around the room.

  On the ceiling, there was a number of lights, dimmed, shining in certain directions. There were sofas, and chairs arranged throughout the room, with a bar in one corner. I followed the line of sight and paused as I took in the stage like an area that was set up against the farthest wall from where we entered.

  A number of devices that I didn’t even want to figure out what they were for, stood there, waiting to be used however people saw fit. There was a St. Andrew's Cross, Bed, a chair some hanging leather chains, and a whipping bench. There were also leather straps on each corner of the bed.

  “That’s one of the demonstration stages,” Zachariah stated when he saw where I was looking. “A number of subs and doms like to show off their talent there. Also, the scenes that are done on stage helps beginners who are just learning the lifestyle. This part of the club is open nightly. The harder, more advanced scenes are placed in rooms where newcomers won’t see unless they are invited by the dom who is over the scene.

  “How often do things like that happen?” I asked out, turning around to face Zachariah.

  “Weekly. The rooms are only available Friday and Saturdays, from eight to one in the morning. The scenes are lined out before hand. They have to be okayed through the manager, which is either me or Travis. Normally, there are one or two scenes per room a night, and no more than three on special nights,” he answered. “When you are more comfortable, I’d be happy to bring you here one night so you can see it in action. It can be quite an experience.”

  “Maybe,” I answered, having no desire to come back and see any of that.

  “Come,” Zachariah said, taking a hold of my hand and leading me past the bar area and into a hallway that led to a few doors. He led me through one down the hallway until he reached a door that said office, ushering me in before closing the door part way.

  Inside the office, it looked like any other normal office. The lights were brighter, and the window let in some of the natural light from outside. I had almost forgotten that it was daytime with how dark it was in the main part of the club.

  A black desk sat in front of the window with a matching leather chair. There were two other dark red leather chairs that sat facing the desk with a small black table in between. File cabinets were placed along one wall, and another wall had a few pictures that I quickly moved my eyes away from. My blush didn’t keep my embarrassment from showing as Zachariah quietly laughed.

  “Have a seat; Travis should be here soon,” he spoke as he began to straighten up the messy desk. I took the seat that was farthest from the door, hands on my lap. I wasn’t sure what to look at, so I just watched Zachariah instead.

  I was tired and could have easily stayed home and taken a nap. After my panic attack, Zachariah had me drink a glass of water before we left. He asked me again if I was sure I wanted to come here, and I didn’t hesitate to do so.

  I was afraid of where my thoughts would go back to if I stayed by myself. I knew it would take the time to be able to believe what he had told me. I was sure that Zachariah knew what he was doing, but that didn’t stop my fears. It created more questions than anything else.

  “Sorry I’m late,” Travis said, strolling into the room with a smile my way. “Got caught talking to someone.”

  Today, he wore jeans and a graphic gray tee. His hair was a bit wilder than the last time I saw him. Apparently, Zachariah noticed also, as his eyes narrowed as Travis took a seat in the last remaining chair in the room after closing the door fully.

  “Sure,” Zachariah stated slowly, drawing out the word. “Who?”

  “A potential client?” Travis answered with a higher voice.

  “Kenna,” Travis finally answered after a moment.

  “Why am I not surprised,” Zachariah stated with a shake of his head. “You two have been . . . close for a while now.”

  “I couldn’t tell,” Travis said with a shrug. “So, you wanted to talk?”

  “Yes,” Zachariah said, dropping the current subject. “Are you still wanting to jump back in where you left off? Melio doesn’t mind keeping his current status if you don’t want to.”

  “Well . . . Kenna may have mentioned wanting to take a step up,” Travis hinted. “What if I took one night a week working, that way Melio can have time off.”

  “That’d work, for now,” Zachariah said, rubbing his chin as he thought it over. “He doesn’t mind working here to keep things as they are. Right now, none of my other men are remotely trustworthy to even attempt to get them into this club.

  “In a few weeks, it’s Open night, so I’ll need you, Melio and of course I’ll be here too. You know how that night can get out of hand easily with newcomers,” Zachariah stated.

  “Which is why it’s only once a year,” Travis laughed as he leaned back in the chair, crossing his leg over one knee. “That’ll work. I’ll bring it up with Keena; she can work around the work schedule.”

  “She will,” Zachariah said. “She’s one of the few people I’d like to talk to about lending a helping hand that night.” To me, he replied, “Kenna is a Mistress. A female dom.”

  I gave him a nod in understanding.

  “I’ll bring it up to her,” Travis quickly stated.

  “Figured so,” Zachariah laughed. “She was concerned, you know.”

  “Oh, I know,” Travis said, a small pleased smile on his face. “She made sure to let me know, too. She should have known I wasn’t coming back right away after she met me during my trip away.”

  “Okay,” Zachariah sighed out. “Looks like Melio has everything sorted otherwise. You two will need to touch base, but I’ll let him know about you coming back part time.”

  “Sounds good,” Travis said, getting ready to leave once more. “Are you two going to stick around? A few couples are coming in to test out a scene.”

  “No, I don’t think so,” Zachariah answered. “Avidya and I have something going on later.”

  I didn’t know that he had anything planned, and maybe he didn’t until now.

  “Oh, what’s that?” Travis asked.

  “A surprise,” Zachariah said with a wink my way,
which caused me to instantly blush once more.

  “Awesome,” Travis replied. “I’ll leave you two to be on your way then.”

  “You just want to get back to Kenna,” Zachariah laughed, not upset about being rushed back out.

  “She’s amazing,” Travis nearly gushed, which caused me to let out a small giggle. “What?” he asked, turning to me. “Just wait, you’ll know the feeling soon enough. Keena knows just how to make me want more.”

  I did know that feeling, but I wasn’t going to say anything about it. There was no way I’d let my half-brother know that. It was bad enough I didn’t know what to do about the feelings I was slowly getting.