My Love

by Sabrina Zbasnik

  "Have you given much thought to the family situation?" Leliana asked from below her wood and fruit encrusted body. Watching her, Lana began to imagine ants sensing the feast coating her skin and come scurrying over to bite it all off. Absently, she scratched at her legs in her friend's honor.

  "I...I don't know. What am I supposed to do? She's his sister."

  "Are they close?"

  Lana shrugged, "He'd never admit it as such, but he mentions her often and they do write. I think Cullen likes to pretend he's above it all while enjoying the foundation of his siblings."

  "So poison's probably out." The attendants both paused, their eyes darting around in concern, so Lana put on her biggest laugh.

  "Leliana, do not be so silly," she laughed again, pretending to clutch her stomach from how silly her friend was being. She'dnever use poison to kill someone, not the Divine. Leliana on the other hand... "I feel like I'm on unsteady ground here trying to cast a crushing prison on a Emissary before it hits me back. Probably with a mortality curse no less. For being mindless, darkspawn sure love that one."

  Her friend chuckled, then waved her hands in a dismissal at the two attendants who didn't seem to have anything better to do. After bowing deep to the respected Divine, they scampered off. Leliana sat up, her wood wheels popping off her eyes. She leaned through the drawn back curtain and Lana tried to match her, "You're going to have to work on your metaphors if you don't want everyone to know you're a grey warden or a mage."

  "It was a simile," Lana began, before sighing into her chest. She was right, why not shout out "Hey, remember that time I killed an archdemon and saved all of you from the blight?" at the top of her lungs while she was at it.

  "Lanny," a sticky hand reached over to catch hers, "do not worry. He adores you. Believe me, it's blatantly obvious to anyone who spends more than a few minutes with you." Lana shifted at that, feeling more self conscious from the way her friend played off the obvious affection between her and Cullen. "And, assuming he can convince his sister of that, they'll probably accept you, or at least stop threatening to drag him back home. It'll be fine."

  "When has anything in my life ever been fine?" she sulked, flopping back onto the chair.

  That drew a snort of the Divine, "All right, I'll let you have that one."

  "I just, I guess it's..." Lana swung around on her chair to sit sideways in it, her feet planting onto the ground. With her hands digging into her bony knees below the fuzzy robe, she stared at Leliana, "I don't have any family, not...not like that. And, well, Ali didn't either that wasn't a complete waste of time. So, I'm not sure how to act, or what to..." Her thoughts paused and she tapped her chin, "Come to think of it, did any one of us during the Blight have any family? Oghren had his wife who, well..."

  "Morrigan," Leliana hissed, dropping the wood back over her eyes.

  "I'm not sure if that counts. I think her and her mother got on worse than Oghren and his crazy dead wife. I never thought of that before, we were like a jolly band of orphans."

  Leliana snorted at that, "A well armed, crazy, exhausted jolly band of orphans."

  "...on our fifth night of leftover lamb stew, trying to pick around the moldy bits," Lana shouted out with a laugh.

  "Which was surprising seeing as how we rarely ever had access to any lamb meat," Leliana said, sniffing her more refined nose up at their old cuisine.

  "Alistair had his ways."

  "Speaking of..." Leliana sat up now as well, her skin creaking as the paste across her body hardened. "I recently received word that there is to be a blessing gifted upon the Therin household."

  Lana released a breath, "Is that all? Maker, I was worried you were going to go back into...never mind," she blinked, "What took him so damn long?"

  "You knew?"

  "You didn't?"

  Leliana pursed her cherry red lips, now smeared in actual cherries and some plums. "I was aware of the idea of a potential child, but I thought..."

  "Yeah, the old warden curse still stands," Lana said, steadying her shoulders.

  "Interesting," Leliana dug her fingers into her chin, causing half of a mashed up fruit stand to flake free. "Do you think he will accept the child?"

  "It's family, all Alistair's ever wanted is family. He'll dive head first in, probably put most other kings to shame. I bet you a copper he'll even change nappies."

  "No, that's..." Leliana shook her head in disagreement, but paused, her calculating eyes sliding over Lana who probably knew what made Alistair tick more than anyone in thedas. "A curious thought. There are other princes and princesses who are not makes of their fathers. One that's not from his mother but that was a very extenuating circumstance. I'm certain Alistair will do well with it. He has a habit of failing upwards."

  Lana snickered at that and reached for her deep blue glass. Water sparkled in it, but a strange kind filled with electric bubbles. She wasn't certain if she liked it yet, even after three glasses.

  Leliana watched her drink, before dropping her next question, "And how do you feel about it?"

  She managed to swallow, but the bubbles burned white hot trails down her throat in the process. "What?" Lana rasped out, coughing to get the water out of her nose.

  "Alistair, with a child, was that not the reason...?"

  "For the love of the Maker, do you not have a hobby? Am I your only source of drama or something? Leils, I'm happy for him, really. It's not just the baby stuff that was why we couldn't work, and you damn well know it. There's no way thedas would've stood for that. By the void, I'd receive complaints about the idea courtesy of rampant rumors and nothing else, even when I hadn't been to Denerim in years."

  "What of Cullen?" she asked.

  "I don't think he cares much one way or the other. He was a bit bothered when Alistair confessed it to him, but other than that..."

  Leliana pursed her lips before speaking, "Does he know about you and children?"

  "You make it sound as if I boil them whole in a pot and use their bones for spells," Lana grumbled, earning a glare from her friend. "Yes, fine, he knows. All of it. In fact, I told him during that snowstorm where you caught us, uh... He's known for awhile, plenty of time to turn around and run, but he keeps sticking around for Maker only knows why."

  Beaming at her, Leliana slipped back to her chair, "I believe I know why, and very well, I shall drop it. You seem to have everything well in hand."

  "I wouldn't take that leap unaided, but I'm trying, very hard," she ran her fingers down her chest to tap against the birthmark. Alistair never cared about it much, she was well aware of his preferred assets, but Cullen adored it. And the idea of him loving it, touching it, kissing it, awakened a warmth in Lana's stomach. She smiled to herself and rested back. Maybe she was worrying too much and things would work out. It'd be a nice change.

  "Why did you wear the Divine robes here?" Lana asked, turning the scrutinizing gaze back upon her friend. "You changed out of them the moment you arrived, it seemed rather superfluous and it'd have been easier to avoid the worshipping crowds without."

  "Because," Leliana smiled, "even without the hat everyone knows the Divine is here relaxing, moving among the people without a concern."

  "Concern?" Lana sat up at that. "Leils, are you worried about assassins?"

  "Lanny, was there ever a time in your Arlessa career you weren't?" That was a fair point. "Now amplify that by all of southern thedas, add in one side angry about the mages, another about elves, and a third that's always angry and you have a rather spiteful bunch. I'm keeping an eye upon it, I assure you. But, every now and then it does the people good for the Divine to leave her gilded palace, and Maker does it keep me sane."

  "Now that I can agree with," Lana admitted, sliding back onto the chair. While she'd take luxury over the frozen hard ground pocked with insects drawing a pint of blood, after awhile the gilded glint rubbed her eyes raw and sometimes she needed to shout against the chantry's enforced whisper.

  Her fingers tapped against her
cheek, and she mused, "Perhaps I should send a letter to Zevran."

  "Do you think that's wise?" Leliana's skin cracked up again as she turned to face Lana.

  "All that talk of assassins, I...it seems cruel to leave him out of our little circle. What?"

  "I didn't realize you two were in communication," Leliana cast a careful blue eye over Lana who felt it crawling over her face.

  She shrugged, "It wasn't constant. And at times would fall fallow as he was off doing whatever Zev did."

  "Sex and mayhem would be my summation."

  Lana laughed at that, "True. But he's a good pulse on the rest of the assassin underworld. If anyone's moving, then..."

  "Old Lanny, you can't stop, can you?"

  "Says Divine Victoria who filled her chantry with spies," Lana snickered, earning a shrug from the woman. It shouldn't surprise anyone, but she bet more than a few Mothers would be blown out of their hose if they learned the full reach of the Divine's fingers.

  "Hm, I am curious what the Commander would make of our elven lothario."

  "Before or after Zev propositions him?" Lana arched her eyebrow earning a laugh from Leliana. "I'm beginning to think your real fun is found in trying to make Cullen feel as off put as possible."

  "It was only a thought," she tried to wave it all away as innocent, but Lana knew her too well.

  "Anyway, it's not as if I'm the one who bedded Zevran," she shot a few pointed looks at Leliana before folding her arms.

  Shrugging once, Leliana's bow lips pursed, "It was surprisingly better than I expected. Most men who drone on and on about their prowess are anything but. Yet, Zev had the, uh, goods to back it up, so to speak."

  "He asked me once after Ali...after the archdemon fell, if I didn't want to give it a try."

  "Really?" Leliana sat up in surprise. Somehow despite their love lives being a constant source of entertainment over the years, Lana never thought to tell her this fact. "What happened?"

  "I believe I told him 'I wasn't drunk enough yet, but to give me six months.' It wasn't my best response in that state, given, well...you know. But damned if that elf, sure enough, didn't pop up six months later with a bottle of Antivan brandy and that hopeful smirk on his face."

  "Wait," Leliana twisted around fully in her seat, her fingers tapping against her face, "You two, you didn't actually...?"

  "What? No! Maker, Zev's always just been a friend. We shared the bottle, talked shop for the night, and...maybe smeared mud under Alistair's sheets before bed. Least Zev told me it was mud, although..." Lana tried to dig back through years of her life, it'd been so long since she'd seen that cocksure elf. Before the fade, the Inquisition, even before Seheron. She kept failing to find time for her friends until time almost ran out on her. "Don't worry, Zev's your one or two night mistake. Hands off," Lana wagged her fingers and laughed before reaching for her drink.

  "No, I suppose he's not really your type. Blonde yes, but something's missing. Now if he learned a few templar tricks..."

  "Maker's breath," Lana sputtered, "do not start that again."

  While she struggled to regain her composure and Leliana only offered up a gentle smirk, the two attendants returned. Bowing deep to the Divine, they made overtures that she was now free to wash the stomach contents of a fruit bat off and directed her, not to a tub as Lana expected, but a wall. Leliana stood patiently against the slate, only hints of her pale skin poking out below the green and brown mass. She prodded at a bit on her shoulder, and Lana glanced around wondering if small ferrets would be released to gently nibble it away. Sounded like something Orlesians would do.

  Just as Lana was about to ask, a slot opened above Leliana and gallons of water plummeted from the ceiling to wash over her body. She didn't shriek or leap away, only stood stock still as the fruit crust washed over the floor. Prepared, one attendant waved a broom in its direction, moving the slosh towards a drain in the floor. Curious, Lana turned her head up towards Leliana and realized that the Divine decided to forgo wearing any small clothes under her fruit body mask. Leliana cared not a whit for her all natural state, but a few heads turned in her direction and couldn't stop staring. One man, his portly belly eclipsing the tight waistband of the cinched up trousers, nearly walked into a table as he couldn't take his eyes off the Divine's ample constituency.

  Unaware of the uproar she caused, Leliana grabbed up a sponge and began to slick off the last of the fruit revealing her own porcelain skin glistening like brand new. Happily clean, she reached out for a towel and her crystal eyes wandered over to the man. It took a moment before he realized who was staring him down and an utter dread draped over him. Scurrying away with his head practically skimming the floor from the bow, the man plowed through a few others peeking in at the Divine. Shrugging once, Leliana slipped her arm through the robe offered to her.

  "I don't think the rest of thedas knows what to make of a Divine who's not over 65," Lana said, trying to crane her neck to watch the beet red man scuttle towards the front door without looking at anyone.

  "Yes," Leliana finished drying off and wrapped up her flame red locks in a blue towel. "It took quite some time to convince the elder staff that I continue to bleed."

  "That is the one nice thing about being a warden, not having to deal with that mess once a month."

  "It does make joining the order rather tempting," Leliana chuckled.

  One of the attendants accepted her soaked towels gladly. "Does Most Holy require a private room for any matters?" Her eyes only darted to Lana for a moment before fully focusing on the Divine but it was an obvious enough glance. What in the...? Oh, here too.

  "No," Leliana smiled, "I believe we should return to the Cathedral. You have someone to become acquainted with, after all." Her sweet smile didn't fool Lana. Internally she groaned, knowing Leliana expected to hear all the details later with particular emphasis on all the times Lana shoved her foot in her mouth.

  "I suppose so," snatching up her cane, Lana managed to get up to her exhausted legs. While steadying herself, Leliana snuck up behind and wrapped an arm around hers.

  "Careful, it's rather slick now."

  "And fruity," Lana added. The entire spa smelled not of unguents and acids but the bright sparkle of strawberries, cherries, and every melon in thedas. It lifted the hand of winter and transported her back to summer days lounging in meadows watching the butterflies at play.

  With Leliana holding tight, the pair slipped towards the entrance and the changing room holding their real clothes. As they passed the two attendants, she overheard one whisper something to the other. Most of it was intelligible, but the words "Divine" and "commander" both came up, followed by a mile long stare Lana's way. Wonderful, more rumors following her wake.

  Unaware of the gossiping, Leliana gestured in the direction of the terrified man, "How many canticles do you think he's speaking right now to make up for catching the Divine unclothed?"

  "At least a dozen. Perhaps you should instate naked chantry services. After all, we did have to walk through Andraste's flame in such a state," Lana said, trying to sound lighthearted, but she felt even more eyes swinging towards her.

  "That's true, but sadly I doubt I could talk the Grand Clerics into it. Not that the chantry doesn't already have a reputation for more lurid...you know."

  "Speaking of, you're going to find this hilarious, but..." Lana steadied her legs under her and tried to take some of the weight off her arm. "I've been noticing looks shot my way. Jealous ones when I'm with you when you're Divine. It's funny, but I can't escape the idea that they're all under the delusion we're involved romantically."

  "Oh, yes, many people think that," Leliana spoke so starkly Lana's knee froze in place, her foot hanging a moment off the ground.

  "They, what? People think that-that you and I are...and you know about it?"

  "Lanny," she chuckled, adjusting her grip to try and cushion it better, "how many rumors put you with every available man in Ferelden?"

  "Too Maker d
amn many."

  "It was unavoidable, given how much time I'm spending with a relatively unknown person, that people would assume we were more intimate," Leliana explained. She was right, it shouldn't come as such a great surprise all things considered. People loved gossip, no matter where they hailed from, and there was an ease with which the two of them played off each other that could be mistaken for an old romance.

  "Also," Leliana's eyes winnowed down to her old shrewdness leaving Lana to wonder why she ever thought the woman was once a simple helpless Sister, "I've been encouraging the rumors."

  "You...why?" Lana stuttered.

  "Whispering that the Divine has a mistress gives the people comfort. They think they have leverage over me and it also helps them to see me as human. I may be the voice of Andraste, but I also indulge in the same vices from time to time. It keeps people at ease whether they realize it or not."

  "Maker's breath," Lana sighed, her head dangling down, "You scare me sometimes."

  "Says the woman who killed an archdemon," She turned her blinding smile on Lana as they finally made it to the changing rooms where someone took the time to lay out all their hastily discarded clothing across racks.

  Lana reached out for her dress and tugged it close, "I thought we weren't going to talk about all my wardeny stuff anymore."

  "Of course, how could I forget?" Leliana clapped her hand to her mouth, but the edges of her smile puckered out the side.

  Leaning against the wall for leverage, Lana dropped her dress over her head and began the long task of buttoning it up. She got halfway up her chest, when a thought rattled in her head and a groan erupted through her throat.

  Turning from her far more complicated robes, Leliana raised an eyebrow, "You may as well voice it."

  "First Alistair, now you, is there anyone from the Blight I'm not going to be tied to in the annals of courtly whispers?"

  The Divine knotted the first of five sashes and shrugged, "If you get in contact with Zevran we could have ourselves a proper orgy."

  Plucking up her soggy robe, Lana chucked it at the Divine, scattering her fancy hat across the floor. "I hate you," Lana laughed at her best friend.