My Love

by Sabrina Zbasnik

  "We're going to sneak in and kill Erimond," Lana interrupted her, her eyes gleaming in the moonlight. She'd been ripping into the veil every chance she could, trying to stockpile as much mana as possible into every corner of her body. So much power radiated through her body, she feared she might be glowing in the blue-black desert.

  Hawke sighed, "I knew you were going to say that. Look, I know, I get it, he's bad. He hurt you."

  "You don't get it," Lana hissed, snapping her vitriol at Hawke. Her cousin didn't back down, or glare back, but a twist of concern and pain rolled through her face. "I..." Lana groaned, her head flopping forward, "I have to kill him. It's the only way without dragging the wardens into a war."

  "By the two of us taking down a fortress," Hawke continued, her words skipping in octaves to try and point out the madness in Lana's plan. "I hope you've got a battering ram hidden in your satchel."

  "Don't worry," Lana smiled, "I know a secret way in." It was pure luck. Wynne came to her a few years ago before the Circles collapsed, asking if the Warden Commander knew anything about Adamant. Apparently, some mages wanted to use the old fortress for research, rather temperamental research the chantry wasn't thrilled about. Lana hadn't had much in the library, but when Wynne disappeared, she looked deeper into Adamant. A remnant from the second blight, it held secrets that no other Wardens would have reason to know about. Secrets she could exploit against Clarel and her own people.

  Hawke shrugged her shoulders, rotating her massive sword. "All right, lead on."

  They kept quiet, slinking low through the dunes to avoid any patrols or eyes on the towers. Little light escaped from the stars, the moon focusing its gaze to the far east. Even still, Lana kept a dampening spell up and skirted behind every creeping rock or dead stump they could find. She moved them away from the shuttered entrance, a fact Hawke was ecstatic about, and around the side. There used to be a river running underneath Adamant, but it dried up ages ago leaving behind a small gap in the fortress' defenses. Lana missed it three times as they passed back and forth along the walls. She was concerned about pressing closer, but the light of the moon broke behind the fortress, casting them into an eternal shadow. With only the stars to guide her, she could see at best an inch past her face. Her fingers dragging across the walls, Lana finally stumbled across their entrance into Adamant.

  Hawke scoffed at the tiny hole, but Lana assured her it would get larger. The hole wasn't their true entrance into the fortress. There was an escape tunnel carved through the bones of the fortress which the river used to run counter with. Sadly, the escape tunnel itself was sealed up from the inside. The only way to open it was by going through Adamant, or hopefully by taking the riverbed. Lana ran her fingers around the edge of the broken foundation and risked casting a single flare inside. Blue light landed against the dissolved rock highlighting jagged and broken stones but no guards. Darkness stretched deeper in.

  "Wait," Hawke's hand landed on her shoulder keeping her from entering. "We could still go back, ya know. I don't know if he'd like you running head first into a fortress."

  "The Inquisitor already knows we were off to Adamant," Lana said. She rolled off Hawke's hand and straightened her robes.

  "That ain't the he I'm talking about."

  Lana started; her head was halfway into the hole when she turned back to her cousin. She hadn't thought of...no, there was no place for any of that. This was her life, and Cullen -- whatever she had with him -- was something else entirely. She belonged to the wardens and no one else. Sizing up the hole, Lana muttered, "He's not my keeper," and then she slid into it. Crouching to avoid the crush of the foundation above her head, Lana kept a hand above her while she slipped through the murky darkness. Behind her she heard a dramatic curse as her taller cousin struggled with the low ceiling.

  "How about I crawl on my belly instead? It'd be blighted easier!" Hawke shouted again, her voice echoing down the cavern.

  When no one came running at her cousin's bellows, Lana risked lifting light upon her fingers. This time it was that odd veil fire the Inquisitor's camp kept on about, the blue memory of flame flickering at the tip of her thumb. Stalagmites pressed against her like an abandoned horse's teeth. The craggy edges, once worn smooth by the river, built up overtime thanks to its loss. "Be careful," Lana whispered to Hawke.

  "Careful of what? Maker damn it!" she shouted, knocking into one of the stalactites dangling off the ceiling.

  "I think I see the entrance up ahead," Lana called behind her. By the glow of her thumb she could see a dark gap through the cavern's skin. The gash was just large enough to let one of them through at a time, if they were careful. She didn't turn back to her cousin still at war with the maze of rocks. Hawke would catch up, Lana was certain. Wedging her staff through the gap first, Lana sucked in a breath and slid against the broken entrance. She had to pull in her stomach while twisting her chest outward to fit through the keyhole. Rocks grabbed onto her robes clawing away the outer crust of blood and sweat, nearly scraping her clean. She wished her conscious was that easy to scrub free. Almost losing her balance, Lana's foot wavered in the air before a dark drop. She called up a drop of light from the end of her staff and glanced down at the cavern only a few feet below.

  "There's a drop but it shouldn't be bad," Lana called out behind her and then she made good on her assurance. Her foot skittered down the wall, the angle knocking against an inflamed toe, but she landed without any irreparable damage. "Hm," Lana turned back, casting her light up to the gap. While the fall wasn't bad, getting back up there might prove impossible, the reach beyond what she could manage. Probably even beyond what Hawke could accomplish. Well, that was something to worry about later. "Hawke," she tried to shout without raising her voice. "Are you coming?"

  "Yeah," her cousin boomed through the gap, "funny thing. You're a wee bit teenier than me and unless you've got some shrinking spell I don't know about, I'm not fitting through this."

  Damn it! Lana paced back and forth, her shoes dipping in and out of the pocked ground threatening to tip her off balance. She needed to get to Erimond before...she needed to kill him, to end this before it all began. "I could try and blast the rock, but..."

  "Let me guess," Hawke sang-sung, "cave in." She was going to say it'd alert all the guards in the area, but a cave in was also likely. "I've got an idea if you give me a few. Might not be smart, but I'll get to you one way or another."

  "Right," Lana nodded. She trusted Hawke to do her best, but also mentally prepared for going it alone. It wouldn't be the first time she'd taken on the enemy with no one by her side. "I'm going to move ahead, see if I can find a passage deeper into the fortress."

  "What?" Hawke shouted, "That's daft." Some more words followed about how idiotic she was, but they fell into the walls as Lana lit up her thumb and continued down the passage. Unlike the split cave, this area was carved, the walls smooth, the ceiling not preparing to bite down upon anyone under it. It was most likely the secret tunnel out of Adamant. It bore no marks of the Deep Roads and, aside from the calling knocking about in her head, she could only feel the barest whisper of the taint. She was picking up on grey wardens near, but given an entire fortress full of them it wasn't unexpected. On occasion she'd trod against something that splintered with a crunch, the shards of a broken bone skittering down the hallway. Whoever last used this tunnel didn't all make it out. And that could be you, Lana. You know what you're doing is akin to, where it will lead to, but you're not going to stop. The self preservation part of her, the niggling doubt in her soul, reprimanded her every step, but she shook it off. She didn't need it, didn't want it. There were many times in her life she'd thrown herself in harm's way with no plan beyond hoping to take the other person down with her. It wasn't sound, it wasn't logical, but when faced with no choice she'd make it when no one else would. And now, she had to finish this before Clarel drove the wardens beyond salvation, before the armies of the Inquisition got involved. Or worse, what if all of thedas turned on t
he wardens? Even if a blight was no true threat now, a large if, to leave no one behind would doom the entire world. She had no choice, she had to end this before there was nothing worth salvaging.

  Lana slipped further down the tunnels, trying to mask her footsteps as best she could, but in the darkness she feared her own heartbeat thundered out a warning to the wardens marching above her. How many had already been turned? How many waited eagerly to slit another's throat, to bind someone else to a demon? Were they even worth preserving? Taking two turns, the sense in her body tingled lifting the hairs on the back of her neck. Instinctively, she flooded herself with all the mana she could tap. Flattening against the rock, Lana tried to listen to the cavern just beyond. Her blood told her wardens were close, but how close? Were they only above her? Risking it alone and unprepared was unwise, but coming out ice flinging could be a waste of mana and draw undue attention.

  Pulling her staff tighter to her body, she tipped her head back against the rock. A prayer slipped from her lips, not of the chantry, but a personal one that she'd spoken since first leaving the tower with Duncan. "Let me get this right." Knotting her hands around her staff she brought it to life. Power crashed through it, red energy hissing and twisting around the wood. She didn't shy away from it as before, but accepted the corrupting lyrium into her the same as the fire and the ice. She needed it all to pull this off.

  Once more steadying herself, Lana stepped away from the wall and strode calmly into the cavern. A single lantern flickered on the floor revealing the faces of three wardens standing guard to the only entrance into Adamant. She had no choice, she had to incapacitate them. Wardens. Her people. They were all standing in repose for their duty, a leg against the wall shooting the breeze, bored. Then they spotted the shadow moving against the grey stones. One rose up, reaching to unsheathe his sword. Lana flashed her fist, ice crystalizing around his hand pinning it to his blade's grip, and freezing it all together into the scabbard. The second reached for a bow, but Lana was prepared for that too. No longer afraid of the fire burning down anything she cared for, flames leapt from her fingers to twist against the only wood in this stone prison. The archer tried to dance away from the flames, but she'd pinned herself into the alcove. Red hot fire spit off Lana's fingers and wrapped along the archer's only weapon. Before the fire reached her own hands, the archer tossed the cindered bow away, its ashes scattered against the stone ground.

  Lana turned to the third, prepared to finish him off, when a wave of energy knocked through her marrow ripping away every ounce of mana in her body. Fuck! It was a templar! Nausea bubbled up her gullet from the abrupt hole left inside of her and she steadied herself against her staff. It'd been too long since she'd fought one, much less a templar pulsing with lyrium. She scrabbled to bring back her mana while aiming her staff at the man's head. A bolt of energy fired towards him, but it scattered against the rocks, her aim off as her body raced to refuel itself while fighting. The templar warden unsheathed his own sword and came roaring at her. Lana flipped her staff up to meet his blade. She flared up a barrier just in time, and with it, she shoved the man back. Dipping into the fade, she tried to find the hexes, the old tricks for boiling the lyrium inside a templar, but there was so little inside of her and she needed time.

  Trying to multi-task, Lana drove her staff blade towards the templar, but he shook it off, sparks flying as her blade skittered down his shield. She felt the hex forming in the back of her mind, almost ready. Nearly there. She went to throw it at the templar when he dropped down to a knee. Shit! Lana didn't have time to ground herself as a swell of power burst off the templar, plucking her body from the ground and hurling her against the wall. Her head bounced against the rock, white obliterating her vision as her hands numbed over. The staff tumbled from her dead fingers and she collapsed to her knees, pain shattering through her back and down her toes.

  Her numb fingers fumbled for her staff. As the white vision faded, she scrabbled away when the templar grabbed his fist around her neck and pinned her to the wall. Metal gloves bit into her throat threatening to pinch off her larynx. Her fingers tried to wedge into his grip and pry them off. He flexed his hand cutting off her oxygen. Panicking, Lana clawed feverishly at his hand, ripping off a nail to try and free herself, but there was nothing to do. She was little more than a paper thin butterfly in his iron grip. But he wasn't trying to kill her, only make a point.

  "Cast another spell, mage, and I will end you," he hissed. "Slowly." Lana lowered her hands, but her eyes burned with rage into the templar's face. "Go and get the Commander," he ordered to the archer, who saluted and slipped through the guarded door into the fortress.

  Despite keeping her hands low, Lana tugged on the remnants of her spells, binding them together into a force that would rattle the teeth from his mouth while the templar crushed her to the wall. She had just the start of something when he poured another wave of dispel against her, wiping away all her work. For added emphasis, he leaned tighter into her neck and warned, "Do not try me, mage."

  "I wouldn't dream of it, templar," she stuttered back, her voice raw from his fingers. She hung like that, her tiptoes grazing the ground while the templar glared into her face. If he recognized her, he gave no hint, but she was probably more likely to be killed on sight by those who knew her than granted a pardon.

  When the door finally opened, it wasn't an executioner coming with orders to finish her off, but a far worse fate. Clarel held her own staff in her fingers, her heartless eyes canvassing Lana's bulging ones as she scrabbled for more breath. "Well, this is surprising," Clarel drawled, then in an amusing twist, bobbed her head, "Warden Commander."

  "Hello," Lana coughed, twisting in her hold, "Warden Commander."

  Clarel cast a gentle warming spell over her warrior's frozen hands melting Lana's ice to slush. He yanked his fingers free and massaged them, bringing back life. "Still alive I see. Ten years since you failed and yet didn't fail to make the sacrifice asked of all of us," Clarel tsked her tongue as she slipped beside her bull of a templar. Her spidery fingers grazed near his hold upon Lana, but she didn't say anything against him. "One day I will learn your secret."

  Good bloody luck. Lana twisted her glare away from the templar's meaty mug to Clarel's icy stare. If there was one thing she knew about Morrigan, no amount of torture from any grey warden would ever get the truth from her. And that wasn't even taking into account the motherly love for her boy, the kind of motherly fervor that would shatter every bone in a person's body before risking him. That woman would break you long before she'd ever crack. Clarel danced back and forth on her feet as if she was unable to remain still. How terrified was she of the taint singing in their heads? Death and sacrifice seem so easy to speak of when they're not breathing down your neck. Her calculating eyes tried to dissect the mage before her. They'd never got on, to put it nicely. To have two mage Warden Commanders sharing a border was unheard of. People were afraid to have that much power placed in any magic user, much less two covering so much of southern thedas. And of course, no one high in the Warden echelons trusted Lana. The mage who ended a blight and killed an archdemon without dying. It was impossible, it flew in the face of the backbone of the order. But here she was, proving them wrong with every breath.

  "What are you doing, Clarel?" Lana gasped, wiggling under the tight grip. "Threatening another Warden Commander? Ordering her death? What will Weisshaupt say of this?" Clarel's body snapped rigid, her head slithering forward, and she glowered at her prisoner. Lana smiled from her barb, "You're not working under orders from the First Warden, are you? Does he even know what is happening here? What madness you're attempting?"

  "We are doing what is necessary to stop the blight," Clarel threw her shoulders back, proudly extending her head. "Which you would be aware of if you ever served your own order."

  The fist squeezed tighter against her neck, but Lana scoffed, "And in the process you turn every damn person in thedas against the grey wardens. For Andraste's sake, blood
magic! Demons! You won't just destroy the wardens, you'll take down every mage with you for this!"

  Clarel flared her hand with fire, the idle threat drifting near to Lana's face, but she didn't blink from it. "We are wardens, nothing more. The politics of thedas is not our concern. We serve to stop the blight, not coddle the people."

  "Right, because that denial will let you sleep at night when hundreds of mage children are slaughtered in the street because of- Oof!" the templar slammed a fist in her stomach, cutting off her tearing the truth into his Commander. Her limited oxygen fled from her lungs leaving Lana light headed. Tears sprung at the back of her eyes, her toes falling numb as they tried to drag against the ground. Clarel placed a warning hand on the templar's arm, but she didn't reprimand him.

  Willing away the pain building from every attempt to talk, Lana called out, "We can finish this, stop this now if you'd listen to me."

  The older woman's eyes narrowed and she turned upon her prisoner, "You think you know more of the blight than I? Than anyone because you lucked out into stopping one. Hubris is your true nature, Solona Amell."

  "I know more than you when it comes to Erimond. Give me him, let me finish him and we can work together. You think the Inquisition is going to turn its back on you? They know your plans same as I, Clarel. They will stop you."

  All three wardens whipped their heads to their Commander, concern clawing across their faces. If it was true, if the Inquisition was coming for them, then what hope did they have? The wardens weren't an army, they weren't supposed to be. Clarel sneered and thrust her face at Lana's. "You know very little of anything in this world, and even less of Lord Erimond."

  "What do you think you will accomplish by aligning with a blood mage? By sacrificing your own for his needs?"

  Clarel's entire body snapped up straight and she threw her head back, certainty brimming through her veins. "I am doing what will preserve thedas, I am ending the blights once and for all." Nodding at her men, the Warden Commander turned away towards the door.